Comics Ramble: Black Canary and Zatanna: Bloodspell by Paul Dini

or, Paul Dini joins the resistance against the New 52

Paul Dini is certainly no stranger to the concept of reboots: he was one of the prime architects behind the DC Animated Universe of the 1990s/early-2000s and with his comics he tends towards an accessible style of done-in-ones that very consciously work on their own rather than as part of a larger continuity. He loves his mythos as much as the next comics pro but he's always been magnificently unconcerned with what such-and-such character did in so-and-so issue of whatever title a few years ago.

Part of this is how he came up in DC: Batman The Animated Series used broad archetypes of the established characters and worked them up from there, contradicting and adding to the original concept as they went and they were so good half of it was incorporated into the comics. Reboots, or at least self-contained storytelling, is Dini's established wheelhouse.

So you can imagine my slight surprise when Dini puts out a book that ignores the blank slate of the New 52.

Okay, brass tacks: Bloodspell opens with Zatanna and Black Canary's first meeting when Zee was a child and moves to the near-present with Dinah foiling a casino robbery, a case that turns mystical on her and so she teams up with Zatanna. This is all very much in Dini's style: a clean, crisp rendition of a classic team-up structure (Type A character on Type A case that becomes Type B case, enter Type B character) but spruced up a bit.

The sprucing up takes the form of delightful character set pieces including our heroes goofing off in a toy store and flashbacks to past meetings. One of the best scenes, for my money, is Zee's first day in the Justice League when she was “a geeky newbie sporting a terrified smile and the worst 'grown-up' hairdo I'd ever seen”, according to Black Canary. It's this scene more than any other that wears its pre-Flashpoint colours on its sleeve with cameos from J'onn, Ralph Dibny and a Z-list villain called the Key. We even get to see Dinah's terrible JLI-era costume in a later scene, plus she teams up with “her” Green Arrow for a few pages.

You can see where I'm going with this: the presentation isn't just pre-Flashpoint, it's aggressively pre-Flashpoint.

Not that it's pointless, the pre-Flashpoint setting lends the story emotional context. As far as I'm aware the New 52 versions of Dinah and Zee have never met whereas here their friendship is old enough and deep enough that they can go shopping together; talk to one another as equals; have funny stories about each other; and one can talk to the other whilst she's in the bath without it being weird.

This all could have been left out, though. Ultimately, Ollie doesn't need to be there: aside from a short scene of pillow talk his plot functions could be taken over by Batgirl (and even then I don't think there'd be many complaints...). Dini writes completely original flashbacks to his title characters' earlier meetings: modern Zee could have encountered the Birds Of Prey or consulted on a mystical-themed mission for Team 7. It doesn't even call back to Dini's previous run on Zatanna's solo series. This could be tweaked into a New 52 story with relative ease.

I wouldn't care as much, though, would I?

This continues an odd theme from DC's “Digital First” anthologies Legends Of The Dark Knight and Adventures Of Superman that whilst the mainstream of DC's output is focussed on building a new continuity in the Dini/Timm mould building from the archetypes up, re-visitations of their old continuity have emerged as a new form of fanservice.

Yes, this started off as a review but it rather got away from me. That's why I call these posts “Rambles” instead of reviews. You want the review part of the review then the bottom line is this: it's fun, it's frothy, it's self-contained with an efficiently written plot and well-honed characterisation plus a nice magical mystery woven in but any element of that description was pretty obvious from the sentence “Black Canary and Zatanna: Bloodspell by Paul Dini”. 

Why my 100 Model Challenge was a dumb idea

It was, there's no way around it, the entire idea was misconceived. It sounded good in my head to start with: lay off buying models for a while and get a decent chunk of my backlog done in the meantime. It started off easy when GW were releasing stuff like the Imperial Gu... ahem, the Astra Militarum (goodness sake), a decidedly mediocre release with some very odd design choices like spiky Chaos armour for Storm Troo... ahem, Scions (goodness sake).

Then the Wood Elves came along. I've been waiting years for a Wood Elves books and longer still for plastic Eternal Guard. The new book is fantastic but I girded up my loins, gritted my teeth and stayed the course.

The final straw came when I was going through my bits box for a suitably impressive sword to slap on my Bretonnian Lord and I found a Maximus-pattern helmet. I looked at it and I remembered a thought that entered my head last September when the plastic Librarian came out that it would look sweet with a Maximus helmet.

And that was it. I broke. I came to the realisation that all I was doing was denying myself enjoyment. “Life is too short,” I declared to myself and went out immediately to buy a plastic Librarian and a box of Glade Guard.

Targets are for work. Goals are fine but targets can piss off. I'll keep posting models, at least once I find a varnishing method that doesn't leave my models shining like latex fetish models ('Ardcoat), like they're covered in a light dusting of snow (Purity Seal) or dulls all colour to horrible flatness (Lahmian Medium).

And, you know what? That Librarian does look sweet in a Maximus helm. 

The Comics Ramble

You know what I forgot to buy last week? Miles Morales, Ultimate Spider-Man #1 and Original Sin #1! Because I am an idiot. Otherwise it was a pretty light week, just these two:

Everyone stinks at being sixteen (Cyclops #1)

I never pegged All-New X-Men as a spin-off-y kind of title. Naive of me in retrospect but I'm rarely this glad to be wrong.

So, situation: at the end of The Trial Of Jean Grey crossover young, time-lost teen Scott Summers decides to swan off to outer space with his space pirate, missing presumed dead Dad. He does this mainly because he finds out about his and Jean's future of marriage, multiple-bereavement and general misery at a stage when he's still only just about crushing on her. As excuses to bail out on uncomfortable social situations goes it's pretty much the best one ever. Also, if there was ever an ancillary X-character I felt could do with some extra fleshing out its Major Chris “Corsair” Summers.

Previous Cyclops/Corsair meetings have dwelt on their incompatibility: a professional soldier and a pirate, a down-to-earth civil rights activist and a freewheeling space jockey. I'm thinking in particular about a just-pre-Grant Morrison issue of Uncanny X-Men where they have a camp out and really, really get on one another's tits.

Time-lost teenage Cyclops is just glad to have his Dad back, he's happy to be in space and he sort of fancies his stepmother which is conflicting for him on multiple levels because she's his stepmother and she's a catgirl... or possibly a skunk girl... maybe an albino squirrel, I'm really not sure.

But this is what the X-Men franchise is for: taking something relatable and making it really bloody weird. Talk away the spaceship, the aliens, the sultry cat-skunk-squirrel woman and what you've got is a young man who doesn't know what he wants to do with his life going on a road trip with his Dad.

I don't know if this is an ongoing or a limited series but I am onboard for this like you wouldn't believe.

Cheap, penny-ante slight-of-hand (Loki: Agent of Asgard #4)

It has to be said, after the covert long games of Gillen's Journey Into Mystery and Young Avengers this series is surprisingly direct. Here we are, four issues in and the third wasn't even about “our” Loki, and we're already getting to the point. When Loki revealed in #2 that he was planning something I expected him to spend the better part of the year assembling his team but #4 and it's done, caper incoming next month.

I'm not complaining. Dear God, am I not complaining! I'm not an enemy of decompressed storytelling, I've been reading Ultimate Spider-Man since day one but it is nice to to see a few series championing brevity. Hawkeye has this quality as well, being mainly done-in-ones that build the ongoing storyline quietly in the background.

It was also great to see Verity Willis the human lie detector make a return because I really liked her in #2. I was less enthused by Sigurd turning up but since Ewing clearly agrees with me that Sigurd is a sleazy bastard I was won over by the idea of bringing him back.

If I have one criticism I think this Loki's origin is now established enough that Ewing could drop the flashbacks to “I am the crime that will not be forgiven.”. Not that “flashback” is actually the right word, that wasn't how Journey Into Mystery ended it was, if you'll pardon the phrase, considerably more low key and better for it.

I also admit, with zero shame, to laughing out loud at the illustration of Thor wearing an A-Ha t-shirt. 

Obligatory Star Wars essay (or, Good God, Empire Strikes Back is bleak)

You know how it goes, there are some films that have been part of your life so long and that you've watched so many times that the pictures on the screen cease to have meaning. You forget what an astounding moment seeing the first dinosaur in Jurassic Park was; how dark Back To The Future Part II is; and you forget how unbelievably, wonderfully bleak the end of The Empire Strikes Back is.

It really is, and it shows how times have changed that I can't think of a film cliffhanger in the last twenty years to match it for completely screwing over the heroes. The second Pirates Of The Caribbean comes close but Lucas and Spielberg completely destroy every aspect of the formula they've spent two films creating:

When Luke, Leia and the droids line up for the final shot they've lost virtually everything. As a group they've lost Han, they've lost another home base and they lose the Millennium Falcon when Lando and Chewie take it to search for Han which is a huge symbolic loss as well as a purely military one.

Luke has lost his hand; he's lost the fight the whole film was building to; he's lost his father for the second time; his memories of Ben Kenobi have been tainted; he's lost the comfort of believing his late father was a war hero; he's lost any hope that Leia might love him (this is still, at the time, a Bad Thing); he's lost his lightsaber; and in abandoning his training he may well have lost any right he had to call himself a Jedi.

Leia stands there having lost the love of her life (for this is Hollywood and there is only twue wuv); she's lost God knows how many people under her command at Hoth; and, worst of all, she's lost her focus. Compare the Leia of A New Hope with the one at the start of Return Of The Jedi. In A New Hope our first glimpse of her is of a gun-toting woman sneaking around a battle, risking her life to get a message out; she withstands interrogation and implied torture; she even hands over false intelligence when Tarkin is holding her homeworld hostage. Everything is for the good of the Rebellion and yet when Episode VI opens we see her taking insane risks for one man.

It's tempting to make a barbed, feminist point here but I like it, it works. The Rebels are standing up for what they believe in and what Luke, Leia and Han believe in are each other. They have to be reunited or they'll never beat the Empire. It's telling that lacking Han their infiltration of Jabba's Palace goes completely wrong. Yes, they have back-up plans but I find it hard to believe the Rancor or the Sarrlac figured in any strategy sessions.

Then comes the escape from the Sandskimmer and everyone gets a party piece to show that, reunited, they're back to being themselves. Luke gets to Errol Flynn his way through a horde of minions; Leia commits a very satisfying murder and gets to blow the whole place to kingdom come; and Han gets all the best lines and bumbles his way to saving Lando's life. Luke is a Jedi again, Leia is a commanding presence (wardrobe not withstanding) and Han is the charming rogue once more.

It's a restoration of cosmic order that injects the fun back into the series. The narrative collapsed in Empire and is restored in Jedi. It's brilliant on both sides of the coin and I don't think modern audiences would have this kind of patience. That cliffhanger stood for three years. Three years! Can you image a modern audience being asked to wait that long for resolution? We're too fond of instant gratification these days. 

Bad luck 'aving comic reviews on board... even a miniature one

The Royal Mail finally condescended to bring me my comics, so, y'know, reviews of a few comics from the pack, a light one this week and both by Mark Waid (not that I'm complaining, I bloody love Mark Waid comics)...

Daredevil #2

I could certainly bitch about how this issue in no way addresses #1's cliffhanger but I'm not going to. A mystery like that will probably be better for a slow boil and in the meantime Matt and Kirsten's hazy and undefined relationship is more than interesting enough for me. Besides, arguably the #1.50 one-shot gave us enough clues for the time being.

As to what this issue is doing it's another pleasingly direct issue of Mark Waid Daredevil. Someone's kidnapping Mafiosi, Matt Murdock's contact Deputy Mayor Charlotte Hastert brings him the case and away we go! If this seems like damning with faint praise it is not. What superhero comics need right now are a few more series like this because we've spent damn near two decades now de-constructing, reconstructing and subverting this art form to the point that there really is mileage in writing “standard” superhero stories with modern techniques.

Aside from that the issue sketches in some more of Matt's life in San Francisco, consciously fails to define his relationship with Kirsten (so she's probably going to live a while longer) and even introduces one of San Fran's native heroes to the mix. Marvel's San Francisco has a storied (if spotty) history so seeing that come into play was nice. There's a lot of foreshadowing, mainly name-dropping the Owl who we know will be a big cheese in this series from #1.50 and you're confident in where things are going but then Waid pulls out a last page twist.

Original Sin #0

What did this issue do? It made me care about a character I had no previous knowledge of and added layers to one I've known practically my entire life.

It didn't look like either was going to happen to start with. The issue is mainly the new Nova, Sam Alexander, soliloquising about his relationship with his absent, alcoholic father in the general vicinity of a more-silent-than-usual Uatu. Since I'd never read a Sam Alexander story and barely read any Nova stories this wasn't a promising start. I mean that's as basic an origin as you can get, the only real distinction is that a young man has daddy issues.

But this is Mark Waid writing and as we deal with four paragraphs ago Mark Waid does simple only so he can pull the rug out from under you with something clever and makes Sam's origin actively relate to Uatu's character. As an origin primer it's a good choice because really the only other thing this telling has going for it is one small different detail from the standard telling so giving it emotional weigh gives me another reason to stick around.

Yes, it's true that Uatu's strong silent act does not quite ring true. Just a week or so back he was keeping Hank McCoy up all night (in All-New X-Men #25, by talking, what did you think I meant?) and he's never been big on keeping to his non-interventionist vows. 

Adric: Big Finish's limit case scenario?

Yesterday I pre-ordered Doctor Who: The Fifth Doctor Box Set from Big Finish because I am honestly interested in seeing what they do with Adric. I took a moment to think about it and realised my expectations were actually really, really high.

On the face of it this is insane. Take most any Doctor Who fan's temperature on Adric and you'll get a description along these lines: a mediocre actor playing a terrible character with material that is unflattering at best and utter dreck at worst (I mean, the “I love fascism” material in Four To Doomsday, Jesus fucking Christ). The character was killed off, the first “proper” companion to do so, and his death was followed by silent credits so fans could really, really hear those champagne corks popping.

This isn't to say the character is completely unloved, every companion is someone's favourite, but I can't imagine many people were clamouring for his return.

So why am I looking forward to this box set? It sounds like a trainwreck on paper. Well, two reasons. Firstly I'm only paying £20 for it and at £2.50 an episode I can't feel too swindled if it turns out badly. Secondly, Big Finish have worked miracles with... well, not worse characters precisely, but similarly poorly received ones.

They made me like Mel, after all, who on television no defining character traits and a professional background that was used a grand total of once (and for a line that made no sense). The same company managed to redeem Colin Baker's Doctor, not just by giving him material that allowed him to act but rehabilitating his relationship with Peri. They even gave Steven Taylor a personality beyond “action man” and “delivering William Hartnell's lines when he's ill”.

I can at least be assured that Matthew Waterhouse's acting has improved. Big Finish have done two Dark Shadows audios with him already so they aren't using him sight-unseen. So all that's left is to wait until August and see what they've done with Adric's personality...

Ah.

That's the sticking point, isn't it? There isn't much to work with: he's good at maths, which is a bit abstract; he's awkward with girls; he's a bit easily influenced. Not much to work with but I look forward to seeing what they manage to get out of it. 

The Saint George rant

Today is going to be trying. You see, its Saint George's Day: George the Dragonslayer, patron saint of England and so there's going to be a lot of pictures of the guy about and in every one I'll bet you he'll be white. He'll be white and dressed in the armour and tabard of a Crusades-era knight and I think that, symbolically, this is a bit problematic.

I can't help but think that it might help, in just the tiniest way, if we took this day that's all about our national identity and acknowledged that our patron saint was Greek (or of mixed Greek and Palestinian descent as seems equally likely given his mother is described both as Greek and as a local of Palestine where his father was stationed with the Roman Legions). George (probably originally Georgius) was a Roman officer in the late third century, the legend was brought home by soldiers and knights who had fought in the Crusades about a thousand years later and he was adopted as England's patron saint because the legend spoke to the national identity of “never say die”, “damn the odds”, “do the right thing no matter what”. You know, the stuff from every Second World War film ever.

One guy against a dragon, it's an image that we've used in wartime propaganda and as a fable about standing up to bullies. It's a great story but the most faithful retelling of it I've ever encountered was a Fred Van Lente comic in Dark Horse Presents (and even that felt the need to have a real dragon in it, not that anyone's sure who the dragon represents, probably just the heraldry of some warlord whose name is lost to history).

Instead of a man from another culture who represents the best qualities we strive for in our own culture (can you see why this appeals to me?) the national myth presents him as “one of us” and that necessarily places the dragon in the place of the “Other”, the outsider.

And so St. George's Flag and St. George himself have been taken up by nationalist, isolationist and racist causes as a representation of a white man fighting to save a maiden from an aggressive Other. The fact that the dragon is overtly represented by the legend as a Satanic figure (again, probably a Crusade-era embellishment) there's a subtext of rape and thus the nationalist (as George) becomes a heroic defender of maidenhood / purity / sanctity: personal invasion equated to national invasion.

And this is ridiculous. Saint George was not white, he wasn't English and very likely spent his entire life in the Middle East. Even his status as an English icon is shoddy: he's a known figure in Islamic culture, especially in Egypt where he is also a major figure (“The Prince of Martyrs”) in the Coptic Orthodox Church, and the Russian Orthodox dedicates two feast days to him.

I just want the nationalists who wave their flags and the thugs who get St. George's Cross tattoos to know their symbol isn't like them, that the ideal they think they're representing was a figure from another culture, of another race and not even their exclusive property. 

A very random musical opinion

I'm not usually one for rap (and if the woman I'm about to talk about isn't technically a rapper I apologise, I can never keep all those musical genres straight in my head) but I have to admit I like Nicki Minaj's style. That wonderful quick fire delivery like she's voicing a stream of consciousness instead of lyrics.

Fast, pacey delivery of complicated lyrics, I can't help but wonder what it would be like if she covered Gilbert and Sullivan. Can you imagine her rendition of “Modern Major-General”? It would be fantastic. 

The Comics Ramble in which Batman looks pretty

 Now that my financial situation is a bit more secure I can get back to reading comics on some sort of regular basis. I've dipped my toes in here and there thanks to the generosity of friends but this week was the first time in a long time I got to unwrap a package of comics of my very own in a long, long time. So, on with the motley...

Loki: Agent of Asgard #3

I wasn't going to follow this. I loved what Keiron Gillen did with Loki in Journey Into Mystery and Young Avengers and part of me wanted to leave it there. The aforementioned friend lent me the first two issues and whilst the first was fun it was the second one (where Loki went speed dating, helped knock over a casino and met a nice girl with wicked ink) that absolutely bowled me over. Between inheriting Loki from Gillen and Luke Cage from Brian Michael Bendis this Al Ewing fellow is proving to be a very safe pair of hands.

Anyway, after those two done-in-one capers this issue shifted gear and we get the original Loki (or perhaps another fail safe) plotting and scheming and indulging in time travel. It's very different from what came before and other writers might be tempted to stretch out those caper stories for five or six issues before changing gear.

Being old-fashioned Loki shenanigans this was all set-up for future pay-off (whereas new-fangled Loki tends to provide his own pay-offs in short order) and ominous words were spoken concerning Loki's sword and the nature of Verity Willis (she of the wicked ink). I'm very much looking forward to seeing where this goes, though I do hope we get a few more new-Loki capers along the way.

Detective Comics

My God, this was a beautiful comic. Not that I was surprised by that since Francis Manapul and Brian Buccellato's Flash run clued me in on how bloody pretty they can make a comic. They just keep throwing those wonder two-page spreads at you filled with slanted panels and kinetic movement drawing your eye effortlessly across the page no matter how complicated the layout might be.

There is a danger in it being more of the same. After all, Batman and the Flash share a few qualities: they're both essentially procedural detective series with colourful criminals for antagonists rather than “supervillains” per se. Where Manapul and Buccellato get something new to play with is in the colour palette. In the nighttime world of Batman they splash out on the blacks, purples and blues where in Flash they used that character's iconic reds and yellows. It has to be said they draw a damn mean Batman, as well.

I have to wonder though if I'm missing something with the villain: is the Squid intended as a brand new villain, a reinvention of some obscure old character or the most obscure Batman: The Animated Series reference ever?

Ultimate Comics Spider-Man #200

This comic was just all kinds of awww. It's a necessary little pause between Cataclysm and the next phase of the Ultimate Universe, a little get together of characters from both incarnations of Ultimate Spider-Man on the second anniversary of Peter Parker's death.

(Aunt May gathers them by e-mail, her e-mail account is registered to “silverhippy”. Have I mentioned how much I loved Bendis' reinvention of Aunt May as a rowdy Sixties liberal?).

That's all: no threats, no villains, just a moment out from it all to consider who these characters are as people and where they're at emotionally. There were a few big two-page spreads by various artists who have worked on the series as the characters imagined what Peter would have been like had he lived which were fun but I loved the smaller moments the issue provided. There's an unbelievably sweet moment involving Gwen (I won't spoil it) that just goes to show that Bendis' version of the character a) cannot ever be predicted and b) is ten times more complex than the “good girl” originally conceived in the 1960s.

This, of course, is not the end because Miles Morales' story is continuing in a new Ultimate Spider-Man and in All-New Ultimates but this is as good an epilogue as the series could ever hope for. It's always these “inbetween times” issues I think of when I'm extolling on how special Ultimate Spider-Man is: the issue that's just Peter telling MJ he's Spider-Man; the one that follows Aunt May through a therapy session; or Peter cussing out Nick Fury after taking on Venom.

I certainly hope we see more of these issues in Miles Morales: Ultimate Spider-Man if only because they've been rather rarer in Miles' run than they were in Peter's and they really give Bendis' writing style time to shine separate from all the superhero action-adventure.

Moon Knight #2

This was another fantastic done-in-one and I'm beginning to think they're making a comeback. On paper its a very simple story: there's a sniper killing bankers in New York, Moon Knight tracks him down and beats him up, The End. That sells it short, though.

The opening section is amazing: eight-panel pages following a different victim in each panel until they're killed and the panel goes blank. One by one the panels disappear, its visually distinct and makes great use of the panel format.

Moon Knight himself barely appears in this issue and, despite some misdirection in one second, we get nothing of the story from his point of view. As a consequence, and since I missed the first issue, I know nothing about the larger story Ellis is telling, what he's doing to Marc Spector as a character and what his new status quo is. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, I like a slow reveal and the story more than stands up on its own. I'm more than willing to buy issue three in the hopes of finding out what's going on with the series. 

Campaign Points 2. Triumph & Treachery first impressions

Yesterday I had my first game of Triumph & Treachery, the Warhammer supplement for more than two players. It was a four-player game to mark a significant moment of the campaign. We were split into two rough teams: Matt and Tom allied their Empire armies (one of which, Tom's, is a bit rogue) whilst my Vampire Counts teamed up with Iain's Warriors Of Chaos (who had previously captured my General and ransomed her back in exchange for support in this battle).

It was our first game under the system so let's skip over some of the obvious ones: things took twice as long as they should have (the game lasted four game turns and nearly seven hours) and we were constantly forgetting to play our Treachery cards at the right moment.

We made one other huge mistake in that the Empire players took one long edge of the table and the Friendly Alliance of Hugs and Niceness (Tom's suggested name for my team) took the other.

Thus things greatly descended into two normal games taking place in parallel. Over the course of the later turns Tom and Iain came to fight other opponents but Matt and I found ourselves largely restricted to the player directly opposite us. If we'd chosen to deploy allied armies in opposite corners I think we'd all have been faced with harder, more interesting decisions about who to declare our enemy player in our turns.

All that aside I like the system. The mercenaries rules worked well with only 200 points of extra troops per 1000 points of main army meaning they added a little flavour (Dwarfs for the two Empire players, Skaven for Iain and High Elves for me, which is a long story we'll get into another day) without making matters confusing, visually or mechanically.

The matter of nominating a single player to be your enemy in each phase is also a good system. Things get a bit abstract here and there (a cannon ball can't harm a neutral player, for instance) but it's better to have a rule affect the game under all circumstances rather than having a half dozen exceptions cluttering it up.

Treachery cards are fun, too. I had two great ones I got to play. The first was a card that simply stops a war machine from firing when your opponent declares he's targeting you. The other, and the effect of this was amazing, is a card that you play after another player's Wizard has failed to cast a spell. Play the card and that spell goes off with irresistible force (so cannot be stopped) but this also forces a miscast.

I played the card when my “ally” Iain's Shadow Sorcerer Sith'Kin failed to cast a spell at Tom's army. It went off, which he wanted it to, and thanked me. Then I pointed at the condition, Iain rolled on the miscast table and his Sorcerer promptly rolled Dimensional Cascade and was swallowed by the Warp.

All of which serves that Sorcerer right for compelling my Master Necromancer Berenice Von Gallenberg to provide troops for him by attaching a mutant strangulation beast to her neck.

Would I play again? Yes. But I'd have to say that unless experience makes the game much, much quicker I'd restrict it to 1000 points a player (we played 2000 with 400 of mercenaries each) and either not have alliances or not deploy as we did along parallel sides.

All in all, though, an excellent system. 

Ooh, that's quite shiny: GW pre-orders for 15 March 2014

Crimson Slaughter: a Codex: Chaos Space Marines supplement (£30 hardcover)

You know, for the first time I am tempted to buy one of these new Codex supplements and it's for the very reason some people are resisting this one. I want a Crimson Slaughter book because they are new, because there hasn't been much written about them so far. I like their look, I like what little background they have (Space Marines driven insane by the ghostly voices of those they've killed which can only be quieted with more killing) and I want this more than the previously rumoured World Eaters/Book Of Khorne supplement because I know the World Eaters inside out.

Between the three Chaos Space Marine codices I own, the old Index Astartes, the Horus Heresy novels and a couple of audios the World Eaters are pretty well covered as far as I'm concerned. But a new faction? Give me some of that, please.

Helbrute (£33 multi-part plastic box set)

I pretty much covered this before when the kit leaked onto the 'net. I rather like it, it's good to have all the options from the Codex available without having to convert the Dark Vengeance model. I won't be buying one in the immediate future (even after finishing my 100 miniature painting challenge) because I still have my DV one to paint.

Still, this gives me hope that multi-part Cultists are on the way.

Chaos Space Marine Attack Force (£120 army bundle)

It seems that Battalions and Battle Forces are getting too expensive to be the starter sets GW wants them to be so they're replacing them with these larger sets for older gamers with more disposable income (at least that's how I read the shift) rather than younger gamers wanting to get started quickly.

I can't argue with the deal, it's a good mix of units: a Chaos Terminator Lord, 10 Chaos Space Marines, a Chaos Rhino (with that lovely vehicle accessory sprue of which I have many fond memories), 5 Chaos Terminators, 5 Raptors and a Forgefiend. Saving £21 by my count means you get the Raptors for free. It might not be the best army imaginable (you need to split the 10 Chaos Marines into two squads to make it legal) but I think it might be meant to combine with Dark Vengeance in which case it's more than convincing.

Coda: 100 Model Painting Challenge

If the supplement is any good I'm halfway tempted, as I haven't started them yet, to paint up my Dark Vengeance Chaos Marines as the Crimson Slaughter. 

Your random Hellenic fact for the day

“I wouldn't stick my hand in the fire” is apparently the Greek equivalent of “I wouldn't swear to it”, as a Greek co-worker of mine explained after I looked at her blankly when she used the phrase.

Nothing else, slow day.

100 Models #2: Vampire Counts Wight King

Vampire Counts Wight King

single plastic miniature

Games Workshop £9

With the application of a sheet of A4 to provide a neutral background and using the timer on my camera so I don't judder it as I press the button I think I'm getting much better pictures. I just have to figure out how to switch off the flash to get rid of those shadows and I'm set. Anyway, onto the miniature:

This is a far more complicated model than the Cairn Wraith. It has a lot of layers so you really have to go in with a plan for painting it. Some layers need drybrushing, some need inking and it can tie you in knots. This is actually my second attempt to paint one of these, having hashed up the first go so comprehensively I had to buy a new model (the original is in a drawer waiting to be paint-stripped and turned into Bretonnian Paladin).

The solution to this model is to paint it from the inside out, innermost layer to outermost. This wasn't exactly a simple process and I had to touch up the innermost layers rather a lot (covering stray Necron Compound off the boot and knee after drybrushing the chainmail, for instance).

An effect I'm rather proud of, but which hasn't photographed well, is the dirty metal effect I tried out on the sword blade. With luck and better photography you'll see a lot more of this effect on my Black Knights and Guardians Of The Covenant but it basically goes like this: basecoat in Leadbelcher, wash Nuln Oil, drybrush the whole area in Necron Compound (or Runefang to suit your taste) and then wash Agrax Earthshade. The brown ink picks out and colours the brighter drybrush layer so you get the look of mottled filth covering the blade.

I also rather like the colour of the cape (Incubi Darkness) and I think I'll use it wherever I can within the arrmy, try to create a more cohesive look for a very disparate force.

The red armour I am less fond of. I went right up far too bright in layering and tried to darken it down again with inks but it didn't quite take.

All in all this was a complicated but very satisfying model to paint. When I'm buying models again (98 to go!) I might get some Grave Guard and paint them to match him, albeit with darker armour. I am painting some units, by the way, it's just that the character models were finished first (there'll be another one on Thursday) so I should make more substantial progress towards my goal soon, especially when I have a chance to basecoat those eleven High Elves I'll need for Sunday's Triumph & Treachery game. 

Campaign Points 1: The Triumph & Treachery to come

Yesterday I had a game of Fantasy in my friend Matt's ongoing campaign. My Vampire Counts versus Ian's Warriors Of Chaos, I lost but what's important is that Ian managed to capture my general Berenice Von Gallenberg. There were two options: I could play a scenario to try and rescue her or Ian and I could come to a deal for her freedom.

The deal we made was as follows: Ian recently lost a territory to Matt's Empire, he wants that territory back. In exchange for her freedom and not being tortured by Slaaneshi sadists Von Gallenberg will ally with him to help re-take the territory. It'll be a three-player game so we'll be using Triumph & Treachery.

So I need mercenaries.

At 2000 points you get 400 points to spend on mercenaries. My mercenaries will be a band of High Elves who have come to investigate this mysterious island that has appeared in the Sea Of Chill. The band's leader, an eccentric Loremaster of Hoeth called Korando, has made a devil's bargain with the Necromancers. He wants to know what is at the heart of the island, what animates it and he suspects it is based in Dark Magic. Dark Magic attracts other Dark Magic so he allies with the undead to use them as sniffer hounds.

The game is on Sunday, I have a week. Unfortunately I can't start until Wednesday because I can't find my primer. It'll be a real time attack to get the mercenaries finished in time. 

100 Models #1: Vampire Counts Cairn Wraith

Single plastic miniature

Games Workshop, £9

Let's talk about simplicity. It's hard to review a simple model. If I were reviewing something like, for instance, the Black Knights I'm currently painting I could talk about the variations between the five figures, the impressive alternative build, the business of deciding on their colour scheme. But this model...?

No bells and whistles, no weapons options, no posing options: just a cloak, a skull and a scythe. There are maybe half dozen different colour areas involved, paint it to look ethereal and you can cut that down to a white basecoat and a wash. Your only real decision is what colour you're going to paint the long, flowing robe that makes up most of the miniature. As you can see I went for a traditional black Grim Reaper-style robe. It may be unambitious but I think the model benefits from a simple colour scheme.

That said I've seen some fantastic Cairn Wraiths with green robes and if I buy a second one I'd be tempted to paint it that way.

The whole model revolves around the robe, which is empty below the skull. It's a wonderful design even if you do have to strain a little to see if you've painted every part if the interior. This simplicity also makes it easy to paint, hence it being the first model to make it off my hobby table in this project (99 to go!).

The only flaw in the miniature is the price. £9 is more than reasonable for a character and if you're using it as a Hero, as I am, you won't feel cheated. It's if you want to run a unit of five of the things you run into financial difficulties because suddenly you're looking at a £45 bill for a very small unit.

As to my own work on the figure I'm rather proud of the rust effect on the scythe, achieved through drybrushing (I'm not actually that fond of the effect the new Ryza Rust technical paint gives). The Skavenblight Dinge drybrush on the black robe appears thicker and less subtle now I've varnished the miniature. I want to use the effect again on my Hexwraiths and Deathwatch so I'll have to remember it needs to be very subtle. I don't hate how it's come out, it still looks enough like cloth but if I want to use it as a highlight on, say, power armour it won't do.

Also, it's been so long since I painted a base that I need more practice to get the line between side and top neat and straight. Still, one benefit of this project is that I'll have another ninety nine goes to get it right. 

100 Model Challenge: The Rules

The Intention

To paint 100 Warhammer models before buying any more miniatures. This might sound like a lot but since I play mainly Warhammer Fantasy that's really just five rank-and-file units. Every hobbyist ends up with a pile of half-finished projects and it's time to tackle some of mine.

The Rules

One: 100 models to be painted. “Painted” defined as tabletop standard, based and varnished.

Two: No matter what size the miniature, one model is defined as one model towards the total: a Zombie is one model; a Knight on a horse is one model; a tank is one model; a towering Necrosphinx is one model; and so on. One equals one.

Three: The only Games Workshop products to be purchased in this period to be paints, brushes and novels.

Four: All finished models to be photographed and reviewed for the blog just as soon as I find my digital camera.

Five: Once a model is set down on the paint station it stays there until it is finished. The point of the exercise is to finish the projects I set to one side so no setting thing to one side.

Six: No wriggling out of it, Ashelford, I know you.

The Helbrute leak and what I hope it means

They've been taken down now but pictures leaked onto the internet earlier in the week of a new Helbrute model, multi-part with options to represent all the Chaos Gods. The pictures were from the next issue of Warhammer Visions so we can expect the model to be solicited in the next White Dwarf.

This is good. I like (even prefer) the Dark Vengeance Helbrute but it'll be good to have the option of a second without buying a whole other starter set. It'll be nice to have one I can built to be clearly Nurglesque for my Death Guard (the Dark Vengeance one will be painted for my Word Bearers). Has to be said, though, I like it mainly because of what it might mean in the future.

Right now the Helbrute is a big draw for Dark Vengeance, an exclusive mini you can only get in the big set and there are other models fitting that description I'd like to see as separate kits. I know I bang on about the Lost And The Damned but a proper Cultists kit would be lovely. Let's face it, compared to the Helbrute a bunch of expendable mortal plebs with shitty guns is not a huge draw (unless you're me).

And then there are the High Elves in Island Of Blood. Two of those exclusive units are Core choices. I say that the contents of this set need making into proper kits out of pure selfishness since the two High Elves themes that really appeal to me are Lothern (with Sea Guard from one horizon to the other) and Hoeth (with a Loremaster at the head of a big block of Swordmasters).

Of course, the Helbrute isn't even the first kit of this kind. The clampack Space Marine Captain from last September was a blatant retread of the Captain from Assault On Black Reach just with one of the new grav guns slapped on the model.

I guess what this comes down to is that I like buying certain models and I would like the option to buy just those. I want a Chaos Space Marine army with lots and lots of Cultists being callously pushed towards the enemy by their Astartes masters but I don't want to end up with half a dozens Helburtes and endless Chosen to make that a reality.

You never know, we might finally see plastic Deffkoptas. 

Trek Humour

It's Tuesday. I'm having that Tuesday problem of comics not being out until tomorrow and not having anything to say. Have a funny poster that turned up in my Facebook feed courtesy of a friend. 

Hobby consequences of my annual water rates

For a brief, beautiful, fleeting moment I had money. My deposit came back from my old landlord. I wasn't even planning to do anything with it, just put it into savings in case I had to move again at the end of this six month contract. Then the rates turned up, which I really should have expected but there we are.

Anyway, the current financial situation has led me to make a bit of a resolution. Since I need to save money I should get on with painting some of the Warhammer models I've got sitting around half-finished. Every hobbyist gets to that stage eventually, no one ever buys “just one kit at a time” and finishes it “before I buy the next one”. No one.

Let's pick an arbitrary big number and say that I will finish 100 models before buying any new ones. This might sound a lot but I play mainly Fantasy so that's five rank-and-file units. Hell, I've got two Bretonnian Battalions sitting atop my bookshelf and they constitute 90 models between them.

I have a mountain of projects half-built or half-painted or just waiting for a few finishing touches. I started painting some Black Knights in December, painted the bone effect and just... stopped, got distracted. I've been fielding them less-than-half-painted since Matt started his campaign and it's time to get them done. I need more models for my Zombie raising pool, I bought a box, never got round to building them. I really need to make a start on my Dark Vengeance set (Guardians of the Covenant for the Dark Angels, Word Bearers for the Chaos Marines). I bought some Death Guard kits and a Wight King Battle Standard Bearer at Games Day then I had to move and they got shoved in a box, unopened. I picked up Belegar Ironhammer just to paint and... didn't.

I did make a list of all the odds and sods hanging around and it was shaming. I had no idea how far behind I was on these things. 100 isn't exactly a drop in the ocean but it's less than half the list.

Time to get to work. Progress posted to the blog as I finish models. 

Why I should avoid rumour site comments

(I'll catch real shit for this, but screw it... )

So over the last few weeks I have been following along with increasing mirth to rumours that Bretonnia will be phased out of Warhammer because this is the secret reason their metal and finecast kits have been removed from the GW web store. The rumour was recently expanded to include Wood Elves, Beastmen and Tomb Kings and now it's the turn of Dwarfs.

No, seriously, no. I thought this was silly with Bretonnians. I thought it was bafflingly absurd when the list was expanded to include two armies that received updates within the last four years. Now that one of the four principle races of Warhammer is involved... well, you see that image at the top of the post?

The simple fact is that there is a predictable cycle of fan panic attack that surrounds these things and this is how it goes, using recent Dwarf events as a guideline:

Event 1: Rumours of a new release for army X, probably started in part by GW itself to test the waters on the idea. In the case of Dwarfs rumours surfaced in November that they'd be early this year (pegged as January rather than February but these things aren't 100%).

Event 2: Games Workshop's online store removes listings for redundant and outdated models in that army, usually white metal and finecast kits. GW is currently working to phase out finecast and white metal is actively obsolete as they destroyed the casting equipment some time ago. In this case Dwarf Hammerers and Ironbreakers have disappeared, both super-expensive fincast 5-man rank sets. (Not Slayers, which worries me).

Event 3: Opinion is divided straight down the middle with one half of commenters forgetting Event 1 and commencing the wailing and gnashing of teeth that the army is being phased out or “Squatted” in the parlance. The other half, remembering Event 1, advise caution and point out that this happens for just about every release, especially for those armies that have large numbers of kits still in metal and finecast. This second half speculates about what might be in the release and how the army might be added to in new and characterful ways.

Event 4: The first half berate the second half as being “GW apologists”, “hopelessly naive” and bang on about how GW thinks of nothing but “destroying their hobby”. Intemperate language is employed by both sides. The first half claim that X army doesn't make enough money and so “must” be on the way out. The second half point out that under that logic GW would cease production of anything except Space Marines who make up 70% of their revenue. The first half then moves on to how Fantasy will be dropped entirely, how every release in the last two years has been completely botched and how GW will go out of business soon but don't worry their mate has a friend who has a cousin who has a Kickstarter that will totally do things better than GW ever could and be as big within a few years!

Event 5: The army gets a new release. Kits are released to replace the ones taken down from the online store. There is rejoicing in the streets, livestock is slaughtered in celebration and in a comment section somewhere the heart of a doomsayer breaks a little more.

EVERY. FUCKING. TIME. 

UKIP weather reports on Twitter

Okay, this whole business when an MP from UKIP declared that the flooding of the past few months was God's punishment for the UK government passing a gay marriage law.

This ignores the fact that we've had severe flooding every winter for at least the last five years and all the anti-homosexual stuff in the Bible is from the Old Testament alongside the rules about not touching pig skin, keeping the Sabbath on a Friday on pain of death and explicit legal dispensation to sell your children into slavery.

Yet we keep being told the anti-gay stuff is still relevant? Seriously, guys, if this stuff is actually important to your world view you should read it properly not just cherrypick the bits that confirm your own prejudices.

Anyway, the picture at the top of the post hit Facebook the next day and now some brilliant joker has started a UKIPWeather Twitter. It is hilarious and I recommend it to anyone who likes a laugh. 

What's wrong (and right) with Bretonnia

Under no circumstances am I even going to
attempt to paint that heraldry!

So the “scrapping of Bretonnia” rumour is doing the rounds again, this time enhanced by the idea that Wood Elves, Beastmen and Tomb Kings are getting the chop as well. I'm not going to dwell on this because it is bollocks, doubly bollocks when you consider two of those ranges were given substantial numbers of new models within the last four years so let's point and laugh at that idea and move on.

Finished pointing and laughing? Good, let's start.

Another rumour that did the rounds a few months ago was that Bretonnia was getting a new Army Book some time about Quarter 3 of this year so I decided to start a new army in anticipation. Sadly, a lot of the range went out of production whilst my back was turned but I'm choosing to interpret that positively as GW running down soon-to-be redundant stock instead of negatively as a conspiracy to “destroy my hobby!”.

But what would a new Bretonnia book do? The current book will be ten years old next month and whole editions have come and gone in the mean time so a few odd relics of ages past remain that could do with updating.

Before we move on I should warn you that I'm going to do something I've often said in comment threads was stupid: I'm going to compare Bretonnia to The Empire. I want to qualify this hypocrisy by saying that in the past I've warned against this because commenters on rumour sites who themselves say they don't play Fantasy believe the Bretonnian army could be absorbed into The Empire. This is also bollocks: differences play styles, formations, special rules and background scream against the idea. Points costs, however, are based on statistical usefulness and game balancing so the also-human Empire makes a good point of comparison to propose theories against.

All settled? Let's talk crunch:

Lords and Heroes

Characters for the most part are rather reasonably pointed and I was pleasantly surprised to see a Bretonnian Lord has a couple of superior stats to a General Of The Empire (+1 Weapon Skill, +1 Initiative and +1 Attack, as it happens) for only 15 extra points. Eminently reasonable. Paladins and Damsels are similarly reasonable against their Empire equivalents so the only over-priced one seems to be the Prophetess who is 25 points more than a Battle Wizard Lord with a lower Toughness.

What might need a bit of fixing are the Virtues: extra traits you can buy for your knightly characters, some of which are useful, some of which are useless and some of which are blatantly broken. This is no one's fault, edition changes have simply wreaked their customary havoc.

My personal favourite bug bear is the fact that to have a great weapon your knight character has to have the Questing Vow but you have to pay extra for the great weapon on top of the Vow.

Core Knights

Not over-priced, in spite of what people have said to me. Knights Errant are 20 points, Knights Of The Realm are 24. Empire Knights come in at 22 points and I'll take either Bretonnian choice over them any day. The lance formation gives you a bucket of extra attacks. In a lance of nine knights (three wide, three deep) you get the full attacks of seven knights and their mounts plus one supporting attack from the guy in the middle.

Knights Errant, whilst statistically inferior to Empire Knightly Orders in several regards are Immune To Psychology after charging but I have one complaint: the Impetuous rule. If you're in theoretical charge range you have to take a Leadership test to restrain the urge to charge headlong at the enemy. Unfortunately the theoretical charge distance of Knights Errant is 20 inches and that means your enemy cam easily bait you into maximum distance charges to get you nicely out of position and then slam into your flanks.

Whilst we're on the subject, though, I'll take the current lance formation over the old arrowhead idea any day.

Grubby Working Class Yobbos

It was recently pointed out to me that Men-At-Arms are, statistically speaking, Vampire Counts Skeleton Warriors with higher leadership. That's all, really, they're fine, so are the Peasant Bowmen so all that needs noting is that we could really do with plastic Mounted Yeomen and it'd be nice to have Men-At-Arms with the spear option included on the kit.

A Modest Proposal Towards Pegasus Knights

This is a big one because one of the most feared units in our little gaming club are Matt's Demigryph Knights. In light of The Empire's monstrous cavalry being a full 3 points more expensive than mine I humbly submit that one or both of the following measures need to be employed:

One: Give Pegasus Knights the option for barding and therefore a 2+ save. The barding is on the model so it won#t necessitate a re-sculpt.

Two: Give them 3 Wounds. This is absolutely standard for monstrous cavalry and infantry these days.

Beyond that I have no complaints. Questing Knights stand up well and, in all honesty, I never used Grail Knights so I can't vouch for their effectiveness. The Field Trebuchet remains an immensely powerful stone thrower by anyone's standards and I hope it stays as is for the next edition.

So, all in all, a fairly solid army even now so GW can spend more time working out cool new shit for them than bringing their rules into line with anything more than a few token additions and subtractions.

Fingers crossed.