CO-WORKER: My God, what happened to your face?
JAMES: Jehovah's Witnesses.
CO-WORKER: What did they do to you?
JAMES: Knocked on the door while I was shaving.
At least these things provide my co-workers with some amusement to lighten up their day. It also inspired my direct superior to share some homespun wisdom with me. It seems that the best thing for treating shaving cuts is newspaper: stops it bleeding far quicker than toilet paper or kitchen roll.