Now, I've
mentioned before that I think Brexit is a stupid idea fueled by
xenophobia and an irrational belief that this country's best days
were the ones when everything was rationed and unexploded bombs were
an everyday inconvenience. That said, I bow to the fact that this is
reality and it is going to happen and so I'd rather like for the
negotiations to go well so we don't end up being completely ruined by
the price of this nationalist stupidity. Frankly, I'm too old for
dystopia. I have no leather jackets and I can't drive.
So this is
why Theresa May (our prime minister, not the pornstar) has to shut
the hell up.
So far in
these negotiations she has threatened to keep anti-terror
intelligence to ourselves, effectively saying we would collaborate
with ISIS if we didn't get our own way; threatened to go to war with
Spain over Gibraltar; declared in our press (that European leaders
are perfectly able to read) that she would be “difficult” at the
negotiating table; and, most recently, she has claimed that the EU
are seeking to influence our general election.
Ignoring for
the moment the fact that this idea seems to be the best window we'll
ever get into May and Trump's phone sex fantasies (“They're all
rigging the system against me!” “Oh God, me too, Orange Daddy!”)
the question is: does this woman actually understand the concept of
negotiation? Has it entered her tiny conservative mind that maybe, if
we want to get concessions from the massively richer and more
powerful union we're negotiating with, that we might want to be nice
to them for a while?
I mean, what
is the plan here? At this point I strongly suspect the Tories just
plan to get together a week before the two year deadline, light some
candles, draw a pentagram on the floor, form a circle and pray to the
spirit of Winston Churchill to save them.
Either that
or tell the public that they totally did get a deal but Nigel Farage
ate the signed paperwork.
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