999 Shades of Grey

Today the 50 Shades Of Grey film comes out, just in time for Valentine's Day. Now, I thought I'd get a post out the rather inept moral panic building across Facebook but it seems there's greater comedy to be had.

The London Fire Brigade and, one assumes, others across the country, have briefed their officers to expect a huge rise in callouts for people trapped in handcuffs, ropes and other ill-chosen attempts to re-enact scenes from the film. This isn't unexpected, but the BBC news article about it lists similar incidents the LFB have been called out for including, goodness knows why, a buy getting his penis trapped in a toaster.

I want to know but I don't want to know, if you get my drift.

As to my opinion on 50 Shades itself? I haven't read it, every woman I work with has and none of them have managed to put together a recommendation that makes me want to read it. The Metro review yesterday had a failed climax joke as a headline and a couple other reviews basically mumble about it being better than the book but compare it unfavourably to Secretary (there are lots of papers ion the canteen). I'm aware the book has some issues with its treatment of consent, hard limits and personal safety (or so I'm told) but I'm also aware that BDSM fantasy and reality can often be quite separate, the one being a performance of the other. So long as people know 50 Shades is a fantasy and not a totally realistic portrayal of BDSM that's fine. Problem being of course that, like the Fire Brigade, I know there will always be idiots.

I will probably end up watching it, if only because numerous female friends will insist on it to embarrass me. I won't actually be embarrassed but a surprising number of people see me as some sort of innocent who will be shocked by sexuality. It is so much fun disabusing them of this.

Even the toaster thing didn't shock me so much as baffle me.