The year is
2021. The witch hunts are over and Hollywood is a post-apocalyptic
wasteland populated solely by feminist biker gangs, Keanu Reeves and
Terry Crews. Gal Gadot rules with an iron fist and Woody Allen's
crow-ravaged corpse hangs above the highway leading into town, a
stark warning to all interlopers.
Bernie
Sanders, two years dead, still has his supporters who contend he was
robbed of the last Democratic nomination and they have pie charts to
prove he can still win big in 2024. Trump was impeached years ago but
still lives in the White House basement behind a barricade of his own
faeces with his “cabinet”: a collection of dismembered shop
window dummies.
Surprisingly,
the Republicans narrowly won the last election but it doesn't matter
because Chelsea Clinton, so enraged at constantly being accused of
interfering in politics, simply conquered the United States in a
brutal military coup. Jeff Sessions and Richard Spencer accompany her
to all public engagements naked and on all fours at the end of a leash,
long resigned to their fate. Richard smiles when she tugs the leash
hard, its very unnerving.
Meanwhile,
closer to home in the UK, an unfortunate contract oversight for an
edition of Celebrity Job Swap has left Theresa May working as the
country's least popular camgirl (she has made 38p so far and that's
being contested through PayPal) whilst pornstar and erstwhile star of
the music video for The Prodigy's “Smack My Bitch Up” Teresa May
remains as Prime Minister. The pragmatism of a former sex worker did,
in fact, do wonders for Brexit negotiations and the public on both
ends of the political spectrum pretend not to notice the very obvious
changes in the national leader. On the parliamentary end the only
operational difference is the Chief Whip now has one.
The French
have banned all abbreviations in the wake of the “ya'll'd've”
controversy.
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