Wednesday 17 September 2014

Revenge of the Pointy-Eared Space Sadists

Presuming that Games Workshop's latest teaser video is not an epic troll of misdirection it seems like Dark Eldar are the next army to the get 7th Edition treatment with pre-orders hitting Friday night as usual. Now, since I don't follow rumour sites anymore (owing to most commenters on the things being blisteringly insane) I have no idea what's coming and that's actually kind of liberating. I think the internet has rather robbed us of a sense of surprise with the way companies tease (or spoil, depending on your point of view) future developments for publicity.

I mean, really, when was the last “HOLY SHIT!” moment you had consuming any media? Mine was probably the first season cliffhanger of Battlestar Galactica, off the top of my head.

But, anyway, pointy-eared space sadists! The ones that make Romulans look like cuddly wittle kittens. The ones whose plan to avoid eternal damnation is to live forever fuelled by the pain of their victims. Oh, yeah, if there's anyone left who hasn't noticed yet...


Especially in my wargaming. Oh, I'm forever thinking about picking a heroic race for race this campaign or other but my fate is, quite simply, dominated by the dark side. Forever. Yoda was right, its inescapable. The armies I always go back to are Vampire Counts in Fantasy and the Lost And The Damned in the grim dark future of the forty-first millennium. The reason?


I write background for my armies, lots of background and I should get around to posting some because it would make great blog fodder. Bad guys are just so much fun to write and, of all the “bad guy” races in 40k (there is a lot of relativism going on in that description) Dark Eldar offer all sorts of twisted options.

You've got the Kabals themselves that are led by the Archons: a sort of cross between feudal nobility and crime lords who lead the Kabals on raiding missions, mainly to capture new slaves. Then there are the Wych Cults, gladiatorial warriors whose performances (I kid you not) involve slaughtering slaves and each other to provide the masses with the psychic screams they use as food. There are the Haemonculi, who are classic mad scientists. The Beastmasters are exactly what it says on the tin and they have a host of lovely gribbly monsters that accompany them. Then there are the multifarious hangers on who follow the Archons: poisoners, snake alien bodyguards, flesh-eating ghoul things and chained psychics.

This is the problem, actually: every time I consider a Dark Eldar army I find myself spoiled for choice when it comes to sheer, unbridled evil fun of it all.

Perhaps it is time to return to the grim darkness of the far future where there is only war?

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