30 Discs Hath November #30: The Tub Full Of Cats

Bernice Summerfield 8.1:

The Tub Full of Cats

written by Daniel O'Mahony

Okay, I'm bored of GW stuff, so let's end this catch-up series by resolving something from earlier: did the cliffhanger from The Empire State lead to a good season opener in this or is it going to be completely incomprehensible because the resolution was in a random novel I don't own?

Surprisingly between series four and this one Big Finish seem to have learnt their lesson. This story picks up pretty directly from The Empire State with Bernice and and Braxiatel's cloned daughter Maggie dragging Brax back to the collection. For various reasons, including being a cheap bastard and only wanting to pay for two full price tickets, Brax has put himself into suspended animation in a coffin and is getting himself shipped home as cargo. Brax picked the ship and so, naturally, we're in one of those stories where he's got himself a deal with a hell of a downside. If nothing else its a good nostalgia trip for those who missed the character,me included.

Its a trippy sort of story with regular cutaways to an old time American astronaut called Anthony Rogers, cutaways in which Brax is a waiter, Bernice is the former First Lady and Maggie Matsumoto is the personification of death that Rogers keeps being racist about.

Its a race against time for everyone to get back to the Collection where the Draconians and the Mim (the latter who I vaguely remember from a Companion Chronicle) are blockading the place and getting ready to shoot at each other. The ship has a secret, of course, a particularly nice science-fiction-y secret that involves the ship being absolutely infested with cats. I finally looked up what happened to Wolsey and its nice to hear Benny doting over a cat again, even if I seem to remember references to Wolsey still being alive when she's moaning about the people she doesn't know the fate of in Legion.

For my money, the most interesting parts of the story are the interactions between Brax and Maggie. Brax is still being charming and urbane, or trying to, but Benny is having none of it after the things he did to Jason and Maggie is just angry with him for a whole host of reasons starting with being an absent father and moving up from there. Its certainly more interesting than the fictional history of late twenty-first century space travel. That whole thread comes to an interesting and tragic conclusion but the reason I'm going back to listen to the stories from the single release era is I miss the Collection cast.

Speaking of which, now that Brax is back on the Collection I'm looking forward to hearing the fireworks fly when he gets the necessary confrontations with Bev and Jason.

But that's not for tomorrow, maybe not even for the day after, I'll get to it I'm sure but that's the last of my thirty discs in thirty days. Its been fun, apart from I Scream. 

30 Discs Hath November #29: The Eagle's Talon

Horus Heresy: The Eagle's Talon

written by John French

I'm not sure if its a different editorial direction of if they just both came out after Mortarion's Heart but so far the Heresy audios have been a lot better for knowing what makes a satisfying audio experience. The basic plot of this one is a very simple engagement: at some time during the Battle Of Tallarn an Imperial Fists strike team of three squads has infiltrated an Iron Warriors macro-transport ship (its like a troop transport except its transporting an entire army including armour) that they have to stop reaching the surface.

That's a very simple and direct skirmish engagement, more so even than the battle at the centre of Mortarion's Heart, but John French uses the audio medium to make it both interesting and varied to listen to.

First of all we are once again in a story being related after the fact. In this case we have someone examining a series of archived radio transmissions between the three Fists squads as they infiltrate the ship and making notes on them. This allows French not only to skip a lot of boring bits but to use the listening historian as a source of exposition. During the breaks between vox fragments we have our Iron Warriors historian talk about the specific tactics of the skirmish, the larger tactical situation of Tallarn, and even offer some thoughts on whether or not the concept of honour has any value in the Heresy-era Imperium.

A similar conversation to that last one comes up between the Fists sergeants, one interesting detail of which is that one o their number became a Space Marine during the Heresy and has only known war against other Space Marines.

Of the communications the most interesting, for my money, is when the subject is broached of destroying the ship and letting it crash. The impact and the nuclear fallout would kill indiscriminately the people on the surface both loyal and traitor. What interests me, what gave me more insight into the Imperial Fists psychology than I think I've ever been granted before, is that one of the sergeants insists that Space Marines should not sacrifice human lives for their own victory, that it runs counter to the reasons the Space Marines were created.

It isn't a new insight into Space Marine psychology (it forms the basis of one of the earliest Black Library novels) but it gives the “vox archive” sections a bit of meat they might otherwise have lacked alongside the more contemplative exposition of the archivist. 

30 Discs Hath November #28: Hunter's Moon

Horus Heresy: Hunter's Moon

written by Guy Haley

I think I made a mistake yesterday. I chose an audio from the Space Marine Battles line which tends to be very action oriented (and not terribly well-suited to audio) from an author I didn't know about an army that doesn't much interest me. Today its a Horus Heresy story, which tend to do better on audio, by one of my favourite Black Library authors and featuring two of my favourite Space Marine factions ever: the Space Wolves and the Alpha Legion. Certainly a better recipe for success. Also its only half an hour long so wouldn't try my patience it if didn't live up to its pedigree.

Haley certainly knows how to make a story like this work on audio. He crafts a small incident in the greater sweep of the Heresy rather than trying to write an entire battle into a short script. He also employs a more intimate narration style as an old fisherman on the planet Pelago tells his young pupil of the day the “star giants” came to their world. As well as providing us with characters from grimmest, darkest Mummerset this allows us an unusual glimpse into the Horus Heresy setting. Several, actually.

First, the Heresy is normally either presented as the present day or as ancient legends, not the recent past. This is someone narrating the lived experience of seeing the dream of Unity end before his eyes, having the illusion that the Space Marines are perfect defenders of mankind shattered. We also get to hear something of how this more liberal and forward looking Imperium affects the worlds under its banner. Pelago is clearly a primitive world where flashlights are an imported miracle but one of the characters mentions attending a collegium where he's learnt some science and knowledge of other worlds, spaceships and the existence of the Legions. Its clear that the presence of the Imperium is actually doing something for the population rather than the grinding exploitation more commonly shown in the forty first millennium setting.

Its actually a little disappointing when the Alpha Legion ship crashes in the sea and the fishermen go to investigate. Now, obviously, there has to be some point to the story rather than just some fishermen telling tales and filling us in on random worldbuilding and I don't begrudge it that. Rather, its that there's a limited number of places the story can go after that. I enjoyed the interactions of Torbjorn with the fishermen once he loosens up enough to tell them things (he's all “do not speak to me of it” for a little too long given the brevity of the story, to be frank) but a lot of the exposition is just to reinforce that his squad was one of those dispatched by Leman Russ to look in on the Primarchs to see if anyone was thinking a bit too much about rebellion in the wake of Prospero.

As with any good Warhammer short there's a twist of the knife ending. Not a terribly surprising one but one that has a lot more punch than you'd expect thanks to the narration style. 

30 Discs Hath November #26: Cold Vengeance

Doctor Who: The Tenth Doctor Adventures 2.3:

Cold Vengeance

written by Matt Fitton

Well, this is a wishlisty one, isn't it? The Ice Warriors, the one big classic monster RTD never really got around to, versus the Tenth Doctor and Rose. Also, its set on a space station that's a massive freezer centre which is nostalgic for me because Dragonfire was one of the first Doctor Who stories I ever watched and I maintain a nostalgia for it that borders on denial of its actual quality to this day.

Is it weird that this felt like the most “authentic” recreation of the show in 2006? Part of it is the claustrophobic setting: a mostly deserted moonbase freezer centre that would be extremely budget efficient if it were physical sets and locations. Then there's the fun selection of people on board: as well as the Ice Warriors we have a robot manager, two interstellar refuse collectors; and, a pair of space pirates trying to raid the place for caviar. It all rather reminds me of Planet of the Dead except with Rose in it and with me enjoying it.

If I had to choose a least favourite episode from the RTD run its Planet of the Dead. Great idea, dull execution.

It might sound odd after how I began reviewing this set to say that this was me favourite story in the set. It is, as I say, nostalgic and very much based on executing the formula of the 2006 series. There's even a fantastic broody confrontation between Tennant and Nicholas Briggs' Ice Lord about the morality of war and the sacrifices commanders ask their soldiers to make. Rose gets to be plucky and determined, running around with her own one-off companion. Just about the only thing that isn't pure 2006 is the fact these are clearly Moffat-era Ice Warriors but they had to be since the old style ones are a bit... basis, shall we say?

I guess I just ended up resigned to the fact that this box set wasn't going to push the characters too much. If we're being honest it was probably inevitable. One of the problems of going back to these seasons is that the characters had pretty complete arcs so what actually is there to do with Rose Tyler or the Tenth Doctor? Don't get me wrong I'd like to see Big Finish try harder to find new places to push the characters but I do understand why it might not feel like the best option. The previous Tenth Doctor Adventures set did manage to do new things with Donna but then Donna's arc wasn't as involved or, dare I say it, complete as Rose's so there was more blank space to fill.

As a nostalgia fix, I can't fault this box set, its pure RTD: a modern set story with Jackie Tyler; a celebrity historical; and, a classic monster. Its all there.

Its just a frustrating pity it all that's there. 

30 Discs Hath November #25: The Sword of the Chevalier

Doctor Who: The Tenth Doctor Adventures 2.1:

The Sword of the Chevalier

written by Guy Adams

I was nervous going in to this one. I mean, its a story featuring an actual, historical nonbinary person. That's pretty untested territory for Big Finish even with as good as they've been getting actually representing LGBTQ+ people every now and again.

First, a word on language. Whenever I've heard of the Chevalier D'Eon they've been discussed in terms of being nonbinary, hency my use of the term above. In this play the Chevalier is treated as a trans woman. Its a legitimate matter of debate and so I'm going to simply refer to “the Chevalier” through out rather than use gendered terms or even the singular they (recent events in US politics having taught me how gender neutral language used to refer to trans people is often meant as an act of aggression). Given the period the Chevalier lived in its not like the contemporary language is any help, either, so I am respectfully bowing out of adjudicating on this one and leaving it for other, wiser and more educated voices not belonging to a cis man.

Anyway, the Doctor has brought Rose to Slough in the year “half past Blackadder series three” or, in other words, the Regency to see William Herschel's 40-foot telescope. Rose, unimpressed, wanders off and discovers a fencing match going on involving the legendary Chevalier D'Eon.

Now, I rather like the portrayal of the Chevalier here especially in the fact that the Chevalier is... well, a bit boorish: constantly telling tall tales about people met and battles fought in. Rose, of course, finds the Doctor's exasperation with this hilarious. Being a celebrity historical, of course, the Chevalier gets some wonderful moments including a couple of sword fights which might not be that impressive on audio but you could hardly expect the story to do without them. On a more audio-friendly note, the Chevalier is getting on in years here and wondering if there's anything left to do.

The alien baddies (sorry, folks, we're still lacking a New Series pure historical) are a bunch of slavers from Consortium Of The Black Asp, a sort of loose confederation of alien gangsters. They're an interesting idea, not only in this specific case but as an idea and I hope they get used somewhere else. Doctor Who is oddly light on alien organised crime, now I think about it.

Also, not to spoil anything but this story has absolutely the best take on the psychic paper I've ever heard even if Guy Adams does slightly wuss out on the punchline. 

30 Discs Hath November #24: Infamy of the Zaross

Okay, because this came out all of a day ago I'm trying to keep this as spoiler free as possible but I do mention some plot details so anyone wanting to go into this Tenth Doctor Adventures box set totally unspoilt should look away now (and also for the next two evenings and then I'll go back to rambling about old stuff the statute of limitations has expired on).

Doctor Who: The Tenth Doctor Adventures 2.1:

Infamy of the Zaross

written by John Dorney

Its bloody weird listening to this and getting a genuine nostalgia rush for 2006. If nothing else that's a measure of success in itself. The moment Jackie sighs and greets the Doctor with “Hello, trouble.” I knew this was going to at least be a comfortable, familiar listen.

Is that a criticism? It sort of sounds like one and if there's one thing that concerns me about this box set is that the writing team is practically a list of Big Finish's current old faithfuls: John Dorney, Guy Adams and Matt Fitton. To be clear, I like all these guys and I've no reason to think their stories will be anything but good however I would like to see some more experimentation. Big Finish listeners are a pretty captive audience, after all.

Anyway, plot wise we're in familiar RTD-era territory: there's an alien invasion going on with a satirical twist. Its not a twist I'm too fond of as its about “Millennial fame culture”, a subject that rather tends to get an overly critical reception. There's also what should be a touching moment of Rose telling a young woman that whatever she does she'll always be special which would be a great sentiment if it didn't come from a character who has always been presented as the best of the best as far as the Doctor and the fan base is concerned.

There's a lot to love here despite those criticisms. The alien invasion is led by a set of brilliantly observed office manager types whose every line of dialogue is comedy gold. Jackie gets a rather more sympathetic portrayal here than she did for a lot of her two series on the show though for those craving an authentic RTD nostalgia buzz I assure you there is an Awful Mother elsewhere in the story so tick that one off the list. Actually, if you thought that Jackie running around with a big gun at the end of series four was out of character then John Dorney has you covered as he perfectly works out a scenario for Jackie to do exactly that again but funnier and with more exploration of character.

You know, listening to this I think that either I underestimated Camille Codouri's skills or Russel T. Davies did because she's fantastic.

All in all its not Earth-shatteringly innovative but it is an excellent distillation of the RTD era, especially his season openers. Here's hoping that distillation continues and we get something a little more involved for the next two stories.

30 Discs Hath November #23: The Barnacled Baby

Audio Adventures in Time and Space #30:

The Barnacled Baby

written by Anthony Keetch

Its back to the world of unlicensed Doctor Who spin-offs for another adventure featuring a well-known one-off monster from the show. This time its the shapeshifting fetus people the Zygons and... well...

Okay, to put it mildly there are times when BBV landed on the wrong wide of good taste. There was Only Human that took a hard swerve into trigger warning territory in the middle of what felt like a lightweight Doctor Who adventure and some seriously insensitive material about child loss in The Rani Reaps The Whirlwind. By comparison inflicting the mental image of a Zygon beastfeeding is mild by comparison but still not entirely pleasant (due to it being a Zygon, not the act of breastfeeding itself, you understand). The idea is that the Zygon is weak because he doesn't have a Skarasen to drink the milk from and this woman has offered to sub in.

Anyway, the situation is this: the Zygon is alone and cut off from his spaceship and because he landed in Victorian England he's ended up in a freakshow. The owner sees “the Barnacled Baby of the Sea” as his meal ticket, a wonder that Queen Victoria wants to view and PT Barnum wants to exhibit. There's also a wealthy doctor, Sir Frederick Maltravers (played by Clive Merrison, to my great surprise) who wants to purchase the Zygon in the name of science.

Talking of surprising voices, this is the first time I've heard Deborah Watling perform since her death. Its always a funny feeling, that voice from the past you know is no longer around. I sort of dread listening to the final Jago & Litefoot box set for this very reason. Watling appears only briefly but gets in a corker of the final scene where she gets to deliver the twist punchline I'm starting to get used to from these monster-led audios.

Bizarre breastfeeding scenes aside, this is actually a good take on one of the classic science-fiction situations. Bobby the Zygon (who has an alien name but one the internet refuses to tell me how to spell) is in a weak position and proceeds to manipulate or murder whoever he needs to in an attempt to locate his ship. Running alongside the Zygon's story is tale of typically squalid Victorian family drama with the freakshow owner Jethro and his much abused daughter Doris, her former lover Toby and the financial problems and opportunities of all three. Its actually a lot better written and performed than the last couple of these monster audio I listened to. Quality-wise its much more like The Quality of Mercy was: well-acted and atmospheric with a well-realised historical setting.

Sadly, TARDIS Wikia credits Anthony Keetch with only three other pieces of Doctor Who fiction, all of them prose Short Trips and he;s mainly an actor. In fact, he's Coordinator Vansell from the early Gallifrey-set Big Finish audios which I didn't realise under the thick jolly Cockney accent. Pity, I would rather have enjoyed hearing some more full-length audios from him. 

30 Discs Hath November #22: The Empire State

Bernice Summerfield 7.6:

The Empire State

written by Eddie Robson

Why do I get the awful feeling that I'm eventually going to spin the disc that opens the next season and find out that the cliffhanger and the whole situation on the Collection was resolved in a novel that's probably out of print?

I know this is a very specific whinge but I do find it irritating how the novel and audio series were intertwined and neither was exactly the primary source for major events. The box set era had novels, which I did read, and those were all side stories to the events of the audio. You could happily ignore the books and you'd get a complete experience just from the audio stories. In this era, not so much. I'm practically certain Doggles appeared in Summer of Love for the very first time in the audios but we're supposed to know him because he was in the books.

Right, now I've whinged about the overall structure of the Bernice Summerfield series in this era let me get on to my whinge about the overall structure of the audio series in particular because that's sort of where that all came from.

If this is a season finale then I'm a Dutchman (I'd say Chinaman but a: racist and, b: actually some distant Chinese heritage on my father's side so not the best way to make my point). We carry on from Summer of Love and The Oracle of Delphi as Bernice goes to dig up the Stone Of Barter that she found out about from the Oracle under orders from Bev at the end of Summer of Love. So far so good, halfway decent structure. Unfortunately this mission takes her far from the Collection and into a rather separate adventure that only really gets back to the point at the end without taking us back to the Collection and the situation this has all been intended to resolve.

I just know its going to have been dealt with in a bloody book.

Anyway, the Stone Of Barter was meant to be in a place called the Empire State, a lunar colony that was wiped off the map by an explosion a century or so back. As the story begins, Bernice finds herself disorientated and standing in a suddenly revived and fully populated Empire State. Bernice is confused and looking for a women called Maggie with whom she was working on the dig to find the Empire State. Maggie, meanwhile, has struck up a friendship with a man called Rand, the person who originally blew up the colony. Its not that the mystery of how the colony came back is uninteresting (though the presence of a magic stone at the centre of it means it isn't the most complicated mystery either) but the very tight continuity of the last two stories rather led me to believe the season would conclude with a conclusion.

However, much like The Oracle of Delphi, this story contributes to the general arc of the season only at the very end after a pretty much separate adventure concludes. Well, that and in various video messages from Jason Kane updating Benny on the situation back at the Collection.

A situation I can only hope, but do not necessarily expect, to hear resolved when I get to season eight. 

30 Discs Hath November #21: The Oracle of Delphi

Bernice Summerfield 7.5:

The Oracle of Delphi

written by Scott Handcock

Well, I wanted more Jason Kane before he was gone and I'm getting it. Not un-coincidentally, the line “What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this with no clothes on.” is about the most Jason line ever written.

So, as this season of Benny audios becomes more and more serialised we have Bernice and Jason using their time rings to travel back to 430BCE Greece to asks the Delphic Oracle some questions. Naturally, Jason decides to have a bit of skinny dip in a sacred pool while Bernice goes to ask the questions (and find an empty cave for her troubles) and ends up getting hypnotised and kidnapped by some random woman. That's just how he rolls, go with it.

Incidentally, I have to wonder how much I'm screwing myself over by not reading the books because I was bloody sure the Oracle of Delphi or somesuch other future telling sort was actually present on the Collection. I thought she was why the Collection was where it was. Ho hum...

Anyway, the meat of the episode is Benny having a good old celebrity historical team-up with Socrates, a team-up started by her trying to tell him in broken Ancient Greek that she's looking for her husband and giving him the impression she's just looking for a man and wants to sleep with him. She later signs a note to him “Lots of sex, Benny.” I rather like this version of Socrates who gets annoyed at the very idea that Plato felt the need to write an apology for him and ends up putting Jason in a headlock.

I said I liked Jason, not that I didn't want him to get a sound beating every now and again. In that sense I feel a certain kinship with Benny herself.

There's the usual historical ticking time bomb in the form of the plague that's going to imminently sweep across Greece which means Benny really, really has to find Jason quickly. In this search she is helped by correctly identifying that where there;s an all-female cult with booze Jason Kane won't be far behind. Both characters get a chance to stand in the Athenian Assembly, a scene that Benny makes a magnificent hash up of whilst wearing a disguise the effectiveness of which is left as an exercise for the listener (personally I choose to imagine a fake beard augmenting her stolen robe).

As fun as it is, there is the feeling that at this stage the idea of writing for the arc is still a little new and fiddly for the series as the asking of the questions Bev wants answered (well, some of them) form a coda at the end of the story in which literally Benny and Jason have to backtrack from where they came in order to fulfill what was meant to be the whole point of the story. A minor issue in an otherwise enjoyable tale. 

30 Discs Hath November #20: Summer of Love

Bernice Summerfield 7.4:

Summer of Love

written by Simon Guerrier

I guess it was only a matter of time before someone wrote an actual, honest to goodness sex comedy for Bernice Summerfield. Bernice has returned to the Braxiatel Collection which has been falling apart recently (presumably in the novels which I never followed and would explain the introduction of Doggles, a character I'd never heard of before). For some reason people are shagging like rabbits and Ben Tarrant, former art thief and current head of the Collection, is wandering the grounds naked reprimanding students.

The punchline to it all is actually brilliant: this is a literal sex pollen story. I kid you not, an actual canonical sex pollen story which has both magnificent comedy potential and some very, very serious disadvantages where the issue of consent is concerned. The script absolutely leans into both aspects of the classic fan fiction trope and I'm not sure it entirely works but here we go.

On the plus side there's plenty of comedy to be had from Bernice watching the Collection descending slowly towards all-out gangbang whilst Jason is off-world. As she explains herself, she and Jason are hardly monogamous (“monogamous when they can be” is the phrase she uses) but she's obviously not in the mood to play away at this stage of their relationship. Unfortunately she has advances from Doggles, Adrian, Joseph the robot porter, the gaseous groundskeeper Haas (who I swear used to be an Ice Warrior, probably another event from the novels I missed), various students and even Bev to contend with.

On the down side, of course, are the consent issues which range from the merely bad (Doggles acting like a kicked puppy at his thwarted advances) to the downright repugnant (Haas engaging Bernice in an activity without telling her it'll give him a thrill). Its sort of impossible to do a sex pollen story without addressing this, at least if you want it to be anything other than masturbation material on a fan fiction site, but I'm not sure that Guerrier sticks the landing. I'm rather reminded of some of the more... unsavoury implications of his Graceless series but a lot milder.

Like, a lot milder.

The main joy of the story, aside from Bernice's constant need for a cold shower, is getting to hear Bev Tarrant lording it over the Collection as its nudist master which turns out to be less about sexual inhibition and more about treaty negotiations with a series of local worlds who are in real danger of invading the Collection now Brax is gone. I do wish this series spent a little more time at the Collection as I've always liked the cast, especially Adrian and Bev who appear to now be a couple which makes sense of why they're always mentioned together by Peter in the Legion-era box sets.

Next stop, according to the cliffhanger, is a Bernice and Jason story as they go searching for “advice” on how to keep the Collection safe. For some reason this involves the Oracle of Delphi. You've got to love anthology series.

30 Discs Hath November #19: The Worst Thing In The World

Bernice Summerfield 7.3:

The Worst Thing In The World

written by Dave Stone

Dave Stone is a funny one. I have a sort of love-hate relationship with his writing but not in the sense of some worked landing on one side and some on the other. That would be too simple an attitude to have towards The New Adventures' weirdest son, oh no. No, I tend to find his stuff a bit hard to get into but once I'm a few minutes/chapters in I start going with the flow and really enjoying it. Thus it was when I originally bought this CD: I got a couple of minutes into the Eastenders parody that opens the disc and gave up.

Then, when it was getting on for two o'clock this afternoon and I still hadn't written anything for this 30 Discs series and nothing was really grabbing me so I thought “Sod it, might as well get this one out of the way.”.

Whatever else I have to say about the story it made me realise how much I miss Jason Kane and hope that we get to see him again some day, an idea that was briefly mentioned at the end of the old Bernice box set series before they went back to being an explicit Doctor Who spin-off. I love that old chancer and his on-off relationship with Bernice that actually manages to be as entertaining whether its off or on. In this story he's being interviewed for galactic television as the director of a “xeno-porn bondage” movie because that's just the sort of thing Jason gets involved with when Benny isn't keeping him in line.

Anyway, he's being interviewed on “the Drome”: a massive self-contained corporate eco-system entirely dedicated to producing television shows. Everyone is part of the show there with actors doubling as audience members in other shows. Its all the brainchild of Marvin Glass whose brain patterns power the massive “transputer” that runs the Drome and who is inconveniently murdered a few minutes into the story providing us with plot and Jason with a reason to call in the expertise of his ex-wife.

It also gives Bernice a chance to escape the chaos of the post-Braxiatel Collection. I don't really remember the all the context (this has been sitting to one side for quite literally a couple of years) but it turns out that Bev Tarrant is not enjoying running the place after they kicked the boss out and Benny is extremely keen to have an adventure that's just fun and has nothing to do with anything.

The story that follows is one of the more batshit installments in Bernice's series as she and Jason find themselves dawn into various TV parodies as characters between more straightforward scenes of them going undercover to investigate Marvin Glass' murder. Your mileage will probably vary on this story depending on how much you enjoy really comical parodies such as, say, Bernice waking up as the heroine in a bodice ripper period drama and really, really living up to the name of the genre. Its the sort of over the top weird that one expects from Dave Stone which is either a massive selling point or a big strike against the story, in my case kind of both since it first stopped me getting into the plot and then was what kept me listening.

The end of the story promises that Benny and Jason are on their way back to the Collection to deal with ongoing plot which I am rather looking forward to because I do miss the Collection cast and I think I'll spend these next few entries polishing off season seven as listening to Ruler of the Universe reminded me how fun the Bernice Summerfield series is. 

30 Discs Hath November #18: The Green Man

Audio Adventures in Time and Space #33:

The Green Man

written by Zoltán Déry

Its back to the world of semi-legal spin-offs for one of those later run BBV audios where they licensed the rights to monsters and wrote stories about them. In this case its the Krynoids, a vegetable creature that takes over humans and turns them into Krynoids.

In this case the Krynoid has landed in darkest Mummerset sometimes in medieval times. In theory I see the thinking. Medieval times and an alien that possesses people and takes them over. Unfortunately, it doesn't really work out like that. As with in the original story there are two Krynoid pods, the first one takes over a herbalist called Osbert but he's dispatched in pretty short order leaving us with Pod #2 which has possessed a wolf and therefore isn't much conversation. This being an audio drama, an enemy that isn't much conversation is a pretty bad thing to have.

Zoltán Déry tries, bless him, to deliver on impressive visuals but, again, this is an audio and so having people telling me that the Krynoid has got bigger again is just a little underwhelming.

There is some investment to be had with the human cast even if the local (and non-speaking) lady's fever is a pretty bad attempt at raising tension seeing as we never get to meet her and her illness is never really defined. The character of Moses, a Jewish doctor and scientist brought in by the earl to heal his lady, is interesting though his allusions to losing his family during the crusades (and at European hands) serves as little more than a reason for the earl to feel uncomfortable and stop calling him “Jew” to his face.

All in all, I'd say this was a better story in concept than execution. There are some neat ideas like Moses trying to reverse engineer Greek fire using limited resources and a templar knight scientifically proving the Krynoid isn't a demon by dipping his sword in holy water and discovering it does nothing to make the sword more effective.

Oh well, they can't all be winners. 

30 Discs Hath November #17: The Mystery of Karmina Sonata

Dark Shadows: The Tony & Cassandra Mysteries 1.4:

The Mystery of Karmina Sonata

written by Aaron Lamont

Why did I think listening to a mystery box set would be a good idea for a daily review project? Why did I do this to myself? Especially as, being a box set, the fourth one was always going to not only be a minefield of spoilers for itself but for at least one of the episodes before it.

So, anyway, like Sherlock it took this series a strangely long time for a client to actually turn up at the main characters' place of work to hire them and explain the situation. In this case it is celebrity medium Karmina Sonata, who Cassandra not only pegs as a fraud straight off and Karmina admits it. She's a conwoman who gets money out of the rich and desperate (or the rich and bored) by putting on a show. Again, its nice to have a supernatural series with a place for skepticism.

Anyway, Karmina the fraud found herself actually possessed by a spirit during a recent séance and now her clients are being picked off, murdered in spectacularly symbolic ways.

What follows is a pretty standard detective set up with Tony talking to Karmina, Cassandra researching the supernatural side of the case and secretary Rita researching Karmina. Tony and Cassandra also do a tour of the crime scenes and homes of the survivors in order to get some idea of why they're being targeted outside of simply being at the séance.

The answer, of course, refers back to the solution of a previous adventure that I wouldn't spoil then and won't spoil now.

So, what else to say? Tony and Cassandra are as fun to listen to as ever as they bicker their way through the case, though the conclusion pushes them as close to emotional honesty with each other as they've ever been. I do wonder what will happen to them once we get to that point when they're properly, honestly able to admit their evident feelings to each other. On the one hand, it will be a very cathartic moment but on the other their past relationship is so unhealthy, so linked to trauma for both of them that I wonder if it can be addressed healthily.

Whatever else, they're a fun enough ride that I'm in no hurry to have them get together which is probably for the best. 

30 Discs Hath November #16: The Mystery of Flight 493

Dark Shadows: The Tony & Cassandra Mysteries 1.3:

The Mystery of Flight 493

written by Alan Flanagan

Tony Peterson should just give up on mass transportation, shouldn't he?

Funnily enough, after making suck a big thing about the inspiration behind the last two episodes, this one strikes me as being pretty much pure Dark Shadows. Again I stress that I've seen basically nothing of the original show and I know the Burton movie is hardly representative but this episode deals with a confined space and a lurking, unseen threat which has been the basis of most of the audios I've heard from this series.

Today's confined and not quite real environment is a domestic flight trapped in a time loop. I'm not usually fond of time loop stories but a recent episode of Star Trek: Discovery convinced me they can be done well so I decided to give it a fair hearing. Like the aforementioned Discoery episode, The Mystery of Flight 493 dispenses with the total loss of memory when the time loop resets relatively quickly. After all, its something that's obvious to the listener and frustrating to sit through time and time again. Instead, Flanagan uses the repetitions to slowly build an idea of who his one-off characters are and what motives drive them, which is pretty tight writing considering the brief period he has to write each development into and the pre-set events that have to take place around it all.

Not to spoilt the conclusion but the other thing that makes me feel this is the most Dark Shadows-esque episode of the set so far is that the threat, when eventually revealed, is not completely explained or defeated but rather survived. There's always seemed to me a touch of Lovecraft about the Dark Shadows universe and this, perhaps more than any audio I've listened to so far, carries that sense that the uncanny is not only there but impossible to truly fight.

Honestly, of the three stories in the set so far this is my favourite by a long chalk and that's why this is a short one. Time loop stories, by necessity, sacrifice having a lot of plot for their central gimmick and I'm reluctant to discuss the actual important events of the story (which are, naturally, loaded towards the conclusion) for fear of spoiling what I genuinely think is a great little story. 

30 Discs Hath November #13: The Quality of Mercy

Audio Adventures in Time and Space #35

The Quality of Mercy

written by David A. McIntee

Okay, so another one of these. In this case the minor non-BBC owned aspect BBV are working with is Guy de Carnac, a Templar Knight and one-off love interest of Bernice Summerfield from the novel Sanctuary which even when this was made was five years or more out of print. I haven;t read Sanctuary in years and I'm pretty sure Guy dies at the end but, well, retcons are a thing and here we are: the further adventures if Guy de Carnac that I can't imagine anyone was clamouring for but here we are.

If I seemed down on this series yesterday its because I had fond memories of these releases that I Scream didn't live up to. Happily, The Quality of Mercy was a better production all round. It had none of the off-putting straight to listener narration or lack of ambient sound that made I Scream such a slog. In fact, it made a good impression straight off with a Gregorian chant intro, church bells and neighing horses to set the scene.

Its Crusades o'clock and Guy de Carnac is a former Templar knight wandering darkest Mummerset in search of a farrier. He comes to a town which is awaiting an inquisitor to question a strange man who fell from the sky and speaks no known language. As a well-traveled man and servant of God, Guy is asked to look in on the stranger who he judges to be neither angel nor demon but simply a man, a sailor from some strange and unknown land.

The inquisitor, when he arrives, is naturally a lot more cynical. He's no as bloodthirsty as the stereotype would have it because this is David A. McIntee writing and he does a lot of historical research. The inquisitor is still the villain of the piece and he has less than pure motivations but he doesn't start torturing people out of boredom or anything like that.

Thankfully, the debate over who or what the sailor from the sky is doesn't form the whole mystery of the story. I say thankfully because anyone paying even minimal attention can tell instantly that he's an alien and no amount of listening to Guy and the inquisitor trying to puzzle that out with their literally medieval frame of reference is going to make that carry an entire hour. Its made clear early on that Guy is no longer a Templar and the reasons for his expulsion are made a central mystery of the story even as he tries to discover the truth behind the sailor. Guy has a good line in theological debate even if it is mainly to convince people that the way he wants to do things is the way God intended. I'm also interested that Guy's complex attitude towards Christianity (though not towards God, it seems) is presented as quite morally neutral, neither a reason to condemn him or a reason to lionise him which is an unusual attitude for an author to take.

As it happens this was the sole Guy de Carnac story BBV produced before the Audio Adventures ended but it does make me want to revisit Sanctuary now I have a voice to apply to the character. 

30 Discs Hath November #12: I Scream

Audio Adventures in Time and Space #26

I Scream

written by Lance Parkin

So, back in the day before Big Finish there was BBV, a fan-run company that made independent audio dramas using whatever bits and pieces of Doctor Who they could license from non-BBC sources (monsters owned by writers, for instance) or casting familiar actors in strangely familiar but not quite copyrighted roles (such as having Sylvester McCoy playing a time traveler called “The Professor”).

Some of these releases got a little obscure.

Take this one, for instance: the I are an alien race from a single Eighth Doctor novel, Seeing I by Kate Orman and Jon Blum. I remember literally nothing about them except that they were the running the world from behind the scenes types. In the case of this story the world is Glaspar, a planet given over almost completely to ice cream production, the best ice cream in the galaxy.

Out POV character and narrator is played by Lisa Bowerman, the manager of the largest ice cream restaurant on the planet. On Galspar the company runs everything (a running theme of Doctor Who books at the time) and everyone, ultimately, works for the company. They run the media as well with a sort of Orwellian brainwashy thing called the I Screen interrupting the narration from time to time to tell you how great the company is.

Bowerman's character (who is either never named or I wasn't listening) meets a group of dropouts let by the pretty and charismatic John. She goes on an astral projecting joyride with him and his telepath friend and encounter the I.

There's a lot of pop psychology stuff about teenage rebellion and counter-culture as an aspect of culture. Its a bit dull, to be honest. The dull ice cream-themed dystopia turns out to be run by bodysnatcher-style emotionless managers, the main evidence for this conclusion being that the one we encounter speaks a bit stiltedly and doesn't get off on having picture of Bowerman's character naked. There's a nice twist where Bowerman's character thinks the dropouts are part of the system, secret police.

She's wrong, sadly, but it was a nice twist while it lasted.

After that Bowerman's character descends into complete paranoia about being watched by the I. The narration is, to be honest, a little overwrought. She finds herself in hospital after an apparent suicide attempt. Naturally, she doesn't help herself by just plainly describing her belief the world is being controlled by insect people to the doctors in the hospital. Paranoia is a hard thing to convey only in sound and I'm not sure everything Parkin does works but there are some cool moments as Bowerman's narration becomes more and more frantic.

Ultimately its a bit like one of those short 2000AD comic strips: a big high concept with an ending that has a nice punch but isn't meant to go further than it does. 

30 Discs Hath November #11: United

Once again its a bit hard to discuss this one without talking about the conclusion so this is a SPOILER one.

UNIT: The New Series: Assembled #4

United

written by Matt Fitton

One useful consequence of the last episode (and a short bit of dialogue explaining that Colonel Shindi is in Geneva, oh nostalgia) is that all the modern cast are trapped outside the UK due to dinosaur siege. This means that we start out with the retirees in the Tower Of London and Kate and company trying to find a way back to them. It is rather sweet that Mike, Benton and Jo get to take command for a little bit even if it is the most fanservice-y plot element of the series.

You know, I go into every one of these Earth Reptile stories hoping for a peaceful conclusion and, I guess, this one sort of counts. Its not perfect, the resolution is mainly bloodless but the Earth Reptiles don't agree to anything, they're essentially tricked into surrendering and returning to their hibernation chambers. Just once I'd like for the character who charges off to make peace even though everyone thinks its hopeless (its Jo again, by the way) to some real, material success instead of being shuffled off to the hostage room. There's even a second such scene with Mike and Josh meeting Jastrok under truce which ends abruptly when Mike gets one piece of information that will make attacking the Silurians easier. Okay, Jastrok isn't exactly entering into the spirit of the truce but they could have at least tried.

On the plus side, Jo and Osgood continue their epic team-up of women uplifting other women (there is nothing better) with Jo encouraging Osgood to just bloody ask one of the hunky men she works with out. I mean, I'd rather she take Kate up on one of those social events that aren't dates, honest guv, but alone time with Naked Caveman Sam would be just as good. Talking of Sam, towards the end Katy Manning plays the hell out of some “naughty granny flirting” when Sam is assigned to escort her to South America in search of new homes for plesiosaurs.

So, yeah, there's a lot of good character stuff and some nice comparisons between the UNIT family and the modern incarnation but I still find myself a little sad that once again Malcolm Hulke's startling innovation of an “alien” race with individual personalities and a sympathetic moral position were just treated as another menace to be disposed of. Disposed of in a more humane way than usual, its true though just sending them back to sleep seems a bit too... I don't want to say “concentration camp” because that's in awful taste and not accurate in the details but there is a certain element of rounding them up and locking them away that I'm not quite comfortable with. 

30 Discs Hath November #10: Retrieval

UNIT: The New Series: Assembled #3

Retrieval

written by Guy Adams

So we come to the “its not all just fanservice, honest guv” entry of the set with no members of the old UNIT family around and our modern heroes taking front and centre as their retired counterparts take very, very slow bus journeys towards the Tower of London and the epic conclusion.

That isn't to do this episode down as filler, in fact it does a very good job if showcasing what the modern UNIT cast bring to the table. As a bevy of Silurian sea monsters make their way very slowly towards the UK, Kate and Osgood make a detour to a Silurian research base UNIT has identified off the Greek coast to see if there's anything there that can help with the fight. Choosing the two scientific minds on the cast, the two main characters in fact, does a lot to show how the new science led UNIT works as opposed to the more military brand of the old days. They go in with equipment, investigate, note that they dont have much context for what they're finding and make the requisite mistakes.

Not that it's all dry investigative stuff. This story sees the return of Lt. Sam Bishop, UNIT's international man of mystery and adventure as he squares off against the Silurian Tiska who has been sent to investigate the same research base. I like Sam and I want to say I'd love to hear more from the character but I honestly think he works better like this: swooping in for one or two episodes every series to save the day.

For all that I enjoyed it, I don't find myself with much more to say about the story, in all honesty. I won't condemn it as exactly filler but it is a significantly lighter story than the two that precede it. That's not necessarily a problem, if the set were four hours of pure adrenaline it would be a bit draining, it just doesn't leave me with much to talk about.

So, on to the epic conclusion it is.

I mean, I could probably get some mileage from Osgood's delusions of “naked caveman Sam” but I ship her more with Kate anyway, as cute as that was. 

30 Discs Hath November #9: Tidal Wave

UNIT: The New Series: Assembled #2:

Tidal Wave

written by Guy Adams

Jo Grant. Sea Devils. A questionably useful energy project. This really is the greatest hit collection, isn't it? Not that I'm complaining, I adore Jo Grant and the story has some interesting ideas for the Sea Devils.

And, okay, it took me a while to work this out and Guy Adams had to hit me over the head with it but I now get that Osgood (at least in her Big Finish incarnation) is at least meant to have an element of “the Doctor as Katy Manning would have played them” about her. Teaming Osgood and Jo together for most of the story was absolutely the right move especially as it allows Osgood to have her frantic fangirl moment at the beginning and then redeem it by having them bond and come to a place of mutual respect by the end. Its a good arc, especially as it starts with Jo admitting she's judged Osgood exactly the same way she was always judged as the ditzy one back in the day.

Seriously, Jo has so many more admirable qualities than generally get acknowledged and here we see her classic “plucky determination” weaponised. As the compromised and controlled Captain Burmaster uses UNIT's new hydro-electric generating submarine to start a war with a hibernation colony of Sea Devils its Jo who is the one pleading for peace and putting herself in the hands of the enemy to do so. Its also interesting that Jastrop is behind the attack on the Sea Devils and not just to provoke them into conflict with the “ape primitives”, he has a concrete agenda and a plan. Again, good representation of the Earth Reptiles as people rather than a monolithic race.

The same holds true for Krellix, our traditional lone voice of peace and reason amongst the Sea Devils who is actually swung towards believing Jo's protestations of innocence because he knows Jastrop and has his own reasons for not liking the guy. Jo's pleas for humanity also have the interesting aspect of acknowledging the worst sides of our species and of Krellix's but hoping that the best wins out. Its eloquent and sweet and reflects the greater experience Jo has gained in the decades since she last encountered the Sea Devils. It also demonstrates that if you want to read Osgood towards the end as having a bit of an admiring friend crush on Jo you wouldn't be along, I'm right there with you.

Could have done without the “political correctness gone mad” joke from Jo, of all people. 

30 Discs Hath November #6: Time In Office disc one

Doctor Who (Main Range) #230

Time in Office episodes 1 & 2

written by Eddie Robson

Its the annual Big Finish short story collection and this time its a comedy with the Fifth Doctor taking up the role of Lord President Of Gallifrey. Its a comedy, thank goodness, because I'm the sort of fan who finds Gallifrey painfully dull unless its either not the main focus of the story (The Three Doctors, Heaven Sent) or a vehicle for Romana and Leela to kick ass. Giving Davison, a brilliantly funny actor, a chance to stretch his comedy chops in this po-faced setting with Tegan and Leela on hand to puncture any remaining pomposity seems like as good an idea as any.

So, on to the episodes:

Period of Adjustment

The lack of Leela in The Five Doctors is something of a longstanding grudge. Apparently Louise Jameson made it known she was available for the filming but JNT decided there was no way to include her, which just goes to show either the man's lack of imagination or the weight of his inferiority complex about Philip Hinchcliffe. Finally, though the accounts are being balanced as Eddie Robson uses old friend and longtime Gallifrey resident Leela as the bridge between the Fifth Doctor and Gallifrey's bureaucracy.

For those concerned: Andred is away from the capital with the Chancellery Guard moping up the mess in the Death Zone, you can listen to this without fear of encountering the wettest man on Gallifrey. Let's face it, the romance of Leela's departure only works when you don't think too hard (or at all) about the fact she chose to stay with Andred and not the Outsiders or Rodan.

Anyway, the first episode is mostly what you'd expect: a couple members of the High Council trying to get a square peg Doctor into the round hole of the presidency and a secret Time Lord agency trying to stop him making any reforms whatsoever who he has to outsmart. More innovative and satirical is a subplot where Tegan is refused residency on Gallifrey because she's been involved in toppling alien governments, a plot point that considering the Doctor is President comes off as subtle as a brick. Sadly, Leela's suggestion that Tegan marry the Doctor to gain residency isn't pursued even though it clearly has so much more comedy potential than just the Doctor's muted horror at the idea.

There's also a rather nice framing device of a Gallifreyan political debate show, which is such a charming idea and never more so than when the host declares he has nothing against women because he used to be one a couple of regenerations ago.

Past Indiscretions

I adore Tegan Jovanka but even these days its rare for the character to get the sort of agency she deserves. She is brash, headstrong, stubborn, determined and almost always, always wrong. This episode, by contrast, has her do the heavy lifting on defusing a diplomatic situation whilst the Doctor, Leela and their babysitter/bodyguard Castellan Lowry are trapped in a very uncomfortable situation.

The Doctor and company are representing Gallifrey at a war memorial ceremony but it turns out that back in the day the Doctor and Leela killed the alien ambassador's brother when the guy was trying to conquer feudal Japan. Sadly, they couldn't stretch the budget to getting Tom Baker in for the flashbacks but its a fine story of consequences, again something we tend to give presidents and the like a pass on.

Aside from some fantastic comedy moments of running away (such as Leela speculating on weaponising a ride-on lawnmower) the best bit of this story of Tegan Jovanka 007. From impersonating a god to questioning the logic of her plausible deniability where it comes to “stealing” a TARDIS, Fielding is fantastic. There's also a wonderful moment where, having read the briefing pack, she gets to talk over the Doctor during the big infodump which sounds like a moment of profound catharsis for both actress and character.

Castellan Lowry, meanwhile, slowly reveals hidden depths as she vents her frustration about her charges and confesses to not liking time travel for some reason. I'm looking forward to seeing how that resolves but that'll have to wait for tomorrow as its almost time to post this and, given the story's format, I can do this in two parts.