Underhive Adventures pt.1: Housing Shortage

My friend Dave is planning a Necromunda campaign for the new year. He's still hashing out the details and basic background for our little corner of the underhive so right now we're just picking out the gangs we want to play.

Obviously, the options are a little limited and we're just in luck that at least one other player has an old gang of their own (Orlocks, I believe) so we won't be completely limited by the current plastic range. I, however, am and so my choice for the campaign will be House Goliath, the house of massive cleavers and big sweaty men. I originally wanted to do Escher but we were already drowning in Escher players by the time I got to store on Saturday.

I am definitely getting some Eschers just to paint because they are gorgeous but for the functional side of things I'm all about the big, sweaty muscular men.

I've yet to read through the rules for making the gang but there are some things I definitely want to include. I want someone to have the big chainaxe that has its own mohawk; I also want at least one of those big thumpy hammers; and, I absolutely don't want to paint their armour red. Its not that I dislike red (because Flesh Tearers are awesome) but since I don't have to paint many miniatures for this project I want to push the boat out a little and red is sort of my comfort zone.

Now, to build the models and come up with a suitably hench name for my gang leader. 

30 Discs Hath November #26: Cold Vengeance

Doctor Who: The Tenth Doctor Adventures 2.3:

Cold Vengeance

written by Matt Fitton

Well, this is a wishlisty one, isn't it? The Ice Warriors, the one big classic monster RTD never really got around to, versus the Tenth Doctor and Rose. Also, its set on a space station that's a massive freezer centre which is nostalgic for me because Dragonfire was one of the first Doctor Who stories I ever watched and I maintain a nostalgia for it that borders on denial of its actual quality to this day.

Is it weird that this felt like the most “authentic” recreation of the show in 2006? Part of it is the claustrophobic setting: a mostly deserted moonbase freezer centre that would be extremely budget efficient if it were physical sets and locations. Then there's the fun selection of people on board: as well as the Ice Warriors we have a robot manager, two interstellar refuse collectors; and, a pair of space pirates trying to raid the place for caviar. It all rather reminds me of Planet of the Dead except with Rose in it and with me enjoying it.

If I had to choose a least favourite episode from the RTD run its Planet of the Dead. Great idea, dull execution.

It might sound odd after how I began reviewing this set to say that this was me favourite story in the set. It is, as I say, nostalgic and very much based on executing the formula of the 2006 series. There's even a fantastic broody confrontation between Tennant and Nicholas Briggs' Ice Lord about the morality of war and the sacrifices commanders ask their soldiers to make. Rose gets to be plucky and determined, running around with her own one-off companion. Just about the only thing that isn't pure 2006 is the fact these are clearly Moffat-era Ice Warriors but they had to be since the old style ones are a bit... basis, shall we say?

I guess I just ended up resigned to the fact that this box set wasn't going to push the characters too much. If we're being honest it was probably inevitable. One of the problems of going back to these seasons is that the characters had pretty complete arcs so what actually is there to do with Rose Tyler or the Tenth Doctor? Don't get me wrong I'd like to see Big Finish try harder to find new places to push the characters but I do understand why it might not feel like the best option. The previous Tenth Doctor Adventures set did manage to do new things with Donna but then Donna's arc wasn't as involved or, dare I say it, complete as Rose's so there was more blank space to fill.

As a nostalgia fix, I can't fault this box set, its pure RTD: a modern set story with Jackie Tyler; a celebrity historical; and, a classic monster. Its all there.

Its just a frustrating pity it all that's there. 

Tim Drake is a brilliant idiot

[SPOILERS below for the most recent issue of Detective Comics. No, I don't think the title of this post is a spoiler, just a self-evident statement that's been true since the Nineties]

Sometimes you love a character because they're a precious little cinnamon roll who has done nothing wrong. Sometimes you love a character because they're a self-destructive idiot and you enjoy watching the trainwreck.

So Tim Drake's back from the dead and being an idiot.

The thing about Tim Drake, a thing that I love about him, is that he's an arrogant little son of a bitch. I adore him but he absolutely is. He has that problem of being so often the smartest person in the room that he relies on it and tends to have a massive blindspot for how other people are going to feel about his decisions, especially when he doesn't explain that he's even made a decision.

Right now his decision is to embrace the future he's glimpsed where he becomes Batman. His plan before that was to set up Batman with a team and then swan off to Ivy Town for university and making the world a better place through computer science. As far as Steph Brown, his girlfriend who is very pleased to see him alive again, that's still the plan. Tim is being Tim about thing and changing the plan whilst assuring himself that she'll see how good the new plan is and come around to it without him actually explaining himself.

Yay for emotional honesty in relationships, am I right?

James Tynion really gets Tim's characters because this is the perfect Tim move: its essentially selfless (he's giving up his dreams to alter his destiny and avoid becoming a fascist dickbag); its logical (because fighting this destiny actually causes him to become a fascist dickbag); and, most importantly, its going to explode in his face. Hell, he even has Kate, a woman who admits to being the crappy partner in most of her relationships, telling him he's being an idiot and he's just not listening.

I look forward to seeing the flaming ruins of his arrogant good intentions in the future. 

30 Discs Hath November #25: The Sword of the Chevalier

Doctor Who: The Tenth Doctor Adventures 2.1:

The Sword of the Chevalier

written by Guy Adams

I was nervous going in to this one. I mean, its a story featuring an actual, historical nonbinary person. That's pretty untested territory for Big Finish even with as good as they've been getting actually representing LGBTQ+ people every now and again.

First, a word on language. Whenever I've heard of the Chevalier D'Eon they've been discussed in terms of being nonbinary, hency my use of the term above. In this play the Chevalier is treated as a trans woman. Its a legitimate matter of debate and so I'm going to simply refer to “the Chevalier” through out rather than use gendered terms or even the singular they (recent events in US politics having taught me how gender neutral language used to refer to trans people is often meant as an act of aggression). Given the period the Chevalier lived in its not like the contemporary language is any help, either, so I am respectfully bowing out of adjudicating on this one and leaving it for other, wiser and more educated voices not belonging to a cis man.

Anyway, the Doctor has brought Rose to Slough in the year “half past Blackadder series three” or, in other words, the Regency to see William Herschel's 40-foot telescope. Rose, unimpressed, wanders off and discovers a fencing match going on involving the legendary Chevalier D'Eon.

Now, I rather like the portrayal of the Chevalier here especially in the fact that the Chevalier is... well, a bit boorish: constantly telling tall tales about people met and battles fought in. Rose, of course, finds the Doctor's exasperation with this hilarious. Being a celebrity historical, of course, the Chevalier gets some wonderful moments including a couple of sword fights which might not be that impressive on audio but you could hardly expect the story to do without them. On a more audio-friendly note, the Chevalier is getting on in years here and wondering if there's anything left to do.

The alien baddies (sorry, folks, we're still lacking a New Series pure historical) are a bunch of slavers from Consortium Of The Black Asp, a sort of loose confederation of alien gangsters. They're an interesting idea, not only in this specific case but as an idea and I hope they get used somewhere else. Doctor Who is oddly light on alien organised crime, now I think about it.

Also, not to spoil anything but this story has absolutely the best take on the psychic paper I've ever heard even if Guy Adams does slightly wuss out on the punchline. 

Well, Watchmen suckered me but good

(content warning: this post discusses fictional incidents of sexual assault and homophobia. Also, spoilers for the first quarter of Watchmen.)

The other day I made good on my threat and actually bought of a copy of Watchmen and two and a bit chapters in I'm starting to get the impression there is no such thing as a sympathetic character in this world. Now, I wasn't shocked when the Comedian turned out to be a dick. He was, after all, murdered and its a rare fictional murder victim who did nothing wrong in their lives. I wasn't expecting him to shoot a Vietnamese woman who was carrying his child but I was prepared for something unsympathetic.

What I wasn't expecting was for Roschach, the man investigating the murder, to handwave attempted rape and physical assault as a “moral lapse”.

Then the real hit came.

Each chapter (so far) has ended with a prose extract from the autobiography of the first Nite Owl, one of this world's earliest costumed heroes. In one extract Nite Owl relates the aftermath of the Comedian's attempted rape of the original Silk Spectre and describes the Comedian's departure from the Minutemen shortly afterwards as being “by mutual consent”. Up to now Nite Owl's been portrayed as quite sympathetic and thoughtful and he does roundly condemn the Comedian for this and other transgressions.

You're obviously meant to read the “by mutual consent” line as either understating the emotions of a painful moment or as an old man who, as a product of his time, reacted poorly and has come to understand the situation better in hindsight.

AND THEN...

Then he just casually mentions that they threw another woman off the team because she was a lesbian. That's all. Oh, and that she and her partner were murdered shortly thereafter.

So, yes, I'm getting the feeling that no one in this book is going to end up sympathetic in the final analysis.

The main question I'm still mulling over is whether Rorschach's narration is meant to sound like pretentious bollocks or if its genuinely meant to be read as deep and contemplative. I'm leaning towards it being the pretentious bollocks of someone who thinks they're deep and contemplative, a reading my friends mostly agree with.

Which leads us to the further question: is the new Rorschach in Doomsday Clock just imitating this one's style or does he honestly believe his stream of bollocks is deep and contemplative?

30 Discs Hath November #24: Infamy of the Zaross

Okay, because this came out all of a day ago I'm trying to keep this as spoiler free as possible but I do mention some plot details so anyone wanting to go into this Tenth Doctor Adventures box set totally unspoilt should look away now (and also for the next two evenings and then I'll go back to rambling about old stuff the statute of limitations has expired on).

Doctor Who: The Tenth Doctor Adventures 2.1:

Infamy of the Zaross

written by John Dorney

Its bloody weird listening to this and getting a genuine nostalgia rush for 2006. If nothing else that's a measure of success in itself. The moment Jackie sighs and greets the Doctor with “Hello, trouble.” I knew this was going to at least be a comfortable, familiar listen.

Is that a criticism? It sort of sounds like one and if there's one thing that concerns me about this box set is that the writing team is practically a list of Big Finish's current old faithfuls: John Dorney, Guy Adams and Matt Fitton. To be clear, I like all these guys and I've no reason to think their stories will be anything but good however I would like to see some more experimentation. Big Finish listeners are a pretty captive audience, after all.

Anyway, plot wise we're in familiar RTD-era territory: there's an alien invasion going on with a satirical twist. Its not a twist I'm too fond of as its about “Millennial fame culture”, a subject that rather tends to get an overly critical reception. There's also what should be a touching moment of Rose telling a young woman that whatever she does she'll always be special which would be a great sentiment if it didn't come from a character who has always been presented as the best of the best as far as the Doctor and the fan base is concerned.

There's a lot to love here despite those criticisms. The alien invasion is led by a set of brilliantly observed office manager types whose every line of dialogue is comedy gold. Jackie gets a rather more sympathetic portrayal here than she did for a lot of her two series on the show though for those craving an authentic RTD nostalgia buzz I assure you there is an Awful Mother elsewhere in the story so tick that one off the list. Actually, if you thought that Jackie running around with a big gun at the end of series four was out of character then John Dorney has you covered as he perfectly works out a scenario for Jackie to do exactly that again but funnier and with more exploration of character.

You know, listening to this I think that either I underestimated Camille Codouri's skills or Russel T. Davies did because she's fantastic.

All in all its not Earth-shatteringly innovative but it is an excellent distillation of the RTD era, especially his season openers. Here's hoping that distillation continues and we get something a little more involved for the next two stories.

The Return of Sly Marbo

I am inordinately fond of Sly Marbo and now, finally, he's getting a plastic model. I did like the old metal one but this one is a lot better. We don't know what his rules are going to be but I have a lot of hope that he;ll be a lethal one-shot weapon because if there's one thing this edition has been good for its been taking a long look at what a unit or character is meant to be for.

I have an affection for lone operatives and spies. I'm also the right age to have watched all those eighties action movies when they were new and something we took seriously.

I also like the fact there's a little smiling carnivorous plant on his base. A little friend.

Sadly, every time I think about making a Catachan army I remember just how bad the basic troops are. The Command Squad and the Heavy Weapons are great but the Infantry Squad are just so dated. Look at that sergeant at the front there: not even the greatest miniature painters in the world can make that face anything other than a disaster of misaligned proportions.

I adore the idea of the Catachans. I love their way of war; I love their special characters; I love the Straken novel by Toby Frost; I love Catachan-pattern Sentinels. Those Infantry Squads, though, are in serious need of replacement before I seriously consider the army. 

30 Discs Hath November #23: The Barnacled Baby

Audio Adventures in Time and Space #30:

The Barnacled Baby

written by Anthony Keetch

Its back to the world of unlicensed Doctor Who spin-offs for another adventure featuring a well-known one-off monster from the show. This time its the shapeshifting fetus people the Zygons and... well...

Okay, to put it mildly there are times when BBV landed on the wrong wide of good taste. There was Only Human that took a hard swerve into trigger warning territory in the middle of what felt like a lightweight Doctor Who adventure and some seriously insensitive material about child loss in The Rani Reaps The Whirlwind. By comparison inflicting the mental image of a Zygon beastfeeding is mild by comparison but still not entirely pleasant (due to it being a Zygon, not the act of breastfeeding itself, you understand). The idea is that the Zygon is weak because he doesn't have a Skarasen to drink the milk from and this woman has offered to sub in.

Anyway, the situation is this: the Zygon is alone and cut off from his spaceship and because he landed in Victorian England he's ended up in a freakshow. The owner sees “the Barnacled Baby of the Sea” as his meal ticket, a wonder that Queen Victoria wants to view and PT Barnum wants to exhibit. There's also a wealthy doctor, Sir Frederick Maltravers (played by Clive Merrison, to my great surprise) who wants to purchase the Zygon in the name of science.

Talking of surprising voices, this is the first time I've heard Deborah Watling perform since her death. Its always a funny feeling, that voice from the past you know is no longer around. I sort of dread listening to the final Jago & Litefoot box set for this very reason. Watling appears only briefly but gets in a corker of the final scene where she gets to deliver the twist punchline I'm starting to get used to from these monster-led audios.

Bizarre breastfeeding scenes aside, this is actually a good take on one of the classic science-fiction situations. Bobby the Zygon (who has an alien name but one the internet refuses to tell me how to spell) is in a weak position and proceeds to manipulate or murder whoever he needs to in an attempt to locate his ship. Running alongside the Zygon's story is tale of typically squalid Victorian family drama with the freakshow owner Jethro and his much abused daughter Doris, her former lover Toby and the financial problems and opportunities of all three. Its actually a lot better written and performed than the last couple of these monster audio I listened to. Quality-wise its much more like The Quality of Mercy was: well-acted and atmospheric with a well-realised historical setting.

Sadly, TARDIS Wikia credits Anthony Keetch with only three other pieces of Doctor Who fiction, all of them prose Short Trips and he;s mainly an actor. In fact, he's Coordinator Vansell from the early Gallifrey-set Big Finish audios which I didn't realise under the thick jolly Cockney accent. Pity, I would rather have enjoyed hearing some more full-length audios from him. 

The Big #1: Doomsday Clock #1

(Plot type spoilers and a hell of a lot of unfounded and ill-informed speculation await you below.)

It occurs to me that I probably should have finally got around to reading Watchmen before this came out. I fully intend to rectify the problem this afternoon (its one of DC's eternal classics, Waterstone's has to have copy) but for the moment let's all pretend that I intended to go into this series unbiased by the perception of the original series' sacred cow status instead of just being someone with the forward planning skills of a custard doughnut.

Agreed? Moving on.

Through that prism (or lack of prism), I have a few thoughts. Firstly, was the narration from Rorschach always complete pretentious drivel or what? Now, if that was what Geoff Johns was going for with it he succeeds admirably. “An intestine of truth and shit strangled us.” is absolute gold if your intention was to write a dumb or mad person's idea of deep social commentary. Speaking of which...

He's not a subtle man, our Geoff Johns. The US President of Watchmen Earth, President Redford is pretty much Donald Trump pretending to be Ronald Reagan (art imitates life): he's got a wall to keep out Mexicans and he's replaced the entire free press of the United States with his own news channel so he can better explain to the people that he absolutely has to start a nuclear war no matter what those horrible foreign news organisation think is happening.

Okay then.

As to how much this issue tips its hand towards the connection between the Watchmen continuity and the DC Universe... it doesn't. Most of the issue takes place on the Watchmen Earth with only a short coda at the end featuring Superman having a nightmare that's probably some sort of premonition. The nightmare in question features Superman's parents dying on the night of his high school prom just as he watches Pete Ross kissing Lana Lang and being heartbroken.

I hope this means something.

You see, an odd thing over the last decade or so has been the increasing desire to kill off the Kents. It generally started with Pa Kent who was killed off in the comics during the New Krypton arc, in the middle seasons of Smallville, and then was declared to have died years ago at the beginning of the New 52. Now Ma Kent (otherwise known as “WHY DID YOU SAY THAT NAME!?”) seems to have joined him in the great hereafter a lot earlier than I'd assumed.

So the question that occurs to me is this: Is this something to do with the diddling about with history that's been slowly uncovered since the Rebirth one-shot? Is Superman now having a super sad childhood with 100% more dead parents some part of the master plan? I feel confident in assuming it is because Geoff Johns is that sort of writer but also because its an odd nightmare to be explicitly placing as a premonition of doom of those events have nothing to do with the whole Watchmen thing.

As to the actual Watchmen content... I absolutely need to read the original because this seems to follow on pretty directly from what I know of that series' conclusion. We're introduced to a pair of new characters, the Marionette and the Mime who appear to be what counts as super-villains in the Watchmen continuity, who are being recruited by Rorschach who appears to not be Rorschach (though he has what I assume to be a convincing line in imitation of the original's pretentious bollocks) who has a watch that's a bit slow so he doesn't know quite how long they've got until nuclear armageddon.

Its all very atmospheric and darkly humoured, at least I hope I'm meant to be taking it that way. One of the problems with the consensus DC all-time classics is that a lot of them seem to be taken a lot more seriously than they were meant to be. When I finally took a look at some of Frank Miller's Batman stuff I was actually surprised by how many jokes and little knowing nods were in there. You will never convince me that Batman admiring how well Sarah Essen walks in heels as she pretends to be a prostitute being assaulted is not meant to make me smile. On the other hand, The Killing Joke is exactly as po-faced as its reputation makes it out to be and that's Alan Moore.

So, yes, I definitely need to read Watchmen before the second issue comes out. Absent that context the issue is pretty good, visually interesting and well-written if I'm taking certain things the right way. I am painfully aware, however, that we still aren't anywhere near the punchline that I am dreading: the moment when the Watchmen universe and the DC universe finally collide.

I look forward to this moment with dread barely tinged with the distant glimmer of hope. 

30 Discs Hath November #22: The Empire State

Bernice Summerfield 7.6:

The Empire State

written by Eddie Robson

Why do I get the awful feeling that I'm eventually going to spin the disc that opens the next season and find out that the cliffhanger and the whole situation on the Collection was resolved in a novel that's probably out of print?

I know this is a very specific whinge but I do find it irritating how the novel and audio series were intertwined and neither was exactly the primary source for major events. The box set era had novels, which I did read, and those were all side stories to the events of the audio. You could happily ignore the books and you'd get a complete experience just from the audio stories. In this era, not so much. I'm practically certain Doggles appeared in Summer of Love for the very first time in the audios but we're supposed to know him because he was in the books.

Right, now I've whinged about the overall structure of the Bernice Summerfield series in this era let me get on to my whinge about the overall structure of the audio series in particular because that's sort of where that all came from.

If this is a season finale then I'm a Dutchman (I'd say Chinaman but a: racist and, b: actually some distant Chinese heritage on my father's side so not the best way to make my point). We carry on from Summer of Love and The Oracle of Delphi as Bernice goes to dig up the Stone Of Barter that she found out about from the Oracle under orders from Bev at the end of Summer of Love. So far so good, halfway decent structure. Unfortunately this mission takes her far from the Collection and into a rather separate adventure that only really gets back to the point at the end without taking us back to the Collection and the situation this has all been intended to resolve.

I just know its going to have been dealt with in a bloody book.

Anyway, the Stone Of Barter was meant to be in a place called the Empire State, a lunar colony that was wiped off the map by an explosion a century or so back. As the story begins, Bernice finds herself disorientated and standing in a suddenly revived and fully populated Empire State. Bernice is confused and looking for a women called Maggie with whom she was working on the dig to find the Empire State. Maggie, meanwhile, has struck up a friendship with a man called Rand, the person who originally blew up the colony. Its not that the mystery of how the colony came back is uninteresting (though the presence of a magic stone at the centre of it means it isn't the most complicated mystery either) but the very tight continuity of the last two stories rather led me to believe the season would conclude with a conclusion.

However, much like The Oracle of Delphi, this story contributes to the general arc of the season only at the very end after a pretty much separate adventure concludes. Well, that and in various video messages from Jason Kane updating Benny on the situation back at the Collection.

A situation I can only hope, but do not necessarily expect, to hear resolved when I get to season eight. 

Doomsday Clock Watchin'

Today's the day. Today it begins. The series I have been dreading since the DC Rebirth one-shot hit, the potentially horrible punchline at the end of all the good things the entire Rebirth initiative has achieved.

So here's my issue. I have adored the whole groundwork for this. Superman Reborn, A Lonely Place of Living, all the other little bits and pieces hinting towards the conspiracy underlying the whole DC Universe. Unfortunately, we've known since day one that the whole conspiracy somehow involves the mad idea of introducing the Watchmen character to the DCU proper.

I'm not exactly crazy about this idea.

I mean, the whole point of Watchmen is to be a satire of how disastrous superheroes would be in the real world. The DC Universe is not the real world, is actually in fact defined by having a lot of cities and trappings that separate it very much from the real world.

Essentially, I question the sanity of introducing satire characters to the world they were meant to satirise.

That having been said I'm on board for the first issue at least because, well... the car crash mentality in the main but also because every step up to this point has been enjoyable and I have the tiniest scintilla of a hope that maybe this has actually been thought through enough to work.

Just the tiniest bit. 

30 Discs Hath November #21: The Oracle of Delphi

Bernice Summerfield 7.5:

The Oracle of Delphi

written by Scott Handcock

Well, I wanted more Jason Kane before he was gone and I'm getting it. Not un-coincidentally, the line “What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this with no clothes on.” is about the most Jason line ever written.

So, as this season of Benny audios becomes more and more serialised we have Bernice and Jason using their time rings to travel back to 430BCE Greece to asks the Delphic Oracle some questions. Naturally, Jason decides to have a bit of skinny dip in a sacred pool while Bernice goes to ask the questions (and find an empty cave for her troubles) and ends up getting hypnotised and kidnapped by some random woman. That's just how he rolls, go with it.

Incidentally, I have to wonder how much I'm screwing myself over by not reading the books because I was bloody sure the Oracle of Delphi or somesuch other future telling sort was actually present on the Collection. I thought she was why the Collection was where it was. Ho hum...

Anyway, the meat of the episode is Benny having a good old celebrity historical team-up with Socrates, a team-up started by her trying to tell him in broken Ancient Greek that she's looking for her husband and giving him the impression she's just looking for a man and wants to sleep with him. She later signs a note to him “Lots of sex, Benny.” I rather like this version of Socrates who gets annoyed at the very idea that Plato felt the need to write an apology for him and ends up putting Jason in a headlock.

I said I liked Jason, not that I didn't want him to get a sound beating every now and again. In that sense I feel a certain kinship with Benny herself.

There's the usual historical ticking time bomb in the form of the plague that's going to imminently sweep across Greece which means Benny really, really has to find Jason quickly. In this search she is helped by correctly identifying that where there;s an all-female cult with booze Jason Kane won't be far behind. Both characters get a chance to stand in the Athenian Assembly, a scene that Benny makes a magnificent hash up of whilst wearing a disguise the effectiveness of which is left as an exercise for the listener (personally I choose to imagine a fake beard augmenting her stolen robe).

As fun as it is, there is the feeling that at this stage the idea of writing for the arc is still a little new and fiddly for the series as the asking of the questions Bev wants answered (well, some of them) form a coda at the end of the story in which literally Benny and Jason have to backtrack from where they came in order to fulfill what was meant to be the whole point of the story. A minor issue in an otherwise enjoyable tale. 

I'm going to miss Jason Kane

[SPOILERS for the later seasons of Bernice Summerfield and the eventual fate of Jason Kane.]

Listening to these old Bernice Summerfield audios the last few days I've remembered how much I adore the audio version of Jason Kane. Back in the day when he was a character in the novels I never really cared for him. He was introduced rather quickly a whole book before marrying Bernice in what was meant to be her departure from the series. The publisher then lost the Doctor Who license and decided Benny needed to get divorced or risk being an uninteresting protagonist because...

Well, because the misogynist belief that marriage is somehow the death of all fun in a person's life, that's fucking why. Seriously, how is this a mainstream attitude to marriage and yet so many straight people want to keep the institution all to themselves?

Anyway, Jason and why I adore him.

I love his relationship with Bernice, the on-again off-again thing they have going for them that even when its on isn't 100% exclusive. That, Virgin Publishing, is how you allow yourselves to have the interesting character relationship of marriage (and it is interesting if you allow it to be) and still have on-off and temporary love interests when it'll serve the story.

I love that he is an absolute chancer always out to make a buck but with a heart of gold. During the occupation storyline and the brilliant short story collection Life During Wartime which was about the only Bernice Big Finish novel I ever read, he appears to have sided with Axis and become a collaborator. Eventually, though, it turns out he's been using his position to smuggle food out to an underground railroad for the Collection's children.

One thing I will say that actually encompasses the novel version of Jason is that I appreciate the attempt to portray a male survivor of child abuse. It rarely landed with any author besides Paul Cornell and Kate Orman but the effort was there to portray the character with sensitivity and reference to how he still deals with the memories as an adult.

That said, I don't think anyone ever addressed the fate of his sister.

Anyway, the reason for this post is I know that Jason is going to die. I know vaguely how it happens, even, since I picked up the box set series of Bernice Summerfield. I know this character I like is on borrowed time as I barrel through his remaining appearances.

That said, if they ever actually address the bloody cliffhanger from Missing Persons we might yet hear from him again.

30 Discs Hath November #20: Summer of Love

Bernice Summerfield 7.4:

Summer of Love

written by Simon Guerrier

I guess it was only a matter of time before someone wrote an actual, honest to goodness sex comedy for Bernice Summerfield. Bernice has returned to the Braxiatel Collection which has been falling apart recently (presumably in the novels which I never followed and would explain the introduction of Doggles, a character I'd never heard of before). For some reason people are shagging like rabbits and Ben Tarrant, former art thief and current head of the Collection, is wandering the grounds naked reprimanding students.

The punchline to it all is actually brilliant: this is a literal sex pollen story. I kid you not, an actual canonical sex pollen story which has both magnificent comedy potential and some very, very serious disadvantages where the issue of consent is concerned. The script absolutely leans into both aspects of the classic fan fiction trope and I'm not sure it entirely works but here we go.

On the plus side there's plenty of comedy to be had from Bernice watching the Collection descending slowly towards all-out gangbang whilst Jason is off-world. As she explains herself, she and Jason are hardly monogamous (“monogamous when they can be” is the phrase she uses) but she's obviously not in the mood to play away at this stage of their relationship. Unfortunately she has advances from Doggles, Adrian, Joseph the robot porter, the gaseous groundskeeper Haas (who I swear used to be an Ice Warrior, probably another event from the novels I missed), various students and even Bev to contend with.

On the down side, of course, are the consent issues which range from the merely bad (Doggles acting like a kicked puppy at his thwarted advances) to the downright repugnant (Haas engaging Bernice in an activity without telling her it'll give him a thrill). Its sort of impossible to do a sex pollen story without addressing this, at least if you want it to be anything other than masturbation material on a fan fiction site, but I'm not sure that Guerrier sticks the landing. I'm rather reminded of some of the more... unsavoury implications of his Graceless series but a lot milder.

Like, a lot milder.

The main joy of the story, aside from Bernice's constant need for a cold shower, is getting to hear Bev Tarrant lording it over the Collection as its nudist master which turns out to be less about sexual inhibition and more about treaty negotiations with a series of local worlds who are in real danger of invading the Collection now Brax is gone. I do wish this series spent a little more time at the Collection as I've always liked the cast, especially Adrian and Bev who appear to now be a couple which makes sense of why they're always mentioned together by Peter in the Legion-era box sets.

Next stop, according to the cliffhanger, is a Bernice and Jason story as they go searching for “advice” on how to keep the Collection safe. For some reason this involves the Oracle of Delphi. You've got to love anthology series.

Hive Fleet Jormungandr (in theory)

I'm making progress painting my Start Collecting set (the old one with the Hive Tyrant) and I've got a few other odds and ends cheap off eBay. The Codex is in hand and thoroughly flicked through for inspiration so its time to think about the sort of army I'm building towards. Thus, a theoretical army list. Nothing extravagant, just 50 power to be getting on with. Here's what I'm thinking:

(anything without wargear are units I haven't built yet)

HQ

Hive Tyrant with scything talons and heavy venom cannon

Tervigon with massive scything talons and stinger salvo

Elites

3 Venomthropes

Troops

3 Tyranid Wariors with rendings claws, devourers and venom cannon

20 Hormagaunts with scything talons

10 Genestealers.

Fast Attack

20 Gargoyles

52 power

As I say, this is mainly a “field what I got” army which is why my tunneling army of ambush contains not one single Ravener or Trygon. That I'm leaving for 100 power and when I start to experiment with fancy tactics after I've mastered the basics.

The Tervigon is probably a bit OP for this size of game but I learnt recently that these sorts of armies need bodies on the ground and some big things to draw fire, both of which a Tervigon is admirably capable of plus being having an extra psyker on the table is always useful. Also, I got a cheap one off eBay for like twenty quid and I am dying to paint it.

I won't pretend there's any great tactical insight in this list its more a statement of intent to give me something concrete to work towards: the point at which I will have something like a useable army. After “useable”, one hopes, comes “good”.

So here;s to embarrassing but educative defeat!

30 Discs Hath November #19: The Worst Thing In The World

Bernice Summerfield 7.3:

The Worst Thing In The World

written by Dave Stone

Dave Stone is a funny one. I have a sort of love-hate relationship with his writing but not in the sense of some worked landing on one side and some on the other. That would be too simple an attitude to have towards The New Adventures' weirdest son, oh no. No, I tend to find his stuff a bit hard to get into but once I'm a few minutes/chapters in I start going with the flow and really enjoying it. Thus it was when I originally bought this CD: I got a couple of minutes into the Eastenders parody that opens the disc and gave up.

Then, when it was getting on for two o'clock this afternoon and I still hadn't written anything for this 30 Discs series and nothing was really grabbing me so I thought “Sod it, might as well get this one out of the way.”.

Whatever else I have to say about the story it made me realise how much I miss Jason Kane and hope that we get to see him again some day, an idea that was briefly mentioned at the end of the old Bernice box set series before they went back to being an explicit Doctor Who spin-off. I love that old chancer and his on-off relationship with Bernice that actually manages to be as entertaining whether its off or on. In this story he's being interviewed for galactic television as the director of a “xeno-porn bondage” movie because that's just the sort of thing Jason gets involved with when Benny isn't keeping him in line.

Anyway, he's being interviewed on “the Drome”: a massive self-contained corporate eco-system entirely dedicated to producing television shows. Everyone is part of the show there with actors doubling as audience members in other shows. Its all the brainchild of Marvin Glass whose brain patterns power the massive “transputer” that runs the Drome and who is inconveniently murdered a few minutes into the story providing us with plot and Jason with a reason to call in the expertise of his ex-wife.

It also gives Bernice a chance to escape the chaos of the post-Braxiatel Collection. I don't really remember the all the context (this has been sitting to one side for quite literally a couple of years) but it turns out that Bev Tarrant is not enjoying running the place after they kicked the boss out and Benny is extremely keen to have an adventure that's just fun and has nothing to do with anything.

The story that follows is one of the more batshit installments in Bernice's series as she and Jason find themselves dawn into various TV parodies as characters between more straightforward scenes of them going undercover to investigate Marvin Glass' murder. Your mileage will probably vary on this story depending on how much you enjoy really comical parodies such as, say, Bernice waking up as the heroine in a bodice ripper period drama and really, really living up to the name of the genre. Its the sort of over the top weird that one expects from Dave Stone which is either a massive selling point or a big strike against the story, in my case kind of both since it first stopped me getting into the plot and then was what kept me listening.

The end of the story promises that Benny and Jason are on their way back to the Collection to deal with ongoing plot which I am rather looking forward to because I do miss the Collection cast and I think I'll spend these next few entries polishing off season seven as listening to Ruler of the Universe reminded me how fun the Bernice Summerfield series is. 

Watch Station Rubicon (a Tyranids side narrative)

Its no use, the not having a story to tell is getting to me. Tyranids are a wonderful army to paint, a fascinating army to play but there is nothing to write. No other army in any Warhammer system offers zero opportunities to personalise and characterise your force. They are completely without personality and whilst I feel sure that once I have a tide of chitinous to unleash on my opponents, once I'm contributing at least to their stories, that will have its charm for the moment it feels a little lacking.

So I'm dusting off my Deathwatch. Like the Mechanicus and Genestealer Cults I was really into the idea when the army came out but ended up making a couple of kits' worth before losing interest. I cannot stress how little seventh edition engaged me as a player.

You know what does engage me? Teams of mismatched individuals who eventually cohere into a closely bonded unit. What can I say? I was raised on Joss Whedon shows and Star Wars Expanded Universe novels.

The idea I talked over with my friend Tom, an Imperial Guard player and one of my most regular opponents, was that I'd make a couple of Kill-Teams and he (or anyone else in the group playing an Imperium army) would leave some space in their army list for a Kill-Team of their choice as an allied unit. The idea being that the Kill-Teams are on a wide-ranging mission against Hive Fleet Jormungandr and these battles are where their operations interact with the longterm deployment of the Guard and other forces in the sector.

And thus I have a story to write.

In particular, the story of Watch Station Rubicon and its commanding officer Watch Master Caldon Gerhardt of the Iron Knights. The team of oddballs, incidentally, will be Kill-Team Germanicus led by the rather mismatched but curiously efficient partnership of Sergeant Yehven Germanicus of the Novamarines (a by the book Codex sort) and Brother Mannheim of the Raptors (the ultimate “whatever works” chapter).

There'll be a Black Shield, of course, because they are too cool not to have; the various members of Kill-Team Cassius re-purposed to be my own characters; and a pair of Space Wolves because I love the background detail that Space Wolves always join in pairs. Oh, and Germanicus' rival is a Sergeant of my beloved Flesh Tearers because I was also brought up on crap animes where a rival on the hero's own side was a prerequisite. 

30 Discs Hath November #18: The Green Man

Audio Adventures in Time and Space #33:

The Green Man

written by Zoltán Déry

Its back to the world of semi-legal spin-offs for one of those later run BBV audios where they licensed the rights to monsters and wrote stories about them. In this case its the Krynoids, a vegetable creature that takes over humans and turns them into Krynoids.

In this case the Krynoid has landed in darkest Mummerset sometimes in medieval times. In theory I see the thinking. Medieval times and an alien that possesses people and takes them over. Unfortunately, it doesn't really work out like that. As with in the original story there are two Krynoid pods, the first one takes over a herbalist called Osbert but he's dispatched in pretty short order leaving us with Pod #2 which has possessed a wolf and therefore isn't much conversation. This being an audio drama, an enemy that isn't much conversation is a pretty bad thing to have.

Zoltán Déry tries, bless him, to deliver on impressive visuals but, again, this is an audio and so having people telling me that the Krynoid has got bigger again is just a little underwhelming.

There is some investment to be had with the human cast even if the local (and non-speaking) lady's fever is a pretty bad attempt at raising tension seeing as we never get to meet her and her illness is never really defined. The character of Moses, a Jewish doctor and scientist brought in by the earl to heal his lady, is interesting though his allusions to losing his family during the crusades (and at European hands) serves as little more than a reason for the earl to feel uncomfortable and stop calling him “Jew” to his face.

All in all, I'd say this was a better story in concept than execution. There are some neat ideas like Moses trying to reverse engineer Greek fire using limited resources and a templar knight scientifically proving the Krynoid isn't a demon by dipping his sword in holy water and discovering it does nothing to make the sword more effective.

Oh well, they can't all be winners. 

Can Millennials Kill Signatures Next?

Because it occurs to me that I don't really have a signature anymore. I mean, what do I even sign for anymore?

I sign for packages which, given that I'm almost always signing for someone else's, isn't proof of identity so much as proof of existence. I've signed for packages for people I don't know even by virtue of being the nearest neighbour around at the time. I haven't signed a debit slip or a cheque in a decade or more.

Hell, even when I'm at the bank and they need me to sign a little piece of paper with my signature I see it in their eyes, the silent “fuck it” when it fails to match the signature in their records (which I gave them when I was thirteen). Never mind that by this point they've seen two of three forms of legal ID already.

And this is coming from someone who, just about, grew up in an age when you needed a signature to pay for things. A few years younger than me and I imagine a signature, as in an actually repeatable way of writing your own name,is probably not something most people have ever had a reason to develop.

Even working in catering, a job with an enormous amount of legal paperwork, no one has ever questioned the fact I have approximately seventeen different ways of writing my own name and even then most of the paperwork just needs initialing.

(This post was brought to you by painkillers.)

30 Discs Hath November #17: The Mystery of Karmina Sonata

Dark Shadows: The Tony & Cassandra Mysteries 1.4:

The Mystery of Karmina Sonata

written by Aaron Lamont

Why did I think listening to a mystery box set would be a good idea for a daily review project? Why did I do this to myself? Especially as, being a box set, the fourth one was always going to not only be a minefield of spoilers for itself but for at least one of the episodes before it.

So, anyway, like Sherlock it took this series a strangely long time for a client to actually turn up at the main characters' place of work to hire them and explain the situation. In this case it is celebrity medium Karmina Sonata, who Cassandra not only pegs as a fraud straight off and Karmina admits it. She's a conwoman who gets money out of the rich and desperate (or the rich and bored) by putting on a show. Again, its nice to have a supernatural series with a place for skepticism.

Anyway, Karmina the fraud found herself actually possessed by a spirit during a recent séance and now her clients are being picked off, murdered in spectacularly symbolic ways.

What follows is a pretty standard detective set up with Tony talking to Karmina, Cassandra researching the supernatural side of the case and secretary Rita researching Karmina. Tony and Cassandra also do a tour of the crime scenes and homes of the survivors in order to get some idea of why they're being targeted outside of simply being at the séance.

The answer, of course, refers back to the solution of a previous adventure that I wouldn't spoil then and won't spoil now.

So, what else to say? Tony and Cassandra are as fun to listen to as ever as they bicker their way through the case, though the conclusion pushes them as close to emotional honesty with each other as they've ever been. I do wonder what will happen to them once we get to that point when they're properly, honestly able to admit their evident feelings to each other. On the one hand, it will be a very cathartic moment but on the other their past relationship is so unhealthy, so linked to trauma for both of them that I wonder if it can be addressed healthily.

Whatever else, they're a fun enough ride that I'm in no hurry to have them get together which is probably for the best. 

Comic Reviews

This week one Batman finds a sense of humour whilst another watches some pretty intense polyamory negotiations; some very circuitous Clone Saga nostalgia hits all over the Spider-Man books; Doctor Aphra is just the most adorable hostage taker; and, the mad genius of the Bombshells universe resurrects the best Bat-family member that no one ever wanted to write for.

Dark Knights: The Batman Who Laughs one-shot

This was certainly a fun one. Okay, not overburdened with answers and very much like the other Dark Knights one-shots that preceded it but it felt like a fitting conclusion to the run of evil Batman origin stories. It was a fun detail that the art used the DCAU version of the Joker because, to my generation at least, he's not just the definitive version of the character but one of the most evil. Okay, part of that was that we were kids at the time and had pretty simple definitions of evil but... well, its just nice to see that version get his due as the Joker of the worst version of Batman's life.

On the character side the issue, even after everything we've seen from the other Dark Knights, works as a pretty good manifesto for why this Batman is the leader of the group and what he's capable of.

Its also another good example of why this crossover is hitting the spot for me a lot more than the sprawling events Marvel has been inflicting on its audience the last couple of years. This is one of two issues of the event this week. Just two and that's the norm. Yes, it has intruded on some of my regular reading and not always in ways that benefit those series (Green Arrow interrupting the storyline that's been running since Rebirth is a particular low point for me) but it isn't interrupting everything I'm reading from DC. Its also a lot more cohesive as a story because there's just fewer individual writers stirring the same pot. It has focus and that's very clearly to its benefit.

Amazing Spider-Man #791

Fall of Parker part 3

Okay, very specific nostalgia moment here. I know that putting Peter back at the Daily Bugle is meant to be one of those all-time classic status quos but particular details remind me of a time in the series that probably only I'm actually nostalgic for.

That said, they've got Peter David writing a Ben Reilly ongoing so maybe not.

Anyway, back during the bad old days of the Clone Saga there was a time when Peter was a staff writer at the Daily Bugle, a young professional with a full-time job. Dan Slott's big idea is that Robbie Robertson has brought Peter on as the Bugle's new science editor which, again, has that young professional thing going on that makes it feel less like the character is backsliding (which actually gets a lampshade put on it by Aunt May of all characters).

Peter and Mockingbird's relationship continues to be fun and interesting in a “waiting for the future trainwreck” sort of way. I really don't see it lasting and I think Slott is on my side on this which I'm glad of because even by Spider-Man standards this seems like a poor dynamic. I mean, its not the worst days of Peter and MJ but its close.

Peter Parker, the Spectacular Spider-Man #297

Most Wanted part 1

I have questions. For instance, why not launch this title with its Legacy numbering like they did with Captain America if they were going to switch the numbering all of seven issues in? Why is this marketed as the beginning of a new storyline when it so clearly isn't? Okay, these aren't Earth-shattering questions but since basic marketing seems to be a blindspot for Marvel these days they bear expressing.

Such minor irritations aside this was probably my favourite issue of the series so far with the sort of “issue as episode” structure that I'm always praising Tom King's Batman for. Peter returns to his apartment to find Teresa gone (btw, I really, really want it to turn out she's really Peter's sister, I would love that) and promptly gets ambushed by a small army of mercenary types who can shut off his spider-sense. Unwilling to compromise his identity, Peter spends most of the issue out of costume and unable to use his gadgets so there's an extra element of thinking through the problem as he flees from the mercenaries that really works for the character.

There also continues to be some fantastic payoff for last issue's conversation with Jonah and I hope that situation doesn't get reverse or retconned down the line. Again, nostalgia for the way the cast worked in the Clone Saga days but I've always prefered Jonah as a genuinely decent and principled journalist with a few very bad blindspots which seems to be how Zdarsky wants to portray him.

Star Wars: Doctor Aphra #14

Remaster part 1

This issue was adorable, not just in plot but in new artist Emilio Laiso's rendition of both Aphra and her developing nemesis Lt. (formerly Captain, until she last met Aphra) Magna Tolvan. The main meat of the issue is Aphra and some new friends raiding a backwater Imperial outpost with Aphra on getaway driver duty. In this role she takes over an Imperial flyer that Tolvan was getting in to for the purposes of shooting Aphra's new colleagues. What follows is an issue of Aphra flirting with Tolvan and Tolvan being very, very sad and needing a hug (but, obviously, getting a stun blast instead).

Its all leading to a twist ending that's all over the internet by now but that I won't spoil here. Suffice to say that I was worried some of this series' entertainment value was on the way out after The Enormous Profit but that the new status quo more than makes up for the changes to the supporting cast.

And for the record, I officially ship Aphra/Tolvan a hell of a lot more than Aphra/Sana. The chemistry is just palpable.

Bombshells United #12

World Tour part 2

A lot of stuff happens in this issue but, to be frank, the only thing I care about (and I recognise the massive disservice I am doing to this, perhaps the best series DC is putting out right now) is that Cass Cain has finally made her Bombshells debut and she's done it as the Black Bat.

The fact that DC made her the Black Bat, Batman Incorporated's assigned agent for Hong Kong, and then did almost nothing with her right up until the New 52, is a very old grudge of mine of which the latest manifestation is continuing resentment towards the Orphan identity she currently wears in Detective Comics for not being the Black Bat.

Trust the great Marguerite Bennett to come in and fix yet another longstanding DC editorial fuck up. Here's hoping Cass gets a decent length arc to name sometime soon.

Batman #35

The Rules of Engagement part 3

This issue was hilarious and touching all at the same time. For once in modern comics the cover tells not one lie: the main event is a big old sword fight between Selina and Talia (and, yes, I stand by my characterisation of that fight as “polyamory negotiation”). Its a great character study because, not unnaturally, Talia's position is that Selina is not Bruce's equal and she has all the old lines about how “the Detective” is the only man on Earth who has a chance of being her equal and that's why they are destined blah blah blah.

And Selina? Selina ain't having none of it. Selina is very clearly, very explicitly going into this whole engagement situation with no illusions about where she ranks in Bruce's priorities and how damaged the poor guy is. Frankly, he spent four months of pillow talk describing how he almost murdered a guy, this truth should be self-evident but its commendable that Tom King wants us to know Selina has a sense of reality about the whole thing. She knows Bruce isn't going to stop being Batman or put her above the mission, its not who he is and its based on profound childhood trauma he's never fully processed, perhaps now never can, not fully.

Oh, and we break periodically for comic relief courtesy of Dick and Damian who are as delightful as ever. Of particular note is Dick's diagnosis for why Batman chose to go on a suicide mission to face his ex before mentioning his engagement to his gaggle of sons which cuts right to the heart of the very same issues Selina's outlining to Talia which reinforces the fact that they're right and that Selina is capable of understanding Bruce on a level with one of the only people who has known him longer and more personally than she has. Good stuff.