The SJWs are ruining the Realm Of Chaos!

No but seriously, folks, I can see the subject lines of the forum threads already. Why? Well, because of this fine and handsome individual...

… the Darkoath Warqueen, a sequel to the Darkoath Champion from Warhammer Quest: Silver Tower (himself a damn fine model) and advertised right off the bat as his boss. No, seriously, that's how she's described in the Warhammer Community article announcing her.

So, yeah, female character model for Chaos. Only their second, I believe, after Valkia the Bloody from many moon ago. She is also something I have been hoping to see for a long time (well, her and her minion): Chaos Marauder characters. I love the idea of a pure Marauder army, have done since the Lustria campaign introduced the Skeggi army list. Since my little group has been experimenting with homebrewed Fantasy armies and units recently (who's gonna tell us not to?) I've been thinking of doing some Marauder/Skeggi conversions.

So the Darkoath Warqueen definitely going to be my General, backed up by her entourage from the Shield Wolf Miniatures Shield Maidens box set.

Whether I use any of GW's official Marauder plastics is entirely down to whether or not I can convert some of the Shielf Maidens to sit on horses. If I can, all well and good, an entire Shield Maiden army! If not, well some dudes can tag along to handle fast cavalry duties and hold flails.

On the downside, there was some business recently about how GW didn't want to do Sisters of Battle until they'd solved the “boob armour” problem and here we are with this lass in bikini armour. Fantasy trope classic, of course, but its still bikini armour so maybe there's less hope for the Nuns With Guns than I'd hoped.

The Gardener of Nurgle cometh...

It should be mentioned I don't usually care for Chaos Daemons as an army unto themselves. They're a bit hard to root for, frankly. Now, I'm no stranger to being the bad guy but I usually find a motivation that I can at least invest in: my Traitor Guard want to live free of Imperial shackles; my Orks and Dark Elves are both pirates out for profit; and, at least in their own embalmed minds, my Tomb Kings are genuinely moral and upstanding members of the greatest civilisation the Old Worlde has ever known.

Daemons are just plain evil. That's all they've got, it just comes down to flavour: violent evil, despairing evil, scheming evil or depressed evil. For the most part I find Daemons more useful and interesting as tools for a mortal army rather than characters in their own right.

Aside from Nurgle. I actually quite dig the idea, which I'm not sure how or when it started, that Nurgle's daemons are the bored filing clerks of the daemon world. There's also some whimsy to them, I remember reading this little five minute fiction years ago about how Nurglings like fighting alongside Noise Marines because they enjoy dancing to the “music” of Slaaneshi weapons.

And that sense of whimsy has birthed this fantastic little character.

This is Horticulous Slimux (I think I have that spelt right) “Nurgle's first creation”. He is, essentially, Nurgle head gardener. He is riding a snail that is dragging a plow behind itself. There seems to be a tree growing out of the snail and there's a Nurgling tied in front of its face in place of a carrot. I think his weapon is meant to be a litterpicker. He's just so silly and yet so horrid looking. I'll definitely be trawling eBay for this guy since I he's being included in a bundle so he won't be available on his own for a while, I should think and I don't want the Stormcast Vanguards, though I do see some potential in the Stormcast character who I think would make a good Chaos Lord with some modifications but, again, eBay exists and I just don't like those Vanguard guys. 

Just... As... Planned...

There's a plastic Lord Of Change on the Warhammer Community site.

Its actually really nice. I like how the stave is made out of coruscating energy. I like how the plastic construction means they could make the body and neck more sinuous and hunched forward than the old metal model. I like that it has loads of eyes. I like the detailing on the wings.

I love that, unlike the Bloodthirster, its standing solidly on its base and won't snap when you try and pack it away.

I'm getting a Tzeentchian Chaos army, aren't I?

The Tzeentchian Temptation Continues...

The new army temptation comes less often now. Over the years the instant attraction to the latest thing has lessened. There are armies I know aren't to my play style (Eldar) or where I simply don't like the aesthetics (Khorne Daemons) and, of course, I just don't play Age Of Sigmar so by and large those releases just pass me by.

That said, every now and again AoS brings out something I can use for classic Fantasy, in this case the Disciples of Tzeentch miniatures coming out this month.

One real complaint I had against the Fantasy version of Chaos was a lack of marked units. Now, I like the basic Chaos Warrior as much as the next man but given the wild variety of 40k's Chaos models they were a bit samey.

Yet here we are with GW finally making more god-specific Chaos miniatures. The Gaunt Summoners, especially the one on a Disc of Tzeentch, would make fantastic Sorcerer Lords, the Kairic Acolytes would be fantastic Tzeentchian Marauders (they're a bit too bare chested to be Warriors) and hopefully theyll have parts left over you could use to customise Warriors and Knights. Throw in a warherd of Tzaangor, that lovely Tzeentchian Sorcerer from a few years back and a few mutated looking monsters, maybe some daemons and you're got yourself an old-fashioned Hordes of Chaos Tzeentch army.

Finally.

Like I say, I'm tempted. A few cheap square bases, some Darksphere discount to offset the expense and... maybe? I don't know, I'm in that “new year, new project” headspace right now.

Age of Sigmar: let's get this one over with...

[Warning: strong language. I say “fuck” a few times. Also, this might be too much like the opinion of an actual, complex human being for a lot of people on the internet, so be warned.]

I really don't want to write this post but it seems inevitable. At some point its going to become clear that when I talk about my Warhammer projects that I'm talking about 8^th edition rules and not Age Of Sigmar so let's get this over with.

Just to be clear: I have read the new rules, I have read the free downloads for my existing armies, I have played a game, I have watched several others being played. Can we please accept that now, finally, I have enough evidence to base an opinion on without being accused of “being a hater” or “fearing change”? Can we do this, please, internet? Because I am getting pretty fucking tired of me saying “This doesn't seem like a game I'll enjoy” being a signal for people who don't fucking know me to judge my emotional and mental state. I have actually had people imply I have a mental illness for not liking proposed changes to the rules, which is shitty to me and infinitely shittier on people with actual mental issues.

Oh, and the other perennial one: “throwing my toys out of the pram”? I ain't. I'm keeping the toys. I got my armies, I got my Army Books and I got my friends to play against, none of whom are bowled over by Age Of Sigmar. This is still a hobby I love and enjoy and it matters more to me to get pleasure out of what I do than to tailor how I spend my free time to please faceless dick-weasels on the internet.

And just to be clear, because there is another sort of gamer I can't stand and I don't want to be mistaken for them, either: I don't make any judgement on anyone who does enjoy The Age Of Sigmar, either as a rule set or a fictional setting. I am an actual adult and can in fact countenance someone else having fun with something I don't like. It is truly amazing how that works and I've encountered a lot of anonymous jerks who could stand to learn this. You know the ones: they wish Sisters Of Battle and Bretonnia would be done away with so they won't have to listen to those armies' fanbases “whining” about not having a current book or modern miniatures.

(For serious though, GW, where my Sisters book at? You've done Harlequins and two Mechanicus books. Get the fuck on with this.)

Nor do I want this new game to fail for Games Workshop. I don't have anything against the company or the design team as people. I don't want their business to fail and for them to lose their jobs because I don't like a product.

I'm also not taking my business elsewhere. So long as the models exist, and they don't seem to going anywhere just yet, and I can at least source square bases I'm happy to lay down the bones same place as ever. Time may come I'll have to turn to eBay and other sources, a day of wolves and shattered shields but it is not this day!

Okay, got carried away there.

I do have one Stormcast Eternal, though. It came free with this week's White Dwarf. To be perfectly honest, more important than any issues I have with the rules (and there are many) is the fact that this model just doesn't inspire me. It just looks like a Space Marine. I like Space Marines well enough but they have their place and that place is the grim darkness of the far future.

I don't know, maybe I can make a halfway decent Blood Angels Breacher Captain out of the thing. Feels wrong to throw it away.

The fact that the poster boys for this new edition do nothing for me even after reading their rules and background is what damns it for me. Gaming itself is the smallest part of this hobby for me. I play maybe two or three games a month and so the most time is spent building, painting and writing for my armies.

Everyone in my group writes, to a greater or lesser extent, and we've built up an extensive internal mythology to our games that none of us feels like abandoning or retconning to match this new setting.

Ultimately, I much prefer to be positive about my hobby. No, I don't like the Age Of Sigmar but it also represents a moment of complete artistic freedom. The Olde World is dead but in another time and another place where different heroes rose to its defence it can live on and that's the story my little group wants to tell. We can chart our own future now without even the slightest chance that some official publication will descend from on high and cause unwanted complications. Seriously, I had some High Elf character in our last campaign and when Khaine came out... ugh.

And I don't think that's unreasonable. It's my free time and enjoyment I'm talking about here. Yet people have insulted me over this, called me a hater and engaged in some seriously pathetic attempts at emotional manipulation to get me to like the things they like because that's reasonable to some people, I guess.

So, yeah, that's where my hobby's going for the time being. End rant. Peace out.