Nostalgia is as nostalgia does

Its been a while since I've cared about the X-Men, which is sad because they're my favourite superheroes. Its no big secret that Marvel have been keeping the X-Men at something of a remove from the rest of the Marvel Universe the last few years. You can't blame them: they make millions and millions out of their own Avengers movies and sod all out of Fox's X-Men movies.

Still, something seems to have changed and now there's a big relaunch in the offing: ResurreXion. Encouraging news but by Marvel's current standards its a bit... traditional.

I mean, this is a company currently aggressively pushing female leads in Thor, Hawkeye, Captain Marvel and Iron Man; changing the races of the Hulk, Spider-Man and Ms. Marvel; pushing characters out of the closet left right and centre; and, Spider-Gwen. Against that background we get...

… a straight up reunion of the first generation X-Men...

… and a similar one for the Claremont generation. Not the worst pitches in the world and there are some interesting ideas off to the side with Iceman and Jean Grey solo series and a Generation X revival with the Jubilee leading the “Wolverine & The X-Men” generation of kids.

Still, I can't help but think the fact there's not a potential Marvel Studios movie being workshopped here is holding the line back from the sort of innovation that's happening just about everywhere else in the Marvel Universe.

I'm always willing to be surprised by things and if this works no one will be happier than me. I dearly want to care about these comics again. It was the original “Blue & Gold” era that got me into comics in the first place, the original GenX were (alongside DC's Young Justice) “my” generation of teen superheroes.

Hell, maybe somewhere in this relaunch there's secretly a place for Chamber, the greatest British mutant superhero of all time. 

The Curious Case of Mimikyu

The best Pokemon ever.

Every Pokemon game has a fake Pikachu, an Electric-type rodent of some sort that tries to repeat the winning formula of the original mascot. It never works. Don't get me wrong, some attempts have been better than others. Pachirisu looks awful, Dedenne is kind of sweet, and Emolga is my favourite Pokemon ever ever ever!!!

A football waiting to happen.

Togedemaru is the “official” knock-off Pikachu of this generation. Not the best design, not the worst, definitely no Emolga. The funny thing is, this game also features Mimikyu...

Don't you just want to tickle both his chins?

… who is a shy Ghost-Fairy type hiding inside a Pikachu costume and everyone loves it. Every Pokemon player on the internet, it seems, is united in their love of this little fellow. I'm right with them, Mimikyu was the only Pokemon I went into this game thinking I absolutely had to have one on my team.

This does not seem to be the intention. We were meant to find it creepy. The Ghost trial where it first appears presents it as a creeping terror luring people in by pretending to be a cute little Pikachu and its Pokedex entry reads like something out of Lovecraft: “It's actual appearance is unknown. A scholar who saw what was under its rag was overwhelmed by terror and died from the shock.” I called mine Innsmouth, by the way. Hell, the anime even has one willingly joining Team Rocket just because it wants to beat up Ash's Pikachu.

But people love the little guy in a way you just can't manufacture. After six generations of trying to replicate the Pikachu formula they finally hit on it by just creating a Pokemon that's literally pretending to be Pikachu and I find that hilarious. 

Started watching Legends Of Tomorrow

I'm four episodes in and I love this series already. The reason is simple and the very definition of personal bias: this show seems to be an unending succession of miniature heist movies. I love heist movies. A team of characters following a plan that goes inevitably wrong: conspirators clashing, that one little detail no one anticipated, personal agendas getting in the way... I love that stuff.

All this and time travel as well. Okay, economy time travel at the moment but the production values on this series are so good you hardly notice that most of the team's destinations (so far) are the United States somewhere in the last forty years.

Actually, I was pleasantly surprised by how good the series was from a production standpoint. I always assumed a team like this was too expensive for network television. Of the nine main characters, four have pretty CGI-intensive power sets and another two have weapons achieved through special effects. They have a big CGI spaceship.

Speaking as someone who remembers when the best superhero team show was Mutant X (“best” is an intensely subjective term), I never thought we'd get something this good on TV. Its an impression reinforced by the fact that even the all-powerful Marvel Studios launched their TV offerings with a show based entirely on non-powered government agents and even now are doing solo series largely about characters with no powers or powers that don't require extensive special effects.

But, no, here we are with a show that will probably be a better team story than the Suicide Squad or Justice League movies. Which is fair since Supergirl is the best thing to be done with the Superman license since roughly 1980 and Arrow shows how much could be achieved by a Batman series that has the main character make some headway in dealing with his issues.

Between them Arrow, Flash, Supergirl and Legends Of Tomorrow are creating a shared universe to rival the MCU and, sadly, one that absolutely trounces the cinematic DCEU. That last part is less fortunate for DC but rather fortunate for me, a fan of the DC characters who is rather glad that there's some decent version of them in live action. 

What even is satire, anymore?

Admit it. You don't know if that's a real screencap. I don't know if that's a real screencap. We live in a world so insane. You know why I don't know? Because I know THIS is real:

I saw this retweeted a couple of days ago, clicked the link and found myself on the real Sean Spicer's Twitter where he really endorsed an Onion article about himself. The White House press secretary not only doesn't know that The Onion is a satire site, he didn't even read the whole thumbnail before enthusiastically endorsing the article. Also, he keeps tweeting out the White House's wi-fi password.

No, I'm not joking! You see how hard this is, now? 

Hobby Goal and a change of philosophy

Hobby Goal #4

Paint the Kairic Acolytes

GOAL FAILED

The Kairic Acolytes turned out to be more work than I anticipated. They looked so simple and then I got to the gold. All the bloody gold: the edging on the shields, the edging on the armour plates, the belt buckles, the hilts of the swords, the masks. There's just so much fine detail they're too damn hard to batch paint beyond the basic block colouring. So, right now, three quarters of the unit look like this...

… with another rank just starting to get all their gold edging halfway to done. Didn't help that I ended up wasting my first couple of painting sessions on a colour scheme that didn't work and had to start from scratch but I have learnt a valuable lesson:

Clearly I need a change in philosophy here.

The days when I had the time to finish a unit in a week, let alone a unit I've never painted before, are done so from now on there'll be no more “finish a unit” goals. I'll start this week with a simple, immediate goal and work my way up, see how far I can reasonably take this instead of making myself grumpy because I just don't have enough time.

Also, I like the method that's arisen here through practicality. I decided I'd go mad trying to do the gold edging as a twenty model block so I'm doing it a rank at a time. I might try this out with another unit: base coats as a block then do the detail work rank by rank. If it works I get to have that high of “I finished something” sooner and more frequently.

We'll see.

Hobby Goal #5

Build my Lord of Change

Well, it arrived in the pre-orders yesterday and I want to get some momentum behind this project. With any luck I can plug away at the Acolytes for the rest of the week and have them done by the time I've finished building the Greater Daemon. I also want to write some background for the army, work out who they are and what they're doing.

But also...

Hobby Goal #6

Finish a bunch of basing

I said this month would be about Dwarfs and a Lord Of Change is not a Dwarf. Where there are some Dwarfs is on the basing shelf. There's also a lot of other models dating back to just before Christmas who need their bases finishing. The shelf currently contains five Ironbreakers, five Flesh Tearers Tactical Marines and a Librarian, five Traitor Guardsmen and five Genestealer Metamorphs.

If I get these done I can put twenty-one models in the finished column. 

There's something about Roboute

In quick succession the contents of the third Triumvirate box set leaked, were confirmed by GW and now we have high quality pictures of the models.

And I just don't like Roboute Guilliman. There's a distinct lack of Roman about him, a distinct lack of... well... this:

Some characters need restraint and Guilliman is one of them. He's a grand strategist, a statesman, an emperor in his own right. Also, the plastic one has a tiny, tiny head. Okay, its not like Space Marine anatomy has ever worked if you dedicate any thought to it but that is one tiny blood head.

I just don't see him as a flaming sword kind of guy.

On the plus side, Cypher looks fantastic. The armour is baroque, the mismatched collection of weaponry sells the idea of a roaming, lone crusader. Hopefully these characters come out some day as individual boxes and blisters because I='d really like to paint this one.

As for Voldus he's a nice sculpt of a pretty standard Grey Knights character. That's not really a criticism, the Grey Knights have a very fixed aesthetic and there's really no reason to break it for this character. That said, this is a three character box set for three factions I don't play and only one blows me away.

Still, I would love that Cypher model just on his own and will be scouring the bots stores for him. 

This Week's Comics

Unstoppable Wasp #2

This series is just so charming, its wonderful. After last issue's manifesto, Nadia Pym has started recruiting for her girl genius operation. As the cover suggests this involves fellow young lady genius superhero Moon Girl but writer Jeremy Whitley makes the smart decision not to lead with her.

Instead we meet Puerto Rican New Yorker and robotics genius Taina Miranda and her sister Alexis. Now, I like Moon Girl as much as the next guy but I think its better this series establish its own supporting cast over an attention grabbing guest star. If every member of Nadia operation offers dynamics as interesting as Taina and Alexis do then we're in for even more of a treat with this series than its already delivering. Plus, being a Puerto Rican woman with mobility issues means that just by existing Taina will be irritating to all the right people which is always a bonus.

On the subject of supporting cast, Edwin Jarvis turns up in his role as slightly grumpy surrogate father figure just as he was in All-New All-Different Avengers. Nadia is definitely a character who benefits from a straight man and they don't get much straighter than a button up butler.

Anyway, moving on to the “title fight” as it were. If nothing else Jeremy Whitley knows how to provide a study in contrasts. Nadia has a wide-eyed enthusiasm about everything whilst Lunella has a huge cynicism born of never being listened to. Whether this team-up is going to last is up in the air but I for one would like to see them bounce off each other at length based on this issue.

Old Man Logan #17

Return to the Wastelands part II

Well, this got to the point admirably fast. Shan't spoil but after a second issue of chopping back and forth between a one story of Logan fighting Brood on the International Space Station and another of him back in his home time, Jeff Lemire has the decency to tell us what's going on. Now, I like the device at this length but I'm sure after more than maybe another issue of it the whole thing would have started to try the patience.

(That having been said I could look at Andrea Sorrentino and Marcelo Maiolo's art all day).

And the cliffhanger does what good cliffhangers do: not provide you with a fake moment of suspense but an intriguing new piece of the puzzle to wonder about and try to fit into your understanding of the story.

Batman #16

I Am Bane part one

Tom King continues his run of being the best Batman writer in years with an amazing war council between Bruce and the extant Robins in a burger joint. Now, I love me some Nightwing being sassy and Damian being rude and aloof but, for once, I even liked Jason. I've never really clicked with the Red Hood incarnation of Jason and I think I much prefer this version, the one that can sit down civilly with the family in times of need, to the grouchy outsider I'm usually presented with.

Most of this issue is character moments, ramping up tension for when Bane makes his move. Its smart, a quieter first chapter than the other two I Am stories which goes to show that King is a good enough writer not to trap himself in a formula just because it works.

Between Catwoman in Rooftops and the Robins in this I hope that King has a long and extravagantly sprawling run on this series. 

Doctor Who and the Genderfluid Agenda (some race stuff, too)

A couple of days ago, Peter Capaldi announced he'd be leaving Doctor Who after the next season. Honestly, not a surprising announcement as there's going to be a new showrunner and its likely for the best that he get to write “his” Doctor rather than inheriting someone else's creation. I'll miss Capaldi, I think he's one of the best actors to take the role, but there's always a thrill to seeing what a new actor brings to the character.

And, of course, there's the now-traditional speculation. Could the next Doctor be a woman? A person of colour? Anything other than a white British man?

It could happen. Odds aren't great but I can't help but feel its more likely now than its ever been.

True, this is a debate (especially on the gender side) that has been going on longer than I've been alive. I'm pretty sure the first time someone proposed a female Doctor was John Nathan-Turner back when Tom Baker was leaving in 1981. It was, typically of JNT, just a publicity grabbing exercise to keep the series in the public imagination but its come up in some form or another pretty much every time the role has come up for casting since.

What's different now? Well, the series has been actively experimenting with the idea for a couple of years now. If they do this it won't be a completely out of left field idea sprung on the audience but something that works within the accepted rules of the series.

We have the references to the Corsair in The Doctor's Wife having both male and female incarnations. We have Missy, a female incarnation of the Master, the most prominent Time Lord in the series besides the Doctor. We have the General in Hell Bent regenerating not only from male to female on screen, not only changing ethnicity at the same time but concretely establishing that the incarnation we see die was the only time they'd been a man.

Missy is the big one. Missy is proof that a major character can change gender in this series and still work. She is the Master (and you will... etcetera, etcetera,.) and that's pretty much accepted. Don't get me wrong, there are certainly some fans who don't accept it and I've seen some fantastically bizarre conspiracy theories about how she's not the Master but for your casual viewer Michelle Gomez is playing the same character as John Simm did. By and large, the gender switch hasn't been an issue. There's a Time Lord obsessively stalking the Doctor and throwing insanely elaborate death traps at him. Man or woman, that's clearly the Master.

So there's really no reason not to do that with the Doctor. Okay, there will definitely be more backlash to changing the main character. The Sun and The Daily Mail will lose their shit about the BBC having a “transgender agenda”, though I doubt they'll phrase it even that politely, but by and large I'd expect it to get over with the audience relatively quickly.

Still, odds are we'll get another white British man and if we do I'll give the guy the benefit of the doubt. It would just be nice, though, to have a change after fifty four years.

February is Dwarf Month

Themed month of hobby, why not? And since I'm starting this on the shortest month I might as well start with my shortest army: the Dwarfs of Karak Ziflin!

They're an army I've really enjoyed using the last couple of months and, as ever, my desire to build has outpaced my desire to paint. Funny thing to say, I know, but I find the act of putting models together very therapeutic. As such there's quite a few of these little fellows waiting to have some paint slapped on them.

Not only that, but a while back I bought some of the Avatars Of War Dwarf Berzerkers (aka Not Slayer Honest Guv) and I'm keen to get them built and painted.

They'll not be the only thing I'll be working on this month but I'm determined to make real headway on the project oiver the next four weeks. 

In Defense of Tartaros armour

I'm in two minds about the two Horus Heresy Terminator armour designs. On the one hand I like the designs but on the other the background purist in me insists there was only ever one mark of Terminator armour developed during the great crusade and used right up to the “present”.

But there is one thing about the Tartaros pattern, which I initially disliked, that really appeals to me. You see, the technical name of Terminator plate is Tactical Dreadnought Armour and, alone of the Terminator armour marks, Tartaros armour actually looks like a Dreadnought. The Contemptor Dreadnought, to be specific, which I am also rather a fan of.

For one thing it has legs that look like they actually work and it does resemble the Space Marine the occupant once was.

I have one of the plastic ones from the Calth box set which I intend to use for my Flesh Tearers army. It may seem a little ornate for them, a little antique, but I like the idea of them having their own version of Bjorn the Fell-Handed: one of Chapter-Master Amit's chief confidantes dating back to when he was Captain of the Blood Angels Legion 8^th Company. With the Flesh Tearers dying, falling to the Black Rage in ever greater numbers, it makes a delightful sense to have one of the first generation around to witness the end.

Yes, its bleak but this is Warhammer 40,00 we're talking about.

Regardles of my little aside there, one of the other things I like about Tartaros pattern is that the anatomy actually works. I cannot for the life of me see how an actual person, even one with the enhanced physique of a Space Marine, can actually fit in traditional Terminator armour.

I just wish they'd get along and release them as a separate kit as they did with the Calth kits. I want Tartaros Terminators, maybe some Custodes and Sisters of Silence but I really don't care for the MkIII Iron armour Space Marines, at least not in any army I'm currently collecting. 

John Hurt's Caligula

If you want to know how great an actor the late John Hurt was, track down a copy of I, Claudius and watch his performance as the Emperor Caligula.

With the greatest respect to the man, John Hurt was not a particularly beautiful man and you'd think that would discount a man from playing Caligula, a notoriously attractive man. Hurt brings such power to the role through his performance that you can see it. His fey, breathy delivery conveys the charisma of the man whilst his haughty air lends a smouldering sexual presence to the role. He litters his lines with little breathy pauses as if unsure of what he's about to say next, second guessing himself constantly as he decides what best to say to his own advantage. He's twitchy, just a little as if he's constantly holding it in except when he explodes in anger or panic.

The scene where Caligula makes his first proclamations as Emperor is a tour de force. After several episodes of being a manipulative snake masterfully pulling the strings of the ailing Tiberius, Caligula cuts loose. He rants and rambles, loses track of the conversation, drifts off into asides about how he resents Claudius having so much more hair than he does. Its a fascinating descent into madness, one of the best scenes in the whole series.

Now, this is just one role in a career of great roles but I do think it conveys the sheer range the man possessed.

Now, we'll just wait for Brian Blessed to die and we'll talk about his turn as Augustus.

Hobby Goal #4

Hobby Goal #3

Build my Kairic Acolytes

GOAL COMPLETED

Unfortunately, with one thing and another, I didn't make any progress on the painting side of things but I did manage to get the Acolytes build to deadline.

They're a lovely looking kit but a bit of a nightmare to put together. There are a lot of very small components on the spure and not just optional extras, either, we're talking about tiny, tiny sections of arm for which there are no spares. This is definitely a kit to build in the cleanest environment with the least grey carpet you have available to you.

I don't foresee myself buying another of these kits but this is Warriors Of Chaos we're talking about, you don't really need more than one of anything.

For those wondering about the old school Fantasy-ness of it all, the Acolyte with the Scroll Of Dark Arts will be counting as a standard bearer and the Acolyte with the Vulcharc as a musician.

Hobby Goal #4

Paint my Kairic Acolytes

Nice and simple: I want these babies painted and sanded by the time my Lord Of Change arrives at the shop on Saturday. They're pretty complicated but I have a couple of days off this week and nothing really to do on them so here we go. 

Royal Rumble predictions

Matches listed as they appear on the Wikipedia page, not by their place on the card (because I don't have it). Not bothering with the pre-show (though Sasha vs. Nia Jax will certainly be worth looking up later).

Royal Rumble Match

My sweepstake number is 11 but I'm pretty sure that Undertaker is going to win this thing. I predict Samoa Joe and Kurt Angle for surprise entries.

Kevin Owens vs. Roman Reigns

Roman. My heart says Kevin Owens to retain but my heart says they're going to bloody give it to Roman and have him face 'Taker at Wrestlemania because they just can't get this idea out of their heads.

AJ Styles vs. John Cena

Styles to retain. I really think he should have another clean victory over Cena, I don't think Cena is going to equal Flair on Royal Rumble when he can do it at Wrestlemania.

Charlotte vs. Bayley

Charlotte to retain and continue her pay-per-view winning streak. I want this streak to end but I'm not sure they're going to give it to Bayley.

Rich Swann vs. Neville

Swann to retain to further this excellent “I'm so overlooked” heel angle Neville has going.

Becky Lynch, Nikki Bella and Naomi vs. Alexa Bliss, Mickie James and Natalya

Bliss, James and Natalya to win through shenanigans. 

This Horrible, Horrible Week's Comics

Oh, its been a hell of a week, hasn't it? Never have I been so grateful for my comics to arrive than this week, the chance for either some escapism or to get really, really angry and I didn't care which I just wanted to not think about Trump for a hour or so.

So, let's look away from the blackened maw of death for a while and throw some opinions out into the aether, shall we?

The Kamandi Challenge #1

I have been waiting for year for DC to do something with this property. I loved the Kamandi feature in Wednesday Comics waaaay back in 2009 but there hasn't been much done with the Last Boy On Earth since. He turned up for a bit in Multiversity and some crossover spots here and there but nothing really extended. Now we have a twelve part maxi-series (do we still call them that?) with an all-star creative team.

Multiple all-star creative teams. I like the idea of this round robin series format, even if the second half of this issue makes me wish that Dale Eaglesham could be drawing the whole thing. I love Eaglesham's art style and in spite of Keith Giffen and Scott Koblish doing a more “faithful” rendition of Jack Kirby's style, Eaglesham's somehow seems more in the spirit of it.

Story wise, this is pretty much a complete reboot but its DC so who's honestly surprised? This company has never met a wheel it didn't want to reinvent. That said, its not like this is story people are anywhere near as familiar with as Batman's origins so it is probably sensible.

Giffen and Koblish's first half handles the origin pretty well, setting us up the mystery of who Kamandi is and how he ended up in that bunker whilst Abnett and Eaglesham do the heavy lifting on world building the Tiger Empire. Both episodes move at a good pace and the art teams cram them with visual information to the point at which you sort of come to resent the more drawn out pace of other comics.

Detective Comics #949

Batwoman Begins finale

As a prologue to the new Batwoman series this was great, though I am rather confused about why we're getting a Rebirth one-shot before the series proper as this two-parter delivered a pretty compelling manifesto all on its own. Saying what that manifesto is would be spoiling too much but the whole issue is about the difference between Bruce's methods and mission and Kate's.

On a related note, Kate has a wonderful moment of just not caring about Bruce's disapproval when she uses a gun and it is glorious. One way to make me love a Bat-family character is to have them just not care about Bruce's moaning (see also Jason Todd and Tim Drake).

Very much looking forward to the Batwoman ongoing but more looking forward to the next Detective storyline which promises me the League Of Shadows, which hopefully means their little prisoner is going to be making his comeback.

Daredevil #16

The Seventh Day part two

This was a nice character piece, which I wasn't expecting. When a Daredevil writer brings in Bullseye you sort of expect them to go for the epic confrontation between Daredevil and his worst, greatest foe. This.,. went a completely different direction. Bullseye's presence is pretty much ignored, His effect on Matt is explored, what Bullseye means in the grand scheme of things, but there's no big fight, the two characters barely interact.

That could be disappointing but instead we get to dive deep into Matt's state of mind. Next issue promises, after more than a year, to tell us how and why Matt erased knowledge of his secret identity from the world and this issue tells us where Matt is as a person as a consequence.

Plus, this story gave us a new priest character for Matt to bounce off: Father Jordan, a funny sort of Catholic priest. Not in the sense of his personality but in the sense that Marvel might be playing with the history of the Catholic faith in ways I don't think they have before.

Before this story my interest in the series was flagging but I'm more than willing to reserve judgement now I've seen this creative team show me more of the character they want to convey in Murdoch and with the promise of long-withheld answers.

Infamous Iron Man #4

Aside from that awful Bendis habit of only getting to what the cover promises on the last page, this was a very nice issue.

Now, even though I read comics to years beforehand what made me a fan was Bendis, Maleev and Hollingsworth's Daredevil run and the nostalgic glow this issue gave me to those days was immense. The first half of the issue is a lovingly rendered sit down chat between SHIELD director Maria Hill and Victor Von Doom, our Infamous Iron Man. The dialogue sings, chipping along with a great back and forth rhythm between the two whilst the art sells every inflection of the dialogue through facial expressions and posture.

Elsewhere in the issue we get to see that his face turn hasn't robbed Doom of his steel as he confronts the general he left in charge of Latveria for his failures. One thing I have always liked about Doom in most incarnations is that no matter how horrible he is to the Fantastic Four or whatever other heroes he fights he genuinely does care about his people. Now, this isn't true in every version but my favourites have always been the ones where Latveria is pretty well off as dictatorships go, perhaps not a country you'd want to live in but you can see how Doom thinks he's doing the right thing.

I just look forward to next month and getting to see the scene the front cover and last issue's cliffhanger promised me, is all. 

One thing Age Of Sigmar is doing right

Whilst I'm not a big fan of AoS, even I have to admit the range has undergone one improvement. You see, a problem I always had with the Warriors Of Chaos range was that it was a bit samey for a faction defined by the infinite mutability of corrupting magic.

They worship the god of blood and murder? Tall dudes in full plate armour with horn hats. God of plague and despair? Tall dudes in full plate armour with horn hats. God of pleasure and excess? Tall guys, horn hats. God of magic and mutation? Fucking guess. It was all just painted different colours.

This was all set against artwork and background fiction where each god's followers had their own iconography and motifs. One thing Aos definitely has going for it is that, finally, mortal Chaos has some visual diversity to it. There's a real visual distinction between the Khorne Bloodbound...

… and the Disciples of Tzeentch.

I'm really looking forward to when they get around to Nurgle. There are some fantastic Avatars Of War miniatures in their Corrupters Of The Apocalypse range, I have some myself, but I really want to see what GW does with them. No offence to Avatars but GW do just have better miniatures technology and, y'know, legal rights to all the iconography. Plus, a plastic Great Unclean One will be a nice addition to my Death Guard.

Also, if Pestigor are going to make a Tzaangor-esque comeback you won't hear any complaints from me. I am a big Chaos fan and the fact that GW are going back to the deep background is heartening to me. Probably a unique case since Chaos is the only faction that really relates to its old Fantasy Battles background but I'll take what benefit I can get from this new game, to be perfectly frank. 

Now That's What I Call Patriarchy 2017 (part one of infinity)

cartoon by Norwegian artist Bloom

Let's talk about abortion because I'm a white man and apparently that means I'm the only person qualified to do so!

(content warnings: abortion, unwanted pregnancy, misogyny and death)

"No one has more respect for women than me, I made
murdering them my first policy priority!"

If you ever wondered what “The Patriarchy” was you'll never get a better illustration than this: seven wealthy white men behind a desk signing an order that will limit access to abortion for women around the world. I mean, if you saw that in a TV show you'd accuse the writers of being too on the nose.

And the fact is that less than halfway through its first week the Trump administration has shown where its priorities are. They don't have a full cabinet yet, they have almost a whole roster of international ambassadors to appoint, there's a growing rift between the White House and the intelligence agencies, serious ethical and legal issues from the election still unaddressed, the list goes on.

But no, first order of priority goes to screwing over women around the world. The contempt of it is appalling. To force doctors in non-governmental organisations to choose between giving a patient full informed consent over their care and continuing to receive funding is ethically wrong.

Women will die because of this executive order. Some will die because of unsafe abortions carried out because they didn't know the safe options. Some will die in childbirth because of complications that make a safe birth impossible. Some will die by their own hands, don't imagine they won't, force someone into a situation of inescapable desperation and its inevitable some will react that way.

And you can believe me on this because I'm a white man and that makes me an authority on everything to do with a woman's body. 

Title speculation is really interesting (Star Wars Episode VIII)

(Spoiler Warning: Look, its not like there's any actual information here. The one and only fact contained in this post, and every other one on this subject on the whole dang internet, is that Episode VIII now has a title but if you really, really want to hold off on learning even that just skip this one.)

We've got a title and that means it is speculation times now! That in and of itself is sort of interesting. We are something more than ten months away from this thing opening and a three word title is all we have and yet the speculation begins.

So its called The Last Jedi, which seems to be a callback to how Luke is described in the Episode VII text crawl. Ultimately, that doesn't tell us much more than we already know: Luke will be in this thing.

Then there's the fact the logo itself is red. Because Luke will die? Please no. Because Luke will turn to the dark side? Because he'll have a final confrontation with everyone's favourite whining edgelord manbaby Kylo Ren and his self harm sabre?

Then there's the plural issue because “Jedi” can be a plural so maybe Luke and Rey together are the last Jedi. I hope that's it because going for a Game Of Thrones wipeout of the original trio (however unintentional given the sad passing of Carrie Fisher last year) seems a bit too far. Just like its shocking death for shocking death's sake which, again thanks for Game Of Thrones, just doesn't work anymore, it just comes off as cynical.

But what really fascinates me is that this is part of the cycle now. This is absolutely the intended consequence of announcing a title for a big movie now. Fans have always speculated but now the way entertainment news travels so fast and how the internet has made things so much more accessible, well, the entry bar to being a “fan” has lowered considerably. On the one hand its cynical as hell but on the others its kind of heartening that more people are able to engage with their media this way. Just rather nice that there are so many more nerds now, I guess.

All aboard the Trump trainwreck!

If nothing else, we can credit the US electoral college (rather than, you know, an actual majority of the electorate) with providing us an interesting limit case study: just what will it take to sink Trump?

I mean, here we are, less than half a week in and we have a sparsely attended inauguration followed by a full 1% of the total US population turning out in protest across the country; sister protests in solidarity on every continent including Antarctica; Trump's press secretary (the oddly animatronic Sean Spicer) throwing a hissy fit at the press corps for daring to accurately report the low turn out; the US just doesn't have a diplomatic corps right now since Trump fired all the ambassadors without replacing them; and, Trump banning the National Parks Service from Twitter after they dared to post an unedited photo comparing the attendance of Trump and Obama's inaugurations.

Still, credit The Donald with something, he's made me feel sorry for Theresa May.

Thanks, Trump!

No, but seriously, folks: May has been banging on for ages about how once we piss of the EU and fail to get a trade deal for after Brexit (which will happen since this stupid old bat thinks threatening the people you're negotiating with is a good idea) that we'll be able to get a good trade deal with the US. In fact, she's going to Washington next week to talk to Trump about that very subject.

So what she's got to do is get a trade deal out of a man infamous for reneging on his deals, who just delivered an enormous policy speech where he basically said that he's going to look after US interests to the exclusion of all else.

And we don't have a US ambassador right now so how we're going to carry out the formal negotiations is anyone's guess.

By Twitter, perhaps?

Hobby Goal #3

Hobby Goal #2:

Finish my Dwarf Rangers

GOAL FAILED

Due to some unfortunate life-related business followed by crushing art block on how to paint the crossbows and axe hafts, I didn't get the Rangers finished, as you can see.

However, in random spare moments I have been able to make some progress on clearing the painting table.

Other Progress

A model I really want to be a production number, the Deathwatch Watch-Master nears completion with only some final metallic details and the Inquisitorial seals on his cape left to do. I rather like how to the drybrushing on the Guardian spear blade came out, which is good since I ruined a perfectly good drybrush that I can now only use for Sotek Green.

Sanded and moving to the basing shelf are five Flesh Tearers Tactical Marines including Sergeant, meltagun and heavy flamer, plus a kitbashed Librarian. The white on the chapter heraldry is still not as flat as I'd like but I feel I'm making progress.

I also can't help but feel that no matter what I do with inks, that blue on the Librarian is too flat. Still, I like how the conversion came out with the warding hand.

Finally, a test model for my Tzeentch Chaos Warriors. A lot of work to do on this one but I like how the Thousand Sons Blue looks on the cloth. I think the silver armour is going to have some sort of glaze over it to give it a “magical” sheen, probably blue but I'll decide once I have the gold layered up to Auric. Also, I need to look up a good stone method for that base from the How To Paint Dwarfs book.

Hobby Goal #3

Build my Kairic Acolytes

This might seem a little weak sauce and, honestly, it is. For one thing I do want to finish those Rangers and don't want to add anything large to the painting table but I do want to fiddle around with the models I just bought. That said, building them will be a little less than straightforward as they're for an old school Fantasy army so I have to get models designed for round 32mm bases to rank up on square 25mm bases.

Hopefully not too much of an ask as the scales don't seem too different but it might take me some time and fiddling about.

First late comics reviews of the year

Thank you, Post Office, let's get this done.

All-New X-Men #17

Inhumans vs. X-Men tie-in

I want to care, I really do, but I don't. Oh, the stuff with Iceman going on cute dates with his pretty boy Inhuman boyfriend are all sorts of sweet and I would eat up an issue of just that but it all sort of tumbles down into one of those issues that's just context for a big fight scene in the main series.

I am, frankly, losing my patience with this sort of thing. I like a nice, big crossover as much as the next man but Civil War II just finished, IvX is ongoing and Monsters Unleashed literally started this week. I guess I just want normal issues more often because, really, this relationship needed more time. Bobby and Romeo met a couple issues ago and we get literally their entire relationship up to this point related in flashback between big fight scene splash pages I'm willing to guess I will see again when I eventually get around to reading IvX #2.

Monsters Unleashed #1

For all my moaning, superheroes versus kaiju was just a pitch too good for me to pass up. Plus, two of the big central character of this series seem to be Moon Girl and Elsa Bloodstone, two ladies I have a lot of time for.

For all the things I liked about this issue there is a lot about it that a bit... how to put this? “Standard crossover first issue”? We get a bunch of individual fights between big space monsters and various superhero teams: the Avengers here, the X-Men there, the Champions somewhere else. Actually plot important stuff happens off to the sides with a lot of foreshadowing and not a lot of actual explaining. There's the very consciously foregrounded new character and then the big sting on the final page.

I'm not saying this is bad, per se, its all quite entertaining but these events are running so frequently now that the formula is getting a bit obvious.

U.S.Avengers #2

$kullocracy part two

This issue gives us the big debut of the only character who didn't get a big set piece moment last issue: Danielle Cage, Captain America from the future and yet another character custom-designed to annoy the neo-Nazi alt-right wingdings. They hated a black Captain America? Here's a black woman Captain America! Even if Al Ewing's Avengers series weren't consistently one of the best thing Marvel have been putting out in recent years it'd all be worth it for the sheer right wing triggering character choices Ewing has populated his team with. Ewing gets an even better “deal with it” moment with Danielle than he did with Toni Ho last issue.

Anyway, we get some nice exposition here and I really mean that. I know big info-dumps are commonly considered the Devil but between Ewing's charming dialogue and Paco Medina's fantastically cameo-laden images of Danielle's future it was very, very entertaining.

And I'm not just saying that because Faiza Hussain turns up. I love that character and she absolutely needs to be used in a series again but I'm not that easily bought, Ewing!

But give me Faiza Hussain and a big panel of an entire Avengers team in tuxedos and you got me.

Batman #15

Rooftops part 2

More like this, please. If I Am Suicide didn't convince me that Tom King writes one of the best versions of Batman ever then this little two-parter certainly sold the deal. From the flashbacks where Bruce and Selina reminisce about how they first met, splicing the 1940s version with the Frank Miller version, to the absolutely wonderful conclusion of the story's mystery this was a very well-constructed little character piece.

And if DC ever gets around to commissioning another Catwoman series, King should be at the head of the line for writing duties. He writes the hell out of her relationship with Bruce, her relationship with one of her longstanding supporting cast and of Selina's own view of herself. He really does get her and this should be one of those times, like Gail Simone after she did that Wonder Woman appearance in Birds of Prey, where fans clamour for the writer to give the character more extensive treatment.

I just wish I loved the main I Am... storylines of this series as much as this.

Star Wars: Doctor Aphra #3

This series is fast becoming a comfort food sort of thing to me. Three issues in and I can feel guaranteed that I'll love Aphra's no-nonsense attitude, the murder droids will be enormous fun, there'll be some sort of heist action and the individual issue will satisfying in and of itself because Keiron Gillen is really good at writing for the monthly reader. Frankly, there's a damn good reason Aphra was the first Marvel-original Star Wars character to get a series.

And this issue has it all! The relationship between Aphra and her emotionally clueless father sings, Triple-Zero gets some fantastic one-liners and the whole plot revolves around the crew trying to sneak into the old Rebel base on Yavin 4 under the noses of the Imperial occupying forces. There's even a rather nice nod to Rogue One that reads less as “we have to advertise the new movie” and more as “of course Aphra would know about that, its her job”.

The man Trump wishes he was

Comics are late due to privatised Post Office so let's talk about the man who, so horrifically soon, will officially become President of the United States Of America. Specifically, let's talk about the man who is everything Trump thinks he is...

This is Vincent Kennedy McMahon. If you're unaware of this interesting individual he is the majority owner and CEO of World Wrestling Entertainment (formerly the World Wrestling Federation before the pandas sued). He is, alongside WCW's Eric Bischoff, basically responsible for making the entire wrestling industry what it is today for good or ill. He and Trump actually had a wrestling match together once. It wasn't good.

The thing is that everything Trump tries to sell himself as, Vince actually is. Where Trump claims to have started from the bottom with a “small” multi-million dollar loan from his father, Vince actually grew up in a trailer park. Whilst they both run the companies their fathers made, Trump inherited his and has spent years losing money whilst Vince spent years gaining the money and influence to buy his father's company and grew it from a regional promotion to the largest and most successful company in his industry. What's more, Vince has taken pains to make sure his children knew how the company worked before they had active roles in it, having Shane and Stephanie working phones, merchandise stalls and small on screen bit parts before handing them any real power. Trump, meanwhile, wants to name his children to senior advisor roles in spite of their not having experience in politics and there being literal anti-nepotism laws meant to prevent this.

Where Trump has a string of bankruptcies to his name the worst that can be said about Vince is that he had a stupid idea for an NFL alternative that died after a single season. By contrast, however, he was a driving force in creating the pay-per-view system, the WWE Network is one of the most successful streaming services in the world and he has had successful interests in movies, music promotion and hockey to varying degrees.

Whilst Trump imagines he's loved for being plain spoken and direct (instead of being a gibbering idiot who couldn't construct a sentence with a set of step-by-step instructions), Vince McMahon is actually beloved for the bluff, old school businessman persona he projects on screen.

What's more, where Trump has a narcissist's desire for applause at all times, Vince glories in being booed. He has, basically non-stop since 1997, played a bad guy and put himself through some truly humiliating storylines just to rile the audience and get them invested. This is a man who contrived to give himself a pinfall victory over God so he could be seen as provoking a born again Christian into beating him up; he has pissed himself on live television on one of the highest rated shows in the world; been shown putting his wife into a medically induced coma; he's been covered in manure; knocked unconscious multiple times; had penis pumps delivered to him; and, legitimately, tore both his quads whilst trying to yell at two of his employees on air and still managed to do the segment.

Vince is far from perfect, he's known to have some troubles with empathy, tends towards over-reaction and like most businessmen at his level he has a ruthless streak you probably wouldn't want to get in the way of. In theory, all of this also describes Trump but Vince has the decency to provide a lot more entertainment, actually makes money for his shareholders, is actually a self-made man and has the thickest skin imaginable.

He probably wouldn't make a very good president, either, but he also probably has the sense to realise this and not try. 

Xander, Willow and the awful, wretched affair plot

I've been re-watching the third season of Buffy, my personal favourite, and I've hit the second disc and the most wretched romantic plot of the show. Considering we just dispensed with Scott Hope, that's saying something.

Oh, I hate Willow and Xander's affair. It is, admittedly, a mercifully brief storyline but excruciating while it lasts. It never really has consequences, either. Willow and Oz have about one conversation about it total after which its never mentioned again, not that that relationship has long to play out. Xander and Cordelia do break up and have a pretty satisfying reconciliation in The Prom but Xander never really considers why he did it.

Neither does Willow. For a writer and showrunner obsessed with the emotional consequences of his characters' actions, this does seem like a pretty big unaddressed gap. It doesn't tie in with any of Xander's very real emotional difficulties, it doesn't shed any light on the development of Willow's sexual identity (which, with The Wish and bisexual vampire Willow just around the corner, was immediate) and aside from a snide comment by Anya way down the line its never mentioned again.

And, honestly... I just wish it could have stayed platonic all the way through. I'm a sucker for men and women as best friends and, this aside, Xander and Willow are the ideal of that relationship. Honestly, the fact that Xander gets over his crush on Buffy and Willow gets over her crush on Xander and they are friends who are friends and no one's planning and plotting to make it more... I wish there were more stories like that.