A LESS THAN REPUTABLE SOURCE

The Ramble

2012-02-01T06:00:00.000Z

This week I have been mostly readin' Secret Avengers #21.1 and Justice League #5; listen' to Doctor Who: Recorded Time And Other Stories; and watchin' Sherlock Series Two. So, on with the motley...

READIN'

Secret Avengers #21.1
Red Light Nation (writer Rick Remender; artist Patrick Zircher; colour art Andy Troy)

Having picked up a few of the wonderful single issue stories in Warren Ellis' run I thought I'd give the new guy a try. Rick Remender (oh, how auto-correct hates his name) seems to occupy a Chris Yost-like position in the Marvel stable. He's already writing Uncanny X-Force and Venom and now he's got a third black ops title under his belt. As a preview, as all the Point 1 issues are, this gives with one hand and takes with the other.

The give: The thing I love about Secret Avengers, having picked up the trades from Brubaker and Spencer's runs, is that even though it's had four creative teams it's still following the same storyline. This issue continues the secret war with the Shadow Council and Life Model Decoy gone rogue Max Fury. I like this story, I don't think it's the sort of thing that could be solved quickly and I like that the fight has to continue over multiple writers.

The take: The issue is a sort of extended job interview as Steve Rogers (once more Captain America) is seeing if Hawkeye is right to take over the reins of the Secret squad while Cap returns to leading the public team. Its interesting stuff that goes to the very heart of these two mens' relationship but it tells me little about the tone of this run. The next issue image has a mix of old and new faces but this is more of a passing of the torch than the set-up to a new era. Still, I'm interested enough in how this'll develop that I'm on board for the next issue.

Justice League #5
Chapter Five (writer Geoff Johns; pencils Jim Lee; inks Williams, Hope, Irwin and Weems; colours Alex Sinclair with Gabe Eltaeb and Tony Avina)

I thought this was a 5-parter. I have this odd thing about time so I kept wondering how Johns was going to end his story when he was spending so much of the issue on just running around and hitting things.

That said there are some brilliant character moments as the team begins to bond. I still feel Cyborg is a bit of an odd man out but you can see the inner strength (I will not say iron will) that'll make him a hero. Batman and Hal have a brilliant bit of business between them as Bruce reveals his identity and shows that there might actually be some difference between the character before and after the New 52.

I really want this story to end, though, because origins are all well and good but I want to see the Justice League of the present. I know the present of the New 52 now so I want to see how things have changed from the strange martial law of these early days.

LISTENIN'

Every year Big Finish does a short story collection: four single episode stories in one release. Last year it was Colin Baker's turn and thus Recorded Time And Other Stories which is a nice, eclectic selection of tales.

Titular story Recorded Time by Catherine Harvey starts off as a historical and then moves into more surreal territory. It's a nice switch because when Henry VIII gets tired of Anne Boleyn and settles on Peri you think you're in for a “history must be served” kind of story but then the court historian starts acting strangely. Paradoxicide by Richard Dinnick is an easy to follow bit of wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey that gives Peri a nice share of the spotlight. Question Marks by Philip Lawrence takes that old sci-fi standard of a group of characters with no memories locked in an isolated environment. It might not sound innovative but it has a very good twist.

The jewel of the collection is Matt Fitton's A Most Excellent Match which casts Peri in the role of Jane Austen's Elizabeth Bennett and the Sixth Doctor as one of her suitors. It's a nice opening mystery but Fitton doesn't rest on his laurels, bringing in elements of Bronte and Defoe as layer after layer of the mystery comes clear. This is also the most well-paced of the four stories and I certainly hope Fitton gets more work from BFP.

WATCHIN'

We waited too long for this but it was so worth it. That frustrating yet wonderful cliffhanger to Series One which left us all waiting to see how John and Sherlock would escape from Moriarty and all those snipers. The answer is completely unexpected and brilliant.

As with the last series this is a trilogy of 90 minute stories: A Scandal In Belgravia written by Steven Moffat, The Hounds Of Baskerville by Mark Gatiss and The Reichenbach Fall by Steve Thompson. In the full flush of confidence after the first season's success Sherlock is tackling the three biggest stories: Irene Adler, Baskerville and the Final Problem. All three are modernised and played with in that strange Sherlock way where they become both a new story but strangely faithful to the source material. Baskerville here isn't the name of a landed family but a weapons research base on Dartmoor but we still have a hound, a Henry Knight and Lestrade turns up for no reason just like in the book.

The series has become more of an ensemble piece in this series: Mrs Hudson has more to do, Lestrade is in each episode, Mycroft meets John for coffee, Molly even turns up for he Baker Street Christmas party. The focus is still the spot-on chemistry of Cumberbatch and Freeman as Sherlock and John (not Holmes and Watson, never Holmes and Watson) but the world of the series is beginning to come together all over. The two principals have learnt to live with each other since the last series and they're completely bonded as partners though they still get on each others' nerves.

The three individuals films (it seems churlish somehow to call them episodes) offer great variety. A Scandal In Belgravia is incredibly fun and you can't bring yourself to see Irene Adler as the villain because she's so spectacularly naughty. The Hounds Of Baskerville is tense and leaves you uncertain at times whether there will be a rational explanation as the plot veers more and more towards science fiction so you begin to feel some of Sherlock's unease in this irrational situation. The Reichenbach Fall rounds the series off on a very dark note, taking the most hopeless story in the canon and making it a downright horrific psychological experience for the two main characters.

Frustratingly there's no commentary on the final episode which is a pity because of all of them that's the one I would have wanted to hear a creative discussion about. The other commentaries are fun and informative even if Russell Tovey seems to be under the impression he's moderating the commentary rather than contributing to it.

I'm told Series Three has already been commissioned, I just hope we don't have to wait until 2014 to see it.

A Thought About Internet Piracy

2012-01-31T06:00:00.000Z

With SOPA and PIPA (both of which are rather poorly written Bills open to abuse) being in the news I thought I'd say something about piracy. You see, I wonder if when the history of entertainment is written that account will tackle the fact that piracy has improved our experience of things.

Here's my point: I remember how long it took for a film to come out on video when I was a child. Take a Hollywood film, Jurassic Park for instance. The film would be released in America, a couple of months down the line it would be released in the UK after we all knew what was going to happen from reviews, then it'd be on television on some bank holiday a year or so later and ONLY THEN would there be a video.

I bought the DVD of Sherlock Series Two one week after the final episode aired. Films take a couple of months to come out on DVD to deny pirates their chance. DVD extras are a way of making the professional product more desirable than someone's digital copy TIVOed off telly. Special Editions offer a different experience from the cinema edition or a cinema viewing taped from the back row. Free shipping from Amazon removes one of the barriers of inconvenience between you and the products in their warehouses. Sketchbook and creator commentaries in trade paperbacks offer a similar enhanced reading experience to DVD extras.

It’s interesting how crime adapts to business and business adapts to crime.

However, it has to be said that I don't understand the assertion on the FACT adverts you get on films that digital piracy supports organised crime and terrorism. Unless O2 and T-Mobile and other internet service providers have a paramilitary wing I don't know about.

Tomb It May Concern. The Tomb of the Cybermen Ramble

2012-01-30T06:00:00.000Z

4 episodes featuring Patrick Troughton as the Doctor with Frazer Hines as Jamie and Deborah Watling as Victoria
written by Kit Pedler and Gerry Davis
directed by Morris Barry

“... frozen forever, all their evil locked away with them and so it must remain.”
- the Doctor

Story Review
The set up for Tomb Of The Cybermen is classic horror flick stuff. After a short establishing scene in the TARDIS we are whisked off to the scenic if strangely quarry-like planet Telos where a group of archaeologists are trying to uncover the lost city of the Cybermen. Thinking the Cybermen are extinct they therefore don't realise what a bloody stupid idea this is but where would horror scripts be without people being bloody stupid? Would any halfway sensible man ever visit Castle Dracula? Would they walk into the dark woods where a serial killer is absolutely certainly lurking?

The archaeology team is the also the classic horror cast pick-and-mix: the professor, the coward, the working class muscle and a pair of traitors with unsubtle Eastern European accents. It's no spoiler to say Kaftan and Kleig are villains because their every line is arrogant and sinister and they're followed around by their own almost-mute black slave man. Ah yes, Toberman, our racially problematic character du jour. Surprisingly this doesn't happen too often in Doctor Who considering its age but Toberman is a difficult one. He hardly speaks and even then seems incapable of constructing complete sentences, he exists only as muscle and... oh grief it's horrible and barely (if that) saved by the character's final scene in which he manages to bravely save the day thus gaining agency and importance.

Of course this large cast exists mainly for the purpose of being picked off one by one: by traps, by circumstance, by poking things they should leave well alone. Having all these characters wandering around means that Pedler and Davis can take their own sweet time before introducing the titular bad guys. They even play with our expectations as viewers, putting an interesting twist on the traditional end of part one reveal monsters always make.

This is a beautifully designed story, it has to be said. The tall tomb set is magnificent and not just in a “considering the times” sense, it certainly beats the hell out of the tombs we'll see twenty years later in Attack Of The Cybermen. The various rooms in the Cyber-city are adorned with stylised Cybermen faces all over the place like some South American temple uncovered after centuries. It has to be be said I honestly think the Moonbase/Tomb Cybermen were the best design they ever had. Its the hands, I think, just the two thick fingers and a chunky thumb, makes them look more inhuman.

The trappings of old style sci-fi as well as horror abound. Victoria is offered “food pills” for lunch and people use the phrase “rocket ship”. I like rocket ships, there's something charmingly quaint about the idea.

Even surrounded by a large cast Patrick Troughton shines as the definitive Doctor: throwing out one-liners and put downs left, right and centre. He has such presence and such a wonderful voice for exposition because it never seems dry, really keeping your interest. His Doctor here is a manipulative old sod, nudging the archaeologists along so that he'll be on hand when the metal meanies make their eventual appearance. He's also a paternal figure, comforting Victoria as she mourns her father. No wonder Troughton more than any other Doctor gets cited by later actors as a touchstone for the role.

Moments of Charm
Any Who fan who has seen this story knows what scene I'm going to pick. Recently orphaned Victoria Waterfield needs cheering up and the Doctor talks to her about his own family. Thought it's brief and vague it's one of the few scenes we ever get of the Doctor talking about his personal past. It's also a lovely scene about memory and mourning.

DVD Presentation
It's an actors-only commentary this time round with Fraser Hines and Deborah Watling, remembering old friends and having a laugh with one another, teasing gently the way very old mates do even if some of the material is duplicated later on in the Tombwatch feature. An interesting collection of odds and sods make up the other extras for this. With so few Troughton stories surviving to get the DVD treatment this isn't surprising as relevance comes second to getting the material out there somehow.

First up are a series of test sequences from when the Troughton title sequence was being composed. Nice enough and interesting to see some of the effects that didn't make it in (some of them frankly superior to the finished product). Clips from a programme called Late Night Line-Up gives us a man with very a boring voice explaining how the BBC Special Effects department works, a segment linked to Tomb only by a small musical number featuring a pair of balletic Cybermats.

The Final End gives us as close as we'll ever get to watching the climax of Evil Of The Daleks, marrying amateur 8mm film taken during filming with the original soundtrack. It's jerky and wobbly but the best recreation we'll probably ever see. Of somewhat more relevance is a piece comparing the original recovered film prints of Tomb with the remastered DVD-quality stuff. What can I say: the DVD is better, of course it is better and I didn't really need this to know that but the Restoration Team are the great unsung heroes of Doctor Who so giving them a chance to toot their own horns is more than justified.

Tombwatch presents a panel hosted by the Doctor Who Appreciation Society featuring Frazer Hines, Deborah Watling, producer Peter Bryant, script editor Victor Pemberton, Michael Kilgarriff (the Cyber-Controller) and Shirley Cooklin (Kaftan) with clips of others. There are, of course, stories, there are always brilliant stories when Doctor Who actors and producers get together. Director Morris Barry hosts a short introduction (recorded for the 1992 VHS release) which has more, if less lively stories.

Christians and Bells and Ow...

2012-01-29T20:14:00.001Z

I woke up this morning with a headache and because of it I ended up wondering about a certain bit of Christian architecture.

You see, I went for a walk because I once lived with a rabid straight-edger and so painkillers are an absolute last resort. In fairness, I do find that a bit of fresh air does me a power of good when I've got a headache. Anyway, I end up walking through the graveyard by the Minster (yes, we have a Minster, yet another reason Reading was cheated out of that city charter). It was lovely and peaceful and relaxing but I forgot that it was 11 o'clock on a Sunday morning.

Can you guess why, dear reader?

“Bells, my dear, bells!” as old Sixie once said, grabbing Peri by the shoulders (probably the only bit of her the BBC would let him touch for fear of complaints). It's a wonderful sort of sound when you're in the mood for it, rising crescendos and peals and different bells running through at different speeds, but when you already have a force ten headache it loses its beauty rather.

Anyway, the long and the short of it is I'm now wondering what the bells are actually about. Are they a doctrinal thing? Is there some religious significance to bells? Or is it simply a relic of a time when there were no digital watches and just an extension of the hourly bongs, an extra special sort of bonging to declare “Put the primitive farming equipment down, lads, it's time for God now!”.

My family were Sunday Christians when they weren't too busy being bitter agnostics (my father went to a Catholic school, institutions which I swear are God's gift to the atheists to prove He still loves them) so I don't know nearly enough about the actual workings of churches. This is a pity because the art and architecture of them is beautiful, there's a Polish Catholic church by the King's Road that has spectacular stained glass windows.

Video Nastiness. The Vengeance on Varos Ramble

2012-01-28T06:00:00.000Z

2 episodes featuring Colin Baker as the Doctor with Nicola Bryant as Peri
written by Philip Martin
directed by Ron Jones

“Close-up on death throes, please.”
- the Governor

Story Review
You could call Season Twenty-Two a love it or hate it part of Doctor Who history... if you could find just one person who legitimately loved it. It was a season with a lot of problems not least of which was being rather crap all round. Vengeance On Varos is generally considered the exception that proves the rule. Vengeance is a bit good, you see.

In the TARDIS the Doctor and Peri have their bickering interrupted by a power failure and, following a short therapeutic sulk, the Doctor uses the last of the power to land on the mining planet Varos. Hoping to pop in, buy some of Varos' unique Zeiton-7 and get back to their argument the pair are frustrated when they materialise in a torture chamber. It seems Varos has two exports: Zeiton-7 and “video nasty” tapes of their political dissidents being tortured to death. So most of the story involves the Doctor and Peri running through corridors encountering acid baths, marauding guards, poisonous plants, cannibals and vicious stock footage. Thus we come to one of the big problems of Season Twenty-Two...

It takes forever for the Doctor to get involved in the story. It isn't until Part Two that the Doctor comes face to face with anyone of importance on Varos rather than just random guards and ineffectual rebels Jondar and Areta. In some ways the story even resolves without the Doctor's involvement, which isn't a unique problem that year (take a bow, Revelation Of The Daleks).

But let's concentrate for a few moments on the positive. Big guest star of the story is Martin Jarvis as the Governor, who seems to have been teleported in from a better production. He's one of British acting's grand pantheon so it isn't surprising that he adds a sense of gravity to every scene he's in. His turn as the Governor, condemned to literally live or die by public vote, is beautifully melancholy and subtle at a time when over-acting was the norm in Doctor Who. Sadly he gets rather over-shadowed by Nabil Shaban's grotesque turn as Sil.

Sil is a brilliant creation, grotesque and sadistic as he enjoys the tortures of Varos' Punishment Dome. And that horrible gurgling laugh is awesome. As Shaban points out on the commentary it's a distinctive sound that really makes a Doctor Who monster.

What is debatable with Vengeance is the violence. As a satire of the video nasty craze of its day Vengeance shows us a society where torture is the only entertainment. We even have a window on the lives of the Varosian citizens in Arak and Etta, a bickering middle-aged couple (no one gets on in the Colin Baker era) who never meet anyone else on screen, simply watching events on their TV and discussing death and torture the way normal people discuss soap operas. “When was the last time we saw a decent execution?” asks Arak at one point.

As tame as the violence is too me, a man used to HBO levels of blood spatter, it does seem horrendous by Doctor Who standards. We actually see the Doctor gloat after two guards fall into an acid bath and die, firing off a pithy one-liner in the direction of their disintegrating corpses. It really is obscene, all of Mary Whitehouse's Christmases come at once. It is perhaps too direct in its satire, pushing the Doctor into a sort of wilful killing that just doesn't work for the character.

Moments of Charm
Nabil Shaban's every scene is a belter but the prize has to go to Martin Jarvis' understated, melancholic speech as he waits for what he knows will be the final vote against him, the one that will see him killed. He's resigned to his fate, noting that death is now an old friend to him, a constant companion. As I said before, it's like he was teleported in from a better production like Ricardo Montalban in The Wrath Of Khan.

DVD Presentation
On my second watch-through of these DVDs I switch on the commentary and the information text which means going through the Special Features menu several times and each time the clip on one side of the screen is Sil gurgling like a pervert. Could have done without that, frankly.

There is a behind the scenes piece, a couple of different takes of Peri's interrogation by the Governor and Chief Guard complete with fluffs and comments from the director off-screen. It's just the one scene three or four times but interesting if you like to take a peek behind the curtain. There's also a small selection of extended and deleted scenes, best of which are some extra bits with Arak and Etta. There's also more Doctor/Peri bickering and I can't express how glad I am that got cut, their relationship didn't need more of that even if it involves the ever hilarious verbal mannerism. Verbal mannerism? VERBAL MANNERISM!!!!! Call me a bluff old traditionalist but I think the Doctor and his companions should get along otherwise it begs the question of why he would keep them around. There is a moment of tenderness between the two that would have been the final scene, the very sort of scene that would have softened the relationship and Colin Baker's character, the very sort of moment that was desperately needed in Season Twenty-Two.

Talking of Doctor and companion getting along, the commentary sees Colin Baker, Nicola Bryant and Nabil Shaban raconteur their way through the story. Baker is clearly in charge of things, directing his fellow actors in their reminiscence (when he isn't perving on 1980s Nicola Bryant, that is). Actor commentaries are usually funny and this one doesn't disappoint, decades of conventions have honed these actors' skills as storytellers and best of all is Nabil Shaban recounting a “compliment” paid to him by the late Mary Whitehouse.

Dr Who Ramble. What has the TV Movie ever done for us?

2012-01-23T06:00:00.001Z

featuring Paul McGann and Sylvester McCoy as the Doctor with Daphne Ashbrook as Grace, Yee Jee Tso as Chang Lee and Eric Roberts as the Master
written by Mathew Jacobs
directed by Geoffrey Sax

“I love humans: always seeing patterns in things that aren't there.”
- the Doctor

Story Review
So here it is: the great failure, the one night stand that constitutes 1990s Doctor Who. For a single Monday evening in May 1996 he was back... and then he wasn't. If not for spin-off media the Eighth Doctor would be a footnote, a latter day Peter Cushing to be forgotten in pub quizzes, his canonicity forever suspect. Yes, the film was a failure in what it set out to achieve but what has the TV Movie ever done for us?

Let's go back to that one night stand metaphor. Hungover the morning after the collective consciousness of fandom blinked its bleary eyes, looked at the other side of the bed and learnt some valuable lessons. I say “fandom” because it would be fans (Mssrs. Davies, Moffatt and Cornell amongst others) who would bring the series back to much critical acclaim nine years later. First and most important, they learnt that bringing Sylvester McCoy back was a mistake.

Now, I like Sylvester McCoy, I like his Doctor and I applaud his commitment to film a regeneration because he felt fans were short changed by the half-arsed way he assumed the role. However, it was a bad idea. About a third of this film is wasted introducing a character that will die, asking the audience to invest in someone they will never see again. It takes valuable time away from making McGann a distinct character worthy of heading his own series. Worse, McGann never has that moment of revelation most Doctors get, that moment when their personality solidifies and they're there. There isn't a “No more second chances, I'm that sort of a man.”, no “Basically, run.”, not even a “Whether you like it or not.”. I love the Eighth Doctor but it has to be said that more than a decade of Big Finish has rendered the character here unrecognisable. It's a damn shame that for most people this is his only appearance.

This isn't to say that the TV Movie gave RTD nothing more than mistakes to learn from, it piloted a few innovations. Where would the revived series be without the work done here to make the Doctor a sexual being? True, the kisses here seem more meaningful to Grace than the Doctor but they do add a splash of romance to the character which would inform his relationships with Charley, Rose, Martha and River.

There's also the more action-based approach this story takes, having the Doctor steal a motorcycle, threaten to shoot himself and, yes, the kissing again. He's attractive and the story is allowed to play that up.

Finally, of course, it gave us an Eighth Doctor, it gave us Paul McGann. It took far too long but once Big Finish got their hands on him we got stuff like Invaders From Mars, Human Resources, Zagreus and Neverland, the story where the Doctor would finally tell a human woman he loved her.

As any scientist will tell you, even failed experiments can have unforeseen positive consequences.

Moments of Charm
There is a scene of real genius as the Doctor, Grace and the Master (still disguised as paramedic Bruce) chat in the back of an ambulance: the Doctor declaring he knew Madame Curie “intimately”, Grace's sudden jealousy, the Master correcting her grammar. In that one scene McGann nails a character, not just an amalgam of the writer's fond memories but a Doctor all his own, a hint of the name dropper he'll become; Daphne Ashbrook shows some fire; and Eric Roberts resurrects the urbane wit of the Master's better incarnations.

DVD Presentation
Coming to this after watching the two UNIT Files DVDs last week you realise just how spoilt we've become when it comes to extras. The main feature here is a series of interviews from when the Movie was being produced. The best of the crop is Sylvester McCoy waxing lyrical about the series but they're all very light promo pieces. Only one interview, with Seagal, is from after the movie had failed and in spite of this he's still enthusiastic about the show.

The selection of trailers show how badly this film was marketed. They actually put “I always drezz for the occasion” in the bloody BBC trailer, for goodness sake.

There are a few other odds and sods, some alternate scenes which aren't mind blowing but far more interesting is producer Philip Seagal giving a tour of the TARDIS set. It really is a wonderful TARDIS and bringing the “bigger” back into “bigger on the inside than out” is one of the enduring legacies of the movie. There are whole areas of the set including a conservatory with potted plans and a piano that I don't think you even glimpse in the film. A behind the scenes compilation shows a few different bits of business from the recording but it isn't narrated or ordered to any great degree.

Just playing with my new camera

2012-01-22T06:00:00.000Z

Couldn’t think of anything to post today so I thought I’d see if my digital camera was good enough to take photos of some of my miniatures. After all, one of my big resolutions for the year is to finish an army ad it’d help if I had more of a medium to show them of… *ahem*… a way of documenting my progress, ordering my thoughts, a sort of production diary, I suppose.

So, just some test shots of my current Skaven army and one very lost Agitator/Officer from my Lost And The Damned.

I think I need to invest in some scenery before I take any more pictures.

The Unreal Deal. The Android Invasion Ramble

2012-01-21T06:00:00.000Z

4 episodes featuring Tom Baker as the Doctor, Elisabeth Sladen as Sarah and Ian Marter as Harry
written by Terry Nation
directed by Barry Letts

“... it's not real wood and you're not the real Sarah.”
- the Doctor

Story Review
The second instalment of the UNIT Files boxset takes us as far from UNIT's heyday as it's possible to get. The Fourth Doctor and Sarah set down in the woods just outside picturesque Devesham. Going exploring they get shot at by men in space suits, watch a UNIT corporal throw himself off a cliff and wander into a deserted village only to see more space suited men driving a truck full of silent, immobile villagers into the square. It' all very off-kilter, unexplained weirdness and odd little clues like every coin being newly minted and the same date. UNIT might not be at full strength in this story but the feel of it is, this is a pure Avengers set-up straight from the early-70s.

Terry Nation was a writer of staples and there's a lot of Nation-isms here: the story opens with a man walking to his death; weapons of mass destruction; radioactivity; dopplegangers; sprained ankles; the end of part one monster reveal. He gets lot of stick in our production literate world but he was always brilliant for action and little bits of mystery to generate a world. Yes, there's a formula to his stories even when the Daleks aren't around but more often than not his stuff is great fun.

The initial mystery is what makes this story so involving as the Doctor and Sarah wander the streets in utter confusion. For once the dead giveaway of the story title even wrongfoots us because the invasion isn't at the stage we initially think it is.

There are a couple of bum notes in the production: swaddled under layers of wrinkly latex the Kraals were never destined to become great Who villains. The actors' voices are distorted by the masks so they can't really project any emotion other than vague grumpiness. The “eye patch” reveal has value as a shock moment but it doesn't stand up to a second's scrutiny. It might be tempting to call it a misunderstanding of disability by an abled writer but you can't even go there because it is so mind numbingly impossible. That said, Crayford is a brilliantly sympathetic villain and one of the more convincing cases of brainwashing the series had ever attempted. Pity about the patch.

Another pity is the very light roles Ian Marter and Ian Levene get as Harry and Benton. For both of them this would be the last hurrah but both spend most of the story playing very flat android versions of their characters. Harry and Benton are great characters and it's sad to see them so reduced in their last appearance.

But I'm being too had on this one because there's so much to love. Though they scowl and grumble their way through the story the Kraals are entertaining baddies in cod-Shakespearian sort of way. Tom Baker and Lis Sladen sparkle their way through four episodes with Baker showing a real hard edge at times, especially when he has reason to suspect Sarah might have been harmed. The atmosphere of the opening episodes is fantastic in its creepiness. This story hits more often than it misses, it's just that the misses are so big.

Moments of Charm
Doctor Who has always been a show on a shoestring, whatever the era, and this show has the greatest free special effect ever. Tom Baker, coming to realise the situation he's in, pulls down a branch from the tree next to him and simply declares that it's plastic, not wood. It's simple, it cost not a penny and Baker's delivery makes it utterly convincing.

DVD Presentation
Nick Briggs presents The Village That Came To Life, a combined “making of” and “then and now” documentary. Briggs wanders around the village and space defence centre locations, he even visits the real Fleur De Lys pub where he, naturally, re-enacts the pint of ginger pop scene with the genuine landlord. The talking heads are all interesting: producer Philip Hinchcliffe, late director Barry Letts and actors Martin Friend (Styggron) and Milton Johns (Guy Crayford). Letts and Hinchcliffe obviously have very different views of how the show should work, as evidenced by their differing eras as producer, and here is a rare chance to see them discuss the same serial. The clashes between their approaches might not be huge but it's interesting because neither of them are wrong, they both presided over very popular eras.

Friend and Johns' memories of the recording are of a happy time with a generous star, so we're in Friendly Tom territory rather than Difficult Tom. Both actors are frank about the difficulties of their characters; Friend about his prosthetics and Johns about the infamous eye patch scene.

Life After Who: Philip Hinchcliffe, presented by his daughter Celina Hinchciffe, examines the man's twenty year career after he left the show. First off is cop show Target, which shows that his taste for controversial violence wasn't confined to Who. He also discusses the difference between working for the BBC and independent companies, the principal one being that outside the BBC no one pays for development. It's also a brilliant potted history of BBC production over twenty years. Being interviewed by his daughter means that there's someone to jog his memory from actual experience rather than a set of notes. In particular I have to see if Friday On My Mind has ever been released on DVD, it looks amazing and it stars Christopher Ecclestone.

Finally, a Dalek presents a Weetabix advert featuring cardboard cutouts of Doctor Who characters. It's actually quite shaming that this Dalek looks better than the ones used by the series at this time.

Once again Toby Hadoke is our commentary wrangler corraling Milton Johns, Martin Friend, production assistant Marion McDougal and Philip Hinchcliffe. It's a good mix of producers and actors, technical anecdotes and location stories. It's interesting but rather upstaged by the Information Text which swing wildly between what's on screen and brilliant little asides such as explaining that the word “android” was first coined in the 13th century or reporting the opinions, of all people, of Kenneth Williams on the story (he wasn't impressed). The IT also dwells on the exceedingly eccentric actions of Styggron.

If I wrote a sitcom

2012-01-20T06:00:00.000Z

I know what the theme tune would be. I heard it on a Goon Show CD a few years ago and it just feels right. You can just imagine it being the song for a romantic comedy series, probably about a long distance relationship. The version I heard was sung by regular Goon Show crooner Ray (not the Duke) Ellington. The song itself is by Louis Prima.

(The beeping is performed by the pianist)

My baby’s going on a trip to the moon
And she won’t be back too soon
She doesn’t write me and I can’t sleep
All I hear from her is beep beep beep

My baby’s up in a rocket machine
Since she left, she ain’t been seen
She doesn’t call me and I can’t sleep
All I hear from her is beep beep beep

I wonder if beep beep means ‘I miss you’
Or maybe beep boop means ‘I want to kiss you’
I’m hoping that beep beep means ‘I love you’
And she’s comin’ down to Earth again

My baby’s high in the stratosphere
I’m so low ‘cause I’m down here
My love for her is gonna keep
Till she comes back and whispers beep beep beep

I wonder if beep beep means ‘I miss you’
Or maybe beep boop means ‘I want to kiss you’
I’m hoping that beep beep means ‘I love you’
And she’s comin’ down to Earth again

My baby’s foolin’ ‘round with a satellite
Now you know that, that ain’t right
My love for her is gonna keep
Till she comes back and whispers beep beep beep

The Comics Ramble... Reborn

2012-01-18T06:00:00.000Z

Not necessarily relevant, concise, well-ordered, objective or fully spell-checked, the Comics Ramble has regenerated. If you're wondering, its last words before death were “Carrot juice, carrot juice, carrot juice...” Still, if SallyP's This Weeks Comics can be young and strong, so can I... the Comics Ramble… reborn!!!!!

Charles M. Schulz Peanuts #1
(new stories by Vicki Scott and Shane Houghton; art by Vicki Scott, Paige Braddock and Matt Whitcock; colours Lisa Moore, Bob Scott, Justin Thompson and Alexis E. Fajardo; classic material by Charles M. Schulz)

I picked this one up off the shelf in sheer bafflement and fully prepared to cry “Heresy!” in this review. However, this was a fine showing because in spite of that title this comic doesn't try to be the old Peanuts. There are a couple of old Schulz's Sunday page comics to prove the point. Rather, the new stories invoke the spirit of the Charlie Brown And Snoopy Show.

This issue mainly focuses on Lucy Van Pelt who was always one of Schulz's (if I'm not pluralising that right, I'm sorry, funny name) better characters but the whole gang gets in on the act: Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Schroeder, even some little-remembered characters like Frieda and her cat. There's a lovely feeling of nostalgia in it all that takes me back to Sunday mornings in the late 1980s when the cartoon was on Channel 4. Whatever this book misses by not being a perfect re-creation of Schulz's style it gains from pure nostalgia.

I defy anyone with even the slightest fond memory of Snoopy not to smile when the Psychiatric Help 5 cents booth turns up.

Scarlet Spider #1
Life After Death (writer Christopher Yost; pencils Ryan Stegman; inks Michael Babinski; colours Marte Garcia)

If you'd told me in 1996 that some day I'd pick up an ongoing starring a Spider-Clone, let alone Kaine...

Some writers just find their niche and when you pick up a Chris Yost book you know it's going to be an edgy, morally ambiguous affair. This man resurrected X-Force, slaughtered his way through the New X-Men, enrolled Red Robin in the League of Assassins and wrote X-23 a life of physical and psychological abuse. You know where you are with this man and when Kaine drops down on gang of human traffickers not to bust the deal but to steal their duffelbag of cash I wasn't disappointed.

The premise is simple: Kaine was an imperfect clone of Spider-Man who went mad and became a murderous villain. He had a bunch of weird powers that made no sense and a disfiguring genetic illness but that was the Clone Saga for you. Strange days. In the fallout from Spider-Island Yost has taken the miracle cure his character was handed and simplified things wonderfully. Now Kaine is Peter Parker but meaner, scruffier, on the run and without a spider-sense or functional moral compass.

What interests me about the angle is that Kaine has always been “not Peter Parker”, the vision of how bloody evil the hero could be is he spent his entire life being shit on. Now he's running as fast as he can from New York and not just from the authorities, there's a suggestion he's running from the very idea of Peter Parker. The scene where he takes his stolen money and books himself into an expensive hotel is a brilliant way to show that Kaine just wants to be alive again.

Oh, and there's a reddhead bartender and an illegal immigrant and a policeman and a doctor and a villain: all the ingredients for a supporting cast right there. Damn, but I'm looking forward to seeing how this one's going to play out.

I think Bart is still Bart

2012-01-17T06:00:00.000Z

You see, I just read Teen Titans #4 (I know, I'm a bit behind) and the team is starting to come together. Whilst in the A-Plot we have Cassie and Con flirting outrageously as they pound on one another over in the B-plot we have the team getting to know one another in Tim's apartment. The “getting to know you” bit for Bart piques my interest because he's lost his memory.

Six months previously he turns up at an orphanage, amnesiac. This interests me because of Bart's unique past in the old DCU: he was the only character aside from Barry Allen to go through Flashpoint unchanged. He's also a time traveller and we know (from Flashpoint and from the old Teen Titans ongoing) that time travel can alter memories to prevent the paradox of foreknowledge. He also spent Flashpoint not on wibbly Earth but in a wibbly future, possibly isolated from the moment of chance the Legion Of Super-Heroes now has down as "The Flashpoint Barrier".

So my theory: after Kid Flash Lost, Bart emerges into the world of the New 52 and the process of rewriting his memories to accommodate the new continuity overloads his unique mental processes. Bart's brain is fast, his speed force powers affect its processing speed, so perhaps complete burn out was the only solution?

It's a bit slim, I know, but I was right about Excoristos in Demon Knights being an Amazon and I'm feeling a bit punch drunk.

Scary Monsters. The Invasion of the Dinosaurs

2012-01-16T06:00:00.000Z

“You mustn't say such things!”
- Ruth

6 episodes featuring Jon Pertwee as the Doctor, Elisabeth Sladen as Sarah and Nicholas Courtney as the Brigadier
written by Malcolm Hulke
directed by Paddy Russell

Story Review
Invasion Of The Dinosaurs has a special place in Doctor Who history, its special effects are legendarily for being worst in the canon. To quote Edmund Blackadder: “as you can imagine, that's up against some pretty stiff competition.” In fairness the dinosaurs are utterly rubbish, that's not debatable so I won't even try. The absolute worst comes in the final episode as a T-Rex and a Brontosaurus come to blows. Well, I say blows, what I mean is that since the sock puppets can't walk and they can't bite they end up nuzzling each others' necks in lieu of combat, it's almost bizarrely romantic: a Tyrannosaurus and a herbivore, that's love across the barricades for you.

The story opens with a montage of deserted London streets and landmarks, silent until the TARDIS wheezes and groans into existence. Invaded by (you'll never guess) dinosaurs, London has been evacuated by the super star tag team of UNIT and the regular army who are having all sorts of fun shooting looters and less fun shooting impervious dinosaurs. UNIT are led as ever by the trusty Brigadier and the regulars are commanded by General Finch, who could not be more sinister if he tried. They're basically treating the symptoms of the problem rather than the cause with the Brig assuring his untrustworthy superior that once the scientific advisor turns up they'll be able to get to the bottom of things.

Said scientific advisor has by this time been attacked by a pterosaur, stolen a car, been arrested as a looter and sentenced to a detention camp under martial law. Throughout it all Pertwee is utterly charming, butting heads with by-the-book military men and bonding with a captured looter. Beside him through all this is Sarah Jane Smith in a position I'm not used to seeing her, you see, no one really trusts her. The Doctor likes and respects her but she's not as deep in his confidence as Jo was, not this early in her time on the show. The Brigadier doesn't know her, only tolerates her because the Doctor insists on her as his assistant, brushing off her request to photograph the dinosaurs. I'm so used to Lis Sladen as an established, venerable part of the universe, here she's new and no one knows her. Still, she gets the best storyline in the serial, being kidnapped by the baddies and waking up on a spaceship populated by left-wing extremists intent on reaching a new world and guiding its inhabitants into a Golden Age, avoiding the mistakes this world has made. It's so imperialist it isn't true.

There's something genuinely chilling when these lefties react to Sarah questioning their morals with forced re-education and the threat of death. They lock her in the Reminder Room where she's bombarded with filmic evidence of how shit mankind is. Lis Sladen may never have liked the journalist angle she was handed but it gives Sarah the deductive skills to explore this spaceship and uncover exactly what's going on. It's actually the better part of the story, not let down by dodgy rubber dinosaurs and actually bringing her closer to the heart of the mystery than the Doctor will get for an episode or so.

The other thing about this story is that it is really the last UNIT story. After this Mike Yates becomes a civilian, then disappears, then we lose the Brig until UNIT is represented purely by Harry and Benton (in the other half of this box set, actually) before they all fade away. This story is a hell of a valedictory lap for the UNIT family. The Brig is as stoic and deadpan funny as ever, Nick Courtney giving it his all, quietly loyal to his men and the Doctor to the bitter end. Ian Levene's Sergeant Benton gets few better moments than when apologising to a traitorous senior officer as he clobbers the man. Finally, of course, there's Richard Franklin as Captain Yates, whose idealism proves his downfall in an utterly unprecedented bit of character development for the show. This was the beginning of the end for UNIT but it couldn't have had a better story to go out on.

Pity there were a few others to go, really.

Moments of Charm
Part Two shows the truth in the age old adage that you can choose your friends but not your family, even the UNIT family. The Doctor, having finally managed to get rid of Sarah and Mike Yates so he can work in peace almost jumps towards the door in a rush to lock it. The door locked, silence achieved, the Brig comes in through the other door and Pertwee literally growls and reaches to tear his hair out. Not often you see the Doctor get utterly peeved.

There's also the moment when the Doctor is preparing to karate chop the first soldier through the door and has to turn the chop into a friendly wave when he realises it's the Brigadier. Utterly charming.

DVD Presentation
For the first time since 1974 the first episode of this story is available in colour... sort... of... For some reason no one can explain the colour restoration process that worked so magnificently on Planet Of The Daleks didn't work anywhere near as well on this one: colours fade in and out, Sarah Jane's hair has a green tinge, everything looks bleached. As a consequence you have the option to watch the episode in colour or in black and white but as much as I complain about the finished product it is better in colour, limited as it might be.

The big feature on the second disc is People, Power And Puppetry which largely shies away from the obvious angle of rubbishing the effects and concentrates on the ideas of the story. Terrance Dicks is on hand to remember the politics of Malcolm Hulke and how they influenced the environmental themes of his work. I never knew Hulke was a communist and that his own problems with the British Communist Party influenced his creation of the New Earth loonies. Actor Peter Miles has some good points to make about fascism and how otherwise reasonable people becoming collaborators in evil regimes. It makes a compelling case for this story's brilliance and it is certainly one of Hulke's better scripts.

There's a deleted scenes package, mainly tiny chops and changes but a mute Part One scene shows a slightly different view to the opening sequence that would have had a lone looter being seen to die rather than the “deserted streets” montage of the finished product. The Now And Then series takes us through the locations used in the opening montage in and other places. It has to be said that the London landmarks haven't changed that much because they've been there since the Victorian era at the very earliest.

Doctor Who Stories: Elisabeth Sladen Part 1 gives us the lady herself looking back on her time in the show. There are some funny chapter titles like “The Feminist Ukelele” where she discusses the audience identification nature of the companion role. It's a long interview, moving from story to story at a fast pace, a big compilation of reminiscences. There's even a natty animated intro that references the stuffed owl. This set covers her season with Jon Pertwee, some stories are funny and some are sad but the humour with which she delivers them reminds you of what a talent the world of acting lost that day in 2011.

Tobey Hadoke moderates commentaries featuring Richard Franklin (Mike Yates), Peter Miles (Professor Whitaker) Terence Wilton (semi-reasonable New Earth colonist Mark), Richard Morris (production designer), Terrance Dicks (script editor) and Paddy Russell (director) in varying combinations. Paddy Russell's commentary on Parts One, Four and Five are really extended interviews less concerned than usual with what's happening on screen. Still, it's a wonderfully focussed interview and there's more to keep your interest on screen than a talking head. Recorded the day after Nick Courtney's funeral the other commentary track dwells greatly on memories of the man, heartfelt tributes all.

The Rill Deal

2012-01-15T20:24:00.002Z

That's a Rill. Always wondered what one looked like. Now I know and so do you.

That is all.

The Death of Innocence. The Caves of Androzani Ramble

2012-01-14T06:00:00.000Z

4 episodes featuring Peter Davison as the Doctor with Nicola Bryant as Peri
written by Robert Holmes
directed by Graeme Harper

“You have the mouth of a prattling jackanapes but your eyes... they tell a different story.”
- Sharaz Jek

Story Review
In 2009's Mighty 200 poll this serial was voted the greatest Doctor Who story of all time beating the likes of Blink, The Talons Of Weng-Chiang and previous title holder Genesis Of The Daleks to the top. So what did it do to deserve the honour?

For Peri's first trip in the TARDIS the Doctor chooses to take her to the incredibly unimpressive world of Androzani Minor. A little light snooping later and local government troops have condemned our heroes to death as gun runners. So begins four episodes of events and agendas running away from the Doctor as he and Peri slowly die, poisoned by the very wonder drug the locals are warring over. Spectrox matches its planet of origin by being a very unimpressive fountain of youth, a restorative that makes Androzani Major's 80-something President appear a mere spring chicken of 65. That's not a knock on the casting, by the way, everything about the world of Caves is a just a touch... well, petty.

The government forces in this war are commanded by a weak man who takes his orders from a corporate leader and the rebels are one masked madman who has pressed machine guns into the hands of the spectrox mine's robot workforce. Said madman's motivation isn't political, it isn't even an avaricious desire to control this fountain of youth, the whole war is just to set an old enemy's head on a spike. This is all set against a subplot of war profiteering with a businessman playing both sides against the middle for his own personal gain, a theme that never gets old because it never stops happening in real life.

This petty and sordid little war is the perfect backdrop for Peter Davison's uniquely passive Doctor because there are literally no good guys to side with, no moral high ground to take. Even when madman du jour Sharaz Jek takes him prisoner and we're introduced to fellow captive Salateen our sympathy lasts a grand total of two minutes. Salateen, who any other day would be the plucky one-story audience identification figure is made instantly heartless when he discovers our heroes are dying and bursts out laughing, the sallow goit.

Perhaps uniquely for Season Twenty-One this story even looks good, all power to legendary director Graeme Harper, me thinks. Location filming for the planet surface might be good old quarry land but since Minor is meant to be a shithole it works. A conspiracy between writer and director makes the caves themselves look more convincing than they probably should: the dim lighting (again, are we sure this was the 1984 season?) softens angles and a line about superheated mudflows scouring the surfaces smooth backs up the illusion. Perpetual but subtle billows of smoke cross the camera to lend a hot, oppressive atmosphere to this shitty little world. But there's a but, of course there is, this is Doctor Who.

Our “but” is the Magma Beast, a marauding nasty that has been eating government troops who venture too far from base. With a masked maniac, faceless robots, gun runners and John Normington's villainous asides to camera you'd think this story had enough monsters but BBC Special Effects have done themselves proud on this baby. With a waddling gait, a gormless mouth stuck open and stubby little arms pinned under what seems meant to be a shell but looks more like a crocodile skin cape, the Magma Beast is a hugger. Huggers are a monster unique to Doctor Who: creatures so slow and immobile that their only method of attack is to cuddle their victims to death. Oddly, the Davison era once gave us an effective hugger in The Visitation's Terileptils where somehow the same ingredients (plus an animatronic mouth) conspired to create a brilliant baddie. The Magma Beast is not in the Terileptils' league, however.

The beastliness of the Beast and the worst cliffhanger solution ever (it turns and waddles away from the Doctor in the opening moments of Part Three) might be reason for some to not view this as the best Who ever but it's still impressive work. Even the hokey asides to camera John Normington performs as Morgus seem strangely effective, like Harper is trying to invoke Shakespeare even if it seems bizarrely unnatural for a Holmes script.

Me? I don't think it's the best ever, my love still resides with The Robots Of Death in that regard but it's certainly up there and definitely the best of Davison's time.

Moments of Charm
Can a story as dark and dour as this have moments of charm? This story is probably Davison's best performance in the role, the death and horror of Androzani Minor acting as a perfect backdrop to his Doctor's basic moral decency and gentleness. Whether it's curiously wondering about what spectrox is as he awaits execution or the moment he turns manic at the end of Part Three, willing to crash a spaceship on the off-chance he'll survive to save Peri, Davison delivers a belter for his final performance.

DVD Presentation
This story more than any other tempts me towards the Revisitations box sets. It isn't the possibility of more and higher quality extras that have me leaning in that direction, nor the hope of an academic discussion of the serial's themes and production but rather the hope that they've remastered away those God awful horizontal lines that mar the picture every time someone shoots a gun. Yes, having the soldiers armed with machine guns rather than lasers adds an extra level of tension to the action since there's no “stun option” cop out but every time they let loose with the things the picture goes to shit.

That gripe besides we're starting to get some halfway decent featurettes. One is a behind the scenes view of the regeneration scenes complete with muted directorial chatter and people stopping every few seconds to find their marks. More interesting and a taste of things to come is Creating Sharaz Jek, an interview with Christopher Gable set to clips of him in action as Jek. Mostly it concerns the well-known budgetary limitations of the show at the time but greater things are yet to come.

Oooooh, that's quite shiny. New Vampire Counts

2012-01-10T06:00:00.000Z

* sighs *... I had a plan. It was a simple plan with but one objective: I was going to finish an army. I was going to power through my Skaven with single-minded determination. Then Workshop only goes and announces a new Vampire Counts range coming out next weekend. What's more it involves this:

Doesn't that look magnificent? All those layers of swirling ghosties holding the thing aloft. This is the Coven Throne, a Vampire Lord (well, Lady) mount and it's so bloody pretty. I particularly like how the spectral knights flow from the pillar of ghosts. There's such a sense of movement, as well, with the skirts and the curtains flowing out behind it. Plus, three lady vampires makes me think of all those versions of Dracula where the sisters speak in synch with one another.

Apart from that are the Vargheists, flying monstrous infantry representing Vampires that have gone feral. There are even Black Knights that don't look shit, finally replacing the ancient plastic-metal hybrids. The Black Knight kit also makes some sort of spectral cavalry called Hexwraiths, though I'm not sold on the look of them, to be perfectly honest. Might be the paint scheme, though, I'll see what I think of them when I see the sprues.

In a similar vein (I‘m so, so sorry for that…) to the Black Knights is a new Finecast version of Isabella Von Carstein, a character who has been languishing under a most inferior model since her husband got redone with the last edition. It seemed so unfair when you fielded them together, brilliantly sculpted seventh edition Vlad standing next to his horribly clunky fifth edition wife.

Plus, with Isabella, the three ladies on the Coven Throne and the existing Female Vampire model I'm really tempted to theme this new army (and it is inevitable) after the Lahmians. Should probably have a look at Nathan Long’s Ulrika the Vampire novels…

Birthday Treats. The Remembrance of the Daleks Ramble

2012-01-09T06:00:00.000Z

featuring Sylvester McCoy as the Doctor with Sophie Aldred as Ace
written by Ben Aaronovitch
directed by Andrew Morgan

“Frightening, isn't it? To find that there are others better versed in death than human beings.”
- the Doctor

Story Review
What surprised me about this story was how fresh it seemed. This was one of two celebratory stories from the show's 25th anniversary and it is steeped in that history: it's a Dalek story, it's a sequel to the series' very first episode from 1963, it even features IM Foreman's junkyard in Totters Lane and there's a big wodge of Time Lord backstory lumped in for good measure. This kind of continuity mish-mash has killed more than one story before yet here it works.

Long story short: it's 1963 and the Daleks have come to Earth chasing a Time Lord McGuffin of incredible power the Doctor dropped off ten minutes before the title sequence of An Unearthly Child. The Daleks come in two flavours: Imperial (white with gold bits) and renegade (grey with black bits). In the middle are a small military unit soon to star in their own Big Finish spin-off. Strange how that's become a gold standard, hasn't it? A Big Finish spin-off elevates a cast of characters into exalted status, equal with Iris Wildthyme or Jago and Litefoot, the cream of the crop.

Not that it's undeserved, the Counter Measures crew are a vivid bunch: no nonsense Group Captain “Chunky” Gilmore, scientific advisors Rachel Jensen and Alison, manly man Sergeant Mike and a six pack of cockney NCOs. They've often been derided as an ersatz UNIT but that's doing them a disservice because I honestly think that as a group they're better written than UNIT ever was. Not that I don't love the Brig and his boys but you can actually see Gilmore's unit working as a professional operation in a way the Sergeant Benton tea delivery service never did. For the first time ever a Dalek story is entirely set in a real place and time, no space stations in the future, no mad alien jungles or post-apocalyptic Earth, just London in the easily recognisable past.

As a fan you tend to see the whole McCoy era as a death march, you know the end is nigh and the BBC is just waiting for the right moment but you really wouldn't guess it from watching this story. This story is the work of a confident production crew, a stylish product that looks polished to a shine. Now, I love the gold-and-white Dalek design, I think it trumps the old grey fellas any day but it only gets better when the beast that is the Special Weapons Dalek trundles into view. True, the Daleks all wobble during location filming like they popped to the boozer between takes but they look great, even the old Renegade props have had a fresh coat of paint. The effects are almost universally good, most especially the massive Dalek shuttle prop landing in the school playground.

The only things that let this sory down are a few minor quibbles. The main one is that they should have had the creepy child sing more. You see this little kid has a very menacing look when she's silent and a creepy tone when delivering her lines in a singsong voice but just speaking... no, I won't, the kid's a kid and I'm not going to be that churlish.

Moments of Charm
In a moment of doubt late on night the Doctor retreats to Harry's Café in Part Two and has a portentous discussion about decisions and consequences with Geoffrey from The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. In the rest of the story the racial themes are laid on with a trowel but here it's a lot better with Geoffrey (the character goes unnamed) musing about how in a world without sugar “I'da bin a African.”. Actually, the whole café location is an inspired idea, you don't often get to see Doctor Who characters doing something as human as digging into sausage, egg and chips.

Similarly there's also Ace's speech in Part Four, explaining the racial themes of the plot to Rachel and Alison in terms of Dalek “blobiness”.

DVD Presentation
We're starting to get to some halfway decent extras now. There isn't much here, just some BBC trailers and a set of extended/deleted scenes. I was actually surprised by the extended scenes package but apparently at this point the BBC was predicting the rise of a DVD-style medium. More surprising still these are actually very good scenes. Two of them really stand out in my mind: a charming exchange between the Doctor and Ace where she jokingly threatens him with her upgraded baseball bat and an extended version of the “decisions” scene where Geoffrey from Fresh Prince of Bel Air gets to be even more down to earth in his wisdom.

There are also some “alternate angle” scenes which are less illuminating than the deleted ones and some out-takes, which are always fun to watch.

The problem with Star Wars novels

2012-01-08T06:00:00.000Z

I'm reading this book at the moment, Coruscant Nights: Jedi Twilight, a sort of noir thriller set just after Revenge Of The Sith and I have to say I have the problem I always have with Star Wars novels.

Star Wars novels are the only books where I have to supplement the reading experience with Google Image Search. The thing is I'm not sure if this is anyone's fault. The problem is that there are so many aliens in the Star Wars films that never get named. I know the pig men guys in Jabba's Palace are Gamorreans (helps that there's a Gamorrean called Piggy in the X-Wing novels) and that Twi'leks are the ones with the tentacles on their head where all the males are fuck ugly and all the females are amazing hot. Green but hot.

But then there's guys like this. This is a Sullustan and there's a Sullustan character in Jedi Twilight, a journalist called Den Dhur and, as ever, the description of the guy is quite minimalist. This is the problem, there is a Sullustan in the films, he's Lando's co-pilot on the Falcon in Return Of The Jedi but he's not named as such so from the original source material I don't know he's a Sullustan. Bothans appear everywhere in these novels, as well, and I thought I knew what they looked like. I had this image in my head of a sort of cross between a Wookie and a border collie but it turns out that was dead wrong.

In many ways the fault lies with me, I'm not a fan. These sorts of novels are made very much for fans, I don't know who Star Wars aliens are in the same way that I do know what Star Trek aliens look like. Take the crew of the USS Aventine in the Star Trek novels, I know with similarly minimalist description what the Zakdorn science officer Helkara looks like in spite of the Zakdorn appearing in only one TNG episode.

It is kind of strange how fans retain this information and writers come to rely upon it.

World Building. The Robots of Death Ramble

2012-01-07T06:00:00.000Z

4 episodes featuring Tom Baker as the Doctor with Louise Jameson as Leela
written by Chris Boucher
directed by Michael E. Briant

“Please do not throw hands at me.”
- D84

Story Review
One thing that so often destroys a Doctor Who story is the exposition, people wandering around reminding each other of their names, jobs and self-evident facts of life. The Awakening has a line “Why, Miss Hampden, you of all people, our schoolteacher, must appreciate the value of re-enacting actual events.”. Now, I don't have children but if I did I'd like if the woman educating them didn't need to be reminded of her name and profession on a regular basis. “My God, where am I? Who am I? Why am I surrounded by small children and covered in chalk dust?” “Please, Miss Hampden, you are our schoolteacher.” Oh yes, thank you for reminding me.”

The Robots Of Death is a masterclass in exposition. The first episode keeps the TARDIS crew and the guest cast separate so every time we see the guest characters they're saying or doing something that contributes to our knowledge in a perfectly natural, unhurried way. Facts are slipped naturally into the dialogue, such as lucanol. Lucanol does not exist, Chris Boucher created it and doesn't explain to us what it is but when the Sandminer sensors detect it Pamela Salem's face lights up and thus we know it's valuable. Context is the key to creating a world. Who exactly “the Founding Families”, let “the Twenty”, are is never explained but the specifics don't matter, what matters is that they're a big deal and Commander Uvanov has a grudge against them.

Even Episode Three isn't bad, Boucher uses it to bring out a bunch of revelations before moving into an all-action Episode Four. In my Five Doctors review I bemoaned the episode format as a disruption to pacing but Boucher works it really well.

This story also looks brilliant, the sets and costumes are fantastic. The script calls for a decadent, robot-dependant society and so the Sandminer is decorated in an art deco style with art deco robots and stained glass artwork hanging on random walls. The crew walk around on duty in elaborate colourful costumes and complicated make-up is the style regardless of gender. Even the most sympathetic characters act like slave-owners in the presence of robots. You can see how devastating it would be for them if their robots turned killer not only on the personal level but on a societal one.

The guest cast is universally good with even the early victims getting well-rounded characters. Russell Hunter's Commander Uvanov really stand out: snide and sarcastic and only even sightly lovable once events have descended to the level of utter desperation. Plus, he has one of the most hilarious accent slips in Doctor Who history. David Collings' Poul as the Doctor's initial ally is the most sympathetic of the cast but even he has a sinister edge to him. But better than all of these is Gregory de Polnay as undercover robot D84, one of of the great almost-companions, a service robot with a dry sense of humour and a friendly nature. Certainly superior to the bloody dog that'd join the TARDIS crew a few stories down the line.

Now, received fan wisdom calls this “Doctor Who does Agatha Christie” which, apart from being the sort of pornographic fanfic I never want to read, is really not accurate. Christie never wrote a novel called The Vicar Did It With Poison, the identity of the killers is there in this story's title. The only element of mystery is in the identity of the robots' controller but if you pay any attention to the costumes that's spoilt by an ill-judged glimpse of trouser early in the story.

This is not classic murder mystery but it is absolutely classic Doctor Who.

Moments of Charm
When imprisoned in a room with comfy chairs, Leela's first reaction is to jump on the over-stuffed sofa and bounce up and down a few times because it represents the greatest comfort she has ever seen. This story is actually full of little moments to remind us that she isn't from a modern society, such as her description of Poul as a hunter. Written by her creator this isn't really surprising and Louise Jameson would rarely be as well served again.

DVD Presentation
Still early days so the sole featurette (imaginatively titled “Featurette”) is a jumble of bonus material: a BBC1 continuity announcement from the serial's original transmission; a “comparison scene” with the robot's voice untreated; a set of black and white test shots of the Sandminder model; and a BBC title card featuring Baker and Jameson.

10 minutes of Tom

2012-01-06T06:00:00.000Z

Big Finish have posted the opening ten minutes of Tom Baker's first audio drama as a podcast. I have to say it ticked all the boxes.

This isn't, of course, the first Doctor Who audio Baker has done, the third season of BBC Audio's “Nest Cottage” series just finished. I like the Nest Cottage stuff, it's good, but it has to be said that the Fourth Doctor there is closer to Tom Baker as he is now than as his Doctor was in the Seventies. Judging by this preview BFP are having Baker pitch his performance somewhat more faithfully to the TV version. Whilst his voice has changed a lot with age this still feels more authentically like the Fourth Doctor than the BBC stuff does.

Where the performance does differ from the source material is the one place I hoped it would: Leela. Back in the day Tom Baker and Louise Jameson didn't get on, he thought her character was too violent for the series and that dislike came out in his performance. Just look at stories like The Sun Makers where he can't seem to look at her. Here, as in real life, the two are far friendlier, resurrecting the teacher/student relationship the two had in their first few stories together.

There are also a few trailers tagged onto the end for good measure promising various delights such as Ian McNiece, Daleks and Boudicca. All in all I'm looking forward to these and I hope they have a nice, long run.

Martin Freeman's Bingo Card

2012-01-05T06:00:00.000Z

After watching A Scandal In Belgravia on Sunday my friend Matt and I got talking about Martin Freeman's sinister plot to become every everyman in the canon of English literature.

In all seriousness he's got a hell of a bingo card so far: Arthur Dent, Doctor Watson and Bilbo Baggins in the last few years. That's a hell of a list for someone who not long ago was one of Ricky Gervais' straightmen. Don't get me wrong I think he's a fantastic actor and deserves all the success in the world.

Bet you he's the Twelfth Doctor.

I can't believe I missed this

2012-01-04T06:00:00.000Z

Two lost episodes of Doctor Who have been recovered! Two, at the same time and everything. They've found The Underwater Menace Episode Two and Galaxy Four Episode Four (Manchester United nil). Brilliant. Hopes? Well, for a start an extant episode of Galaxy Four might mean we'll finally find out what the monstrous Rill look like and let's wait and see if Professor Zaroff can overact even more than in the episode we already have.

Right, two down, 106 to go.

Nostalgia Trips. The Five Doctors Special Edition Ramble

2012-01-03T06:00:00.000Z

written by Terrance Dicks
directed by Peter Moffatt

“A universe without the Doctor? Scarcely bears thinking about.”
- The Master

Story Review
This story is nothing more or less than a big birthday blowout, the continuity equivalent of a drunken bender. You've got five Doctors (sort.. of...), numerous companions, monster cameos and Anthony Ainley camping it up like the world's most goth birthday clown. That could have been enough, the story itself could have slipped into “leave your brain at the door” territory and been none the worse for it. Gladly, though, it doesn't.

Terrance Dicks is one of the Doctor Who greats and he has commendable fun playing with the most toys any Who writer has ever been handed. This story is brimming with fan pleasing character moments, the greatest concentration of them being reserved for Patrick Troughton and Nicholas Courtney as they revisit a double act that had nowhere near enough time to shine in the Sixties. Despite a crowded cast just about everyone gets a chance to shine even if Peter Davison gets a bit sidelined in the opening scenes, lying unconscious in his TARDIS whilst all the returning acts gets introduced.

The story itself has the Doctor(s) and numerous old friends dumped in a Time Lord version of Big Brother except with murderous monsters instead of silly challenges and wilderness instead of a house. The objective is to get to the big tomb in the centre of the Death Zone (direct bunch, the Time Lords) and win the game. Dicks lets the presence of old faces celebrate the past of Doctor Who and spends his story exploring the past of the Doctor's mysterious people. In this story Dicks constructs a mythology almost from whole cloth and makes it nicely dark as he does it. I'm not generally a fan of Time Lord stories but this one hits the spot by making their history dark and sinister and mystical.

One thing this story really benefits from is not being split into episodes. Written as a one hundred minute feature there are no recaps, no cliffhangers and no bloody Episode Three to hold up proceedings. The net effect of this is to improve the story's pacing immeasurably.

As to the Special Edition improvements, for the most part they work. Though I will always prefer the ending with ghostly TARDISes splitting from the original the gains to the production are evident elsewhere. Some moody scenes of empty corridors in the Tomb of Rassilon slipped in just after the titles adds a note of tension to a previously low key opening. Even the Master tiptoeing down a seemingly musical staircase has comedy going for it.

What cannot be helped by clever re-editing is that none of the returning acts feel quite right. Patrick Troughton suffers the most, his humour dial jammed on cranky sarcasm, lacking the breezy charm and wit he had in the Sixties. Sarah Jane similarly finds herself more of a damsel than she ever was in her travelling days and K9 has mysteriously gained psychic powers. What this all boils down to is that the home video system hadn't been invented yet and the characters as presented in the script are how Terrance Dicks remembers them rather than how they actually were.

After that short bitch about historical accuracy you might be surprised that I have nothing but praise for Richard Hurndall's ersatz First Doctor. Whilst it's far from a perfect tribute act it has its moments: blustering at the Fifth Doctor; snapping at Tegan; some spot-in lapel clutching. Hartnell himself gets a nice little pre-credits cameo, the goodbye scene from The Dalek Invasion Of Earth, so as not to be totally left out. Between all this and Tom Baker's contribution being sourced from an incomplete Douglas Adams serial The Five Doctors is a Trades Descriptions nightmare featuring six Doctors, only four of whom contribute to the plot. Nevertheless this is a very good birthday party.

Moments of Charm
I love the scenes of the Fifth Doctor, Tegan and Turlough relaxing on the Eye of Orion. It's a rare glimpse at the TARDIS crew having a quiet day: Turlough sketching on a hillside, the Doctor doing some DIY in the TARDIS, Tegan taking a walk. For a change the Season Twenty cast even seem to like one another, perhaps the influence of a writer from better days coming back.

DVD Presentation
You get one UND ONLY VUN special feature on this DVD. Not surprising, really, this was one of the first brace of BBC DVDs ever released and there wasn't a small cottage industry in producing extras back then. The story's score is presented as a series of isolated tracks. Scant but not an idea without merit, there are stories where I'd love to hear the soundtrack, The Five Doctors just doesn't happen to be one of them.

2012

2012-01-02T06:00:00.000Z

Hopes for the New Year.
Well, for a start I hope that the Mayan conspiracy are wrong and it isn't the end of the world. This isn't so much because I don't want to die, I'm a theist myself and reasonably confident in getting the good ending, but I just can't stand the idea of those self-satisfied fuck wits winning one. There are few things more annoying than a conspiracy theorist who has been proved right for once, men in coke bottle glasses and anoraks in a state of semi-orgasmic bliss, the most appalling sight. The air of smugness makes you nostalgic for evangelical ex-smokers.

I hope the rumours are wrong and Karen Gillan won't be quitting until after series seven.

I hope I can get back into the regular swing of writing for New Readers... Start Here. I haven't posted nearly enough there (or here, actually) in the past year between being so busy feeling depressed and so on.

I intend to finish a Warhammer army for once in my life, two in fact. On the Warhammer Fantasy side of things I intend to fully finish two and a half thousand points of Skaven but the 4ok option remains unclear in my mind. Not Space Marines, definitely not more bloody Space Marines.

I hope to eat more healthily. Fruits and everything.

I hope that my sister holds onto the boyfriend I met at Christmas, I actually like this one and whilst he could do better she's never shown the ability to.

I hope that my schematics for me father's model railway set meet with his approval.

I hope to spend less time depressed.

I really hope the world doesn't end. It would be shit. Just the possibility has lead to the most sexist Lynx advert in years, can you imagine the consequences of actual apocalypse?

Hobby Resolution 2012

2011-12-05T06:00:00.000Z

It occurred to me recently that I have never finished a Warhammer army, which after nine years in the hobby is a bit of an odd omission. My beloved Guardian Pilgrims Space Marines, near a decade after I started them still have a couple of Devastator and Assault Squads liveried in pure Chaos Black undercoat. My Vampire Counts came pretty close the last two years but I'm still suffering from painter's block on the Corpse Cart I bought the very day I decided to start the army.

So, my Hobby Resolution for next yer is as follows: I will finish my Skaven army to 2,500 points making it both my first completed and my largest army to date. What's more I'll be working to a plan: I will write out an army list based around what I have now (about 1,000 points) and plan out the expansion in stages so my 1,000 army becomes a 1,500 point army and so on rather than adding odds and sods at random. So this is basically the plan:

Start no other Warhammer project until I'm finished the Skaven.
Finish painting everything I buy and work on one unit at a time.
Have a plan, stick to it.
Have a budget, stick to it.

I've got high hopes for this project because I think the Skaven have one of the strongest ranges of models Games Workshop produce (except the Rat Ogres, of course) and they are such great fun to play. Admittedly they are fun in a random, as-dangerous-to-themselves-as-their-enemy sort of way but very fun nonetheless.

It also helps that my friends Matt, Brad and Greg have invited me to play out the Blood In The Badlands campaign in the new year so I'll have an immediate use for the army.

Now, once more, paint-paint Ashelford man-thing, fast-quick.

Sunday Filler. He has a Cunning Plan. Honestly.

2011-12-04T06:00:00.000Z

I was writing a New Readers... Start Here review of Doctor Who: Oblivion and ran across this, one of the Doctor's typically slapdash plans to get out of death. Comedy gold. (Scan from Doctor Who Magazine #302)

The Socialist Argument in Favour of Traitor Guard

2011-12-03T06:00:00.000Z

Cards on the table: my first Warhammer 40k army was The Lost And The Damned back when there was a Lost And The Damned army list to work from. Now there isn't and that annoys me because it either means using the over-pointed Siege Of Vraks list based on third edition Imperial Guard or just using the Imperial Guard list with no Chaos content apart from visual spikiness.

The simple fact is that Traitor Guard/The Lost And The Damned (delete as preferred) are the working men of the Ruinous Powers. There are millions of them, legions of frothing nutters either working by themselves or being whipped forward by Chaos Marine or Daemon overlords. The vast majority of Chaos armies the Imperium fights are random Guardsmen-esque mortals not Chaos Space Marines. You know why?

Because there are about a dozen Chaos Marines left and most of them are sitting in the Eye Of Terror on their daemonically possessed arses picking their teeth until Abaddon stops sulking and declares another doomed Black Crusade like an immortal transhuman General Hague: “We've failed by charging into the same heavily fortified Imperial sector twelve times before so the last thing they'll be expecting is for us to do it a THIRTEENTH time!”

You never know, maybe this Codex: Chaos Legions rumour sites keep talking about will materialise with a LatD list. I doubt it, sounds like Warseer wishful thinking to me but you never know, GW have done less obviously profitable things the past year.

The Slight Design Flaw of Pears Transparent Soap

2011-12-02T06:00:00.000Z

Pears Soap is cheap, that's why I bought a bar. “60p for a bar of soap, not bad,” thinks I, desperate to save any tiny amount of money in the run-up to Christmas. Well, I'll certainly have saved money on soap because I may never need another bar ever again in my entire life.

IT'S NOT SOLUBLE IN WATER! Seriously, it doesn't dissolve. I've had it a fortnight and it is still the same shape as it was when I bought it, the “Pears” logo stamped into it hasn't even begun to lose definition. My hands end up smelling of soap so I assume something cleanly is happening but no suds appear, nothing like that. The packaging said the company was something like 170 years old, I assume because they're still trying to shift the first production run of their soap.

That's what I think, anyway.

There Will be Blood (in the Badlands)

2011-12-01T06:00:00.000Z

I'm really looking forward to this book. It's been years since GW last did a campaign supplement and I mean a proper one not those flimsy pamphlets that came out for Nemesis Crown and This Summer A Campaign Will Die. This is going to be a complete campaign in one book with a bunch of expansion rules for siege warfare and fighting underground. It's the underground rules I'm looking forward to seeing as recently started a Skaven army and my best friend is planning a Dwarf army.

Also, I love campaigns, I used to storyline them for a university gaming club and so I have a lot of nostalgia for that sort of set-up. It'll be nice seeing how the professionals do it.

There's also a benefit, it has to said, in this not being a tie-in to one of the old-style global campaigns. I remember with The Fall Of Medusa V when GW struggled to come up with a reason for each and every one of their armies to be at large on this one shitty little planet. Blood In The Badlands won't have to do that, like a proper gaming club campaign it only has to involve the armies people are actually bringing down.

It's something different, as well, which I think Games Workshop needs to keep doing. They've really been kicking out the jam with this latest edition of Fantasy and I hope we see more non-army releases like this and Storm Of Magic, the freaky book with two spines and a spinner.

You have no idea how long I played with the Winds Of Magic spinner to the amusement of all around me. Ahem, moving on...

My 11 Faces of Doctor Who Season

2011-11-30T06:00:00.000Z

In the latest issue of Doctor Who Magazine the editorial talked about the old Five Faces of Doctor Who repeats, the first time the BBC had shown repeats of Who featuring someone other than the current Doctor. It then went on to ask for suggestions for an Eleven Faces of Doctor Who season. Simple rules: eleven Doctors, eleven stories, have to be about 90-100 minutes long and complete in the archives. I break the rules towards the end but here's my list:

The Gunfighters
written by Donald Cotton, directed by Rex Tucker
featuring William Hartnell as the Doctor, Peter Purves as Steven and Jackie Lane as Dodo

You've got to remember it's meant to be funny. For about forty years Doctor Who fandom forgot this and everyone hated The Gunfighters then one person twigged it and before you knew it we were all quite merrily getting the joke.

But why The Gunfighters when I have 100,000 BC or The Aztecs to choose from. Frankly, because this is a Western and we're quite used to seeing Westerns in black and white so it'll be a bit less jarring for your modern, casual audience. It's well-written, it's genuinely funny, there's an all-action climax when we get to the Gunfight at the OK Corral. This is also one of Hartnell's better stories, bumbling his way through the Doc Holliday scenes one minute and then all commanding authority with the Clantons the next. Episode Three even has the benefit of not being pure padding (rarer than you'd think).

Plus, I like the little directorial flourish of having a song narrate the story.

Tomb of the Cybermen
written by Kit Pedler and Gerry Davis, directed by Morris Barry
featuring Patrick Troughton as the Doctor, Fraser Hines as Jamie and Deborah Watling as Victoria

A good story it might be but it has to be admitted I'm going for the best of limited options here. After all, there aren't many complete Troughton stories left in the archive. In fact, there are six and one of them is ten episodes long. Actually, only two are four-parters.

I'm not generally a fan of the Cybermen but this is probably their best outing (The Invasion coming in a close second) and that might be because they aren't a presence for the first few episodes, just a looming threat as the archaeological team explore the tombs. This gives the cast time to establish their characters and make us care about them before they start dropping like flies. Troughton is very much in the mould of a modern Doctor in this story, casually manipulating the expedition for his own purposes but also showing genuine affection for his companions, counselling Victoria on the recent death of her father in one of the series' most touching scenes.

It does suffer from the sole black actor in the production playing a silent, seemingly simple-minded thug which might well be a problem. Just remember, it's this or The Krotons.

Terror of the Autons
written by Robert Holmes, directed by Barry Letts
featuring Jon Pertwee as the Doctor, Katy Manning as Jo, Nicholas Courtney as the Brigadier and Roger Delgado as the Master

I was originally going to pick the stylish, filmed on film Spearhead From Space for this slot but I think Terror Of The Autons, whilst less stylish, is probably a bit more fun. It's got Delgado in it for a start and Delgado is always fun as he swings between urbane charm and terrifying viciousness at the drop of a hat. He also personalises the threat in a way that the robotic Channing from Spearhead doesn't quite manage.

There's also the presence of the good old UNIT family which has finally found its feet after the grim and gritty and not-quite there-ness of Season Seven. This was a big relaunch story which is helpful because the UNIT era is so different from the rest of the canon so it helps that this story explains UNIT, introduces Jo, introduces the Master and Captain Yates, comes to think of it.

Planet of Evil
written by Louis Marks, directed by David Maloney
featuring Tom Baker as the Doctor and Elisabeth Sladen as Sarah Jane

The alien forest set is a thing of beauty, the karmic balance to every wobbly set and squeaking polystyrene boulder that ever appeared on the series. The forest is weird, atmospherically lit and looks genuinely alien. This is damn stylish production.

At the centre of it, of course, is the best Doctor-companion relationship that ever there was with Tom Baker and Lis Sladen chumming about in various holding cells and bits of forest. The big threat in the story is a weird, semi-Lovecraftian thing but there are more human threats breaking up the story as the Doctor and Sarah encounter a spacecraft full of conflicting egos.

Personally, this is my favourite Doctor Who story of all time, to my mind the best story from the best production era of the series.

Kinda
written by Christopher Bailey, directed by Peter Grimwade
featuring Peter Davison as the Doctor, Matthew Waterhouse as Adric, Sarah Sutton as Nyssa (albeit briefly) and Janet Fielding as Tegan

This story's sequel Snakedance missed out on the slot because it is a sequel. I do think Snakedance is the better story but that doesn't stop Kinda from being brilliant in its own right. Yes, the big snake at the end is a bit dodgy but before we get to that we get some very good stuff.

This is definitely Tegan's story which is a nice change from the standards of the day where the companions tended to be question-askers and totty. Janet Fielding's turn as Possessed Tegan is genuinely creepy, only slightly because of the strange bloody gums and the nightmare sequence as the Mara takes over her mind is bizarre and trippy. There's a lot of psychological stuff in this story actually not just with Tegan but with the slow mental disintegration of the colonisation team they encounter. The complete mental breakdown of security officer Hindle is played both for comedy and tragic.

Of course, the big pink snake doesn't work, which is a sad ending to a brilliant story.

Vengeance on Varos
written by Philip Martin, directed by Ron Jones
featuring Colin Baker as the Doctor and Nicola Bryant as Peri

We're back to the best of limited options here. What else is there in the 90-100 minutes bracket? Sequels, sequels, more sequels, Timelash and The Twin Dilemma. This is a choice?

Vengeance on Varos does have things to recommend it besides not being a poorly thought out sequel (hello, Attack Of The Cybermen!). For a start it has a satirical point to make, in its time satirising the “video nasty” genre but the point is just as relevant today because we live in a very voyeuristic age. There's also Sil, one of Doctor Who's funnier and more grotesque villains. The linking portions with two random Varos citizens following the adventure on their televisions is fun and leads to an interesting little twist ending.

It might not be the best Doctor Who story ever made but for the Colin Baker era it's the best option available.

Survival
written by Rona Munro, directed by Alan Wareing
featuring Sylvester McCoy as the Doctor, Sophie Aldred as Ace and Antony Ainley as the Master

The first of my “shorter than Doctor Who Magazine wants” selections, Survival was very much the first modern Doctor Who story. If you jump straight from Survival to Rose and they aren't a million miles apart.

Both Survival and Rose are, at their heart, about the companion. This is very much Ace's story as she has the Doctor take her home for a visit, just to see the old place again. Of course, people are disappearing and there's a weird cat and the Master turns up but we get there from a starting point of the companion coming to terms with her past.

The story was also shot entirely on location which makes it look great, even when we are taken from dreary Perivale to the planet of the Cheetah People it's still all location shooting. Alongside great writing (and it really is great writing) the filmic look brings an edge of reality to the story that really helps.

Human Resources
written by Eddie Robson, directed by Barnaby Edwards
featuring Paul McGann as the Doctor and Sheridan Smith as Lucie

I am NOT including the TV Movie in this list. I'm sorry but that's just not happening. It has its charms but no one should be introduced to the series with it. So let's imagine that BBC Radio 4 has got involved in this season and have asked Big Finish to let them repeat one of the Eighth Doctor and Lucie adventures.

Human Resources is brilliant because it shoves the Doctor unceremoniously into an office environment except the office is inside a giant death robot of death and the business plans invasions. The situation starts out absurd until the main threat turns up (don't read the copyright section of he CD jacket or look at the second CD's cover if you don't want to know what that threat is) and the story moves into all-action season finale mode.

There are some continuity elements in this story as it was the finale to he first Eighth Doctor and Lucie season but it's all pretty well-explained, mainly because the arc was self-consciously light in the first place.

Dalek
written by Rob Shearman, directed by Joe Ahearne
featuring Christopher Ecclestone as the Doctor and Billie Piper as Rose

We're back to “too short” again but of the three two-parters I flat out don't like Aliens Of London/World War Three, I'm doing a finale form my Tenth Doctor pick and I've got a Moffat coming as well and I want to keep variety. I also think this is one of Ecclestone's best stories.

This is Ecclestone playing the Ninth Doctor at his most damaged, so shellshocked and traumatised that he's willing to commit cold blooded murder. This broken man was what made Eccleston such a unique Doctor. The Dalek is also a brilliant twist on the old, classic Doctor Who model. This is a Dalek that is more kick arse than any Dalek has ever been before, this was a Dalek as Doctor Who fans had always viewed them and it slaughters a private army without pausing.

Then it has an identity crisis which affects the Doctor and Rose in interesting ways. Plus we're nine stories in and we haven't had a Dalek story yet, on which subject...

Army of Ghosts/Doomsday
written by Russell T. Davies, directed by Graeme Harper
featuring David Tennant as the Doctor, Billie Piper as Rose, Noel Clarke as Mickey and Camille Coduri as Jackie

It's the all-star match everyone had been waiting for: Daleks versus Cybermen. What more do you want? Well, for a start there's the conclusion to Rose's whole character arc (or what SHOULD have been the conclusion) which is genuinely affecting. It's not just Rose, of course, we get the whole Tyler clan with Jackie, Pete and Mickey putting in an appearance to round out the clan.

The threat in this story just ramps up and up and up from Torchwood being weird to Torchwood being on the verge of fracturing reality to oh look the Cybermen to oh shit that's a Black Dalek. It's the sort of huge, ramped up threat that makes a season finale.

There's also the “THIS IS NOT WAR! THIS IS PEST CONTROL!” scene, which is one of those brilliantly over-the-top Dalek rant scenes.

The Eleventh Hour
written by Steven Moffat, directed by Adam Smith
featuring Matt Smith as the Doctor, Karen Gillan as Amy and Arthur Darvill as Rory

The story that finally got rid of post-regenerative trauma. No comas or dodgy amnesia for Matt Smith just straight into the action and what action it is.

It starts off with the Doctor hanging from the door of his out-of-contol TARDIS, nearly getting castrated by a weather vane. From there it's all about new companion Amy Pond and we first meet her as a child before jumping forward to her adulthood. It establishes the character so much more solidly than maybe any companion before. From the very first moment her relationship with the Doctor is deep and unique.

The story also comes to a climax with the very understated scene with the Doctor now fully himself turning back an alien monster by asking it questions and introducing himself.

... and 33 Things I Don't

2011-11-29T06:00:00.000Z

If I've learnt one thing from the Great Philosopher Hicks it's that if you love something you have to admit its flaws. So, after listing 100 I love about the comics medium it seemed only fair to spend at least a third that amount of time on its faults:

01. Continuity obsessive writing
02. Rob Leifield's breasts
03. No Girls Allowed In The Clubhouse
04. “Mad Max” Lord
05. Controversy retcons
06. Publicity stunt character deaths
07. Azreal (either of him)
08. The readership's unwillingness to try something new
09. Hal Jordan approving of torture
10. TV/Movie tie-ins with built-in reset buttons
11. Those confusing speed lines in black-and-white mangas
12. The disappearance of Cass Cain
13. Penis extension guns
14. The 1990s pouch obsession
15. Cable (see 13. and 14.)
16. Time travel (see 13., 14. and 15.)
17. The pacing of Naruto (and most other weekly mangas, in all fairness)
18. Nostalgia in place of innovation
19. Info-dump dialogue (“as you know...”)
20. Softcore porn in disguise
21. Countdown to Final Crisis
22. When companies bottle it and reset a major status quo change (looking at you, Dick Grayson)
23. The Marvel Comics website. Seriously, WTF?
24. Aliens in X-Men comics
25. Gimmick covers (holograms, foil, variants)
26. Prematurely cancelled titles
27. Porn tracing (as distinct from 20.)
28. Hollywood writer delays
29. Aunt May's resurrection
30. The sheer length of modern crossover events (seven months, in all seriousness...)
31. The strange editorial hatred of marriage
32. Paul Cornell's cancellation-to-completion average
33. That bit of sticky tape on the back of the plastic folder

100 Things I Love About Comics

2011-11-28T06:00:00.000Z

01. Baseball game issues of X-Men
02. Ironies in alternate universe stories
03. Superheroes “doing domestic”
04. The Chuck Dixon era of Batman comics
05. Ben Reilly, the one true Spider-Man
06. Fables
07. Colleen Cover's comedy strips
08. When sidekicks go solo
09. Arrowette's retirement storyline in Young Justice
10. The Manga Shakespeare series
11. 52
12. The visual humour of Amanda Conner's art
13. The superstar tag team of Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale
14. Palomar (where the men are men and the women need a sense of humour)
15. The many reprieves of May “Mayday” Parker
16. Stephanie Brown
17. Webcomics, they're free
18. John Allison's dialogue style
19. The feeling of nostalgia I get reading Chris Claremont's X-Men run
20. Hard Travelling Heroes
21. Legacy identities
22. Expressions drawn by Kevin Maguire
23. Grant Morrison's startling decision to make Bruce Wayne important again...
24. … and his even more startling decision to make the Xavier Institute a school again
25. Showcase/Essential collections
26. Tales From The Ten-Tailed Cat
27. The outing of Daredevil's secret identity
28. How sci-fi technology and magic can co-exist
29. Comics about villains, but especially Gail Simone's Secret Six
30. Superdickery
31. The prologue to Mark Waid's Legion Of Super-Heroes (“All we, our parents and their parents have ever known is peace, security and happiness, we're so sick of it we could scream...”)
32. Guy Gardner
33. Alex Ross' painted art
34. A whole team of Incredible Hulks
35. The buddy comedy of Hercules and Amadeus Cho
35. The game-changing bravery of “The Talk” arc in Questionable Content
36. Marvel's system of rolling status quos
37. The stand-alone historical issues of The Sandman
38. Vertigo as an institution
39. Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale's collaborations
40. Geoff Johns' character rehabilitation program
41. The largely short-lived MC2 line of comics
42. Planetary
43. Jessica Jones
44. The optimistic but inconclusive ending of Tom Peyer's Hourman
45. The attitude to magic in Phonogram: The Singles Club
46. The unbridled comedy of old Lois Lane comics
47. The genuine sense of romance in Penny And Aggie
48. Supergirl: Cosmic Adventures in the 8th Grade
49. Asgard, Oklahoma
50. Chris Roberson's I, Zombie
51. Beetle and Booster
52. Marvel's Dark Reign era
53. Pride of Baghdad
54. The Shinobi feature in the old Sonic The Comic
55. Mini-Marvels and its successor Mini-Hulks
56. Stan Lee's interpretations of DC's mainstays in the Just Imagine... series
57. Izzy Sinclair's path to self-acceptance in the Doctor Who Magazine comic strip
58. The genuine complexity of Magneto
59. Amanda Waller (the proper, big one)
60. The “Girl Talk” chapters of Gloom Cookie
61. Wednesday Comics
62. The twists and turns of Peter David's Fallen Angel
63. Peter Milligan's expectation-defying X-Force run
64. Norman Osborn
65. Truly eclectic anthologies (stand up Dark Horse Presents)
66. Street Angel
67. A shape-shifting detective who enjoys being a penguin
68. Formerly Known as the Justice League
69. Alex Maleev, the respectable face of photo-referencing
70. Good, old-fashioned team-ups complete with initial misunderstandings
71. Ed Brubaker's noir-styled run on Catwoman
72. Planet Hulk
73. Young Avengers
74. Knuckles the Echidna's rediscovery, loss, betrayal of and self-imposed exile from his people
75. Dick Grayson as Batman
76. Peter David's character-focussed approach to writing super teams
77. The “real world superheroes” angle of Mark Millar's Kick-Ass
78. The Bash Street Kids
79. Sterling Gates' re-vitalisation of Supergirl
80. Harley Quinn (pre-corset, it has to be said)
81. Wonder Girl and Superboy's relationship
82. Ultimate Spider-Man
83. Empowered
84. Richard Moore's Boneyard
85. The philosophy reading lists at the back of Dennis O'Neil's Question comics
86. Paul Cornell's very British series
87. The insanely trippy Joe The Barbarian
88. Villains who become heroes
89. The New Krypton era of Superman comics
90. The moment in Scott Pilgrim when you realise it's not just a romantic comedy
91. The changing incarnations of the Thunderbolts
92. N.E.X.T.W.A.V.E.: Agents of H.A.T.E
93. The pitch perfect satire of Brian Wood's DMZ
94. Wolverine and Cyclop's climatic punch-up in Schism
95. The original run of Marvel's 2099 comics
96. Alfred Pennyworth
97. Rogue finally getting a happy ending
98. Wonder Woman as ambassador
99. Well-written deaths
100. The understated genius of Charles M. Schulz's Peanuts

TAGS: Lists

On Spam

2011-11-01T06:00:00.000Z

It’s a dark and terrible place the spam folder, full of mysterious and terrible messages from the maddest corners of the internet. What driftwood has accumulated in my spam folder over the last thirty days include:

- Blizzard Entertainment are suing me again. Well, someone claiming to be Blizzard Entertainment is claiming they’re suing me for trying to sell my World Of Warcraft account, which is interesting. I don’t have a World Of Warcraft account, I’ve never had an account for any MMO but least of all WoW because it’s shit. The world is so badly thought out, it can’t possibly have a working economy, why would I support it?

- Numerous invitations to join the UK’s premier Muslim dating site. I swear to you, I’m not trying to invoke stereotype for a cheap joke but a good third of the “potential dates” in the ad were dressed as some sort of medical professional.

- A reminder to review my recent purchases on Amazon. This I should probably do as it might be harming some poor second hand dealer’s score that I haven’t.

- A couple of ads for a gay dating site which was curiously almost identical to the ads for the Muslim one, leading me to think someone just stole a pro forma from somewhere. Cheapskates.

- Is there an advertising law that means these Viagra rip-offs can’t be say what they are? “Little blue pills”? Just say they’re a stiffie-maker and be done with it. Some idiot’s going to think they’re vitamins and have a heart attack, you just know it.

Dr Who Retro Ramble. The Devil Goblins From Neptune

2011-10-29T06:00:00.000+01:00

Doctor Who: The Devil Goblins from Neptune
by Keith Topping and Martin Day

featuring the Third Doctor, Liz Shaw and UNIT

Ah, the good old days of my youth when a paperback was £4.99 and the BBC logo was all slanted and underlined. I bought this book the day it came out in 1997 and never got more than about thirty pages into it. I don't remember why I never finished it, perhaps the scene where two naked, amorous hippies get eaten by the Devil Goblins put my adolescent self off. Maybe it was the fact that as far as I got that was about the last time the titular Devil Goblins actually appeared.

I started reading this book, then and now, expecting a typical monster story: death, murder, masterplan, solution. What I got was an unexpected political thriller.

Topping and Day use this book to explore a much-ignored part of the Doctor Who background: UNIT as an international operation. On TV a BBC budget meant that all UNIT soldiers were British until a random Eastern European turned up in 1989 but with a novel's limitless budget we get a peek at the UNIT operations in the US and USSR as well as the tensions that would exist between them in a Cold War atmosphere. The writers also address the way other organisations, including the notoriously paranoid CIA, view the presence of the Doctor: an alien employed by an organisation that fights aliens.

The whole effect is to finally place the “James Bond Doctor” in a James Bond world, taking the UNIT family out of the Home Counties and into exotic locales like Siberia and Nevada. It's a surprisingly new twist for the format.

Topping and Day really take their time to expand on the world of Season Seven Doctor Who including the background of a slightly off-kilter 1970s where there's a Liberal government, where Paul McCartney has died and the Beatles have made a comeback with a German called Klaus in his place. Classic Doctor Who never really managed to be in with the swing of the times and never less so than in the Pertwee era when the BBC didn't really know what to make of hippies and didn't dare mention drugs or pre-marital sex. In light of this it's a bit odd to think of Captain Yates seducing someone or Liz commenting on her friend's girlie calendar.

This is certainly one of the stronger Third Doctor books I've read mainly because it gives everyone in the larger cast of the UNIT days something to do and even finds time to explore all their characters. Now, over the years it has just become formula for a book set in this era to deal with Liz Shaw's growing dissatisfaction working with the army but equal time is spent here on Mike Yates' mental problems, Sergeant Benton's unappreciated intelligence and even the past of Russian UNIT Captain Valentina Shuskin.

Finally, I also have to admit that as someone who recently lived through another Reading Festival weekend the sheer deathtoll of drugged-up hippies in this book is very satisfying.

Sonic the Hedgehog 20th Anniversary Wooden Spoon

2011-10-28T06:00:00.000+01:00

Monday was all positive, wasn’t it? Me waxing lyrical about the 20th anniversary of a childhood icon and even saying there was life in the old hedgehog yet in spite of all the nay saying caused by recent games. Well, in the name of fairness and balance let us now discuss what makes a bad Sonic game. Let’s face facts there have been plenty of them the last few years as the 3D revolution has not been kind to True Blue.

What will it be? Which will I choose as the worst Sonic game of all time? Will it be 2006’s X-Box 360 Sonic The Hedgehog with Sonic’s painful love story with a clearly underage human girl? Will it be the dull and uninspired Sonic 2 clones of the Sonic Advance series? Will it be Sonic Unleashed and its misguided attempt to steal the game mechanics of God Of War?

Oh no, there’s worse at the bottom of the barrel…

My greatest complaint about modern Sonic games is with the voice-acting. I can just about tolerate it when confined to cut scenes but in Sonic Heroes you have to hear their voices all the time!

The USP, so-called, of this game was that Sonic and his extended band of woodland helpers work in three man teams with one speedster, one flier and one powerhouse a piece. There was team Characters People Care About (Sonic, Tails and Knuckles), Team Minor-League Villains (Shadow, Rouge and a random Badnik robot), Team Girls And Idiots (Amy Rose, Cream the Rabbit and Big the Cat) and Team Oh Christ Not These Bastards Again (the Chaotix Crew minus Mighty). You’d switch between the three depending on who you needed to control at the time or the computer would switch for you on the assumption you were an idiot with the decision-making skills of a salted slug.

Every time you (or the computer) would switch character a little line of dialogue would be spoken by the new player character. Every. Single! TIME!

Then there was the fact that unlike Sonic Adventure 2 where the good guys and the bad guys had different levels to play through each team’s storyline just took place in cut-down versions of the same environments. Actually, most of my problems with Sonic Heroes and most other modern Sonic games come from them comparing badly to Sonic Adventure 2, a game that modernised the format brilliantly, teaching Sonic Team all sorts of lessons about modern design philosophy in the 3D age which they completely forgot as soon as the Dreamcast died its death.

Oh, and it was too easy, as well.

Hobby Link Post. Painting Space Wolves an Actual Grey

2011-10-27T10:31:00.003+01:00

I've been meaning to post this link up for a while. During my brief flirtation with starting up a new Warhammer 40,000 army I settled on Space Wolves before I suddenly realised I couldn't be arsed. Whilst considering the army I went looking for painting tutorials on the internet and found this method at the blog Space Wolves Grey.

Personally, I use the darker Codex Grey for the drybrush stage rather than Fortress Grey but it comes up a lovely mottled finish that's very different from the pristine coat most people use for Marines. I've also found it works in a number of other contexts as I've painted up a unit of Crypt Ghouls for my old Vampire Counts army this way and it looks great.

(I really need to invest in a digital camera if I'm going to do more posts about my painting, I really am.)

This method works best if you're using it to paint the vast majority of a model because it's quick (apart from the inking, obviously) and after you've got it done there's only the detail work to finish.

It also has the benefit, in the case of the Space Wolves, of being actually grey.

Gods, Monsters and the Comics Ramble

2011-10-26T06:00:00.000+01:00

Not rational, not coherent, not fit for purpose, it's the Comics Ramble. Potential spoilers for Wonder Woman #2, Uncanny X-Men #544, Fear Itself #7 and Blue Beetle #2.

Wonder Woman #2
Home (writer Brian Azzarello; art Cliff Chiang; colours Matthew Wilson)

“I like men, Hermes, and I'm not gonna apologize for that.”
“As you shouldn't, but on this island, you might want to keep the story to yourself.”

This might sound like a rash statement but I think this is the best Wonder Woman comic I have ever read. It isn't up against much competition: John Byrne, Denny O'Neil, Allan Heinberg, a smattering of Greg Rucka and that's my lot. Nevertheless I feel that Azzarello and Chiang are finally writing Wonder Woman as I've always imagined her to be from her reputation.

The first issue took place with a very limited cast: Wonder Woman, a smattering of gods and Diana's latest knight errant, coincidentally Zeus' latest babymama. This issue brings Wonder Woman and her small band to the “cockless coop” of Paradise Island. Seeing Diana in her natural environment really made this interpretation of her click for me. Surrounded by her own people she shines whereas in previous incarnations I never really thought she seemed amongst them. Granted, that opinion is probably based on my lack of experience with the character.

The Amazons throw Diana a party complete with wrestling of the proper grappling kind and games of combat. Diana is challenged and her only hesitation is to glance at her mother for tacit permission to re-establish her credentials with her sisters. She's witty as well, with a teasing, dry humour that stops just short of flirting (or travels a little into that area, if like me, you favour that interpretation of the character). When a real fight breaks out she leads from the front as any self-respecting classical royal should and she bellows commands.

Yes, she bellows, gives it the full Brian Blessed in front of her troops. This Wonder Woman is definitely a military commander rather than the ambassadorial figure I'm more familiar with.

Cliff Chiang's interpretations of the gods continue to be interesting as a regal Hera and a ragged Discord enter the mix. Oh, and Hippolyta's a blonde again. The final page revelation was actually pretty well signposted by some of Hermes' dialogue and it does sort of make sense though I imagine some purists aren't too thrilled.

Uncanny X-Men #544
Uncanny (writer Kieron Gillen; pencils Greg Land; inks Jay Leisten; colours Justin Ponsor)

The first page of this issue gave me hope. It was drawn in the style of Jack Kirby and Paul Reinman from the very first issue of Uncanny X-Men and I thought “Oh ho, Greg Land's drawing again” and then I saw the credit saying it actually was Kirby and Reinman's art overlaid with new lettering. Then I turned the page and found pure Greg Land!

Artistic grumblings aside there's an interesting linking device as Mister Sinister dictates the final days of the unified X-Men into his journal. It's definitely a foreshadowing of things to come and it was about time someone got back to exploring his obsession with the Summers genetic line.

What I did get from this issue was finally a sense that Scott's side of the schism makes sense. So far the writing of Schism and Regenesis has been very biased in Logan's favour. This isn't entirely difficult to understand as Logan's perspective is “child soldiers are a bad idea” whereas Scott was a child soldier so that damage is obviously going to affect his views. Yet for all the doom and despair, all the departures and Mister Sinister drinking a fine Chianti this issue ends very positively.

The “school for super kids” angle has always been a part of Uncanny X-Men so it seems natural to renumber the series now the core concept has shifted so dramatically. Now we get to see Uncanny X-Men as the story of a nation, as it has been evolving into for the last few years. I'm looking forward to it.

Fear Itself #7
Chapter 7: Thor's Day (writer Matt Fraction; pencils Stuart Immonen; inks Wade von Grawbadger with Vines; colours Laura Martin)

It all ends in a big fight. It was always going to end with a big fight but what sells it is the style of it all. Oh, and the epilogues.

The big fight is basically the Avengers powered up with Tony Stark-made Uru metal weapons in a last-minute last-ditch cavalry charge against the Serpent and his Worthy. The citizens of Broxton get in on the act as well for a few nice moments of everyman empowerment. The violence is very satisfying after six solid months of the heroes getting their arses handed to them. Plus we get to see Betty Banner's first action as an Avengers, which was nice.

Of course what Marvel events are really about these days are the consequences and so now we see The Heroic Age fading into Battle Scars and some interesting epilogues to set things up.

First up we have Sin ranting and screaming to set up The Fearless with some suggestion that the legacy of the Serpent isn't anywhere near over. This is followed by a teaser for Jason Aaron's soon-to-begin Incredible Hulk which looks very stylish and certainly has an interesting angle. I really don't know what to make of the teaser for Battle Scars as it comes straight out of left-field with really nothing obvious linking it to Fear Itself. Finally there's a teaser for the new Defenders ongoing from Fraction and the Dodsons. It's Fraction and the Dodsons so believe me I'm there.

Oh, and there's a big picture of the Pheonix Force. Blech, don't care, don't want her back, not now, not ever. Still, seems like it's going to happen.

Blue Beetle #2
Metamorphosis part two (writer Tony Bedard; pencils Ig Guara, inks Ruy Hose; colours Pete Pantazis)

I'm becoming increasingly convinced I don't want to read this. The reason I need convincing of this is because there's nothing about this series so far that's actually bad I just don't think I'm the right audience for it.

The writing is good, some of the most solid work I've seen from Tony Bedard. I enjoyed his Exiles and I'd say this was better. The art is also good, Ig Guara's work is expressive and a perfectly quirky fit for the series. The characters are a little heightened (a rougher Paco, a more venomous La Dama) but still recognisably the characters I loved when Giffen and Rogers created them not so long ago...

… and I think that's the problem. It has been only a few years since the original run of the series. It isn't like Grant Morrison starting Superman from scratch, leastways not to me, or even First Class putting a new spin on the early days of the X-Men. This is a story I've read before and it was great the first time.

That said the end of the issue does seem to suggest a new spin on the Reach so I'm going to give this one another issue or two to convince me.

The Best Forum Post Sign Off In The World Ever

2011-10-25T06:00:00.000+01:00

Hello ladies, look at your post, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine, sadly it isn't mine. But if you stopped using short form and switched to proper grammar instead, it could look like mine. Look down, back up, where are you now? You're the forum post with the comment your comment could look like. What's in your hand? Back to me, it's the keyboard, with letters composing the English language you love. Look again, the comment is now EPIC. Anything is possible when your post is properly written, and not in short form. I'm on a chair.

(Found this on a random forum and jotted it down. I don’t remember who wrote the original post and I’m sorry I can’t credit it but I think the world needs to see this).

Sonic The Hedgehog 20th Anniversary Top 5

2011-10-24T06:00:00.000+01:00

A friend of mine pointed out that this year is the twentieth anniversary of Sonic The Hedgehog. Sounds like an opportunity for a hit parade. So my personal top five Sonic games ever:

5. Sonic Spinball (Mega Drive)

Yes, it was simple but that’s what I liked about it. It was a silly arcade concept: Sonic as the ball in a pinball machine (an EVIL pinball machine). It was a great game for playing with friends: no plot, no special stages, just a simple survive-to-the-end-of-level objective.

4. Shadow The Hedgehog (Playstation 2/X-Box 1/West Brommidge Albion nil)

This game gets a lot of hatred but I played it recently and it was actually quite good. It had its issues: crap voice acting and movement control of Shadow was a bit slippy but it was all saved by giving me something fresh on the menu. Sonic has gained quite a supporting cast over the years, some worthwhile characters (Knuckles, Tails, Shadow) and some worthless (Silver, Cream the Rabbit, the entire Chaotix Crew) and it was a nice change to see one of them carrying a game.

Plus, you got to use guns and Robotnik wasn’t the enemy. It was so refreshing.

3. Sonic The Hedgehog 2 (Mega Drive)

Well, what can you say? Pretty much the definitive Sonic game. There were loads of well-designed levels including those cool fake-3D special stages and if you ever got frustrated you could shove Tails into a death trap for your own sick amusement.

Just me?

2. Sonic & Knuckles (Mega Drive)

And by this I really mean the Mega Drive version because it had one thing that the PS2 and Gamecube ports don’t have: the slot in the top of the cartridge where you could slot in Sonic 3 or Sonic 2 and play through those games as Knuckles.

Beyond that the game is probably the most fun Sonic game I’ve played, not least because of the fact the levels were designed to be explored differently by the two playable characters.

1. Sonic Adventure 2: Battle (Dreamcast/Gamecube)

It was on the Dreamcast so only about five people have played it but I honestly think Sonic Adventure 2 is the best Sonic game I’ve ever played. I liked that there were playable bad guys and a range of gameplay styles from the speed stages (Sonic and Shadow), rail shooter stages (Tails and Robotnik) and treasure hunting levels (Knuckles and Rouge). The voice acting was even mostly on the fair end of decent with the obvious exception of the pre-adolescent and clearly concussed girl who voices Tails.

The Hero story had a storming first stage to start you off as Sonic runs like hell (and you can’t stop) through a city pursued by the police. Every time I replay it the song playing over that first stage gets stuck in my head for days. This is also one of the only 3D Sonic games where the main character’s speed is both fast and manageable which makes it amazing that the trick really hasn’t been pulled off since.

Honourable Mentions
Doctor Robotnik’s Mean Bean Machine for being the best Tetris rip-off ever; Sonic CD for its cool time travel gimmick and animated intro and epilogue; and Sonic Chaos for being Sega’s last gasp attempt at keeping the 8-bit Master System alive.

The Reboot Ramble. The Score at Half Time

2011-09-24T06:00:00.000+01:00

For the last few weeks DC has be re-inventing itself and after a hell of a fortnight at work it's time I formed some of my often tangentially opinions on the matter:

Animal Man #1
The Hunt part one: Warning from the Red
(writer. Jeff Lemire; pencils. Travel Foreman; inks. Travel Foreman and Dan Green; colours. Lovern Kindzierski)

Lemire's brief run on Superboy convinced me he was a solid writer worth a look on future projects. After this one issue my opinion of the man has shot up. This issue was a run of surprises from start to finish.

You turn over the first page and instead of a nice series of panels you get a newspaper interview with Animal Man that fills you in on his past and character nice and quick so the rest of the comic can get on with the serious business of telling its story. It's different, it's attention grabbing, it's economic of page space. Animal Man isn't a character well-known outside of comic fans and a less-skilled comic writer could spend a whole first issue just on origin let alone character. Lemire gets it done in a page: powers, career in Hollywood, family man, animal rights activist, vegan, it's all there. Brilliant move.

There's something about the art that screams to me “early days of Vertigo” which is not a bad vibe to have and the comic certainly lives up to it. Our first glimpse of Animal Man in action has him fighting an ordinary man who has taken a children's ward hostage before it all turns weird with a trippy symbolic dream sequence and a deliberately macabre cliffhanger.

If any other relaunch title ends up delighting me as much as this one I'll be heartily surprised.

Detective Comics #1
(writer-artist. Tony Salvador Daniel; inks. Ryan Winn; colours. Tomeu Morey)

There's a piece of thought caption that niggles at me. There's a moment when Batman wonders if the Joker always kills whilst naked (and if there was one man I didn't want to imagine naked...) yet in other places in this issue and in Batgirl #1 it's clear this is not Batman's first encounter with his favourite fruitcake.

Get past this moment of oddness and this is a pretty solid issue, not that I'm surprised. Daniel has form, after all, having been the writer on Batman for a while before the relaunch/boot/thing and this is more of the same. It's a solid, superpower-free detective take on Gotham, much as his Batman run was. Minor concessions to the reboot come in here and there with more helicopters trying to shoot Batman up the arse and Jim Gordon's ginger hair making its triumphant comeback.

On the sad side the character of Bruce Wayne seems to have regressed. Here we have Bruce enter the cave to Alfred reminding him for the millionth time that he has forgotten a date with the socialite-girlfriend-du-jour. Bruce asks Alfred to send a gift and his apologies, returning us to a pre-Morrison status quo of Bruce's emotionally empty cover relationships. Selina gets a mention but not, it seems, as the serious lover she was becoming before the relaunch.

The whole thing hinges on the last page. The bulk of the issue is a dependable story of the Batman versus the Joker: crime, deduction, fist fight, capture, Arkham and THEN... a shocker of a cliffhanger without which I might not be getting the second issue, as disgusting as it was.

Action Comics #1
Superman Versus the City of Tomorrow
(writer. Grant Morrison; pencils. Rags Morales; inks. Rick Bryant; colours. Brad Anderson)

You have no idea how glad I was that this wasn't a retelling of Superman's origin. No Krypton, no escape pod, no Smallville or space plane or Lois' first rescue. If I want that I have Man Of Steel gathering dust on my shelf or I could pick up a copy of Birthright or Superman: Earth One or just re-read the first page of All-Star Superman (which was probably the best re-telling there was, oh blessed brevity). All I knew going into this was that there was some brouhaha on the internet over the fact that Superman might have uttered a blasphemy. I can't help but feel the man can be forgiven as he is being hit by a tank shell at the time but then I'm a forgiving person.

Anyway, like Justice League #1 this series' first arc is set in the past, apparently at a time before Clark found a food tailor because his costume is a t-shirt, a pair of rough trousers and a cape that might actually be a cut-down curtain. The people love him, the authorities are so scared of him they have General Lane and Lex Luthor plotting to take this strange alien creature down. A running battle between Superman and a couple of tanks in the streets of Metropolis gives us a chance to learn all we need to know (as if we needed the opportunity) about Superman's character.

Young Clark Kent has a grotty little apartment and a chatty landlady who hectors him about his rent in gentle enough terms that you just know that this nice young man from Kansas became her favourite tenant bordering on surrogate son five minutes after he moved in. I like this Mrs. Nyxly (though that oddly constructed name makes me suspicious) with her grey hair and hippy beads and Aunt May vibe.

Lois and Jimmy appear of course and it seems Clark isn't with the Daily Planet yet (and Jimmy appears to have been cast as Arthur Darvill from Doctor Who, which works). Lois is reassuring herself in every possible putting-herself-in-imminent-danger way so even if we lost the marriage the character remains pleasingly intact. With Jimmy I don't see the daredevil that evolved under James Robinson but these are still the early days so the character I love might still return in the future.

Whatever else, this comic certainly lives up to its name.

Batgirl #1
Shattered
(writer. Gail Simone; pencils. Ardian Syaf; inks. Vincente Cifuentes; colours. Ulises Arreola)

I was prepared to hate this, I really was. I ordered it because it was Gail Simone writing Barbara Gordon but Babs as Oracle was always my favourite incarnation of the character. By the time I picked up my first Batman comic The Killing Joke was a done deal and Birds Of Prey was well-established. Cass Cain was my Batgirl and Stephanie had to fight tooth and nail to take her place.

This first issue by no means made me a convert to the Babs nostalgia but it did convince me to stick with the series. The thing that grabbed me was that whilst Barbara's physical recovery is glossed over (“a miracle” she calls it) her psychological recovery is not.

This isn't new territory for Simone, who midwifed the Oracle character in BoP, but Barbara's restored mobility brings with it new issues: joy at her return to costumed life and fear that she might lose it again, both of which play an important part in this first issue. It was a clever decision to not have the first time someone pulls a gun on Barbara be the moment she freezes, nor the fact that her first taste of action is against an armed home invasion. The crisis moment, the flashback-induced freeze is later and because of an incredibly precise confluence of circumstances.

From my own experiences of assault trauma this rings true. This is a purely personal perspective but I was assaulted by a large gang of youths, beaten into semi-consciousness and left in the snow whilst they ran off with my bag. Just as Barbara notes that she panicked every time the doorbell rang for months after being shot I physically shook every time I saw a group of young people in the street for months. Here we have Barbara years after the even and it takes a massive confluence of tiny details to bring the shock trauma back to the forefront of her mind. This is perfectly in keeping with my experiences.

That perhaps unwanted insight into my own mental landscape aside this was a very solid first issue with an interestingly themed villain. The broader political issues of Barbara's mobility do still worry at the edge of my mind but I'm now confident Gail Simone can redeem the editorial decision.

Demon Knights #1
Seven Against the Dark
(writer Paul Cornell; pencils Diogenes Neves; inks Oclair Albert; colours Marcelo Maiolo)

You know what's weird? In most comics I read, excepting Vertigo and suchlike, swearing is almost always censored with Captain Haddock-esque hashes and asterisks yet because an Englishman writes Demon Knights they happy yell “arse” and “bollocks” uncensored.

Good. The English are sweary and this is a very English book. For a start the knights, not yet a team, meet at the pub. They come in from different directions, there are moments to establish their characters and then the issue ends with a crash and a bang. Yes, it's a bit D&D but it works.

Our knights are a grab bag of the old, the new and re-invented. We have Jason Blood, bonded as ever to the Demon Etrigan (he of the cover art) and his lover/companion a younger and more brash Madame Xanadu than we're used to. Vandal Savage turns up with a big axe and a curiously chummy conversational style. There's a so far anonymous Muslim gentleman and a woman called Exoristos who is so tall she just has to be a lost Amazon (Wonder Wench?). Rounding out the team for the time being is the Shining Knight and I have to compliment Diogenes Neves on his portrayal of her:

Of the many “forms” of female body type the most under-represented in comics is the androgynous type. In a medium seemingly populated only by the busty “Sir” Ystin is completely flat-chested and quite gangly. She's fooling no one, not even Vandal Savage's testicles (an actual line in the issue, I'm not being strange) but you can see how, at a distance and on a horse she might be able to pass. Whether anyone would be willing to question her on her gender assignment given the great sword she's carrying is another matter entirely, even Vandal only whispers his disbelief. The art all over is fantastic because it's Diogenes Neves whose work on New Mutants was so spectacular and has only improved since. Ystin is only the best example of the lot.

The heroes are charming, the villains are evil baby-sacrificing meanies, the relationships between characters are compelling and there are dragons.

A good second issue and this series will certainly enter “sacred cow” territory on my subscription list.

Batwoman #1
Hydrology part 1: Leaching
(co-writer and artist J.H. Williams III; co-writer W. Haden Blackman; colours Dave Stewart)

Before I start moaning I'd like to say this was a great issue. This was everything I've been missing since Detective Comics reverted to starring that over-exposed, dull Batman fellow. First there's J.H. Williams' art which even if it wasn't fantastic is interesting even in its panel layouts which are unusual but effortlessly draw the reader's eye in the right direction. I should be getting lost on some of these pages but the sweep of a line shifts my eye exactly where it needs to be.

The writing is just as good as I remember which might sound like a disservice to new co-writer W. Haden Blackman but since the previous run was so well-written please view it as a compliment.

The story itself picks up from the end of Batwoman's run in Detective Comics and this is where I start my moan. This comic is the exception that validates the whole relaunch experiment for me because a large chunk of this issue is taken up on recapping Kate's past, her split with her father, her sister, her relationship wit Maggie Sawyer and a scene that makes me worry that Renee Montoya might now be dead (those big glass-framed ranks of officers' photos in police precincts are memorials, right?).

This is a wonderfully draw, brilliantly written comic that nonetheless is the farthest from a clean relaunch as any DC comic I've read in the last fortnight. It's still a work of art, though.

Green Lantern #1
Sinestro part one
(writer Geoff Johns; pencils Doug Mahnke; inks Christian Alamy with Tom Nguyen; colours David Baron)

Okay, this isn't a clean break either but I feel that it introduces the core concepts of Green Lantern better than Batwoman #1 does the basic concepts of Kate Kane's world. More than likely this is because Batwoman #1 should have been published ages ago while this was written as part of the relaunch.

It does feel like a new beginning, this even though it picks up from War Of The Green Lanterns. Hal has been ejected from the core and so much of the comic is taken up by that trope of science fiction: how shit everyday life is. Re-entry issue plague our favourite emerald-hued daredevil including perhaps his biggest romantic fuck up ever.

Our titular Green Lantern is Sinestro who is stuck in the position of being neither fish nor fowl: the master of the Sinestro Corps with a Green Lantern ring welded to his finger. By the looks of the cliffhanger and all those Justice League covers this is probably not a permanent situation but I wish it were. Over the years Johns has worked Sinestro into a truly complex character which is only reinforced in a scene where we see him sitting on an asteroid with a telescope looking down on Korugar, the world he once ruled with an iron fist.

On a related note, the Guardians still haven't worked out that they shouldn't be sinister at people, a lesson they should have learned after all these years.

Yes, this is more of the same story that has been running since Johns came onto the series with Rebirth but like Batman Incorporated it's a story that still has legs.

Batman And Robin #1
Born To Kill
(writer Peter J. Tomasi; pencils Patrick Gleason; inks Mich Gray; colours John Kalisz)

After the seemingly endless series of fill-ins that tided the series over until the reboot we finally get to see Tomasi and Gleason tackle Batman And Robin in earnest.

With Detective Comics #1 I worried that Bruce's character was regressing back to its pre-Morrison status quo but Gleason tackles that problem head on by throwing out one of the character's oldest tropes. This leads to a very chatty first half to the issue in which Bruce recounts his origin to an utterly uninterested Damian. I can sort of understand Damian point, I mean this is probably the twentieth or thirtieth time I've seen this story drawn, acted or animated. It has a very different ending to every other retelling, though, and that saves it.

The second half is an all-action section to get us used to Bruce and Damian as a team. It isn't a cordial relationship and Damian is back in spoiled brat mode, sure of himself and his abilities whilst his mentor doubts him. Bruce for his part reverts to pure control freakery as he has with every Robin in their early days. It's a good introductory issue with a few scenes off to the side establishing a greater threat, some unexplained villain who has decided to take out Moscow's Batman as a prelude to taking on Bruce Wayne.

Honestly, Tomasi has a little distance to go before he proves that Bruce and Damian have as much mileage in them as a pairing as Dick and Damian did but this is a promising start.

Serena Valentino. Guess where I think she should work.

2011-09-10T06:00:00.001+01:00

I love Gloom Cookie, it's one of my favourite ever comics. A Goth friend of mine lent me the first collection many, many years ago and I was hooked instantly. It was a brilliant saga that started off as a character comedy and quickly evolved into a supernatural epic.

What I loved the most about the series were the “Girl Talk” chapters where the female characters would gather at a coffeeshop after events involving monsters and curses and supernatural terror and talk about them in a perfectly normal, almost gossipy manner. She also loved to layer her mysteries so that when one set of questions were answered there were a whole new set waiting for the reader.

The other series of hers I've read was an anthology of re-imagined fairy stories Nightmares And Fairytales which added some very interesting modern twists to some old classics.

So Where Would You Put Her, James?
The obvious answer would be a Black Alice or Doctor Fate ongoing, something supernatural that she could unleash her natural Goth instincts on. What I'd love to see her write, though, is a new incarnation of Guy Gardner, Warrior. I'd love to see how the sensibility of her Girl Talk chapters would translate itself into the DCU's favourite bar.

Marjorie Liu, yet another woman DC should employ

2011-09-07T06:00:00.000+01:00

Marjorie Liu is one of those rare crossover hits: a “proper writer” (as my mother calls them) who has gone on to write comics and actually do them well. She started off with a high-profile assignment writing No Way Home, the sequel to the fantastic Marvel series NYX about a group of young homeless mutants living on the streets of New York.

I expected her to fail. I had no experience of her writing at the time but it was such an act to follow. NYX was written by Joe Quesada and had been one of the cornerstones in building the new attitude towards storytelling he wanted to instil at Marvel. Liu knocked it out of the park.

As a follow-up act Liu was given the freshly re-titled Dark Wolverine, a Dark Reign series following the adventures of Wolverine's brilliant but blisteringly insane son Daken. Writing a series like Dark Wolverine was a tightrope act because she managed to make Daken somehow likeable in spite of the fact he was a power-mad serial killer. Also, probably the most high-profile bisexual character in comics ever.

Finally, there's X-23, another Wolverine-adjacent series about Logan's teenage female clone (better than it sounds, really). In common with NYX: No Way Home and Dark Wolverine this series is very much about the lead character's search for identity. She's a clone, raised as an assassin and used in some form by just about everyone she has ever met up to and including the X-Men. Liu is a really good author for character but she never lets the action suffer for it, she's not one of those writers who just writes reams and reams of exposition as a substitute for actual things happening.

So Where Would You Put Her, James?
The Outsiders. If there's anything Marjorie Liu has proven herself on it's that she works well writing outside the comfortable, chummy, all-good-guys-together brand of superheroics. The Outsiders are the black ops division of the DC stable, frequently on the run and not trusted by anyone. Hell, this woman’s so talented she might even make a Jason Todd series work.

Guts and Glory. The First 500 Points

2011-09-06T06:00:00.000+01:00

So, in preparation for the Guts And Glory escalation campaign I have to get a start on my Skaven army. Since half the attraction of this campaign is that it gives me the chance to build my army in stages I should probably knuckle down and decide where to start. Preferably, I’d like to complete this first stage without spending a single penny.

My unpainted, unconstructed verminous horde at the moment comprises an Island Of Blood starter set, a Skaven Battalion, a bag of giant rats and old weapon teams donated me by a friend, an old metal Skaven Warlord and an even older metal Plague Monk (or Censer Bearer, I’m not sure).

That’s somewhat more than a hundred models, so this shouldn’t be too much of a challenge. Thus, wrapping my head around the 8th Edition’s percentage-based army selection system and hoping to cram in as many infantry as I could I came up with this:

Heroes
Chieftain wearing heavy armour and armed with a great weapon. 49 points.
Core
20 Clanrats wearing light armour and armed with hand weapons and shields. Full command group and and attached Ratling Gun. 165 points.
20 Clanrats wearing light armour and armed with spears and shields. Full command group and attached Poisoned Wind Mortar. 185 points.
Special
2 Rat Ogres with 2 Packmasters. 96 points.

Total: 495 points.

Yes, I know it’s basically the Island Of Blood set with a few modifications but there’s a reason that’s what’s in the starter set.

At three units it barely scrapes in as a legal army. It isn’t much and I sincerely doubt I’ll win many games but it was a choice between taking more infantry or taking the weapon teams, without which the army would have no ranged attacks whatsoever. Actual tactical flexibility will have to wait for the 1000 points round. Also a plus, forty seven models shouldn’t be too much of a challenge to complete before the 17th.

Kathryn Immonen. Another woman DC should employ

2011-09-05T06:00:00.000+01:00

So it continues...

Though my unresolved-cliffhanger-induced twitch acts up every time I think about her final issue of Runaways I have to say that Kathryn Immonen wrote one of my favourite series of all time: Patsy Walker, Hellcat.

This was a quirky little four-issue series back in Marvel's Initiative era. Patsy Walker was a superhero who got into the business not through a sense of responsibility or destiny but because she was an unemployed fashion model who really had nothing better to do. She is flighty, incompetent, stubborn and was briefly married to the son of Satan. She's nothing special and in fact was a bit of a joke before Immonen got ahold of her.

The idea behind the limited series was that with the US government, committed to placing a super-team in every state, had to send someone to Alaska. Not wanting to waste anyone important on a state inhabited by barely a fraction of one percent of the US population they send in Hellcat. What followed was a bizarre stream-of-consciousness saga that was pure fun from start to finish. There was a vague supernatural enemy for Patsy to fight but in the main the series was a silly comedy with her stumbling from one disaster to another interspersed with Scrubs-esque mental asides.

So Where Would You Put Her, James?
The two things I have evidence that Kathryn Immonen can do well are teams (Runaways) and madness (Patsy Walker) so I think Doom Patrol would be a wonderful series under her pen.

Emma Rios, a woman DC should employ

2011-09-04T06:00:00.000+01:00

The Story So Far...
After the New 52 solicitations basically reduced DC's female talent pool to Gail Simone and comprehensively shafted a great many female characters the fans on the convention circuit made their displeasure known. In response, DC's editorial sorts released an open letter inviting fans to suggest female talent.

And Now..
Emma Rios is an artist whose work I would love to see more of. I first encountered her art in the Osborn: Evil Incarcerated limited series and now she's turning in even better work in the Cloak And Dagger mini currently running as part of Spider-Island.

The reason Cloak And Dagger highlights Rios' skills so well is because her work is at the same time ethereal and harsh which works well with the nature of Cloak and Dagger’s characters. I also like the sketchiness of the style, so much comic art in our digitally-assisted HD era is so sharply defined it's nice to see art with a more organic, less polished look.

And when the action breaks out the sketchiness goes to town lending the panels a touch of ambiguity so that the still images look as if they're flashing past you at breakneck speed.

So Where Would You Put Her, James?
I'll be honest, I'd read just about any series Emma Rios gets assigned to now but if had to pick a DC property for her I'd probably say the Flash or a new Bart Allen series, call it Impulse or Kid Flash, I'm not fussy. Bart for preference but then Bart has been my preference as far as speedsters are concerned ever since Young Justice.

Just imagine what Rios would be able to do with the visuals of a character moving faster than the eye can fully comprehend.

Guts and Glory and Giant Rats

2011-09-03T06:00:00.000+01:00

Recently I’ve been trying to get back into playing Warhammer, popping down the local GW for games night and the odd afternoon of social painting here and there. The problem is that my Vampire Counts army is starting to bore me, which isn’t surprising as I’ve been using roughly the same army composition since the book came out in 2008.

Luckily, the manager of the local GW has come to my rescue with an escalation campaign for the Sternguard Club called Guts And Glory.

The nature of an escalation campaign is that the games get bigger as time goes on. When the campaign starts in earnest on the 17th September (just in time for people to have painted their Ogres from today’s big release) each player needs a 500 point force, which is about as small as a Warhammer army can get before your general starts feeling lonely. Every fortnight after that the size of your force jumps up another 500 points until the campaign ends with you having a (hopefully fully painted) 2500 points force. The reward for finishing each 500 point section of your army is a magic item for use in the campaign.

Blatant sales tactic? Yes. Good idea? Yes. Fun times for all? Yes, especially as this is a Sternguard thing and so no whingy little under-16s getting in the way.

Tempted as I am by the new Ogre Kingdom miniatures I’m entering the campaign with the intention of buying (and, fingers crossed, perhaps even finishing) a Skaven army. I’ve wanted a Skaven army for years, ever since reading Grey Seer Thanquol’s misadventures in the Gotrek And Felix novels. Yes, I’ve wanted a Skaven army for many a year and God knows I’ve tried.

When the last Skaven army book came out I bought a battalion box and when 8th Edition came out I split the cost of The Island Of Blood set with a friend (I got the Skaven and rulebook, he got the High Elves, dice and spanking sticks). Yet do I have a Skaven army? No. What do I have? Two boxes of sprues and an endless supply of Giant Rats and odd bits donated by friends.

What I have, therefore, is the bare bones of a reasonable sized army which should keep the costs down. Not much, this is a horde army we’re talking about, but it’s a start.

Now, paint-paint foolish Ashelford man-thing, fast-quick!

The Reboot Ramble. Justice League #1

2011-09-02T06:00:00.000+01:00

Once you get past the superficial resemblances of the first few pages to an issue of Frank Miller and Jim Lee’s All-Star God Damn Batman And Robin The Whiny Bitch Boy this isn’t a bad start.

Okay, basic plot: it’s five years in the past and superheroes aren’t superheroes yet. The word “vigilante” isn’t used once but the helicopters showering Batman and Hal Jordan with live ammo certainly get the point across. Johns and Lee are going for the time honoured Avengers method of team-building through serendipity with this League as Bruce pursues a suspect who it turns out Hal is also after and so the situation snowballs to adding another iconic hero by the end of the issue.

What surprised me was that this issue does feel fresh. It shouldn’t: Geoff Johns’ writing style is by now as familiar to me as an old pair of shoes and if that’s the metaphor then Jim Lee’s art is that pair of trousers that are falling apart but you keep just for bumming around the house and the odd bit of DIY.

Have I lost you yet? No? Then let’s continue.

Freshness. It’s the little things, really: Hal blithely assuming that Bruce has powers, Bruce not knowing about the Corps or knowing Superman only as a newspaper headline, even the huge upgrade in Hal’s power levels. These are subtle changes and I hope the tip of the iceberg but they tweak my interest.

And I love Superman’s new costume, not just because of the lack of outer-pants or the swanky integral cape but because it seems to come with a cocky grin as standard. Hopefully, the five years between this opening arc and the new status quo won’t have wiped the smile off his face.

Promising.

The Summer Dither 2011 (incorporating the scientific method)

2011-08-02T07:00:00.000+01:00

It happens every year, this peculiar gaming tradition of mine. When the sun comes out and the evenings become long and bright I think to myself: time to start a new army. It's a bit of body clock that harkens back to the days of summer holidays in a town where young people have nothing to do. Seriously, in Basingstoke the minimum age for entering a pub is thirty five.

Anyway, new Warhammer army. The reason I call it the “Summer Dither” is because I'm always bamboozled by the variety available. This year I shall solve the problem with science. What is it I want from this new army? What is it I like about an army? What makes an army interesting for me?

Square base or round?
Or, in other words, Warhammer Fantasy or Warhammer 40,000. Personally I prefer Warhammer Fantasy for the tactical challenge but I've been meaning to get back into 40k for a while. I don't think I've played more than three games in this entire edition. Which brings us to...

Personal level of skill
None. I can't remember half the rules and 40k is by far the simpler system. From a practical point of view I need a starter's army. Something simple, preferably with a pretty good basic armour save. An elite army would be good, as well, to get a working army as quickly as possible.

And now for something completely different...
I am a fanatical converter of miniatures in 40k. Fantasy armies I can construct straight out of the box, slap on a colour scheme of my own devising and away I go. In 40k I feel a need to create something different, something a bit oddball. I do this for two reasons. The first is that it makes the building of the army more interesting for me, the other is that I like when my opponent asks for a better look at an eye-catching miniature.

(Oh, allow me this little vanity).

Conversion brings us to another requirement of this new army: a good plastic range. Plastic is the converter's friend: white metal is an evil material to convert and I'm still undecided about Finecast resin. As a material to paint it's wonderful but converting it with plastic I worry about a differing level of detail.

I shall continue to dither but I now have a scientific basis upon which to dither.

Dead In The Water (an audio review post)

2011-08-01T07:00:00.000+01:00

Single CD. 65 minutes
performed by Toby Longworth
directed by and featuring Lisa Bowerman
post production by Howard Carter

What's Good About It?
The Ciaphus Cain novels have always been a favourite of mine. In the grim darkness of the far future where there is only war the sheer incongruity of a Flashman-style military comedy really stands out from the crowd. The format is simple: Commissar Ciaphus Cain is a hero of the Imperium, decorated and lorded for his bravery and faith in the God-Emperor of Mankind. At least, that's what everyone thinks. The novels are structured as his memoirs edited post-mortem by his lover in which it turns out Cain is an absolute coward and opportunist who has reached his second century through sheer paranoia and luck.

The plot isn't the most complex but with Cain it doesn't have to be. Here Cain is sent on a simple search-and-rescue mission seeking out some lost Imperial Guardsmen who may or may not have turned rogue on a primitive world. The real joy of the audio comes from Toby Longworth's performance as Cain. Longworth narrates the audio book as an aged Cain sitting down by the fire with a good drink in his hand. He acts the part well, slipping some half-drunk mumbling into Cain's numerous digressions. Longworth is also an old enough hand at voice-over that each character's voice is distinct and memorable enough that you're never confused over who's speaking, even if Jurgen doesn't have the Russian accent I always assumed him to have.

Post-production is at Big Finish's usual high quality with a well-written score and sound effects placed where they should be. This is more noteworthy than you'd think as I've lost count of the audio books I've heard where the sound effect of, say, a gunshot comes a few second after the reader says “suddenly, there was a gunshot” instead of alongside it, robbing the moment of drama.

What's Bad About It?
My only complaint about the production is of the “it would have been nice if” variety. Before we get to the story itself we get the traditional prologue by Cain's editor and ex-lover Inquisitor Amberley Vail, performed here by director Lisa Bowerman. It would have been nice if she'd had more to do such as the traditional epilogue and footnotes Amberley usually contributes over the course of a Cain novel.

Other Information
Warhammer 40,000: Dead in the Water (a Ciaphus Cain audio drama) by Sandy Mitchell is published by the Black Library and produced by Big Finish Productions. It retails for £10 and is available from Amazon here.

My Jon Snow Theory (an Idle Speculation post)

2011-07-28T06:00:00.000+01:00

The Song Of Ice And Fire character, not the political commentator with the swing-o-meter. This post was written just as I reached the end of A Storm Of Swords 2: Blood And Gold but as my friends have already finished the existing A Song Of Fire And Ice novels and are crap at keeping secrets I don't think anything has happened to contradict or confirm my theory. Nevertheless, spoiler warnings for everything up to that point.

Anyway, I have a theory about Jon Snow, Eddard Stark's bastard son in George R.R. Martin's A Game Of Thrones. I first thought of it whilst watching the final episode of the TV adaptation and I'm becoming more and more convinced of it as time goes on. You see, I don't think Jon is Eddard's son at all.

The facts as I understand them:

1. Eddard Stark is described by all and sundry throughout the whole series as almost unbearably honourable. Fathering a bastard is the one and only time his rigid, inflexible sense of honour failed him. It's even the fatal flaw that proves his undoing.

2. Jon Snow “looks like a Stark” with his black hair and a face very similar to Ned's.

3. None of Ned's children have such a Stark look, mainly taking after Ned's wife Catelyn of House Tully. Of Ned's five legitimate children only his youngest daughter Arya has any similarity to him and then not pronounced as Jon's resemblance.

Conclusion: physical evidence is against Jon Snow being Ned Stark's son. However, I do believe he is a Stark. I think he is the son of Ned's sister Lyanna.

You see, Ned has never discussed Jon's mother with him. In fact, the only person he has spoken to of the mysterious Wylla has been King Robert Baratheon. Lyanna was once engaged to Robert Baratheon but was (apparently) kidnapped by the royal prince Rhaegar Targaryen. Robert proceeded to fight a war to get her back. She died whilst in Rhaegar's power. It was during this war that Jon Snow was born.

My theory is that Jon Snow is the illegitimate son of Lyanna Stark and Rhaegar Targaryen and that Lyanna wasn't kidnapped at all. I believe she went with Rhaegar willingly, conceived his son willingly (this claim I have little evidence for except for the feeling Ned wouldn't so willing adopt a child of the Targaryen enemy born of rape). He tells Robert that the child is the product of himself and an anonymous woman because Lyanna's death bred an almost pathological desire in Robert to exterminate the Targaryen bloodline. Further, I believe Ned's refusal to discuss “Wylla” with Jon is because his inflexible honour won't allow him to lie to Jon's face about the identity of his mother.

That's my theory, at any rate. It received a slight hairline fracture when Arya and Gendry encountered someone who claimed to know Wylla but I still think it has legs.

Here Comes... The Comics Ramble

2011-07-27T07:00:00.001+01:00

Daredevil #1
(writer. Mark Waid pencils. Paolo Rivera inks. Joe Rivera colours. Javier Rodriguez with a back-up writer. Mark Waid artist. Marcos Martin colours. Muntsa Vicente)

Mark Waid is a writer who keeps his promises: I got to the end of this issue and I did not feel like I needed a stiff drink. This issues opens with Daredevil crashing a mob wedding to prevent a kidnapping in a scene that is written and drawn with the sort of carefree gusto this series hasn't seen in years.

Since Brian Michael Bendis took the reins of the series Daredevil has been an excellent if frequently depressing read. I wouldn't swap a moment of it, it's been consistently one of the best series Marvel produces but it is nice to see Matt Murdoch's life on the upswing again. Yes, many of the issues of Shadowland appear to have conveniently forgotten though that cliffhanger promises some resolution to them next issue.

As to plot Waid brings us back to familiar post-Bendis ground: everyone knows but no one can prove that Matt Murdoch is Daredevil and the Nelson & Murdoch brand is a going concern again. Same old, same old. Where this first issue distinguishes itself is in how cheery it all is. A lot of this is down to Rivera and Martin's art and the sterling work of their colourists who take us out of the dark scratchy world of the Maleevs and Gaudianos who previously worked on this series and into brighter, more clearly outlined realms. The little ways the two artists find to visually represent DD's world of extrasensory perception are lovely little details like cardiac lines on people's chests when he's trying to sniff out a liar.

For new readers the back-up by Waid and Martin brings readers up to speed on the nature of Daredevil's powers by having him drag his law partner Foggy Nelson on a walk through the streets of New York visiting buskers, a fruit stall and the subway on route. It's a nice, simple way of getting the point across but it also acts as a showcase for Martin's quietly brilliant draftsmanship as his placement of figures in large panels effortlessly draw the eye so you miss not a single detail of his New York streets.

A most promising start.

Supergirl #66
This Is Not My Life part 2 of 3
(writers. Kelly Sue DeConnick pencils. Chrisscross inks. Marc Deering colours. Blond)

I'd love to see Kelly Sue DeConnick writing Supergirl for longer than this three-issue death march. In the main it's because in spite of being given the assignment of taking the old girl for one last walk around the block before the vet puts her to sleep DeConnick has created a world for Kara that would really benefit from further exploration.

In many ways this sets up a logical next step for Kara as we've come to know her since Sterling Gates' run began. Kara is now, thanks to tragic events, fully committed to her life on Earth, no longer the child of two worlds. She's also committed herself through her guilding to science. Given these two facts enrolling at university seems a logical progression. The cast of nitwits and geniuses that DeConnick has given her as unwanted helpers on this case would make a fine start to a supporting cast. Sadly, this is not to be and we must enjoy this arc purely on its own merits.

On its own merits this issue has a few cool set-pieces, not least of which Kara's nonchalant “What...? I work out.” when her companions see her hefting a gigantic wardrobe on her shoulder and her easy deflection of suspicion to another student when she uses her powers.

Chriscross' art has always been an acquired taste: when it works it definitely works but sometimes his characters' faces are perhaps a little too expressive. Nonetheless, fond memories of Slingers prevents me from criticising him too much.

Invincible Iron Man #506
Fear Itself part 2: The Apostate
(writer. Matt Fraction artist. Salvador Larroca colours. Frank D'Armata)

Can we please have a scientist who is fine with God? Just once, come on, just once. I know plenty of them: scientists who make the logical leap that if a deity or brace of deities created the universe then perhaps they created it on rational lines. It's a personal gripe but it seems too much a trope to me that scientists have to be atheists.

Anyway, in this Fear Itself tie-in Tony Stark (who cannot believe in gods despite working with Thor and Hercules because of SCIENCE!) gets a crash course in religion as he makes a sacrifice to Odin. What he gives up is interesting because I thought that was a place that Marvel was determined never to take the character ever again. The practical upshot of this act of sacrifice, which has the pleasingly handfisted edge many atheists I know have adopted when forced to participate in ceremonies they don't begin to understand, is that Odin blesses Tony with a workforce of dwarves to make bad guy-destroying super weapons.

The dwarves are a joy in and of themselves as they swear not only constantly but in runic script. They are bad tempered, convinced that anyone who isn't a dwarf is a halfwit and get cranky if they are taken away from their anvils for more than fifteen seconds. They are basically one orange-haired suicidal maniac away from being dwarves as I understand then from ten years of Warhammer.

What I am really liking about the Fear Itself storyline is the sense of crushing defeat that permeates it all. Tony's sacrifice is just one aspect of it because we also have Pepper Potts sitting in Stark HQ trying to muster the courage to put on her armour and fly out. Even though I and everyone else reading it knows it can't possibly be the end of the world Fraction does manage to convey a truly apocalyptic tone. This sense of jeopardy is horrendously difficult to portray in comics because we are so used to the eventual and inevitable triumph of the good guys.

Even when burdened by a crossover (though admittedly one written by the series writer) this is still an essential read for me.

Comedy Gold
'So – Plan B?'
'No. Not Plan B.Plan 2. “Plan B” implies we only have 26.'
- Cyclops defends his tactical acumen against a perceived slight from Mayor Sadie and her miraculously consistent hair (well, this is Greg Land art we're talking about).

Also in the packet...
DC Comics: The New 52! booklet

Well, this told me essentially bugger all. For the most part this booklet was just a dead tree version of the solicits the Wonderous Magical Internet provided me with ages ago.

The only new material here was a 6-page preview of Justice League #1 which was essentially a Batman chase scene topped by Hal Jordan flouncing in to save the day. Perhaps the past is jading me a bit but this did rather remind me of a similar scene in All-Star Batman And Robin The Title So Stupidly Long It Tides You Over The Two Years Between Issues. Hopefully it's just leftover association because of the artist and not any sort of judgement on the tone of the new DCU.

As an advertising tool this did nothing for me: I'm still not picking up Justice League in spite of its pride of place and still think Harley's corset is terrible.

Still, three out of ten for an effort and Justice League does look pretty.

Initial Thoughts on For Tomorrow (or the Importance of Impotence)

2011-07-26T07:00:00.000+01:00

I haven't read much of Brian Azzarello's work. I know he does a good line in violence (though I admit 100 Bullets is one of those classics I've never quite got around to) but I'd never seen him tackle superheroes. My one-stop shop for Azzarello and superheroes was Superman: For Tomorrow, his year-long collaboration with Jim Lee.

I'm two issues in and I have to say I'm loving the angle Azzarello goes for. The first issue is essentially a two-hander between Superman and a priest as they both look back on “The Vanishing”: a mysterious event when millions simply disappeared leaving nothing but Hirohima shadows on walls (and quite hauntingly on a pew). There have been plenty of stories dealing with Superman's grief over the catastrophes that have time to happen when his back is turned but Azzarello pulls out the stops, making this one personal.

The second issue has Superman flying into a (tactfully unnamed) Middle Eastern country and personally dismantle every gun, rocket launcher, knife or any other weapon he can find. He then does his “floating impressively” bit at which point the combatants start going at each other with rocks.

It's a rare trick to convincingly make a character as powerful and experienced as Superman seem genuinely impotent. The pace is slow but the set pieces are good and it's a twelve-parter so that's more than unforgivable.

Both issues also open with monologues that seem to be from Superman's perspective but turn out to be the thoughts of some incidental character. As a bait-and-switch it ceases to work after the first issue but as a stylistic flourish it keeps its impact.

I am most definitely looking forward to his coming Wonder Woman run.

The British Press Explained (a News Of The World eulogy)

2011-07-25T07:00:00.001+01:00

Not as timely a post as I planned due to technical issues that saw my laptop implode and me having to excavate my knackered old desktop from the depths of my old bedroom back home. Anyway, that aside, the fall of The News Of The World and Rupert Murdoch is still ongoing so I thought I'd run out one of my favourite political comedy quotes of all time.

This comes from A Conflict Of Interest, an episode of Antony Jay and Jonathan Lynn's political comedy Yes, Prime Minister. It's an exchange between the Prime Minister Jim Hacker, Cabinet Secretary Sir Humphrey Appleby (the head of the British civil service) and Hacker's Private Secretary Bernard Wooley:

JIM HACKER
Don't tell me about the press. I know exactly who reads the papers:
the Daily Mirror is read by the people who think they run the country;
the Guardian is read by the people who think they ought to run the country;
the Times is read by the people who actually run the country;
the Daily Mail is read by the wives of the people who run the country;
the Financial Times is read by the people who own the country;
the Morning Star is read by people who think this country should be run by another country;
and the Daily Telegraph is read by people who think it is.

SIR HUMPHREY
Why, Prime Minister, what about the people who read the Sun?

BERNARD
Sun readers don't care who runs the country so long as she's got big tits.

Comics Ramble

2011-07-01T06:00:00.000+01:00

Back on the horse with some random thoughts on the latest instalments of Black Panther: The Man Without Fear, Ultimate Spider-Man, Captain America and Action Comics...

Black Panther: The Man Without Fear #520
Storm Hunter part two
(w. David Liss / a. Jefte Palo / c. Jean-Francois Beaulieu)

I was on the verge of dropping this series but this little two-parter has finally sold me on the concept. You see, I finally get it: the Black Panther is a bit of a prat.

This little arc has been good for establishing T'Challa's character on his own terms. The first arc established his cover, his living arrangements, his enemies and his new MO but I felt no closer to knowing the character for it all. This arc gave me a lot more context because it sat Black Panther next to two characters I know backwards, forwards and sideways: Storm and Kraven.

It's an old chestnut I know but heroes are best defined against their villains. Now Kraven is a loaner from the Spider-Man franchise but that helps because as I say I know him so well. Over these two issues Liss has used Kraven as a direct mirror for T'Challa: regal, arrogant, methodical, a superb tracker outside of his usual comfort zone but still making good use of his skills.

Storm was more of a surprise. It occurs to me this is the first time I've read her in interplay with her husband. I don't think I've ever seen her flirt before. She's a completely different woman here than in any other Storm story I've ever read and that tells me a lot about their relationship. Mainly it tells me she'll put up with a lot of crap from him because I've seen her strike people with lightning for less attitude than T'Challa gives her.

Ultimate Spider-Man #160
Death of Spider-Man part 5 of 5
(w. Brian Michael Bendis / p. Mark Bagley / i. Andy Lanning with Andrew Hennessy / c. Justin Ponsor)

Bloody hell.

Captain America #619
Gulag part 4
(w. Ed Brubaker / a. Butch Guice with Stefano Gaudiano, Mitch Breitweiser and Chris Samnee / c. Bettie Breitweiser)

It's the end, but...

What really grabs me about this issue is the interesting structure Brubaker uses and has been using for most of the arc: separate short chapters in each issue with different artists following different characters. An unfortunate omen is that the chapters I've found least interesting are the ones about Steve Rogers. Jim Barnes and Black Widow's storylines have really grabbed me as they usually do under Brubaker and have since this became Barnes' series. Steve, however, has had a far less action-packed time of late which probably biases me against his more talky chapters. Still, after this the series gets a new #1 and becomes Steve's series again.

I've already ordered the new ongoing but it's on probation until I decide whether I like Ed Brubaker writing Captain America or whether it's Ed Brubaker writing the Winter Soldier I liked.

Action Comics #902
Reign of the Doomsdays part 2
(w. Paul Cornell / a. Kenneth Rocafort pg 1-12 and Axel Gimenez pg13-20 / c. Brad Anderson)

This finally got weird. Finally. Weird is what Cornell does, taking established things like Knight and Squire or Excalibur and adding his own oddball twist. The identity of the person behind the sudden rash of Doomsdays finally put this story into the realms of oddball I expect of a Cornell script.

This issue really worked. The scenes between the S-Shields fighting to save the Earth, the scenes between Lois and Jimmy as they wait for the end of the world really get to the heart of the characters. My increasing affection for Superman has only grown from the moments of brilliant self-sacrifice that Cornell has him go through. It isn't easy to find Superman a challenging situation but Cornell keeps you guessing on how exactly this one will be resolved.

If this is the last stand of Superman as we currently understand him (though I'm increasingly getting the impression that the big reboot is nothing of the bloody sort) then it'll be a be a good send-off.

My Picks From the New DCU

2011-06-29T07:00:00.000+01:00

So, as I paid for this week's fix of comics from the charming folks at Abstract Sprocket it came time for me to make my order for the all-new, at-least-partially-different DC Comics relaunch. So, fifty-two new (or sort-of new) series to choose from. My current list of DC titles runs to fifteen and I decided to cut that to thirteen, make a space for the new Daredevil and leave a slot for Batman Incorporated when it comes back next year.

I kept Action Comics because it's Superman by Grant Morrison which went amazingly last time and you just know that he'll come up with something startlingly different and brilliant. Batman and Detective Comics are just swapping dresses and I like those series so on they stay, same for Green Lantern and Peter J. Tomasi's glorious return to Green Lantern Corps. Batman And Robin also remains for Tomasi-related reasons though on severe probation after the recent slew of fill-in arcs.

I'm getting the new Batgirl series because it's Gail Simone writing Barbara Gordon but she has work to do to overcome the disability pride issues of making Babs abled again. On a similar Batfem note I've already pre-ordered Batwoman four or five times now so I might as well do it yet again in the vain hope that DC actually publishes it this time.

The only surviving series I'm dropping are The Flash and Brian Finch's Batman: The Dark Knight, neither of which have really grabbed my interest as much as I'd hoped.

Of the new series the triumphant return of Jaime Reyes as the Blue Beetle gets an automatic grab. It has a noble history to live up to. Resurrection Man has a similarly exalted history, as does Animal Man, though I never read either of the original series. Resurrection Man is by Abnett and Lanning which should be great as no one kills people off with such relish as Dan Abnett so a series about a hero who dies a lot should be a winner. Animal Man's Jeff Lemire impressed me on Superboy and this looks to be the best of the series he's writing.

Of the Justice League series it's Justice League Dark that grabs my interest because of its cast and the hope it's written by the Milligan of X-Statix fame and not the one who struggled to follow Grant Morrison on X-Men.

I'm giving Wonder Woman a chance because it's by the Doctor Thirteen creative team (and that that didn't become an ongoing in this round is a crying shame). It'll look good, it'll be well-written and with any luck it won't screw too badly with the mythos because they have to learn sometime, don't they?

Finally because Paul Cornell is awesome and I generally hate Stormwatch series I picked Demon Knights because it combines Cornell's two greatest strengths: the series is British and weird which he has been rocking since the early-90s and Timewyrm: Revelations.

Lucky thirteen?

Model Review. Citadel Space Wolves Pack

2011-06-28T07:00:00.000+01:00

(GW promotional image)
Games Workshop. £23.00
Multi-part plastic. Makes 10 Blood Claws, Grey Hunters or Wolf Guard

Options
This kit is designed to build three different units: the close combat Blood Claws, ranged Grey Hunters and the veterans of the Wolf Guard. Do be sure to factor special weapons into your Blood Claw and Grey Hunters units as the kit only comes with eight sets of basic weapons for either squad. The Wolf Guard weapons cover all the bases: power weapons, thunder hammers, storm shields, power fists, plasma pistols, storm bolters, the lot. It's an impressive selection and a pity that more of them can't be included in your army.

Ease of Construction
Generally good. There are a few co-dependant assemblies in the kit that gave me trouble from the ever-popular boltgun-across-the-chest assembly to a new cut of the plasma gun that has somehow made fitting it together even more complicated.

Ease of Painting
The only problems that present themselves in painting the Space Wolves Pack are what I think of as “the same old Space Marine problems”. The rounded surfaces make drybrushing a non-starter so highlighting is a long, drawn-out process. The backpack is a bastard from start to finish and some of the legs have tricky bits of trim to work around.

The shoulder pads, however, are an excellent addition with all sorts of embossed symbols that mean I don't have to paint too many wolves freehand.

Conversion Potential
Like most variant Space Marine box sets this one is designed to enable conversions. The set itself is good for three units in and of itself and once you've made your unit there are still plenty of spare heads, helmets, chestplates, shoulder guards and whatnot to add a Space Wolf flavour to Assault Squads, Devastators and such from the Codex Space Marine range. It doesn't end there, however, as the sprue also includes component for turning Space Marine Scouts into Wolf Scouts. This includes the only Scout plasma pistol I've ever seen.

Those are the conversions Workshop intended but what else is there? Well, most of the bare heads are bearded and scruffy so pretty good for Chaos Marine conversions or for the more feral loyalist chapters (the White Scars and their successors, for instance). Personally, I mixed some Chaos parts in to create Space Wolf-themed Khorne Berserkers for my Red Corsairs.

Overall
Aside from my ongoing issues with the over-complicated way Space Marine frames are cut, an excellent kit made for converters like me. A couple of boxes and you'll have enough spare parts to customise numerous extra Space Wolf units from Codex Marine kits.

The Problem with Harley Quinn's Corset

2011-06-27T07:00:00.000+01:00

This corset has been bothering me for a few days now because something about it is just plain wrong. Not in the general sense that a superhero probably shouldn't be wearing something that restricts the breathing so but something specific in relation to Harley's personality.

A corset is an undeniably sexual object designed to slim the waist and accentuate the bust, to create an idealised female figure. Given the physique of most women in comics you have to ask why any of them would need to “create” an idealised female figure but nevermind that for a moment. In symbolic terms wearing a corset (aside from any natural historical context) is a sexual act designed to attract, to titillate, to flaunt.

Does any of this sound like Harley?

Let's examine Harley as a sexual being. She was created at the very beginning by Paul Dini and Bruce Timm as “the Joker's girlfriend” but aside from some nudge-nudge wink-wink moments with Poison Ivy that relationship has been strictly monogamous (if only from her point of view). On those occasions we see Harley acting in a sexual manner it's for a pasty-faced audience of one (she's probably the only cartoon character in American television history to appear on screen in a negligee, after all).

Also, whether we view her as being purely monogamous to her Mistah J or suppose that she's also Ivy's sometime girlfriend what we can't view her as sexually aggressive. If such a thing as a natural submissive exists then Harley is it. The Joker has a powerful psychological hold on her and Ivy coddles her as much as she did the orphan children she sheltered in Robinson Park during No Man's Land. If there is a sexual side to Harley and Ivy's relationship then it's based on Harley's simple gratitude to the one person who has offered her unconditional friendship and protection not out of any seductive desire, she still occupies the submissive role.

I had a long conversation with a friend of mine about the symbolism and practicalities of corsetry and she spoke at length about the way they convey dominance. The way they remould the female figure into an idealised shape, she argued, elevates the woman wearing it because of the association of perfection. It could equally be a submissive act, of course, being as it is an attempt to arouse but combined with the weapons and the expression she agreed with me that dominance was what the artist was going for. Short of a whip, she said, you couldn't make Harley more of a domme.

(My friend also had technical objections to the corset: it's laced too loosely to stay on, she says, and seems somehow to be supported by the breasts rather than supporting them from a pint of tension at the small of the back. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Harley has gained a superpower: adhesive nipples!)

Harley at her core is a naïve, almost innocent woman: she doesn't see the harm the Joker does to her or others, she doesn't see the danger she puts herself in living the life she does, she only sees the fun. She sleeps in a room full of stuffed toys, for goodness sake. Harley is childlike in so many ways including her relationships: either having her actions controlled by the Joker or sitting cozened in the protective embrace of Ivy.

Can you see this woman flaunting herself in a corset?

Come on DC, let's hear it for the girls

2011-06-24T09:00:00.000+01:00

Just as supporting evidence for yesterday's assertion that DC has a wide and brilliant stable of female characters, a list of such characters with thoughts attached:

Amanda Waller- Principal character in Suicide Squad and later Checkmate, a woman who defines the phrase “large and in charge”. She'll stand up to anyone and manipulate anybody to serve her own agenda and an often twisted sense of the greater good.
Barbara Gordon- Leading character in Birds Of Prey but also considered for an All-Star title of her own before Frank Miller's inertia killed the franchise. Now there's top-flight for you. Also a rarity since as Oracle she is a superhero character with a physical disability.
Batgirl (Cassandra Cain)- Sadly lost in obscurity for too many years and currently benched Cass supported her own title for 74 issues and was one of the few superheroes with a severe learning difficulty (until Adam Beechen decided severe dyslexia was the sort of thing that just goes away).
Batgirl (Stephanie Brown)- A character deemed worthless by DC and killed off, a death that inspired such fan outcry she was not only resurrected but promoted to a franchise name and her own series.
Batwoman (Kate Kane)- Never mind the inertia shown in getting this woman her own series just remember that when Bruce Wayne was killed off DC handed the starring role of the comic the company is named after to a queer female lead and it was awesome.
Black Canary- Mainstay of the Birds Of Prey, former member of the JSA, former chairwoman of the JLA, a couple of limited series and co-billing on Green Arrow And Black Canary.
Catwoman- DC's resident morally-ambiguous anti-heroine about to set out on her third ongoing series (fourth, if you include Gotham City Sirens). Probably best written in Ed Brubaker's noir-tinged run on the title but usually entertaining regardless of writer, especially when she's making Batman a more interesting character.
Harley Quinn- A character who just kept getting bigger. From a comedy sidekick in a cartoon to having her own episodes to being introduced to the comics proper to having her own comic even though she was a villain. Not only this but a genuinely complex character that writers just seem to love.
Huntress- A bit of a stereotype at times with her Italian mob background but Helena Bertinelli has a wonderful line in unpredictability, you don't always know which way she'll jump, especially as the answer to that question has once or twice been “onto Catman's lap”.
Jade- Personally, I'm not a fan of the character but there were a couple of decent issues of Green Lantern when she was wearing the ring and she was a petty decent leader for the Outsiders.
Lois Lane- She may have had second billing in her own title (“Superman's Girlfriend, Lois Lane”) but it ran for hundreds of issues. She long ago outgrew her role as damsel in distress to become one of the best (not to mention the most famous) supporting characters in comics.
Power Girl- This woman went from a T'n'A joke to a mainstay of the JSA and then onto her own series. The Palmiotti and Connor remains one of the most fun comics I have ever read.
Renee Montoya- Like Harley another cartoon character made good. For years a mainstay of the Gotham City Police Department she was one of the principal focus characters of Gotham Central (including the excellent Half A Life storyline in which she was outed) then 52, becoming the Question, the Five Books Of Blood limited series and her own second feature in Detective Comics.
Speedy (Mia Dearden)- Mia's unique selling point is her positive HIV status. Over the years Judd Winick did great work portraying a character dealing with her condition, suffering the ups and downs and troubles of any person living with a chronic illness yet getting on with her life. Stories like those are important.
Stargirl- It might get over-shadowed by more high-profile works like Green Lantern but this character's development was a labour of love for Geoff Johns and it showed both in Stars And STRIPE and JSA.
Supergirl- Not only numerous volumes of her own series but she was brought in to save a failing Legion Of Super-Heroes series plus Cosmic Adventures In The 8th Grade was just plain astonishing.
Wonder Girl (Cassie Sandsmark)- Not much play as a soloist (a limited series and a one-shot to her name) but she has been used as a leadership figure in both Young Justice and Teen Titans, a role usually reserved for Robin.
Wonder Woman- The definitive female superhero. Cut out all the extraneous retcons and she even deserves the title.
Zatanna- A graduate of Morrison's Seven Soldiers series. Like Power Girl, Zatanna is losing her ongoing in the coming purge but it was fine while it lasted. A superhero who is also a celebrity stage magician was a fine hook.

DC, Stop Being Numpties

2011-06-23T09:00:00.000+01:00

A portrayal of female empowerment targeted to my demographic, yesterday.

Being a fan of anything means accepting the flaws of what you love. Doctor Who fans have twenty-six years of dodgy sets and dodgier female characterisation, wrestling fans have the snobbery of those who only enjoy “real sports”, Star Trek fans have to live with their own reputation and comics fans have fifty-seven varieties of blisteringly stupid misogyny to deal with.

DC, always keen to be the market leader, has added to the pot with this statement, via Bleeding Cool News, on the target audience for the new DCU: “The target audience are men age 18 to 34 though they do realize that they have readers in other demographics.”

I have never been more annoyed at being the target audience. Mainly this is because I worry about how I'm to be targeted. What targets me but not the too-young-to-drink brigade nor the proper grown-ups who probably have families nor (most significantly) women? Rather, what do people in marketing think attracts people of my age and gender to a story? The answer is depressingly predictable:

Blood and titties. Good old sex and violence. This is by definition what entertainment companies think of me. Yes, I like a good fight scene and I'm not going to say I don't appreciate an attractive woman when she's on screen (hello, Game Of Thrones on both counts) but this should not be considered the sum total of what holds my attention. I am, quite simply, tired of being the living, breathing avatar of what is holding back an art form.

But enough about my personal annoyance, let's not be like DC and leave out the little ladies who apparently spend too much on shoes and nail polish to afford comics in any significant amount. What benefit is there in excluding them?

First off DC is doing itself out of money. Men aged 18 to 34 have always been (rightly or wrongly) the target audience for comics so now DC plans the biggest relaunch ever they're just going to pursue exactly the same demographic as before? They aren't going to treat this as the opportunity it could so easily be to snare a whole new market share?

Second, what is the objective difference in writing a story for everyone aged 18 to 34 and writing a story purely for the men in that age group? Surely narrowing the audience takes more time and effort than simply telling a good story? If demographic targeting is happening it must mean story and art elements are being tailored to the audience, things will be added, things will be edited out to fit that view of what people like me want.

Just about everyone who has written about the need for more female-targeted comics has posited that the centre of the strategy should be more comics starring female characters. The DC relaunch brings us nine such titles (six solo titles plus three team books with women front and centre) but not with a mission statement to bring in a female readership.

Blood and titties, here we come. Just look at the Suicide Squad cover.

And what makes it worse? The final rat in the waterpipe? Of the two major companies DC does have the better stable of female characters: Kate Kane, Barbara Gordon, Steph Brown, Cass Cain, Cassie Sandsmark, Harley Quinn, Catwoman, Kara Zor-El, Miss Martian, Black Alice, Soranik Natu, Scandal Savage, Amanda Waller, Lois Lane, Power Girl, Stargirl, Black Canary, Lady Blackhawk, Huntress, Bulleteer, Zatanna and, most crucially, Wonder Woman. Of this list only three (Zinda, Miss Martian and Soranik) have not had starring role in a series of their own at one time or another.

Yet the female audience is not worth pursuing.

Coming Out in Sci-Fi. Vastra and Jenny, Victorians with Katanas

2011-06-05T22:15:00.003+01:00

I want these two characters to have their own spin-off series, I really do. I think it would be great.

Saturday's episode of Doctor Who, A Good Man Goes To War, featured the Doctor and Rory assembling a Dirty Half Dozen (BBC budget, remember) to rescue Amy from Hell's own maternity ward. Two of this makeshift rescue team were the Earth Reptile woman Vastra played by Neve McIntosh and her maid Jenny played by Catrin Stewart.

In true Moffat style this pair get a nice bit of backstory even in the midst of a very crowded forty five minutes. It seems that Vastra is the sole survivor of an Earth Reptile hibernation chamber who awoke in 19th century London. According to her she met the Doctor whilst she was taking out her pain and grief on “innocent tunnel workers” beneath the city. By the time of the episode in 1888 she's set up a home in the city and even seems to be working for Scotland Yard (she mentions Inspector Aberline, the actual investigator of the Ripper murders).

She's a detective, possibly a regular consultant for the Yard, rich enough to own a house and retain at least one servant but best of all she's a lizard woman with a katana. Her Watson, because we can't possibly avoid the term, is Jenny.

Jenny is initially established as exactly the sort of soft-spoken, deferential, dependable servant you get in Victorian fiction. That is until Vastra finds the TARDIS in her withdrawing room and tells her “Bring the swords.”. In battle against enormous odds this soft spoken girl fights alongside Vastra and Rory (himself a swordsman with nearly two thousand years experience) and is clearly treated by Vastra as her equal.

Jenny is also, equally clearly, Vastra's lover as revealed in a scene featuring perhaps the filthiest innuendo the series has ever seen. “Why do I put up with you?” asks Jenny after Vastra comments on the Doctor's attractiveness. In answer Vastra knocks a man out with a prehensile tongue that is longer than she is tall. Cue knowing look passing between the two women.

Talk about love across the barricades, this relationship is forbidden on so many levels. For Jenny there's the simple societal prohibition against homosexuality in the Victorian age. Not only that but her lover is of a different species at a time when taking a lover of another ethnicity was inconceivable to many. Class also divides them, mistress and servant, even if they were both human and different genders it wouldn't be considered socially acceptable.

Then there's Vastra herself who has to hide her appearance under a cowl in public for fear of being branded at best a freak and at worst a monster. Most Earth Reptiles in past episodes consider humans to have usurped their position as the dominant species on Earth, a cattle animal with delusions of sentience. By her own admission Vastra initially blamed the human race for the death of her sisters. There was a time when she might have slaughtered Jenny out of hand.

Okay, this is mostly reader response theory madness on my part but the idea of a lizard woman and her maid chasing down criminals in Victorian London whilst armed with katanas is a strangely appealing concept. Saranga once asked if I'd ever considered fan fiction. I have to admit, I'm beginning to.

Coming Out in Sci-Fi is a spin-off of the series Coming Out in Comics devised by Saranga at her blog Pai.

The Great DC Revamp of 2011

2011-06-02T09:00:00.000+01:00

Bloody hell, Didio. I mean, bloody hell. After Flashpoint wraps up DC Comics will be cancelling and relaunching every single title, Action and Detective included. Not just relaunching, they're promising a top-to-toe revamp of the DCU. There's one image of the JLA with strangely uniform necklines from a Geoff Jones/Jim Lee Justice League series and that's just the start.

Bloody hell.

You know, maybe it's just a sign that I'm getting old but I these days find myself rubbing my hands in glee at the cheerful slaughter of sacred cows. I'm a bit ticked that we won't get Action and Detective #1000 in a few years time but the idea of DC taking such a huge risk is more than worth that minor annoyance. There's promise of “a more diverse” DCU to consider as well after the Great Whitewash of the last few years.

On the technical side DC is also moving to same day digital release on all titles.

Some of the changes they're promising are minor, some major and nothing real has been announced but there hasn't been a move like this in comics since Marvel announced Ultimate Spider-Man in 1999 and DC are going the whole hog with it in replacing their whole superhero line.

This will be exciting. Or disastrous, one or the other but I'm hoping for exciting. There are things I hope survive, things I hope get thrown out the window and probably the Wonder Woman fans are going to need a hug while they do some deep breathing but generally I'm looking forward to this.

No More Metal Miniatures

2011-06-01T09:00:00.000+01:00

After a few years of Warhammer you get cynical. That's just what happens when your hobby is someone else's business. Price rise, usually working on some arcane system that I am certain involves a dartboard and three shots of tequila. When Games Workshop announced they were moving to phase out white metal and replace it with resin my first reaction was “Hark, a price rise.” and yes, the resin range has involved price rises but I found myself shocked in three distinct ways.

First shock was the price rises were more than reasonable, a pound or so here and there on the single characters, a bit more for the squads. Its all eminently reasonable. The second shock was that some things had actually gone down in price for the first time in Workshop history. Ogre-sized monsters, to be specific, have been repackaged in boxes of three for thirty pounds. It's not cheap but it's cheaper to the tone of about seven pounds the box.

Blood Knights are far to expensive for any reasonable person's wallet, but you can't have everything.

The third and final shock was that the whole switch was more than worth it. Azhag the Slaughterer up there is a thing of beauty in resin coupled with the fact that now it would actually be usable in a game. In metal Azhag was still a thing of beauty but it was slightly less detailed beauty and if you so much as looked at it the thing would chip and fall to pieces.

Seriously, the detailing on these models is amazing. The battle damage on Huron Blackheart, the fur on the Varghulf, the engraved lettering on the Grey Knights' characters, Astorath the Grim's armour and the sheer delicacy of the Wood Elf Highborn with a great weapon.

For years I've been talking about getting models just to paint with no gaming purpose in mind, this is definitely going to make me do that. With any luck Typhus the Herald of Nurgle will be up soon, I can only imagine how gribbly and disgusting that one will be when it's finally remade in resin.

That's a good thing in a Nurgle model, by the way.

Apocalypse... Later

2011-05-22T10:34:00.001+01:00

Well, we're all still here and I'm forced to the conclusion that perhaps the end of the world is getting over-hyped.

Yesterday's amazingly uninspiring Rapture, two Nostradamus prophecies (how can anyone envision the end of the world twice?), Newton's prediction of the apocalypse dated in the 1980s and a pair of door-to-door nutters asking me to contribute money for the US military in the Middle East on the off-chance that they'll start a battle in one specific spot where a battle has to take place to kick-start the End Times.

That's five I've lived through. Well, four and a pair of crazies with clipboards and the delusion that the US armed forced wants an anonymous donation from Basingstoke, UK (yes, horrifyingly there is a Basingstoke in the US as if one weren't enough) and there's another one scheduled for next year.

Except it isn't. I was in the pub yesterday and my friend Dan, a teacher and an educated fellow, tells me that the whole 2012 scenario is a misconception. Turns out the Mayan calendar has ended a couple of times before, it's just the end of an era same as our Gregorian calendar has centuries or the ancient Egyptian calendar started anew with every pharoah's coronation. The only reason the Mayan calendar ends in 2012 is because they thought they had a couple of centuries in hand to fix the thing but then they got an unexpected brace of Conquistadors to the face.

But back to the Rapture, two things:

Number One: Did anyone notice a seven-headed Beast rising from the sea? It certainly didn't happen anywhere in UK waters because someone would have heard about it on the shipping forecast. It probably would have happened around here seeing as how the Pope may be French but Jesus Christ is English (I love that film).

Number Two: While we're on the subject of Biblical conditions for the End Times there's one piece of scripture that no one who predicts the apocalypse seems to remember. It goes something like “no man shall know the day nor the hour”. I can't find my King James right now so I can't give you chapter and verse but I checked this with Matt, a man preparing to study theology and who used to run a community church. According to the letter of the Bible from which these people predict the end of the world they cannot possibly predict the end of the world.

So, as annoying and ill-educated in scripture as they are these people are actually performing a public service. So long as they are predicting the end of the world God can't let the Beast out of his cage and we all live to sin another day.

Random thoughts on the royal wedding

2011-04-30T15:37:00.002+01:00

Now its all over apart from the post-match analysis of hats on Yahoo and I can't be accused of wishing the couple ill, a few thoughts on the whole affair.

Couldn't the bishops have just drawn straws to conduct the ceremony? Or just had Rowan Williams do the whole thing? Rowan Williams is cool, I like a man who can be the highest clerical authority in the Church of England and be a practising druid. It does my henotheistic heart good to see that.

There was a commentator, you know the guy, some solemn whispering bloke telling you what's happening. In sport this is called a play-by-play guy. You know what the show needed for extra pizzazz? A colour commentator.

“And in comes Prince Philip with a steel chair! I've never seen anything so disgusting in my thirty-plus years with the British Broadcasting Corporation!” Come on, you know Prince Philip would make a great pro-wrestling manager.

“Because tonight, at Wrestlemania, one will retain one's title and remain the undisputed champion!”

Half-time would have been good, too. Give the many, many guests a chance to stretch their legs and the BBC could have filled the time by drawing in John Motson and the rest of the match analysis guys from off the football.

“Now, John, Rowan Williams might have excellent pulpit control but the multi-faith team could still get one through into the back of the vestry.”

Finally, apparently Kate Middleton (as was) will now be officially known as Princess Catherine which means someday she might be known as Queen Catherine. If so she's got at least one tough act to follow in the one-woman blaze of awesomeness that was Catherine Of Aragon. She'd have a tough time matching up, these days people frown on slaughtering that many Scotsmen whilst pregnant (The Battle Of Flodden Field, fact fans). She was also the very first female ambassador in European history.

Okay, I'm done, that's all I've got.

The Comics Ramble in Manhattan (The Cull week 2)

2011-04-19T09:00:00.001+01:00

In startling move that surprised the play-by-play commentator your less-than-reputable reviewer has turned heel and is actually turning a critical eye on his weekly package of comical goodness. Its all in the name of saving money but what series are going to get a cap in they ass? Uncanny X-Men #535 Breaking Point part one (writer Kieron Gillen; pencils Terry Dodson; inks Rachel Dodson; colours Justin Ponsor) (Already retained last week due to the Point One issue). More often than not X-Men comics are about despair. The characters have always been persecuted and the last few years they've been facing the constant threat of extinction. It should come as no surprise that handing the series to a British author has made Uncanny X-Men funny. To the British mindset despair is perfect fodder for comedy: Only Fools And Horses, Steptoe And Son, Bread, Black Books; these are all iconic British comedies either about terrible people or living in terrible situations, sometimes both. This issue opens with Piotr and Kitty having a nice picnic on the coast of Utopia which has real smiling-though-the-tears subtext because Kitty is still wedged inside a funky spacesuit because her powers are stuck “on” again. Into this bitter sweet landscape wander Namor as he fights a giant robot shrimp. There's a fastball special, as well. You can never fail to bring a smile to an old X-fan's face with a fastball special. The best thing about the humour in this issue is that it never feels forced. No one is too witty and different types of humour are employed to fit the character. Kitty is all attitude, Dr. Nemesis has a Dr. Cox style rant about metalwork and Namor inhabits his customary Mister Worf position as the straightest straight man in the history of straightness. The only downside to this issue is that its about aliens which always feels like a massive divergence for the series. The X-Men have always had such a strong, down-to-earth allegorical basis in prejudice and social commentary that going “Whee, space aliens!” can feel inconsequential. Still, this is only the first issue and I may be biased against X-Men alien stories because of my well-documented hatred of the Shi'Ar. Batman and Robin #22 Black Knight vs. White Knight conclusion: Tree of Blood (writer Peter J. Tomasi; pencils Patrick Gleason; inks Mick Gray with Keith Champagne and Tom Nguyen; colours Alex Sinclair) The ears on Dick Grayson's cowl are projectile weapons. That's just wonderfully brutal. I really should expect nothing less from the man rapidly becoming the definitive Guy Gardner writer. Ear-based brutality aside, this issue ends Tomasi's inaugural story on Batman And Robin. I've got to say I liked this first arc because it was in the style of my favourite Batman stories: the 1990s cartoon. This had a lot of that Dini/Timm attitude to it, especially those early villain origin episodes. The White Knight has his motivation explained in this issue, building on the clues and MO of the last two issues and it all hangs together. The final confrontation between Batman and the Knight (projectile ears!) is suitably flashy not only for the main event but also for having Damian fighting half of the rogues gallery. Tomasi is undoubtedly a talented character writer, the calibre of which can be seen in this issue “bunker scene”. The tricky part of the Gotham Batman team is Dick. Damian and Alfred have accepted modes: the pre-teen sociopath and the consummate gentleman's gentleman respectively. Dick, rather fittingly, is a tightrope act. He needs to retain the humour he's always had but with the edge of professionalism Morrison introduced during his BaR run. Tomasi pulls it off magnificently in the bunker scene. Verdict: Retained but with a wary eye on the fact that there's at least one fill-in writer in the next few months and the arc before this was a fill-in. We might be looking at a publishing strategy here and I'm in this strictly for Tomasi awesomeness. Ultimate Spider-Man #157 (writer Brian Michael Bendis; pencils Mark Bagley; inks Andy Lanning; colours Justin Ponsor) There's a very real sense of panic in this issue. Spider-Man is running across the city, literally jumping from one crisis to another as the Ultimates fight amongst themselves in one part of the city and Norman Osborn is on the loose in another. It really goes back to the original concept behind the Ultimate version of the characters: this is the young Peter Parker, the inexperienced guy making things up on the fly, he hasn't learnt the answers yet, he can screw up, he can be too late. It also doesn't hurt that Mark Bagley is back on art duties, lending the whole affair an air of nostalgia. The main event here is a massive fight between Norman Osborn and Doctor Octopus that, in typical Bendis fashion, it set up with an explanation of their motives and opinions. That's not a criticism, by the way, it really works because its articulated by Doc Ock in his role as reborn scientist. Then there's the cliffhanger. O ho ho. This should get interesting. Verdict: We'll see where this “Death” business goes. Flash #10 Case Two: The Road To Flashpoint part two (writer Geoff Johns; art Francis Manapul; colours Brian Buccellato) Its getting dropped. There's no way around it, this one's going. Funny thing is that I don't actually think the series is bad, I just can't get invested in it. As I say, this is actually a good issue, it even gives time to Bart Allen, the only character in the whole damned Flash mythos I feel any sort of affection for. Apart from an opening line that makes him sound like an utter tool I found the characterisation spot on. He's keen, bounces from one subject to another and he's quick in body and mind being the only born speedster in the dynasty. I love the art on this series, as well. Manapul has a kinetic style that really works for the fast movements of the character and Bucellato has a real eye for mood with his colouring. It also amused me when Bart looked like Matt Smith for a couple of panels. The simple, and quite ironic, fact of the matter is that this series is a but slow for my taste. Probably also its the fact that Barry Allen as a character has never been “the Flash” to me. By the time I started reading DC not only was Wally wearing the suit he was considered a veteran, JLA seat and everything. When Wally disappeared Bart was his natural successor (yes, I know The Fastest Man Alive was shit, I don't dispute it) and now? Resurrection rarely works as a plot device if the reader has no connection to the character's original appearance. Verdict: Goodbye.

You're Reaching Now, The Sun

2011-04-14T17:36:00.001+01:00

Okay, so there's a lot of tradition in this country and many of them revolve around the monarchy. One that has cropped up in the last couple of decades is that whenever there's a royal wedding in the offing the papers will start speculating and passing judgement on the bride's weight. They did it with Princess Diana, they did it with the ginger one who wrote books about talking helicopters but Kate Middleton is defying the press by not gaining/losing weight in the run up to her wedding.

The Sun, that racist and perverted rag, will not be defied for they have managed to create the most petty “body story” I have ever seen with a suitably ridiculous title:

“Width This Ring”

Yes, The Sun has managed to make front page news of the fact that Princess Diana's engagement ring had to be resized to fit on the young lady's smaller finger. I'm used to the fact that sensation and not actual news is the business of the The Sun but what sensation is there here? Kate Middleton is clearly an overall smaller woman than Princess Diana was so it isn't really that surprising that her ring finger is smaller than the British press' favourite deceased divorcee.

Pathetic.

Evolution of the Comics Ramble (The Cull week 1)

2011-04-11T09:00:00.000+01:00

Spring is in the air and a young man's fancy turns to council tax demands and the fact that he hasn't saved as much as he should in the few short, tax free months since the last payment went out of his account. So, once again I find myself in a position where I have to strongly and objectively scrutinise my pull list to weed out the weak, the faltering and the series that I'm only buying out of habit.

True, this will not save me an awful lot of money but as my ever-wise grandmother taught me its far less painfull to make lots of little economies than to make just few large ones. This week standing in the dock:

Secret Six #32
The Darkest House part two of three
(writer Gail Simone; art J. Calafiore; colours John Kalisz)

As if to set the bar high for my little experiment the first comic I pull out of the packet is an issue of Secret Six. This series has always, always been good. Birds Of Prey may be the title that made Simone's name but this deserves to be the series that cements her place in comicbook history.

This issue really is a microcosm of what makes the series superb. Twists and turns are the Six's bread and butter and Simone packs them in this issue: a character revelation, a brilliant last page reveal, an expanded flashback. Of course, each and every one of these revelations comes packed in pitch-perfect, characterful dialogue. This is a very talky issue, a small fight scene aside the whole story is pretty much just the Six walking from last issue's shock ending to this one's (somewhat more attractive) final page reveal. Under many circumstances I might complain about this but Simone's dialogue and Calafiore's art keep the attention wonderfully.

Calafiore kicks out the jam in this issue, I'll tell you, digging into his repertoire of jagged and gribbly to articulate the denizens of Hell. There's also a recurring skull background that keeps popping up just to add to the horrific atmosphere of proceedings.

And that last page...

The Verdict: Most enthusiastically retained.

Red Robin #21
The Rabbit Hole part 3: Sinsanity
(writer Fabian Nicieza; pencils Marcus To; inks Ra McCarthy; colours Guy Major)

I'm glad this one came in late because next issue promises to feature Azrael which would probably bias me into dropping the series and drinking neat vodka until I wipe its very existence from my mind.

You know what I realised when reading this issue? I really like Tam Fox. This was a big fight issue focussing on Tim and Anarky taking on old Blue Beetle villains the Mad Men. Tam doesn't appear at all which is a shame as I've really come to enjoy her interactions with Tim (though as a couple “Tim and Tam”... ugh, no). I didn't initially warm to her under Yost but this series really has proven Nicieza's facility for character. On this point I'd like to call in evidence the portrayal of Anarky in this story arc which comes to a head in this issue's final page in a quite relieving “I thought he was being too co-operative” sort of way.

Also, the internal monologues Nicieza writes for Tim are excellent, this issue's getting right into the character's mind as he ponders insanity. Got to say, though, I prefer Tim's virtual unternet costume to the actual Red Robin kit. Yes, I remain the enemy of that shiny black rubber shower cap.

Verdict: Fashion issues aside, retained.

Uncanny X-Men #534.1
(writer Kieron Gillen; pencils Carlos Pacheco; ink Cam Smith with Dan Green and Nathan Lee; colours Frank d'Armata)

Marvel's latest Point One issue kicks off Kieron Gillen's run on Uncanny X-Men. As a jumping-on issue it has two jobs to perform because the series has become a rather different beast over the course of its last few writers. The first is to establish the “action team” element of the series, the superheroics and flashy fight scenes. This Gillen does by having Cyclops lead a team out to hunt down some rogue AIM agents who have come into possession of an earthquake-causing McGuffin. Being set in San Francisco you can understand the treat level.

Which brings us to this issue's other job: San Francisco. Those other Point One writers had it easy, the vast majority of Marvel heroes get to live in New York. The X-Men by contrast are now based in San Francisco where they enjoy a unique relationship with the local authorities. And so Gillen drafts in my two favourite X-Men supporting characters: Mayor Sadie and PR consultant Kate Kildare.

Sadie is as ever the unflappable political professional, saving her city with two phone calls and a bit of light ego-stroking in Cyclops' direction. Its Kate who steals the show in a series of two-hander scenes against Magneto, the mutant island's resident reformed terrorist and PR nightmare. Is it odd that a two page discussion of Machiavelli's The Prince and the origin of the phrase “PR” is exactly what I expect when a British writer takes over an American comic? This is just the sort of writing I love.

Verdict: Early days but signs are good so far. The next arc is about aliens so we'll see how Gillen goes from there.

Fear Itself book one
The Serpent
(writer Matt Fraction with nebulous stuff done by Stuart Immonen, Laura Martin and Chris Eliopoulos with Wade von Grawbadger is only credited on the cover for some reason)

There's a scene near the end of this issue where a man locks the front door before he goes to bed that is so perfectly set-up that it manages to upstage a general evacuation by the gods of Asgard. The theme of fear is expressed in several forms through-out the issue from rioters to Nazis to that man locking his door and I honestly think the door locking scene is the most effective.

Like most Marvel crossover events of recent years Fear Itself is presented as an organic evolution of events in the Marvel Universe since the last event, Siege. Fraction plays on events from his on Invincible Iron Man as well as Thor, which he will soon be relaunching, Brian Michael Bendis' various Avengers projects and Ed Brubaker's Captain America. That's actually what like about Marvel's events and Geoff Johns' Green Lantern crossovers: the feeling there's a legitimate story to tell. This issue is mainly set-up, putting the players in place and launching a few mysteries. Interesting so far and Fraction capture every characters he features, big or small.

Stuart Immonen's art is brilliant as always and considering the sheer tonnage of characters he has to draw he does a commendable job of keeping everyone distinct, even the ones without iconic costumes to wear.

Verdict: Well, I want to understand my Marvel orders for the next six month so... retained.

Prism Comics

2011-04-09T19:55:00.003+01:00

Permit a man a moment of self-promotion but today sees my first review published at Prism Comics. Prism promotes the work of LGBT creators as well as comics dealing with LGBT themes and characters. My esteemed colleague Saranga has been writing for them on and off for a while now and Prism is now re-publishing some of our reviews from New Readers... Start Here (the comic review website for people who don't read comics).

Prism is an excellent website, particularly the Colour Commentary section and their reviews have pointed me towards more than one interesting book I'd never have heard of otherwise.

Today they re-post (cross post? My lingo is confused and deficient) my New Readers review of Jaime Hernandez's Maggie the Mechanic. I've been wandering around grinning all day which most people find unnerving (don't know why...). What can I say, this is the first time a professional operation has published something of mine. Validation, yay!

Sorry, self-indulgent silliness over. Normal semi-coherent service resumes on Monday when I intend to put the week's comics before a firing squad.

Oh Tom

2011-04-05T19:38:00.002+01:00

To promote their upcoming series of Fourth Doctor CDs Big Finish Productions have given over their latest podcast to Tom Baker answering questions and rambling in his usual style. This first instalment included this wonderful bit of wisdom:

"I think there are more Doctor Who fans in Tesco than Waitrose but more in Asda."

I foresee a whole advertising campaign born on the back of this all those insulting “geek dating spam-mails: “Asda: official supermarket of geekery.”

Fabian Stevens is Going to Die

2011-04-03T09:00:00.001+01:00

The last couple of day I have been reading A Singular Destiny, a Star Trek novel by Keith R. A. deCandido and he's just brought in a character that I'm practically certain is going to die. The character is Fabian Stevens, formerly a central cast member in the Star Trek: SCE novels now serving on a random starship, an established character brought in to lend colour to a new and not terribly important crew.

The reason I think he's going to die is because when we first see him in this novel he is talking to his wife over long-distance subspace radio. His wife to whom he is not only happily but recently married, who still serves on his former (narratively important) ship the USS daVinci, a ship he left because they wanted to marry but she worried about being her husband's superior officer. They have cheerful, slightly sexy banter of the “who cares if we're far apart now there'll be plenty of time to spend together in the future” type. If that wasn't enough the next scene has Stevens in a senior staff briefing reflecting on how well he's meshing with his new crewmates.

This man is too happy to live, especially in a deCandido novel. Seriously, Keith, just offer the man a last cigarette and the blindfold, get it over and done with.

Victory of the Comics Ramble

2011-04-01T09:00:00.001+01:00

In no particular order, with no particular plan and no particular promise of sanity the Comics Ramble returns to once again infect the internet with my peculiar madness. In this week's batch Supergirl teams up, Captain America gains a decimal point and Batman unwittingly keeps it in the family.

Batman Incorporated #4

The Kane Affair

(writer: Grant Morrison / art: Chris Burnham / colours: Nathan Fairbairn)

Its all gone a bit Wonder Woman here with an appearance by the modern Batwoman leading to an extended flashback explaining how the original Batwoman and her extremely Silver Age costume fit into continuity. The story works in that trippy Grant Morrison way and this issue even establishes the original-flavour Kathy Kane Batwoman with an engaging personality and background. As an odd aside it does mean that Bruce Wayne's first true love was a relative of his mother, Martha”Marty” Kane.

That said I like this Batwoman to the point I actually don't mind that all those flashbacks (letratone dots!) not only largely muscle Kate out of the story but completely upstage Batman and the whole plot established in the last issue. Hopefully we'll get more from Bruce and Kate in the next issue, which would be especially nice in Kate's case considering how that ongoing series of hers keeps getting delayed... mumble, grunge, mumble...

Captain America #615.1

(writer: Ed Brubaker / art: Mitch Breitweiser / colours: Bettie Breitweiser)

These Point One issues are a nice idea, I feel. Purpose built jumping-on points for new readers set apart from the normal run of the series by that natty little decimal point. The Invincible Iron Man issue was excellent, a potted history of the character structured around Tony Stark attending an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. I opened this issue expecting more of the same, an expectation that Brubaker played with to create a nice little bait and switch on me. Instead of the rehashed origin I thought I was going t get I ended up with a fast-paced done-in-one issue that had Steve Rogers pursing a new Cap that has sprung up out of nowhere.

As an introduction to Brubaker's Captain America I certainly can't fault it. Steve and Sharon's personalities are sketched in broadly enough for brevity's sake but deeply enough to understand who these characters are and what they do and the plot is more straightforward than usual but representative of the general feel of the series. The only problem in regards to this being an introductory issue: no Bucky. Seriously, at no point in this issue does the actual, legitimate and current Captain America appear. Judging by how this issue ends I would guess the next arc or two will be Steve-centric but that's no bad thing. Also, good to see a certain aged spymaster back where he belongs, working in the major leagues.

Supergirl #62

Good-Looking Corpse part 3

(writer: James Peaty / art: Bernard Chang / colours: Blond)

James Peaty seems as determined as Sterling Gates was to elevated Kara from B-list sex-swap knock-off to a major figure in her own right. Gates made her a big part of the Superman mythos during the New Krypton era and in Good-Looking Corpse Peaty is getting to work on making her place in the wider DCU.

This issue boasts on its cover guest appearances by Blue Beetle and Robin as well as a surprise guest star who I'm glad is still alive after her last major appearance ended so muddily. What really works on the side of Kara's legitimacy is how the other heroes defer to her. Surprise Guest Star trusts her life to Kara's plan, though she is the trusting type. Damian “in no way equal or superior to Tim Drake” Wayne, a sullen and insubordinate bastard at the best of times, is willing to defer to her (under the usual cover of excessive grumbling). Its Jaime Reyes that sells it, though. Jaime's a big dog sort of hero with his own city to protect and who generally takes the lead on his own cases. He's worked with Kara before, if briefly, in the Titans and he's the one telling Robin to shut the hell up and trust the mission leader. I hope this is the beginning of greater things for a character who should have been promoted to the top drawer years ago.

In Other News

I'm pretty sure Matt Fraction and Kieron Gillen are just using the fact that America at large has no idea what the Welsh are to pass of any old bollocks as “Welsh slang” (Uncanny X-Men #534).

Kathryn Immonen is fast surpassing Peter David as the writer of the most amusing recap pages in comics (Wolverine and Jubilee #3).

Oddities of Censorship

2011-03-07T09:00:00.000Z

The other day my mobile broadband forgot that it was configured for open access and re-installed its age filter. Like most things to do with the internet the age filter seems to work to no consistent logic. Now, I'm rather a fan of webcomics as well as the more traditional dead tree sort and the ones that are and aren't filter-blocked... well, its odd.

Take Girls With Slingshots, for instance, a slice of life type affair that has the occasional wank joke in it. Age blocked. Menage A 3 by contrast is a comic that is explicitly about sex: frequent nudity, sex scenes, the lot and it is not age blocked. Sinfest has numerous sex and drug jokes and Questionable Content certainly lives up to its name and yet neither are age blocked

I actually believe in a degree of censorship (television watersheds, age ratings, that sort of thing) but its incompetent censorship that really bothers me. WHSmith's hides softcore rubbish like Zoo and FHM behind little blue dividers so people can't see the tits on the covers yet the Daily Sport simply sits on an easily accessible rack next to The Independent. The government age restricts pornography but only in one medium: film. Print and electronic pornography are technically unrestricted.

The ultimate though comes from a newsagent I once encountered. I wandered into his sop looking for a Bounty bar and found him crouched behind his counter putting stickers on the covers of the porn magazines he was going to put onto the shelves. The stickers were going across the women's breasts and read “Modesty Please”.

There's a potent metaphor there somewhere, I'm sure of it.

The Best Comicbook Couple Ever

2011-02-14T09:00:00.000Z

There are so many love stories in comics. Some of them are utterly iconic: Clark Kent and Lois Lane, Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson, Batman and Catwoman... the list goes on. My absolute favourite comics couple, though, has to be the JSA's Wildcat and Hippolyta.

[picture]

Its just so wonderfully unlikely.

On the one hand you have a woman of royal blood and literally divine beauty whilst on the other you have a plug ugly prize fighter raised in the gutters. That's a good basis for a start: a relationship that transcends culture and class. I sometimes wonder how Hippolyta views their relationship. She is, after all, a monarch of the classical era and if she had ever planned to marry she would have meant to do it for political reasons to an arranged spouse.

Not to mention the fact that there are no men on Paradise Island so if there are political alliances to made this way it would have been a match with another woman of noble blood. Even if we're not talking marriage here Hippolyta has a whole island of beautiful women to choose from and yet... plug ugly prize fighter.

There is also an aspect, I will admit, of pure comedy. One scene I would love to see one day is Wonder Woman giving Wildcat one of her most sanctimonious lecture and for Ted to get more and more red in the face as he tries to restrain himself and then finally to explode with the ultimate comeback that he's been saving up for years:

“I HAD YOUR MUM!”

And then she stabs him. Or sets Phillipus on him, one or the other.

I have a strange taste, I know.

Oh Dad... or Proof the 1960s By-Passed Basingstoke

2011-02-08T09:00:00.000Z

Every other Thursday my father and I meet for dinner but before dinner we have a walk through town looking for bargains and the like. As you can image this takes us on a leisurely route through various charity shops, second hand stores and market stalls. Last week my Dad almost bought my mother an... interesting gift.

At the market my Dad calls me over to a stall to look at a “lamp”. One of those old ones, he reckons, with a glass bulb and a wick in the middle. Might make a nice present for my mother, she likes old things.

“Dad,” says I, '”that's a bong.”

Oh Dad...

Mark this date in your diaries, folks...

2011-02-02T09:00:00.000Z

… because its finally happened, the moment anyone who has ever watched Countdown has been waiting for all these years. Well, anyone with a sense of humour, anyway.

1st February 2011, approximately 4.50pm, a rude word finally appeared on Countdown.

For those unaware Countdown is a rather genteel little game show where two contestants are given a series of vowels and consonants and then have thirty seconds to come up with the longest word possible. In this round each contestant get six letters.

The first man got “Awaken”.

The second man had to have his suggestion bleeped out, however, because he got “Wanker”.

Simple minds, simple pleasures.

The Pope may be French but Clark Kent is English

2011-02-01T09:00:00.000Z

My slow coming around to the idea that Superman might be a worthwhile character continues apace with the news that in the next movie Clark Kent will be played by Henry Cavill.

He's an unusual choice for Superman being a) English and b) sexy. “Sexy” is not a quality I usually associate with Superman, not is charisma, actually. Of course, charismatic is how a lot of other readers see him and its certainly how other characters see him. This is the man who is supposed to be the public face of superhumans, the one man reason why metas aren't persecuted in DC as the mutants are in Marvel.

Cavill certainly has presence. His part as Sir Charles Brandon in The Tudors was a real show-stealer, only overshadowed by Johnathan Reyes Meyers' incredibly unpredictable turn as Henry VIII. I for one praise whatever casting director picked out Cavill, its a good move for the film, for the franchise and for feminist comic fans.

No, seriously. With any luck sex will sell and a whole new generation of female comic fans will be created off the back of this film.

You never know.

Dr Who Ramble. Meglos

2011-01-31T09:00:00.000Z

written by John Flanagan and Andrew McCulloch
directed by Terrance Dudley
produced by John Nathan-Turner

4 episodes
featuring the 4th Doctor (Tom Baker), Romana (Lalla Ward) and K9 (John Leeson)

What's It About?
The Doctor and Romana are heading to the planet Tigella to see the Doctor's old friend Zastor to help him media between the scientific and religious castes of his world. The issue at hand is the Dodecahedron, to the cult of the Deons the holiest of holies, to the scientific Savants the power source for their entire world without which their civilisation would collapse. Zastor wishes the Doctor to mediate so the Savants can study he chronically unstable Dodecahedron.

The creature Meglos, the last survivor of the dead world of Zolpha Thuran traps the Doctor in a time loop, steals his appearance to take the Dodecahedron for himself, the first move in a plan for universal domination...

What's Good About It?
Unique amongst the overly pseudo-scientific and po-faced Season Eighteen Meglos is actually funny. Meglos acquires the Gaztacs, a bunch of down on their luck space pirates, as henchmen. Who are by turns manipulative, vicious, blundering and incompetent. Meglos himself is played for most of the production with definite relish by Tom Baker. Baker has often been criticised for simply playing a heightened version of himself in Doctor Who but his subtly sinister turn as the shape-shifting villain proves a certain level of acting chops on his part.

Its good that the villains make such fun viewing as the heroes don't arrive on the scene until the end of part two, an unfortunate plotting necessity to weave the web of misunderstanding and intrigue a doppelgänger story requires. One the actual Doctor arrives on the scene we get a Baker who clearly still feels he's in the game, acting far more engaged than he does in many of the other stories in Season Eighteen.

The story also features another Doctor Who regular in a new role as former companion Jacqueline Hill returns to play Deon priestess Lexa. Hill gives Lexa a sense of gravity and passion without which the character would most likely have faded into obscurity. Always engaging in her days as Barbara Wright, Hill proves her abilities here, abilities that a short biographical piece in the extras have given me a new appreciation of.

The production values of the story are actually quite high: the cactus make-up of Meglos in his various guises is convincing, the sets are all well-constructed (with the exception of one obviously weightless giant stone waiting to crush the Doctor to death) but most of all the blue screen effects are a cut above the usual grade. This is due to the introduction of scene sync, a process explained in one of the extras, which allows actors and cameramen a greater freedom of movement than they'd had before. Meglos' homeworld of Zolpha Thuran is particularly well-realised thanks to this technique.

Overall Meglos is an engaging little story with enough science to make sense and enough wit to remain interesting. What really makes it, though, is Tom Baker's turn as Meglos.

What's Bad About It?
Faith versus science is a pretty standard theme in Doctor Who and whilst the winning side is clear there's no real sense of closure to the issue, one side simply fades into the background after a convenient assassination. The issues that started the divide aren't actually addressed.

Names, it has to be said, are not a strong point of the story. The phrase “chronic historetic loop” is a mouthful that brings to mind images of serious gynaecological surgery where simply saying “time loop” would do. Similarly, Dodecahedron isn't the most impressive of titles for a planet's holiest of holies.

DVD Extras
As usual 2Entertain don't disappoint on the extras front with four mini-documentaries packaged with the main feature. The first and most interesting of these is Meglos Men which has authors Flanagan and McCulloch taxiing around London reminiscing about the writing process and looking back on their early career (they continue to write together to this day). I always enjoy this sort of thing, hearing about the creative process and the little coincidences that spark creativity. A short appearance by script editor Christopher H. Bidmead also provides a little context for how Meglos fit into the season.

Also in the nature of context is Entropy Explained with Professor Philip Trwoga of the University of Westminster explaining the scientific principals that underpinned the whole of Season Eighteen. Its a good day when you learn something, my grandmother always told me, and I certainly understand the laws of thermodynamics better now. A short ten minutes is given over to The Scene Sync Story examining an advance in blue screen process used in the story. Not the most engaging piece but brief.

As Meglos featured her last appearance on the show Jacqueline Hill: A Life In Pictures provides a short professional biography of one of Doctor Who's founding cast members. She certainly had an interesting career and I never liked that I knew her work only through Doctor Who, it feels belittling to an actor to know them or only one role.

Coming Out in Comics. The Semiology of Pyjamas

2011-01-27T09:00:00.000Z

(With thanks to the inestimable Saranga, who was kind enough to let me swipe her Coming Out In Comics banner for a few posts of my own.)

So, for our first study we have this scan from Exiles (vol.1) #34, A Second Farewell part 2 written by Judd Winick with art by Jim Calafiore and the most important part of this scene, I feel, are the pyjamas the women are wearing. The meat of the plot is that Sunfire (the Japanese woman), a member of reality-hopping team the Exiles, has become separated from her team and finds herself living with old flame Spider-Woman, aka Mary Jane Watson, hence this bitter-sweet bit of pillow talk. In Pyjamas. Now, the theory:

The representation of any social group being introduced to the public consciousness goes through several predictable stages: parody, representation (from a foundation of tokenism), examination and normalisation. Take this hideous creation, for instance:

The Spirit's sidekick Ebony White as originally conceived by Will Eisner. The character has his virtues, intelligence and loyalty among them, but they don't detract that he is drawn more monkey than man, twisted and racist. His Uncle Tom “Missa Spirit” dialogue helps not a bit, either. He's a stereotype, a distillation of many of the worst opinions of the time.

A few decades later and times have changed, we start to get black characters drawn with a bit more sense: Storm in the All-New All-Different X-Men, Blade in Tomb Of Dracula, so on. Largely, though, those characters were black purely in how they were coloured (if you'll pardon the expression), their culture rarely if ever addressed which brings us to the next stage: examination or “issue stories”. This stage brings us stories about black characters with more of an emphasis on adding verisimilitude to them. Marvel's Harlem native Luke Cage has been used in this way many times, as has DC's much-neglected Green Lantern John Stewart. This is the stage at which politics are first examined, usually heavy-handedly but also usually with good intentions (see most every issue of O'Niel's Green Lantern/Green Arrow).

These days, in what I hope is the normalisation stage, Luke Cage leads the Avengers with writers skilled enough to write him as a black man from Harlem without every issue being about his origins. His speech, his politics, his attitudes have been refined along with the public consciousness' understanding of his origins. His race is no longer his only plot-generating issue.

Which brings us to the pyjamas. Now, the dialogue is all about these characters' experiences growing up as gay women but it really is a minor part of the story, in fact this is the only moment of the issue where their sexual orientation plays a role as an issue. The rest of the story is about two people in love living with the fact they could be torn apart at any moment, their orientation informs the story but isn't THE story. The real normalising factor, however, are their pyjamas.

This scene of two women in bed is not drawn to be the least bit titillating. Considering that comics have such a terrible track record keeping titillation out of scenes of one woman, fully clothed (as far as that goes in comics) performing just about any activity I think we can thank Calafiore for his restrain. A couple in bed, talking lazily, half asleep, sharing their personal secrets... it could be a man and a woman or two men just as easily as its two women here, the presentation of the scene is utterly normal.

Well, I Didn't Vote For Them (part 1 of several million)

2011-01-26T09:00:00.000Z

Technically, being a coalition government no one actually voted for this lot but there we go.

Anyway, the Conservative-run Redditch County Council (I swear on my life this is absolutely true, may God strike me dead) has come up with an interesting concept to cut down on carbon emissions in their area by combining two local services:

They proposed to heat the local swimming pool using excess heat from the local crematorium. This has, naturally, been roundly condemned by all and sundry as insensitive and insulting. In fact most every headline concerning the story has used “insensitive” or “insulting” or both and on the one hand it is.

On the other hand, I know in my heart of hearts that if I was in government I'd be making proposals like that all the time just to see what I could get away with.

I'm so very, very, very sorry

2011-01-25T09:00:00.000Z

It occurs to me that Yoda would be the worst possible person to keep score at a rugby match as no on would ever score a single point under his supervision.

Why? Because “There is no try”.

…

I'm so very sorry for that.

Women Who Work 2. Storm

2011-01-24T09:00:00.000Z

Another in an occasional series examining the great female protagonists of the comics medium (and perhaps a few others). Last time we examined a solo act under a specific creative team, today we have a team player who has been a somewhat more constant presence.

The Lady in Question: Ororo Munroe, sometime thief, sometime goddess, former X-Man and most recently Queen of the African nation of Wakanda.

Why She Works
Storm isn't a character who has had a lot of solo play in the decades since her introduction with a pretty anaemic three limited series to her name. Compared to, say, Gambit or Rogue that's utter peanuts. In the pages of Uncanny X-Men, however, she's been a far more constant presence.

From her introduction in 1975 until the time of her marriage in 2005 to a blue-blooded idiot (and saving a short extra-dimensional exile in the Lifedeath storyline) she was always an X-Man. In fact, she was on the team for a longer stretch than any other character. The original X-Men line-up had their time in X-Factor away from the team, Professor Xavier had his little shack-up with his alien bit of stuff and at some point or another all the other All-New All-Different X-Men have had time away from the team.

What's more her accession to the leadership of the team, the most popular team in Marvel Comics, should also be considered in light of her being a woman, character of colour, the fact she had no powers at the time and it being the early eighties at the time. I can't be certain but think she might have been the first female team leader in Marvel's history.

There's also her diverse skill set. Its standard practice now but Chris Claremont basically invented the idea of superheroes who were defined as much by their skills as by their powers. Nightcrawler was an acrobat as well as a teleporter, Kitty Pryde was a dancer as well as a living ghost but Storm really wins the prize. In her youth Ororo was a thief, a skilled pick pocket (she actually first met Xavier whilst stealing his wallet) and a talented lockpick, all of which have provided excellent storyline opportunities.

She also has believable and interesting weaknesses, to wit her extreme claustrophobia (built up using valid psychology) and a rigid moral code of almost Spider-Man proportions with a similar tendency to throe her seemingly insoluble moral dilemmas.

And Then There Are Her Boyfriends...
Every character needs their funny side and with Storm its her sex life. The love interests she chooses for herself tend to be emotionally crippled morons (the terminally clueless Forge, the self-entitled Gambit, that domineering royal wazzock she married) and the men who show interest in her tend to be evil. She's been stalked by Dracula and has actually been treated to dinner by Doctor Doom. Even Forge and Gambit, in those early days when they were first getting to know her, had villainous sides to them.

Some women just aren't lucky, I suppose. Still, at least her spouse is more constantly alive than Cyclops'.

Bashir and O'Brien Will Build Jerusalem in England's Green and Pleasant Land

2011-01-23T09:00:00.001Z

On the subject of great science fiction scenes there's an episode of Deep Space Nine that really sticks in my mind. Yesterday I talked about a scene that was all about how things would change, how technology would affect a person's view of something we would find fantastic. Today, I want to bring up a scene about how things won't change.

From the third season Star Trek: Deep Space Nine episode Explorers which was the episode when I decided this show was better than The Next Generation. It was the episode's B-plot concerning Bashir anticipation a reunion with one of his old medical school associates. He sees her in the station's bar and she just completely blanks him...

… and then the next scene has Bashir and O'Brien sitting on the floor in front of O'Brien's couch, utterly rat arsed on Irish whisky singing Jerusalem and conducting an imaginary orchestra with their fingers. It was the first time I felt Star Trek was about people in the future rather than just being about the future because no matter how far we advance in technology or society so long as there are people there will be people feeling rejected, getting drunk and doing stupid things.

Its that sort of emotional realism that the truly good science fiction writers remember.

The Greatest Science Fiction Moment in TV History

2011-01-22T09:00:00.000Z

Taking science fiction in the classic sense to mean a story about where the path of science will take us in the future. I think the purest moment of science fiction in the television medium might actually me a moment in an episode of Red Dwarf.

There's a scene in the second episode of the first season where Lister is showing the Cat his photographs. One of them is an image of Jupiter as seen from the moon Titan. The Cat looks at it amazed and Lister's reaction (and this is the great sc-fi moment) is simply:

“Oh, that's the Jupiter rise, everyone takes that shot.”

Its great because after a while space travel would inure you to that sort of thing: photographing the planet Jupiter might not have any more significance than taking a quick snap of the Statue of Liberty when on holiday in New York. Its a fantastic moment but ignored because its hidden in a comedy episode.

The Comics Ramble. The New Kids

2011-01-19T09:00:00.000Z

Random reviews from a twisted mind, its the Comics Ramble.

Captain America #613
The Trial of Captain America part 3

writer: Ed Brubaker
pencils: Butch Guice
inks: Stefano Gaudiano and Butch Guice with Rick Magyar
colours: Bettie Breitwesier with Frank Martin

featuring Nomad in Underneath the Skin part 3
writer: Sean McKeever
art: Filipe Andrade
colours: Chris Sotomayor

So we come to the inevitable stage of any trial: the moment when it all turns against our hero-defendant. This issue is told in a series of short scenes from the various players in the series. Mostly its a talking issue though there are a few snippets of action here and there. That isn't a criticism, I often find that because of the visual nature of the medium creators tend to rely on action to keep things interesting. West Wing fan that I am, a good bit of talking is just as much fun for me.

The character who interests me the most in this issue is Steve Rogers. Having Steve mastermind Bucky's defence whilst the new Captain America languishes in a holding cell (complete with abusive guards) gives Brubaker a chance to explore the character from a new direction. Its a bit of a classic really, confronting the action hero with the “problem that can't be hit”, its been done with every hero from Superman to Buffy. This doesn't stop it from being one of the most constantly interesting approach.

Though the situation is new to him, Rogers' approach is not. He turns to the problem with the mentality of a general, marshalling his forces and getting with threats what he can't get by simply giving orders. His scene with Doctor Faustus stands out as he counters the mind-controlling villain's demands for a deal in exchange for testimony.

As predictable as the tide, of course, is the beginning of the media war. This just happens in trial stories, the legacy that the OJ Simpson Trial has left on our mental landscape. I have to admit I wasn't expecting this particular witness as it seems far from her style, far more subtle than she has previously been shown to be. Of course, a dream sequence delving into this particular character's deepest psychology is included in the issue to make me reappraise the character just as this new approach arises.

The second feature (are they still second features in Marvel or does DC have the monopoly on the term making this a back-up) continues with Nomad finally escaping from captivity. After last issue's heavy despair we now get to see Nomad on the offensive again. The action scenes are helped by the jagged kinetic style of Filipe Andrade, even if his distorted style does mean the Black Widow is composed mainly of shoulders and arse.

Hell of a cliffhanger, too, it has to be said.

Generation Hope #3
The Future is a Four-Letter Word part three

writer: Keiron Gillen
art: Salvador Espin with Scott Koblish
colours: Jim Charalampidis

There is a real “feel the Force” moment in this issue when Hope snatches command from Cyclops. He's ready to kill the fifth light, she is certain the fifth light can be saved so she uses her powers (rather, the leeched powers of the fifth light) to isolate him, neutralise him and lecture him.

I didn't follow the last Cable ongoing so my only exposure to the character of Hope has been as a baby (Messiah Complex), a tiny child (Messiah War) and following her recent introduction to the main X-Men titles. This is the first moment I can say I genuinely liked her. She's not on the run anymore, she's not at the mercy of anyone else's agenda, this is Hope finally acting with agency and becoming the woman she was raised to be.

The scene also finally crushed my scepticism about this series. Whilst the Lights themselves (especially Tion the dog-faced boy) have yet to really grab me, having the headlining character truly interest me certainly makes the affair more satisfying for me.

The plot itself is a bit light as we reach the big fight scene. The whole purpose of the issue is to showcase Hope's newfound talents as a leader as the writer works up to her scene with Cyclops and the excellent line “Let me be your messiah.”.

After this big action set piece the next issue promises aftermath which I heartily look forward to, not so much the fate of the Fifth Light but in what Cyclops is going to say to a teenage girl who has just pulled rank on him in a battlefield situation.

Quote Unquote. My Favourite Mission Statement

2011-01-18T09:00:00.000Z

“There are worlds out there where the sky is burning, where the sea's asleep and the rivers dream, people made of smoke and cities made of song. Somewhere there's evil, somewhere there's injustice and somewhere else the tea's getting cold. Come on, Ace, we've got work to do...”
- Survival by Rona Munro

The Pickers-Up, the Hunchers-Down and the Ergonomic Paint Station

2011-01-17T09:00:00.000Z

In an effort to introduce an element of organisation into my hobbies and actually finish some models for a change I bought a paint station. It is helping, I will admit that. It helps that my works in progress have a home now and when I take a break or need the table I can just pick up the paint station and stick it on top of the bookshelf.

It helps to remove the water pot before commencing this operation as more than one short, impromptu shower testifies.

Its quite a nice design, the paint station. It has a nice wide area that accommodates my models and my little mixing pallet with ease. Behind this work area are a series of circular indentations: seventeen little ones for paint pots and two bigger ones for water pots. You need two water pots, by the way, one for plain colours and one for metallics, otherwise you gets flecks of metal in your other paints. Its all very convenient.

The only design feature that doesn't wow me are the indentations on the bottom of the paint station. This is, theoretically, to allow you to paint in a comfortable chair. This doesn't work for me.

You see, I think this feature is for those who hold their models up to eye level as they paint. These are obviously people with a steadier hand than me, I hunch over my models and use the edge of the paint station (formerly the table edge) to lock my hand in place. Attempting to do this whilst sitting in a comfortable chair causes a level of tilt the station was not meant to handle, gravity comes into play and suddenly I'm hunting the floor for ten Night Goblins, six Haradrim Warriors and five Dark Eldar Warriors.

Do you know how small these models are? How light they are and therefore how far they bounce? It took me more than an hour, never mind the time it took to get the Scab Red paint out of the carpet.

As interesting an advancement as this is I think I'll keep to the traditional table set-up.

The Fox Hunting Lobby Must Be Warned Immediately

2011-01-14T12:43:00.002Z

There's an old joke about the sort of hardware American hunters are legally allowed to own: what sort of deer needs to be shot with armour piercing bullets? I don't know about Yankee deer but Belarus fox have suddenly gone hardcore.

A hunter in Belarus was shot in the leg on Thursday by the fox he was trying to kill.

Just wait until the Conservatives get a hold of this one. This is the party whose leader was idiot enough to announce rescinding the ban on fox hunting as their number one priority in the middle of a recession.

Gaming Superstitions. The Dice Gods and Missile Launchers

2011-01-13T09:00:00.000Z

I've been playing tabletop wargames on and off for the better part of a decade and over the years I have picked up a few completely irrational and entirely justified superstitions. One of them concerns the rolling of a dice when you need a result of two or better.

If you have a normal six-sided dice and you need a result of two or more you must say to your opponent that you “need a two plus” or two of more” you must not ever, not under any circumstances, ever say “anything but a one”.

Say that and you're doomed, you tempt the Dice Gods with your presumption and a handful of ones will be your reward. It sounds irrational but it happens pretty much every time.

Another one is missile launchers. If a model is armed with a missile launcher you never call it what it is. The completely logical and in no way irrational reason for this is because “missile launcher” has the word “miss” in it. Personally I call them “rocket launchers” but I know a few people who go as far as “hit-ile launcher”.

I know this is all silly but superstitions are like that.

Comics Ramble. AC/DC... well, DC

2011-01-12T09:00:00.001Z

A purely DC week this week as a light package of five titles landed on the mat, all of them top-card titles. No second stringers for me this week. Minor spoilers for Batman: The Dark Knight #1, Flash #8, Green Lantern #61 and Action Comics #896.

The Big #1
Batman: The Dark Knight #1
Golden Dawn part one

written and pencilled by David Finch
inks by Scott Williams
colours by Alex Sinclair

The only problem with the return of Bruce Wayne and two Batmen on the job is that it has swelled the number of Batman series to heights the Spider-Man franchise never dreamed of. Batman Incorporated had Grant Morrison and flagship status going for it. The Dark Knight meanwhile gets the unfortunate distinction of being “the second Bruce Wayne title” with a writer-artist known more for his art than his writer (to me, at least).

So what's the verdict? Distinctly promising. David Finch's minutely detailed art is as superb as ever. I've always enjoyed his art but his work on Batman: The Return showcased some subtle improvements in his work, principally in his facial detailing. As a writer Finch lands on his feet with spot-on renditions of Bruce, Alfred, Gordon and Bullock. Of course by “spot on” I mean that his versions of them match my own views on them, views mainly viewed by the 1990s Batman cartoon. His Alfred especially comes complete with the dry asides of Efram Zimbalist Jr.'s interpretation.

The meat of the story is a mystery, one of those good old-fashioned mysteries that should (but rarely are) the Batman mythos' bread and butter. It also bears the hallmarks of the new ethos behind the Batman books by tying in with the personal memories and emotions of Bruce himself. That's another point in Finch's favour, though this story is set in Gotham rather than as a part of Bruce's worldwide adventures its clearly Bruce under the cowl rather than Dick which would have been an easy trap to fall into. God knows there have been enough Dick stories that read as if its Bruce under the cowl the last year or so.

The end of the issue is a pretty low key cliffhanger by Batman standards but what makes it is the questions it raises: why is the Penguin slumming it in that sort of environment? Why does he look so strung out?

Good New, Bad News
Action Comics #896
The Black Ring part seven

written by Paul Cornell
art by Pete Woods
Colours by Rob Leigh

second feature
Jimmy Olsen's Big Week Day Four
written by Nick Spencer
pencils by RB Silva
inks by Dym
colours by Dave McCaig

If anything could possibly make this title better it would have to be a tie-in with the only DC ongoing that is even better: Secret Six. Now the Six are a difficult beast to handle, they're a rare set of comic characters that have found a home with a single writer. Apart from Black Alice none of them are Gail Simone's creations but she has so defined them since creating the Six that it feels ever so slightly wrong for someone else to write them.

I expected Cornell to write them well but to my utter surprise he even managed to get them right. The ultimate test of writing the Six is Ragdoll's dialogue and with utter gems like “I like to watch the monkeys. Wild screaming. Throwing poop... and sometimes the monkeys join in!” you know these characters are in good hands. Cornell certainly deserves the privilege of writing thee confrontation so many have been waiting for as Scandal comes up against her father.

Whilst the Secret Six steal the show (and who can blame them) the series own cast is as beguiling as ever, especially RoboLois who turns out to have more complex motivations than we'd previously been lead to believe.

My bet that will almost certainly be utterly wrong: Scandal's deal with Lex Luthor has something to do with the late lamented Knockout. What else is there in the world that could bring tears to Scandal Savage's eyes?

The only bum note in the whole issue came on the final page of the Jimmy Olsen second feature. Turns out that this will be the be the last instalment of Jimmy Olsen's Big Week in Action Comics as the feature will be running to an ongoing series in March. This is actually excellent news, I've been wanting a Jimmy ongoing since the first Superman's Pal one-shot proved how awesome a modern take on the character could be. My only complaint is that the Big Week feature wasn't finished first. Perhaps its just contrariness but I feel forced and I don't like that. Nor do I like the two month wait for the resolution to that excellent cliffhanger.

Wibbley-Wobbley, Timey-Wimey
Flash #8
Reverse Flash: Rebirth

written by Geoff Johns
art by Scott Kolins
colours by Brian Buccellato

If there was any justice the most famous rogue's gallery would be the Flash Rogues. Oh, Batman might have madder but as Johns has proven these last two issues the Rogues really do generate their own stories. Last issue we had the secret origin of Captain Boomerang and this time around we have the Reverse Flash getting the Johns treatment.

Now I'm not too familiar with the Flash mythos, I only dipped in an out of the Wally and Bart eras, so I haven't the flaming foggiest how much of this origin story is previously established canon and how much is Johns playing merry retcon all across the shop. Knowing Johns there's probably a healthy mix of both at work here.

Being about Professor Zoom this is a time travel story and I really mean that its a time travel story. Whilst it might not be as complex as some of the stories Steven Moffat has written the last few years it does play around with the possibilities of a time traveller messing around with their own life history.

Its also interesting to see more of the world of the 25th century the Reverse Rogues came from. After all these years of seeing the largely utopian 30th/31st century of the Legion Of Super-Heroes its interesting to see a fascist future. Like many of the best dystopias its based on a nightmare extremity of an aspect of modern society: the desire for efficiency. It shared a lot of the themes explored by Mark Waid in the last Legion reboot and it isn't difficult to see how a control freak society such as this would create a figure like Thawne, an obsessive egomaniac so certain of his own destiny he stage manages his own life in retrospect.

This issue's art is by Scott Kolins filing in for regular artist Francis Manupal. He has a more jagged style than Manupal which works for the more violent personality of Thawne: the outbursts and sudden death of the story seem more terrible in this style. For all that Manupal is fast becoming one of my favourite comic artists his style would perhaps be too... “friendly”, I think would be the word, for this story.

Meanwhile...
Green Lantern #61
Seeing Red

written by Geoff Johns
pencils by Doug Mahnke
inks by Keith Chaampagne, Christian Alamy, Tom Nguyen and Mark Irwin
colours by Randy Mayor

Revelation of the week: Atrocitus has God on his side.

This issue is actually a bit of a divergence from the main plot as last issue's major revelation be completely unexplored. In fact, cover to the contrary, Hal doesn't even appear in this issue. That said this is a good done-in-one and builds on Atrocitus' character.

I've never really seen him as a layered character before but this issues does a lot to address that. Perhaps its because I'm such a Warhammer fan that I don't associate red armoured giants screaming for blood with having complex motivations. Yet this issue sees Atrocitus take on the Spectre not I battle (which he and most other people in the universe would lose) but with words. At first it seemed out of character but on reflection I realised I'd never really viewed Atrocitus from the perspective this issue asks me to, from the perspective of the events that made him. Now I think he might have the potential to be the most interesting of the “New Guardian” characters.

As to the Spectre I still can't quite warm to the Crispus Allen version. My experience of the character when he was joined with Hal Jordan was of a genuine merging of the two personalities whereas with version the Spectre just seems to be using Crispus as transport. Johns even has Atrocitus point out the main problem I have with this Spectre: he lacks the human perspective when surely that was the reason he had to be joined to a human soul in the first place.

It also seems that Atrocitus already knew about Krona, which suggests that whatever mysterious agenda he, Gardner and Ganthet are pursuing has something to do with the chained Guardian.

More Freeware Gadgetry

2011-01-11T09:00:00.000Z

Procrastination is the enemy of writing and so one of the first little toys I installed on my new laptop was a freeware program called Momentum Writer.

Momentum Writer is a stripped down word processor with none of the bells and whistles of Microsoft Word or Open Office Writer. Its just a blank page on the screen which is, admittedly, a truly terrifying sight but it does force you to concentrate only on the words. Momentum Writer has one major programming difference from other word processors: it disables the back space button, hence the name.

What really kills a story, I find, is the impulse to go back and rewrite. Oh, eventually you have to because a first draft is never, ever a finished draft but editing is a job for after you've finished the writing itself. The temptation is always there, the good old spirit of the staircase where you think of what you should have written, a word, a sentence, a change of emphasis that would work so much better than the words you wrote a mere few seconds ago. Even worse, the typo a few sentences back with the red line under it that you can't stand to see there and so you break off from the sentence you're writing to go back and change it and suddenly you've forgotten what you were going to write there at the bottom of the page because the brain space you were using for that just got filled with self-flagellation because you spelt “racist” with two Ss.

Okay, that little spelling mistake is mine alone, every time, I even did it when I wrote that last sentence. I suppose the concept is so anathema to me I can't even bring myself to spell it correctly.

Typing in Momentum Writer the only direction you can go is forward. Editing has to wait until you've saved your work and imported it to another word processor. It gives me a curious sense of freedom to allow my mistakes to stand and just get on with writing. If you ever have difficulty of this nature I strongly suggest the program.

Momentum Writer can be downloaded absolutely free in mere seconds from Black Obelisk Software.

Women Who Work 1. Palmiotti and Conner's Power Girl

2011-01-10T09:00:00.002Z

So, the much-anticipated/feared Wonder Woman TV series has been shelved after the pilot script failed to impress any networks. Hands up who saw that coming? Was it everyone? If not, start working on that pattern recognition. Its a far too familiar refrain: female protagonists don't work. I think it was Warner Bros. (feel free to correct me on this, the memory cheats) that actually came out and said it a year or so back that no one was interested in an action film with a woman in the lead. Fourteen years of Buffy and we're still at this stage.

So let me say this plainly as a comics fan: female protagonists work. So begins a short series here, in conjunction with New Readers... Start Here, to prove this very fact focussing not just on great female characters but their series.

So let's start with a belter: Palmiotti and Conner's run on Power Girl, the series they said could never fly. It is a master class on how to launch a comic.

For a start this series is unencumbered by the burden of outside continuity. Crossovers kill, they really do. You want to know why Power Girl is the focus of this post and Sterling Gates' Supergirl isn't and that's the reason. You read Gates' Supergirl and you end up wading through World Of New Krypton, World Without Superman, Codename: Patriot... the list goes on. The series is entertaining and probably the best treatment this incarnation of Kara Zor-El has ever had but the sheer tonnage of supporting material probably doubles the issue count.

With Power Girl you can read the Terra limited series by the same creative team if you want but that's about it. You should, by the way, its great.

There is also the problem of Power Girl's body. In a medium already notorious for its ludicrously busty women Power Girl is absolutely notorious, the worst offender. It may stand as one of Amanda Conner's greatest professional achievements that she has changed this. She draws Power Girl as a big woman whose bust is matched (insofar as that is possible) by broad shoulders, thick legs and muscular arms. The boob window is joined by a structure of under-wiring reminiscent of a sports bra. She looks like a strong woman.

There is also a passable attempt to form a rogue's gallery for PG formed of the Ultra-Humanite, Satanna and a mad scientist who happens to be a talking badger (yes, really, it is as awesome as it sounds).

But do you know what the best part of this comic is? Its fun. Sad to say but fun makes a series stand out these days. Palmiotti writes Power Girl as an intelligent, confident and capable woman but he also gives her a sense of humour. One of my favourite moments in the series is actually, of all things, a boob gag.

This isn't just a series starring a woman, its a series that is actively about a woman. Her body type is an acknowledged fact, as integral a part of her presentation as a character as her costume or powers. Irony of irony that Power Girl should escape her largely undeserved reputation as an over-sexualised character by writing a series with such definite sexual overtones.

For a more accomplished and extensive explanation of how awesome this series is please read Saranga's excellent review on New Readers... Start Here.

In Praise of Open Source

2011-01-03T19:45:00.000Z

In the face of my desktop's growing infirmity my relatives clubbed together and got me a laptop for Christmas. It has taken me this long to get the bloody thing working to some satisfactory standard. This was mainly due to my father's helpful impulse to register my Microsoft Office package the very day he bought the laptop and so my trial period expired the morning of Boxing Day.

As an aside, to show my level of technological literacy, a colleague asked me what sort of laptop it was. After a few moments of serious, brow-furrowed consideration I answered in all seriousness: “Well, its a black one.”

Anyway, unwilling to pay for something as basic as a word processor on top of the cost of the laptop my father and I tried various old installation discs that were lying around but all were old versions of Microsoft Office that just fizzled and died when installed on my shiny new laptop. We had some small success with Microsoft Works Home Edition 8 which installed perfectly except for the slight problem we noticed the next day that anything saved in its programs appeared as some sort of hash code.

By the 28th of December we were utterly defeated and decided to just bloody pay. Microsoft's website, however, refused to take our money. So, in utter frustration I decided to cut out the middle man and just use freeware. If you've never used Open Office I do recommend it because apart from some conversion issues their own website warns you of I haven't had any problems with it since I installed it.

I didn't even have to learn a new system as the programs are pretty similar to their Microsoft equivalents by which I mean almost completely identical except a bit more blue.

My Own Personal World Cup Conspiracy Theory

2010-12-08T21:09:00.001Z

“There’s broken windows all over Europe that say you’re wrong, Prof. You’re the glazier’s favourite nation.”
- Satan on English football fans,
Old Harry’s Game: Beautiful England by Andy Hamilton

Right, reason first, insanity starting in paragraph five.

So, ever since we didn’t get the World Cup the papers have been whinging and crying about how its all a conspiracy and the endemic corruption of FIFA. Usually I’d just say it was your typical bit of moaning that the papers indulge in every time an international body favours a country other than us but then there’s Qatar.

QATAR!? Yes, that great footballing nation whose team has never qualified for the World Cup. Qatar, that great footballing nation with no stadiums. Qatar, whose environment means that for the players not to die of heat exhaustion the World Cup will have take place in January in intensely air-conditioned stadiums.

On the other hand, let’s face facts boys and girls, our performance in the last World Cup was… how to put this diplomatically? Shit. I got more enjoyment out of name of the American footballer Edsun Buddle (it is the most American name I’ve ever heard in my life) than our games. Actually, tell a lie, there was one entertaining thing in our games: the moments when the camera would switch to the sidelines and seeing David Beckham’s face as it went from disappointment to impotent rage to suicidal depression.

What I’m saying is even without bribery we weren’t in with a shot, whatever the future King of England might have thought.

Then I got thinking (always a mistake, yes) and wondered if maybe there was an anti-English conspiracy going on but not directed at the FA as the newspapers have been suggesting. If there’s a conspiracy then I think it’s a conspiracy to eradicate the rowdy English football fan.

Think about it. First we send them to Russia where the intense cold will cause bits of them to fall off even if they manage not to fall afoul of the mafia. Then, for those that manage to survive that we then send this army of drunkards, vandals and petty criminals to a country that operates under Sharia law.

By the mid-2020s I fully expect the reputation of British football fans to have changed somewhat. “Oh, British fans,” people will say. “Nice fellows, quiet as church mice but no hands.”

Insomnia Post, Might Not Make The Slightest Shred of Sense

2010-12-02T03:10:00.000Z

Its 3am as I write this, another sleepless night. I’m not complaining, as a writer I find these states of confused semi-consciousness useful, I get many of my best ideas at these times. The next day’s no fun but it’s a small price to pay. Sometimes, though, a single thought will just keep running over and over through my head.

What is so important about the relationship between a person and their parents’ siblings that English is always so specific about it. I can refer to my mother and father as “my parents”, as a group, a genderless whole or individual anonymity. They, in turn can refer to my sister and I as “my/our children”. The same goes for “my grandparents”, “my cousins”: grouped, genderless.

Not my aunts and uncles, however, who in turn have to refer to my sister and I through the purely gendered “niece” and “nephew”.

It just seems strange to me.

Five Years It Took Me To Get This...

2010-11-29T20:04:00.002Z

This is written partly in defence of a friend. Saranga mentioned on her own blog recently that she only got a particular bit of symbolism after I pointed it out. Well, its not like I’m much better. What it was was a bit of character design in Brian Vaughn’s Runaways series so obvious I only worked it out a few weeks ago. In a bit of circular oddity it was only whilst reading a post by Saranga that it occurred to me.

Karolina Dean is an alien whose natural form is a shifting mass of colours and when she flies she leaves a trail of shimmering colour behind her.

Karolina Dean is gay.

Karolina Dean is a living rainbow.

Five years it took me to get this!