Okay, its
been a while so what we got?
Well,
Wrestlemania happened and so did Takeover: New Orleans.
One of these shows was better than the other. I was very down on
Wrestlemania this year. The disappointment started early with
Asuka losing her match and her undefeated streak. I genuinely thought
they were going to have her win and do the Brock Lesnar thing and
hold the title Wrestlemania
to Wrestlemania and
have her drop it to... oh, probably Bailey.
Instead
they had Asuka lose to Charlotte and (to quote a favourite sentiment
of Jim Cornette) I don't see where the money is in this? They have
spent so much time investing Asuka's undefeated streak with the
proper weight and mystique, they allowed it to run so long it long
ago beat Bill Goldberg's all time record.
And
then she loses on her first big-time match on main roster.
Where's
the money? Where's the money in breaking her record for Charlotte who
is already over, already respected and a multiple time title holder?
It doesn't make sense to me.
And
the hits kept on coming. Brock Lesnar's interminable part-time
Universal Championship run lumbers on for reasons we discovered the
next evening when Lashley made his triumphant return to
Raw. I can only hope the rumours
are wrong and Lesnar is going to drop at the Greatest Royal
Rumble instead of making us wait
for SummerSlam.
Nakamura/Styles was somehow a lot less interesting than the famous
match they had at Wrestle Kingdom
a couple years back just before they jumped ship to WWE. I really
thought that was going to be an all-time classic.
And
I just cannot get over the whole bizarre scenario of hiring the most
famous female combat athlete in the world and having her debut in a
match against a semi-trained 41 year old mother of two featuring two
semi-retired old men. Really, Triple H and Angle should have been
their own nostalgia match and at least let Rousey's first match be
all-women.
To
be honest, the highlights of the night for me were Xavier Woods
playing the Dragonzord theme and the Bludgeon Brothers winning the
tag belts less because I love the Bludgeon Brothers (though I do) but
because it finally ends the wretched and over-extended Usos/New Day
feud.
Takeover,
meanwhile, could not have been better. Worth the money I didn't pay
for it (we use my housemate's Network account) for Gargano vs. Ciampa
which ran just over half an hour and was amazingly intense. The
Six-Man Ladder Match for the North American Championship was amazing
and I swear I have never expected be so hyped for the introduction of
a mid-card title.
*****
On
a happier note: Paige is the new General Manager of Smackdown Live! A
female authority figure for Steph to bump up against. I know they
want Rousey to be the female Stone Cold but I really think someone in
a management position needs to exist who can stand up to her.
I
also really hope this isn't just a stunt appointment for market
Paige's biopic. I mean, obviously they're going to use it like that
but I hope it outlasts the movie's release.
*****
DC
finally made announcements about the post-Metal
Justice League comics beyond the No Justice
stuff they already announced. There's a new Justice League
Dark with Wonder Woman and
Zatanna which is interesting but the real news for me is Justice
League Odyssey which not only
has Cyborg leading a team featuring Jessica Cruz and Starfire but its
going to be drawn by Stjepan Sejic, the amazing artist of Sunstone
and a recent really good run on Aquaman.
*****
Roseanne
came back and every time they interview John Goodman he looks like
one of those hostages assuring their family they're fine and being
fed and everyone is bein provided proper medical assistance. I grew
up with that show and didn't know any of the stuff about Roseanne
herself going a bit made and tyrannical towards the end of the
original and now she's a bloody Pizzagate truther!
Oh,
well, not like I'm starved for television I want to watch and keep
not finding time for between the Arrowverse shows, the Marvel-Netflix
stuff, Voltron: Legendary Defender,
and that Lost In Space
reboot.
*****
So,
the solo Flash movie that became a Flashpoint movie is now a solo
Flash movie again because DC figured if they were going to make
another shit movie they might as well make the version of it that
doesn't basically require expensive guest stars.
*****
I
have developed a visceral hatred of Sam Ovens, a man who hawks
business webinars in YouTube ads. Somehow I manage to get one of his
ads on every video I watch and I watch a lot of stuff on YouTube. My
only respite from his voice is the strange banjo accompanied adverts
for toilet nowl nightlights.
*****
Marvel's
upcoming Death of the Inhumans
event is coming in July. I don't care. I genuinely do not give a
shit. I have tried to care about the Inhumans since Inhumans
vs. X-Men. I read Royals,
which was okay, and Black Bolt,
which was great but as a larger concept I can't say they grab me at
all. “The X-Men but even more uncomfortably eugenic” isn't that
good a pitch and I can't say I'm surprised we've reached this point.
However...
If
this latest bullshit event has any
negative consequences for Kamala Khan words will be had.
*****
Donald
Trump has decided to pick a fight with the US Post Office because he
doesn't understand that Amazon's free delivery isn't free to Amazon.
He genuinely seems to believe that Amazon just declares they aren't
paying postage and gets away with it. Don't get me wrong, Amazon is
pretty evil and I don't doubt this is something they'd try if they
thought they had he chance but the simple reality that should be
apparent to anyone with a functional reasoning brain (or a White
House full of functional reasoning brains they can consult at any
hour of the day or night) that Amazon pays the postage fees out of
their profit on the sale.
And
that's the only Donald Trump news I want to do in this one because
its Trump and there's a scandal a day with that guy.
Hopefully
he'll be impeached or do something to terminally disappoint his
personality cult of heavily armed, emotionally unstable racial
supremacists some of whom, I'm told, are very fine people.
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